I always wondered what death felt like.

I'm not talking about the pain. Of course it would be painful; I'd be dying after all. Even a little papercut hurts, often times more than anyone would've imagined. Our brain can no longer ignore the thousands of nerves reacting to the injury and at the moment of death, it lacks the usual sources for stimuli in order to distract us from the mess we discover ourselves in. It has no choice but to make us incredibly aware of our agony, hoping that we can find a way to fix it and survive.

That's the brain's biggest concern; the body's survival. Keeping our physical shells alive, so that our souls don't just fly away into the abyss, destined to be devoured by beings greater than ourselves.

Or at least, that's how it usually goes.

Many times, our brain reacts in ways we'd never have imagined. Acting on nothing but the pure impulse of our hearts, straining within our chest to fulfill some great purpose forced on us from some sort of higher power. Deep down, the majority crave the death of a martyr; a brave soul that would be remembered throughout history, praised for their selfless, revolutionary actions. The death of a hero, many would say, a grandiose exit from this life and an answer to the thousand-year-old question "Why am I alive?".

Everyone wants to matter in the grand scheme of things. No one wants to be forgotten; no one wants to leave without leaving something behind. This sort of Thinking caused more than one death amongst the most innocent and frail within humanity, each of them convinced that they in fact do not matter a single bit and thus, chose to delete themselves from existence because they thought they didn't deserve it if they served no purpose. Is that such a surprise though? From the day we are born to the day we eventually bite the dust, we're taught to search for our one true purpose.

We're taught that we all matter in some way, that we all have a mission of our own to complete, a reason to be alive. A reason that we should spend our whole lives trying to discover.

What a fucking lie.

Truly, no one knows if any of us have some sort of destiny or meaning to their existence. So why are we constantly taught that we do, almost like it's a fact?

What if in reality, life doesn't have an ulterior motive?

What if the purpose of life...

...is that there is no purpose at all?

Would that be too disappointing to consider? To think that maybe, our lives are just coincidences that spring into existence, without some big mission to complete later on?

In the case of religion, people often argue that some higher power put them on this earth for a purpose, having them endure countless amounts of suffering to fulfil it. Their belief in that higher power seems to be the only thing to soothe the scars that were burnt so deep into their soul. But what if that higher being doesn't believe in them?

What if they were simply put on this earth to live? Without any other objective in mind?

After all, animals don't care for these types of things. They simply live, doing what they can to survive and not wishing to become greater than the rest or to be some glorious someone who'll be remembered. Survival is the only thing on their mind and it's proven to be useful over the course of millions of years.

Meanwhile, our brain has a tendency to self-destruct.

And the belief that you have to find and fulfil that bizarre, indescribable purpose is only adding gasoline to the ball of hellfire. Would it be too much to ask to simply let people live? To not have them meet any unruly high expectations, ones that we could only meet if we sacrifice our own well-being?

Besides, why are some "destinies" seen as useless or worthless in the eye of society, whilst others are praised and sought after? And how does one determine what someone's purpose is? Was it Ted Bundy's true mission in life to murder innocent women? Was it Anne Frank's 'divine purpose' to die shortly before her people were saved, leaving behind nothing but her diary?

They may have reached an unforgettable legacy, but at what cost? Is the true purpose of life the death of others or one's own?

That in truth, we're free to do what we desire with our own existence until the day we reunite with the earth from which we came?

To simply experience life and all the wonders it may offer. And if someday, we could lay the fanatic search to rest, we may be able to see the beautiful world around us, without feeling guilty for 'wasting time and space'.

What a nice world that would be. To simply experience, without the fear of letting others or yourself down. With no guilt for simply struggling with certain things and possibly falling behind your peers during the race of time.

It's true, that we can die any day and that we should always be able to look back at our life with a proud smile. But that doesn't mean that you should destroy yourself, refusing to get help in order to excel at a field that isn't yours to play in yet. How can you enjoy your life, when your own existence makes you sick?

What use is it to search for a possibly imaginary purpose if you cannot even look at yourself in the mirror? When you can't tell yourself 'I love you' and mean it? What use is a life if you can't enjoy it, not because you're incapable but because you're not allowing yourself to heal and grow?

