forty-six: baby blues

Louis wakes up alone in a hospital room hooked up to a heart monitor with the lights off. He's groggy at first, looking around for someone or anything really but comes up empty. He didn't know why he was here, last thing he remembered was laying in bed with Zayn, enjoying his time back in his arms when there'd been a knock on the door. 

So how did he end up here?

"Z-Zayn?" Louis calls out, his voice cracking as he does so but he doesn't see Zayn anywhere in the room. Louis moves to get out of the bed only to feel a tug on his hand. He looks down at his hand only to see an I.V. sticking out, earning a grimace from the young boy. He wasn't a fan of needles, even just looking at the I.V. made him feel a little queasy and he was half tempted to take it out himself but he was sure it was there for a reason. 

"Zayn?" Louis calls out again, giving up on getting out of the bed but he sits up further on it. He gets ready to press the nurse button in hopes that maybe someone would come at that point but Zayn finally walks in before he gets the chance. A relieved expression crosses over Louis' face at the sight of his husband, but it fades when he notices that Zayn seemed to be crying. A sick feeling finds it's way into Louis' stomach, one that made him want to curl in on himself because only once in all of his years of knowing Zayn had he seen a look so sorrowful. It was the one Louis saw when Zayn admitted how terrified he was of Louis breaking his heart. 

You could break my heart apart and I'd still pick up every piece and put them back into your hands

"What's going on?" Louis asks, staring at Zayn as he walks further into the room. The unsettling feeling in Louis' stomach staying there even when Zayn sat down on the hospital bed with Louis. He lets out a shaky breath, closing his eyes as he chokes back a sob. 

"You're scaring me... Why are we at the hospital again?" Louis' voice is barely over a whisper, almost as if he was scared to ask the question. 

"Lou... Something... Something happened..." Zayn manages to get out after another moment, unable to look at Louis as he speaks. 

"What happened? Why won't you look at me? What's going on?" Louis' starting to panic now, the heart monitor next to him picking up it's tempo as he struggles to take a breath. 

"You... We lost one of the babies, Lou." Zayn finally says and the room falls completely silent. Louis could've sworn his heart stopped, he couldn't feel anything for that moment before it all came rushing in. 

"You're lying." Louis whispers, looking at Zayn like he'd lost his mind only to have Zayn shake his head. Louis continues to stare at him, unable to comprehend but he could hear himself start to scream. He screams until his throat is raw, tears falling down his cheeks as he does so. Zayn wraps Louis up into his arms, holding him close to his chest only to have Louis beat against it with his fists. Zayn couldn't make out what Louis was saying, his heart breaking with every gut wrenching cry Louis lets out. 

And Zayn could only hold him, unable to comfort Louis in any other way because he didn't know how to. 

It took Louis nearly an hour to calm down, his screams slowly fading into loud sobs until they were just quiet whimpers. Louis' fists are balled into Zayn's shirt that was now soaked with tears and Zayn keeps his arms wrapped tightly around Louis. 

"Whi-Which one?" Louis whispers, wincing at the pain in his throat. Zayn takes in a shaky breath, closing his eyes yet again as he buries his face into Louis' hair. Zayn couldn't bring himself to say it, the words getting caught in his throat as he tries to. 

"The girl... We lost her..." Zayn finally manages to say, continuing to bury his face into Louis' hair so his voice comes out muffled. Louis is silent for a few moments after that and Zayn couldn't blame him. He'd had hours to process the news yet Zayn still couldn't find the right things to say. 

He was broken and he couldn't even begin to understand what Louis was going through. 

"Addie." Louis breaks the silence, his voice still hoarse. 

"Addie?" 

"Short for Addison... I wanted to name her Addi-Addsion." Louis starts to cry again but it's only dry sobs this time as he had no more tears to shed. Zayn lets out a dry sob of his own, a very sad smile on his face as he holds Louis just a little tighter. 

"That's a beautiful name." Zayn whispers and Louis looks at him for the first time since Zayn had told him. Zayn runs a finger over Louis' cheek, moving his hand up to move the hair out of his eyes. Zayn places a soft kiss onto Louis' forehead, letting him place his head onto his chest yet again. 

"Everything's going to be okay, Lou. We can make it through this." Zayn says, hoping that Louis could at least believe him this time. 

"I love you, Lou. It's going to be okay."

"I know you do... and I hope you're right." 

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only like four chapters left. 

dedication goes to KingCommenter

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