"Home, Krall," Russell sputtered, sarcastically, as he flew off with another shirt.

Since he had decided that he would crap on my seat, I decided he would help unload the van. Although, I seriously doubted the sanity of the plan as I entered the house with my arms full.

"Really?"

Russell just stared at me.

"What?"

He looked around at the shirts scattered all over the floor of the foyer.

"You certainly didn't expect me to fly them upstairs and put them away for you, did you? Crows and hangers. Not a good combination."

I took a deep breath.

'Of course not.'

"Of course not, Russell."

I walked away.

"Asshole."

"I heard that."

"You were supposed to. And don't you dare crap on my shirts."

It took about an hour to get everything in the house and then another hour to set up the new TV, computers, iPads' etc.

It may have took a lot less time, if Harold and Calvin had not been there, asking a thousand questions and moving everything I needed.

Finally I threatened to kill them, if they did not stop.

They did.

They really were not the brightest two ...

well anything ...

that I had ever met.

Finally I showed them how to operate the iPads and surprisingly enough, they were quite adapt at doing so.

Finally, they both sat on the couch, iPads plugged into an extension cord and they surfed the net.

"Do you really think that wise, to give those two idiots those electronic contraptions?"

I raised my eyebrows.

"You're mad because you don't have one."

"Me? Not at all. After all I am a crow, proud and free and ...

yes. I'm pissin' mad. Why dumber and dumberest and not me?"

I pulled the iPad from under the bar.

"You will have to use this thing to operate it."

I passed him a little metal rod that would substitute for the fact that he had no fingers.

"And if I see one spot of shit on the screen, I will take it away. Understood?"

Russell nodded happily.

"Hey Krall. You know if they have crow porn sites?"

I shook my head and walked away, just as the front doorbell rang.

"Doorbell," the three chimed in unison.

Head shaking did not stop.

As I neared the front door, I wondered who would possibly be at my front door.

As I opened it, I was greeted by the most beautiful smile that I had ever seen.

"Hello Krall."

She was beautiful.

Long, curly, strawberry blonde hair. Huge blue eyes. Beautiful smile. Gorgeous face.

Knock dead body, covered by tight jeans and a clingy green sweater.

And carrying the largest purse I had ever seen.

'You could hide a body in that.'

"Hi," I said meekly.

The obvious question was next.

"Who are you?"

And the next obvious question.

"What are you doing here?"

Maybe I should have waited on the second obvious question, because the look that overtook her face was one of sadness.

Or acid reflux. Never could tell them apart.

"You don't remember me?"

'Lady, if I had met you, I would never forget you.'

Aloud, Krall.

I shook my head.

Obviously her beauty had stunted my ability to converse.

"It is me, Betty. Betty Boopkininsky."

My eyes nearly popped out of the socket.

"Betty?"

I stuttered along and asked the second obvious question again.

"What are you doing here?"

Maybe the oversized purse was for a body.

Mine.

"After you left today a police officer and some really strange woman came into the library, asking about you."

'Seaman and fake nose.'

"Officer Seaman?"

Betty nodded.

"That was his name and the woman was Petal or Petro or something like that. Some long Russian sounding last name that no one could pronounce."

'Like Boopkininsky?'

"What did they want?"

Betty looked past me.

"Could I come in?"

'No.'

"Sure."

I curse you brain for fooling me.

She stepped inside and I closed the door.

"Ah, you want a coffee or a beer or something?"

"A beer sounds great."

"Let's go in the kitchen."

I led the way to the kitchen.

Betty seemed to be casing the joint.

"You are not planning to rob me, are you?"

Betty laughed. She had the cutest laugh.

"No. I was just admiring your beautiful house. I find it hard, now, to believe all the horrible stories I have heard about this place."

I was not biting on that one.

I pulled out a chair for Betty and she sat at the kitchen table.

"You want a glass?"

"No, a bottle is fine."

"I only have cans."

"Then I will take a glass."

I got both of us glasses, poured the beers and then the traditional clinking of glasses.

"So what did Officer Seaman want?"

"He was awful interested in what you were looking for at the library. He wanted to know everything that you asked."

"Did you tell him?" I wondered, aloud.

She sipped her beer and nodded.

"Good beer. Yea, I didn't see the harm in it. Was there any harm?"

I shook my head.

"No. Everyone in town acted pretty strange when I went back. Like I was dead."

"Well they did find a body."

I remembered the picture of the negro woman with my head photo shopped on it, that I had seen on the front page of the Daily Gazelle.

"You know that wasn't me."

Betty nodded.

"But they had a funeral and everything for you."

I was more confused than ever.

"How is all of that possible? I have only been gone a couple days."

I pulled my cell phone out of my pocket and showed Betty.

"See, August 6."

I turned the cell phone slowly back toward me.

"Thats impossible."

"What is?"

"The date. I bought this house on June 30th. That was like a couple days ago."

I stared at Betty.

"I have lost a month somewhere."

Why am i hearing, dramatic, startling series of events, music?

"Then maybe some of the stories about this house are true."

I shook my head.

"There is nothing unusual about this house."