A spider lily needs light, water, nutritious soil and love to grow and live; to heal itself after a drought. Without those, it'll wither and die, much like we will if we don't allow ourselves to be weak, to heal and positively deal with our struggles. If we allow ourselves to no longer ignore them.

That was something I always failed at.

Ignoring my problems was a go-to solution, the easiest way to pretend everything was alright despite the screams for help echoing within my own mind. I couldn't let the mask slip after all; showing weakness meant the end of the line for someone in my world. Or at least, that's how I always perceived it.

Maybe someone else got an entirely different picture of the same scene.

Nonetheless, I was never a stranger to the concept of death. It surrounded each of us like a silky cloak, comforting yet strangely threatening at the same time. Death is a line we all eventually cross, usually only once. It's a journey we all embark on alone, leaving behind someone to mourn us, most of the time at least.

So it's no wonder that the younger generations these days tend to develop a strange fascination, even curiosity with death. The urge to seek its comfort sooner than intended rises rampantly amongst the youth, yet that issue mostly goes ignored. You know, the usual when it comes to humanity and its way of dealing with problems.

I was no different.

I always wondered what death felt like.

And after experiencing it once, I can safely say that it was truly not what I imagined.

The pain was expected, so was the darkness. But the yeeting of my soul into another, absolutely different world was not.

Still, I tended to wonder if I'd meet some sort of devil, angel or some other figure of myth and faith. If I'm being honest, it would've been pretty dope to stand before Hades, the god of the underworld deciding over my place in his realm.

Death was...surprisingly uneventful.

In a way, that was disappointing. On the other hand, it was relieving.

I had absolutely no control or knowledge of what was happening; I had to trust the unknown with my entire essence. And that was oddly comforting.

Sometimes, when the world turns dark and triste around me once more, I crave that hauntingly beautiful form of comfort.

But now... death doesn't seem to want me anymore.

With aching bones, your body covered by a snuggly, light weight, you let a groan escape your dry throat.

Slowly, your eyes open.

Seems like I escaped it yet another time.

What a joy...

The bright sun shines into your e/c eyes and you squint, trying to shield them from the blinding light. While it feels nice to have the radiant rays meet your skin, it does nothing but aid the confusion forming in your head.

You're covered by a soft, white blanket, your back resting gently against a comfortable, equally white mattress. Following the light, your eyes quickly find the big row of windows, not too far from where you're lying. From your current position, you can't make out anything beyond the glass other than the clear blue sky and some silvery-glittering skyscrapers. So instead of wasting your time with futile attempts to make out anything else, you shift your gaze to notice the soft cream colour of the walls.

Where am I?

Gradually turning your head, you take note of the silver, most likely metallic bedframe at the foot of the bed you're in. A bedside table stands on either side of your headboard, a vase filled with soft-coloured flowers on the one between the windows and you. Eyes traveling further down your body and to your arm, you look at the many wires connecting to your skin, an IV disappearing into the flesh on the nape of your right arm; though you don't feel it at all, which you're grateful for.

I think I'm in a hospital...

Moving to look at your right side, the side opposite of the windows, you calmly take in the sight of a white drawn curtain, blocking whatever lies behind it from your view. Though you're not curious at all; it's probably just another patient. However, you see a door a little further away from the curtain. Another door is situated on the wall in front of you, in between your bed and the curtain. You're guessing it's the bathroom.

Why am I in a hospital?

When trying to search for an answer, your mind comes up blank. You remember being in a van with Hayato and you remember the cages but other than that, your head is entirely empty. So how did you end up here? Did something happen? If yes, then where is Hayato?

Did he go home to his daughter?

Ignoring your dry mouth, you lazily tear your gaze away from the door, instead opting to simply stare at the white ceiling. The sun on your skin is warm and tender, a comfort that you gratefully accept and bask in. You don't feel the urge to move; quite the contrary to be honest. This is probably the first time in a long while that you're completely free of pain and you want to relish in this feeling for as long as you can. Simply lying here, in this comfortable hospital bed, you see no reason to make a fuzz and give up this small, peaceful sanctuary.

