Things only got worse after he told Hashirama what happened in Kirigakure, or rather, who was involved in the incident. This was the very reason why he didn't want to tell the older about it, but he had no choice-he had to tell Hashirama not only because he's the Hokage, but also because the person involved was his old friend (and apparently, past lover, too, although Tobirama doesn't want to accept it, yet.)

In retrospect, he thought that Hashirama would eventually come around. Tobirama has never liked that Uchiha, ever since he discovered that he was the boy his brother was meeting up with by the river when they were kids. How could he ever forget the many times Hashirama received a good beating from their late father due to disobeying his orders to kill the Uchiha kid? Or those times when their fellow clansmen doubted Hashirama's abilities and judgment as the clan leader because he didn't ran out of reasons not to fight the head of the Uchiha clan when they clash in numerous battles? And now, even when the said Uchiha has left and things should have been better, it still affects Hashirama and he self-destructs as days go by.

It's a cycle now, Tobirama has come to realize. Hashirama would wake up very early in the morning, way earlier than before (it's like he didn't sleep at all), that when Tobirama wakes up, the older has already gone to his office. After having breakfast with Mito, Tobirama would come to the Hokage Tower, only to find Hashirama drowning himself with paper works (which are not even due until three months from now). Tobirama has already asked Toka if they could do something about it-prevent his brother from overworking, that is, as he's already ran out of ideas to distract him-but everything they've tried so far was ineffective.

Lunch is the first meal Hashirama would have for the day, but not with Mito and Tobirama's effort, too. The two would come by at noon so that the three of them could eat together.

When Tobirama comes again in the afternoon, Hashirama would already be gone in his office. (It was only a week later when he discovered where Hashirama goes to-at the top of the Hokage Rock. And Tobirama would let him. He wouldn't interrupt whatever it is that Hashirama does on that cliff.) Two hours away from midnight, Hashirama would return home, heading straight to his room after saying good night to him and Mito.

This toxic routine has been going on for weeks now, and it's wearing Hashirama out.

Tobirama's research is still ongoing. Its progress sped up ever since Mito joined him. But now that all of this is happening, he's even more determined to complete the jutsu as soon as possible.

At this point, they still don't know how Hashirama's memories of Madara got sealed, or who the person who did it was. But once those memories return, Tobirama thinks maybe Hashirama will finally remember the reason why the Uchiha left.

No matter how Tobirama looks at it, Madara still betrayed Hashirama and their village, for sending that threat that he would attack the village, and also for killing the Mizukage who was a potential ally. Once Hashirama remembers, Tobirama hopes that he would finally realize that Madara is only causing him pain and suffering, that Madara is a threat, a killing machine that could one day destroy the very village he helped to build.

"He killed the men we sent," Tobirama informs Hashirama and the clan heads as they're currently having a meeting. The news about the possible war and the Mizukage's assassination has already been reported in an emergency meeting they held on the same day of Tobirama's return from Kirigakure.

In the previous meeting, Madara Uchiha was declared a rogue shinobi and their verdict was to send men after him to bring him back to Konoha for a trial. This was only after Hashirama pleaded that they should hear Madara's side first and insisted to order a further investigation at the same time. Three days after, news arrived that other villages had also sent their own shinobi to hunt the Uchiha down.

"Well, Madara is indeed powerful," Hikaku remarks, and Tobirama can swear that there's a sly tone in the way he'd just spoken. The other clan heads seem to have noticed this, too, as they all throw the current Uchiha clan head a questioning look.

Hikaku sighs, putting clasped hands on the table. "What I meant to say is that, do we really think that a bunch of average shinobi would be enough to bring Madara down?" A slight chuckle, "Gentlemen, I'm sure we all know how strong he is."

Tobirama curses under his breath. Hikaku is right.

"So what are you saying, Uchiha-san? That we shouldn't send men to go after him anymore?!" Yakiko Hyuuga barks.

"No, of course not, Hyuuga-san," Hikaku replies, shaking his head. He wears a polite smile on his lips. "I'm saying that it's meaningless unless we send someone who is equal or even stronger than him."

All eyes then fall on Hashirama, who's just listening silently since the meeting began. Tobirama has his eyes on him the whole time, observing how his brother's frown deepens as the other clan heads discuss the fitting actions against Madara.

Hashirama still stays silent now, but Tobirama can tell that he's thinking hard about it.

"It won't be a wise idea to send the Hokage himself to go after a rogue shinobi, especially now that the village might be attacked anytime," Teruchi Nara counters, breaking the brief silence that formed.

