'Help me'

'Ethel Sueann Parsons'

I stared at the message on my iPhone.

Could this possibly be old Lady Parsons. I didn't even know she owned a cell phone. I had never seen her with one.

I knew she owned a shotgun. I had experience with that, but this was something new.

I immediately responded to the message.

'Old Lady Parsons. Is this you?'

I sat staring at the phone, waiting for a response.

Ten minutes later, I got one.

'Yes. And I am not that old, asshole.'

I nodded. Sounded like old Lady Parsons.

'Where are you?'

I waited anxiously for the response.

A rapping on the window of my van scared the crap out of me. I dropped my cell phone on the floor.

I turned to the window. It was Warren Whitesnake.

I rolled down the window.

"Mr. Whitesnake. Nice to see you again."

He looked confused.

"Have we met before?"

'Shit', I thought.

'Him too.'

I decided to play along.

"No. I saw your pic on a bus bench and, well, you are distinctive."

He nodded.

"Yes I am."

"So how may I help you?"

He pointed through my van.

"You have me blocked in."

I turned. I was sure there was no vehicles there when I had first pulled in.

But his car was there now. I recognized it from when he had brought me to the mansion, just a couple days earlier.

And besides, he had lots of room to back out.

"Why don't you just back out?"

"Ah ...," he stammered, searching for words.

"My reverse is broken."

"Really?"

"Really?" he repeated.

He looked around the inside of my van.

I mean he literally stuck his head through the window and looked around.

I suddenly had this urge to roll up the window and crush his scrawny little neck.

"So, you new to the area?"

I shook my head.

"Not really, but I did just buy the old Curtainbach estate."

He honestly looked surprised.

'And the Oscar for best bullshit performance by a cheesy real estate agent goes to ...'

"I have been trying to unload that old place for years. You must have bought it from Keith Haroldson."

I nodded.

"Yea, Harold."

He nodded as well.

"Harold is a good man."

"He is."

I stared at Mr. Whitesnake.

"So, I will move out of your way so you can back out."

He smiled.

"Reverse gone, remember."

I smirked, painfully.

"Of course. Reverse gone."

'Like your mind,' I thought.

At that second my iPhone text message tone went off.

"Must be yours," Mr. Whitesnake remarked, sticking his head back through the window.

"There it is on the floor."

"Yes it is," I remarked, still staring at him.

"So, you gonna answer it?"

"Its a text message," I snapped.

"From who?"

"I really don't think that is any of your concern," I said, strongly.

"Old Lady Parsons."

"What?" I half yelled.

"Why would you say that?"

He looked at me strangely.

"This van. It looks like old Lady Parsons'."

"The van? Oh yes. The van. Old lady."

I started rolling up the window.

"I gotta go."

"You okay there young fella?"

I nodded.

"Gotta run."

I started the van and drove away, staring back at Mr. Whitesnake through the rearview mirror.

He immediately pulled out his cell phone and started for his car.

I pulled out on Main Street.

Things were getting weird. Well kinda weird.

My new house was weird.

Mr. Whitesnake and the others ...

Well ...

"Weird. Freaking weird," I said aloud.

As I continued driving down Main Street, I saw the Library.

I remembered why I had come to town in the first place.

To check out the accident that had killed Harold and Calvin and what had happened to Ethel Sueann, although it was now evident that Ethel Sueann was still alive.

But first there were a couple things I needed. My computer and iPad were not among my belongings at the garden sale. Obviously they were searching through it looking for clues.

"What clues?" I argued with my mind.

'Not really sure,' my mind answered.

"There is nothing on either computer that is worth anything."

'Yea, you are kind of a boring nerd.'

"What?"

'Well face it Krall. You really don't do anything or know anyone or ... well ... you suck.'

I was getting pissed.

"But you are me, asshole."

My mind sighed.

I kid you not.

'I know,' it said sadly.

'Why couldn't I have been Lindsay Lohan's mind?'

"This conversation is over."

I continued to drive.

"Stupid mind."

I looked at my watch. It was about an hour to Leduc.

The library closed at 4 or 5 or whatever.

I had lots of time.

~~~~~~~~~~~

I checked my wallet when I pulled onto the 'Staples' parking lot.

"Shit."

No money.

There was a bank not far away. I drove there quickly, went inside and up to the bank machine.

I quickly inserted my card and punched in my passcode.

The weirdest notice came up on the screen.

Aren't you Dead?

Yes >>>

No >>>

I pressed the 'No' button.

Really?

Yes Really >>>

Just Kidding >>>

"What the f...?"

I pressed the 'Yes really' button.

I heard you were.

Well you heard wrong >>>

Still kidding >>>

"Just give me my money."

I pressed the 'Well you heard wrong' button.

I must have been misinformed.

You were, please proceed >>>

Bye bye >>>

Well you know what button I pressed.

I had no daily limit so I took out $5,000 dollars and looked at my balance.

It was still over $100,000.

I just smiled and put the slip in my pocket.

I immediately went back to 'Staples' and bought a new Mac Pro computer and 3 iPads. I figured Harold and Calvin would like one each.

I also signed up two new iPhones. I have no idea why, just seemed like the thing to do.

I put everything into the van and immediately headed back to my home town.

~~~~~~~~~~

I pulled up in front of the library and parked.

I locked the van and hurried inside.

There was no one in the Library and it was dark and smelled like old books.

"Hello?"

"Hi," came a voice from behind me.

I jumped slightly and turned around.

There was a petite woman, in a plain brown dress. Her cherry blonde / brownish hair was up in an old style bun, complete with a knitting needle through it.

She looked to have no makeup on and she wore heavy rimmed glasses, which she was constantly pushing back up on her nose.

She held her hand out to me.

"I am Betty Boopkininsky. I am the Chief Librarian."