You deserve something nice every once in a while.

The material of your hospital gown brushes gently across your skin, the baby blue fabric being more than delicate and fluffy. You have yet to fully see how it looks but from what you've already seen and felt, it's more like a gown and tied together by a small ribbon at the front. The two sides cross over your chest, much like a bath-robe. The sleeves are long, probably going up to the mid of your lower arm, though they are currently bunched-up to allow the many wires access to your body. Weirdly enough, it's even more comfortable than some of your other clothes.

Closing your eyes, you decide to let yourself fall right back to sleep, taking advantage of this new sense of tranquillity and peace. Letting out a long exhale, a small smile grows on your lips as you make your journey back to Dream-land.

...

Wait a minute-

And just like that, they snap open again, a shocked expression on your face as your mind goes into overdrive.

WHAT DAY IS IT?!

Frantically searching around for some kind of clock or other indication for today's date, your mind races at the speed of Sonic himself and one of your eyes twitches at the new source of stress.

What day is it?! How long was I out? Did I miss Legoshi's match?!

Not finding any trace of a calendar or something like that, though you found a clock on the wall that told you it's 12:34 midday, you bring your gaze back to the white ceiling. Your eye twitches again, before your face turns into an irritated scowl. Truly, it's one that Squidward would be proud of.

I finally found some peace and quiet and that stupid wolf still finds a way to stress me out. Argh, he better have survived his fight or else I'm resurrecting him from the dead just so I can kill this big doofus myself.

He better be okay...

...I'm getting too old for this crap...

The sound of the door opening forces you from your inner monologue and your face relaxes immediately into a curious expression.

"I see you're finally awake, Miss Y/n." A male voice greets you, the deep baritone belonging to a male tomcat of medium height. His fur is a golden orange, the fur on his muzzle, neck, cheeks and under his eyes a lighter shade of golden blonde. His bright green eyes stare back at you with a smile on his face, the air around him basically oozing with charisma and chivalry. "It's nice to have you back in the land of the living. I'm Doctor Baron, I was the head doctor in your surgery. How are you feeling?"

Much like Masago, he holds a clipboard and a pen in his hands, the white doctor's coat making him appear taller than he actually is. Still smiling, he gestures and hands his clipboard to the nurse who followed him in, a black house-cat that is a lot smaller than him with a rather childish face and baby blue eyes. She's probably not that much older than you.

Swiftly moving to your side, she takes a hold of a remote lying on your right bedside table that you hadn't caught sight of before and presses a button. The upper part of your bed rises up, gently bringing you into a relaxed sitting position.

"I actually feel surprisingly good, Sir." You answer hoarsly, watching the nurse as she skids around and checks your vitals, noting them down on the clipboard before handing it back to the doctor and moving on to another task. "Though I feel quite thirsty actually."

"Nurse Jiji will bring you some water." He smiles charmingly, before flipping over a page on his board, a more serious expression moving onto his face. "Now, you came to us in a rather dire condition. Emergency services found you on the side of the road near one of the lower districts, but you and your companions had to be transferred here for your treatment due to their lack of medical expertise and capacity. The main city is unfortunately one of the only ones with a fully functional and equipped hospital."

His green eyes stare into your own as he continues, glancing down at the page every once in a while. "You had two head injuries. Your open skull fracture was treated and thankfully, it wasn't severe enough to cause long-lasting damage. Your second head injury was a mild concussion, most likely caused by the same head trauma that caused your skull to fracture. Both of these injuries were treated accordingly and due to their low level of severity, should leave you free of any symptoms in about a week. Until then, you may experience strong headaches, amnesia, fainting, nausea, vomiting, fatigue and vertigo, a random feeling of confusion, sensitivity to light and noise, sleep disturbances, disorders of taste and smell, high irritability, personality changes and concentration and memory complaints."

Flipping his page, he resumes as if this was the most ordinary sort of information, whilst your eyes threaten to pop out of your head.