Tobirama is about to agree when Hashirama abruptly stands up from his seat.

"Forgive me, everyone. I'm not feeling well today," the Hokage says weakly as he bows his head. "Please excuse me."

The clan heads, Tobirama, and Toka are all rendered speechless as Hashirama walked out of the meeting room and it's only after a couple of seconds when someone speaks. "Is the Hokage alright, Tobirama-san?" asks Hikaku.

Tobirama makes sure to wear a nonchalant look as he addresses the clan heads. "...Anija is not feeling well these days. It must have been the cold weather," he answers simply. "Forgive us, everyone. I'll talk about this matter to my brother. For now, I think we should end this meeting."

Fortunately, the other men didn't protest.

-----

Unlike what he expected, Tobirama finds out that Hashirama went straight home after walking out from the meeting. Tobirama locates Hashirama's chakra-it's not hot and glowing now as it used to be (has been for months)-in his bedroom.

Tobirama had never been in Hashirama's room since their house was built, and his heart all but aches when he sees the sorry state it's in-only the dim moonlight coming from the windows lights up the room, there are empty bottles of liquor scattered on the floor, everything is covered with dust except for the futon, and the foul smell of strong sake lingers, too.

Out of everything out of place in the room, he finds the flower pots perched on the windowsill the strangest-the flowers are in full bloom.

He sees Hashirama sitting in the corner, an opened bottle of sake in his tight grip, but Tobirama couldn't see his face as his head is bowed and propped up on his knees.

Tobirama slowly walks closer and sits down next to him. This time, he will not start their conversation with an "Are you okay, anija?" because every single time, Hashirama only says nothing, and his quiescence only screams louder than any words.

"I think we should talk, anija," he begins.

"...I'm sorry, Tobirama. It won't happen again," Hashirama answers without raising his head, causing his voice to be muffled.

"It's not about that," Tobirama sighs. "I know that you already know that what you just did in the meeting was inappropriate as you're the Hokage," he says sternly. He grits his teeth and clenches his fists, digging his nails in his own palms. What he's about to say next would surely hurt Hashirama, but it has to be said:

"Why are you so adamant in protecting that Uchiha?!"

This effectively causes Hashirama to look at him in shock. "W-what do you mean?"

"You should see yourself, anija! Look at what he's doing to you!"

Hashirama bites his lower lip. Despite the poor lighting in the room, Tobirama can see the dark bags under his eyes and the frown on his face. But instead of answering, he drinks the remaining sake in one go, ignoring Tobirama.

"Why is it so hard for you to accept the fact that he betrayed you?! He's-!"

"I don't know what to think anymore, Tobirama!" Hashirama suddenly explodes, tears escape from his eyes as he couldn't hold them back anymore. "I can't remember a single memory of him and yet I can't stop thinking about him!"

Hashirama's entire body shakes. His breathing is labored now as if he's suffocating, and Tobirama thinks it's not because his face is buried in his palms.

Tobirama had never seen his brother have a breakdown before.

"I want to know why he left! I want to go and look for him! I know he's strong but what if shinobi from other villages get to him first?! It scares me. It scares me to even think that I won't see him again...and it hurts," Hashirama whispers, clutching his left chest tightly. "It hurts, right here, when I think about him, but I can't stop, Tobirama...I just can't."

This feeling, Tobirama can't quite fathom exactly what it is. Fear for what they'll discover once Hashirama's memories return? Worry that Hashirama would be more hurt once that happens? Anger for that Uchiha?

Perhaps it was a mix of those.

Even though Hikaku has a point-that Hashirama is the only one who can possibly subdue Madara-Tobirama still thinks Hashirama shouldn't go. He could just imagine how hard it would be for Hashirama to make him fight the person special to him.

And then all of a sudden, Hashirama chuckles mockingly. He shakes his head, but the tears falling from his eyes seem to be endless. "I'm a terrible Hokage, aren't I? Letting my feelings get the better of me and affect my judgment like this."

"...No, anija. Don't take it all upon yourself," are the only words Tobirama could tell him. 'It'll be alright,' goes unsaid.

-End of Chapter 14-

Teruchi Nara is my OC. Please bear in mind that my OC's name have no intended meaning whatsoever (I just use the first name that comes to my mind while writing).

I know I've mentioned this before but feel free to comment anything, really. I'd like to know what you think of the story so far. uwu

-Cee