"What do you mean, you can't let us pass?" Betty repeated.

.

She was so cute when she repeated me.

Sigh.

.

456765 shook his head.

"We have a top secret base near the old Indian burial ground. You know the one near the old oak tree."

.

456766 whispered to her husband.

.

He nodded.

"Like my wife says. It is the only burial ground there."

.

Betty and I looked at each other.

.

Stupid aliens?

.

"We are headed to the burial grounds right now," Betty informed them.

.

456765 shook his head.

"We cannot let you pass."

.

"And what if we don't listen?"

.

"Then I will disintegrate you," 456765 said.

.

I nodded.

"I see."

Not an option.

.

I looked at Betty again.

She was so beautiful.

"So, honey. What do we do?"

.

Betty took a deep breath.

"By order of ..."

She hesitated, looking at me.

"DAMN. By order of BULLSHIT, I demand you let us pass."

.

456765 and 456766 both started laughing.

I did a little too.

.

Betty glared at me.

I stopped laughing.

.

"We do not recognize your stupid organization. We have our own plans and we have just used you and your stupid father for years. We have secretly been building an army for hundreds of years and we have hundreds of our people here on Earth,

at different locations.

Some, we don't even know."

.

"It is no secret now," I quipped.

"You just told us."

I scratched my head.

"And why has it taken hundreds of years? And you only have hundreds? And how can you not know where they all are?""

.

456765 scratched his head.

.

Fleas?

Lice?

Alien hair eating microscopic animals?

.

"Well our people aren't that good at directions. Many of them got lost. And the spaceships and equipment got damaged. And some ended up in dwarf porn."

.

'Dwarf porn?'

.

Betty shook her head.

"Don't ask."

.

I snickered.

"You have the technology to travel across the universe and you manage to get lost once you get to Earth?"

.

"Well we don't actually travel across the universe."

.

"But you are from the planet Zonk," Betty reminded him.

.

I snickered.

Zonk?

.

"Actually you know it by another name," 456765 explained.

"You call it the Moon."

.

"WHAT?"

I started laughing.

"You get lost coming from the moon."

I pointed to the sky.

"I can see it. It is right there."

.

"Well, many of our people are nearsighted," 456765 snapped.

.

"NEARSIGHTED. You would have to be fucking blind."

I kept pointing.

"Look. It is right there."

.

"Don't say fucking blind, honey," Betty asked me.

.

"Sorry sweetie."

.

456765 waved his weapon at me.

"Stop making fun at us. Our army grows with each passing year. Our leader is among you as we speak, planning, plotting, gaining important info for the invasion. Learning how to illegally download songs on iTunes."

.

I stopped laughing.

'Invasion?'

"Invasion?"

.

Now it was 456765's turn to laugh.

"Yes. Dozens of our crafts will leave Zonk and attack your planet."

.

"When?"

.

"Soon."

.

"Soon? When?"

.

"Very soon."

.

"Very soon as in days, weeks, months, years, eons."

I had to laugh.

.

456765 looked furious.

"Enough of this, Earth man. Now you die."

He aimed the gun at me.

.

Nothing happened.

.

456766 whispered to him.

.

"I know that," he snapped.

"I have the safety off."

.

She whispered again.

.

"Yes I charged it."

.

Again a whisper.

.

"The one near the toaster."

.

Whisper.

.

"WHAT? I told you not to plug in your cell phone there."

456765 looked at me.

"Stay here. I have to go and get my other weapon."

.

I looked at Betty.

.

"I don't think so," we both said at once.

We both stepped forward and took the weapons from them.

.

We aimed them at them.

.

They both fell to their knees.

"Please don't kill us."

.

I threw the gun into the woods.

It didn't work anyway.

"Get up. We are not going to kill you."

.

Betty threw the other weapon in the lake, near us.

"We are not killers."

.

We heard the van's engine rev behind us.

.

Betty and I turned at the same time.

I love it when we do things together.

.

"BUT I AM," Harold yelled.

He was sitting behind the wheel of the van, revving the engine.

.

Betty and I moved aside, grabbing 456765 and 456766, pulling them safely out of the way.

.

The van shot forward.

.

How was he doing that?

How could a ghost drive my van?

.

And straight through the Volkswagen space ship.

.

I looked at 456765.

"Cloaking device?"

.

He nodded.

.

The van stopped suddenly on the other side of the Volkswagen space ship.

There was a yell and a thump.

.

How do ghosts thump?

.

The Baron was walking toward us.

.

"Calvin through the windshield?"

.

The Baron nodded.

.

Harold jumped out of the van, yelling and stomping his feet.

.

456765 looked up at me.

"An Earth tradition?"

.

I shook my head and let out a long sigh.

"Don't ask."

A thought struck me.

"Do you have a nickname or something rather than a set of numbers for a name."

.

"Zebadiahjonasgerryedwardalexanderfredricknewtion."

.

I rolled my eyes.

.

"But you can call me Nick."

.

"Nick? How the shit do you get NICK out of that mess."

.

456765 snickered.

"Don't ask. As you would say."

.

"And I am Nicorette," 456766 added.

.

Betty and I looked at each other.

It was too easy.

"Nicky," we said together.

.

Sigh.

We said Nicky ... together.

.

456766 smiled.

"Thats what Nick calls me."

.

"Your voice. It's not ...."

I searched for the right words.

.

"Like feedback from a Nickelback concert," Betty quickly said.

.

"Nickelback?" I queried.

.

"I don't like Nickelback," Betty stated, firmly.

.

"Really?"

I was surprised.

.

Betty explained.

"Well they have some great songs, but the industry kinda knocks them for being a mediocre band that was promoted and pushed by their record company."

.

"Yes," Nick added, "but you have to admit that they have done some great songs. good beats, strong music."

.

"But sweetie," Nicky added.

"They do tend to copy their own work."

.

I had to agree.

"But you know what."

.

"I LOVE THEM," we all yelled at once.

.

High 5's all around.

Well, more like medium 5's.

.

Harold was still stomping.

.

"We have to go," Betty said.

"The Chief is waiting for us."

.

"Can we come?" Nick asked.

.

I patted his back.

"Sure. The more the merrier."

.

Betty and I started walking on, but Nick and Nicky stayed behind.

.

I looked back.

"What?"

.

"Can we return to our real forms?"

.

I nodded.

"Why not? What could be that bad about it?"

.

Nicky spoke.

"Well. On our planet Zonk, we are considered freaks."

.

I looked around.

"Have you seen our entourage?"

.

Nick laughed.

"Well please don't hate us."

.

They started to change before us.

.

"Oh my shit."