"We also had to remove a long metal rod from your right thigh during a two hour surgery yesterday. It damaged your femoral artery, but it was repaired during surgery and should continue to transfer your blood through your body as intended. We had to give you a blood transfusion, but seeing as we do not have any human blood, we had to use Komodo dragon blood. Originally, we planned to use Chimpanzee blood, as they are your species closest relatives as far as we are aware, but during the obligatory tests to see if your blood would be compatible, we received a negative reaction from your blood cells."
Doctor Baron's face turns grim for just a second as he looks at you. All the while, your hands are fidgeting in your lap, unsure what to do with all of this information.

This is a lot to take in... well, at least I can check "damage your femoral artery" and "get some Komodo dragon blood into my body" off my bucket list.

They weren't on it, but they are now.

"We tried multiple non-venomous mammals, but we received the same negative reaction. When we introduced the blood of a venomous animal, that of a Komodo dragon, your cells did not attack the introduced blood-cells. Our theory is that somehow, your body has developed an immunity to certain levels of toxins, which is an incredible phenomenon in this case. It is not unheard of, but it is only observed in individuals that were injected with either the venom or the blood of the animal itself."

Regarding you with a sympathetic glance, you're sure he has already put together every single one of the puzzle pieces of this 'medical miracle'. You internally groan, sad that your moment of peace was once again interrupted by memories of the lab. Komodo dragon venom was among the many things that they tested on you, though it was a controlled version of the venom as far as you know. It was a painful experience, though nothing in comparison to what followed days after, when the incident with your arm happened.

"Nonetheless, you could experience fatigue, headaches and nausea, though I doubt you will have any severe symptoms of effects from the transfusion. During your surgery, we also discovered that you had multiple stitches in your right thigh already, but they were done from someone of mediocre level at best, so we renewed them. The same goes for your amputated pinkie finger on your left hand. You're lucky the wound wasn't infected."

Sending a humorous smirk your way, you respond with a deadpan stare on your end, causing the male to sweat drop awkwardly. Similarly to an uncle whose jokes were rejected on a birthday party. Rubbing the back of his neck with a nervous twitch of his whiskers, he lowers his eyes back to his clipboard.

"Well, we stitched up the entry wound on your thigh and I strongly advise you from putting too much pressure on your leg for the next couple of days at least. You would run the risk of tearing the stitches and whilst it would take for a similar sort of injury or extreme trauma to the leg for your artery suture, even simply tearing the ordinary stitches would lead to your time of rest afterwards to be extended. So if I may give you a piece of advise, avoid running, any sort of workout or kicking." Then, he plasters on his charismatic smile again, his green eyes closed as he tucks his clipboard against his chest. "We will be keeping you here for another couple of days at least, possibly the entire week to ensure your recovery goes smoothly."

"Your male companion, Hayato the Doberman, has yet to wake up. But we suspect his damage may have been greater, as he lost more blood than you did." Once more, sympathy befalls his face and he gestures to the drawn curtains behind him. "He's in that bed over there. The two of you are lucky to have survived this. The other passengers weren't so fortunate. The only other survivor is a female Maned wolf."

At this, your breath hitches and your eyes grow wide. Subconsciously, your hand clenches into a fist, tightly grabbing onto the blanket.

She survived?

The doctor easily notices your changed body language, his eyes holding a low glimmer of fury, though a part of you is sure that it isn't directed at you. At least, that's what you gather from the reassuring smirk on his lips.

"Don't worry, Y/n. Doctor Masago has yet to regain consciousness as well, but her room is guarded by law enforcements. Once she wakes up, she'll answer to the beastar himself as far as I know, so both you and your friend over here are safe now. She can't hurt you anymore."

...What?

...Is he...is he for real?

It seems like all of your control flies out the window in that very second. Though you try to conceal it, a large, beaming smile fights its way onto your lips; a bubbling laugh slips from them, tears of joy accompanying the overwhelming relief in your chest. Your hands grab onto the blanket, stray tear drops dripping onto the white fabric.

It's over....

It's really over.

Almost like a dream, this entire scenario feels like an illusion. Too good to be true. And yet it is; you're free. She can't hurt you anymore. Masago's done for and finally, you can return to your life.

Doctor Baron watches your reaction with a smile, staying at a distance but still giving you an odd sense of comfort simply by his presence. "Don't worry if you don't remember everything about the crash. What you went through was traumatic, not to mention your head injuries. Your body will take some time until you're ready to properly process it, so don't beat yourself up over some missing memories."

The nurse enters the room again, pushing a metallic table tray in front of her. A big glass container filled with glistening water stands on it, accompanied by some delicious looking food. Your eyes sparkle upon seeing it, your stomach grumbling on cue and bringing the nurse to send you a sweet smile of her own. Eagerly but gratefully grabbing the cup filled with water from her hands, you gulp down the liquid at record speed. It soothes your throat in the best possible way.

"Thank you." You say, your voice back to its regular tone. "Thank you as well, Doctor."

He nods, motioning for the nurse to leave, which she does. "No need to thank me. Anyways, we will let you rest and eat in peace. Though I should warn you, the police would like to speak with you in about two hours, regarding your case and what happened between Masago and you. If you wish, Nurse Jiji can keep you company during that time, to act as a sort of emotional support. Now, I hope you enjoy your meal."

You're not too worried about the police. After all, it's nothing you can't handle, especially after all that you've been through. However, before the male feline can vanish through the door, you remember something utterly important.

"Doctor, wait! What day is it?"

Peering back at you with curious wonder on his face, he answers. "It's New year's eve. Why? Did you have any plans?"

"N-No. I was just wondering. Time was...a difficult concept these past few days." You lie sheepishly, waving off his concern. "Thank you."

With another nod, he finally leaves, letting you be alone with your chaotic thoughts. Gently clenching your fists, you let out a long sigh.

So I didn't miss it...

I don't know if I should be happy or sad about that.

Turning your head to look out the window, finally being able to see the brilliant city near Cherryton once more, you let an irritated smile cross your face once the obvious answer to your pesky little problem enters your mind.

This idiot is gonna owe me big time.

***

Hello Homies! I hope you enjoyed this chapter!

Gotcha with the memes, didn't I? I had my fun with them, making memes is always a joy.

To start, who here noticed the Studio Ghibli references?! Say 'I' if you did!

For those that don't know, Baron and Jiji are based off of two characters from studio ghibli movies. Jiji was part of 'Kiki's delivery service' and Baron appeared in two movies (as far as I know, could be more). But the one that made me kinda simp for him was 'the kingdom of cats'. That was my furry awakening y'all, they made him so attractive for no reason! They literally put him in an awesome hat with a feather, as suit and a mask and thought we wouldn't start simping. Bruh.

Y'all have no idea how much medical research I did for this chapter  (and the last one). I have like 6 tabs open just with Concussions, skull fractures, impaling incidents, the femoral artery and treating severed arteries. It's a mess, but also really interesting. I now know a lot more about that stuff, which is pretty cool. More random fun facts to scare people with.
Like "If your femoral artery gets damaged, you'll bleed to death in the matter of a couple minutes" 🙃.

Homies, don't fucking do it. I know some of y'all are probably wondering whether to use that info in a bad way and no, don't you dare. You're a great person, I love you and you can get through this. It's hard but possible. So please don't do it, homie.

Moving on from that sad note, next Chapter will have Legoshi in it. Finally. Woohoo.
Also, I finished Jujutsu Kaisen (loved it, can only recommend) and Sk8 the infinity. That's the anime where Jonah speaks one of the characters as well, which is super funny because he's the total opposite of Legoshi.
Either way, Langa and Reiki are my sons and I only had them for one day but if anything happens to them, I will kill everyone on this planet and then myself. They're my lil bois and I just want to see them happy.

Adam can fuck off and fall off a cliff, I do not care.

Also, Cherry is a king and I love his character.
"And you brought the kids" is one of my favourite moments. Y'all can't convince me him and joe aren't the parents of the group.

Anyways, I hope y'all are all safe and sound and healthy in this pandemic! Stay safe, everyone!

See you in chapter 74!