Is this who I am? Is this what I represent?!

The fact that your boyfriend is crossdressing and you find it strangely attractive is definitely an eye-opening experience. Not to mention how unfair it is that he can wear whatever the hell he wants and apparently still be hot, whilst you feel like a potato in most articles of clothing. Though you're pretty sure a dark red dress would've suited his grey complexion better than the soft pink one he is currently wearing.

Instantly, your mind thinks back to the meteor festival and how Juno basically stole the show with her gown.

What's up with grey wolves looking insanely good in red?!

Your new drink arrives at the same time that Louis addresses the lion behind you in a stern voice. "Ibuki."

"Yes?!"

"Leave us."

"G-Got it!" Stammering, the big beast turns on his heels to the door, his mind racing at the new revelation.

He's got a wide stroke zone! Should've expected as much from our boss!

Mindlessly sighing as Legoshi's tail begins to wag happily, a slight spurge of territorial jealousy sparking in your heart when he solely addresses Louis. "Senpai...I'm so happy."

Not going to lie, his falsetto voice freaks me out.

"Shut up." The stag groans as he face plants onto the surface of the bar, probably questioning every single one of his life choices that led him to this moment. The wolf inconspicuously, but still rather obviously, lets his eyes flicker between you and the herbivore; he's most likely wondering why Louis didn't tell you to leave as well. You don't blame him for being reserved, seeing as both your appearance and your scent are disguised.

The synthetic tail swishes behind you, reacting to the chemical impulses in your neurons. Frankly, it shouldn't have come as a surprise to you that such a thing exists, seeing as even back in your world inventions like brain-powered cat ears were loved on the market. And you can imagine that, due to the obvious segregation between carnivores and herbivores and the stigma both of these groups hold in society, many individuals have developed some sort of fetish for the opposite group or use cosplays like your own as a form to escape the gruesome reality they have to face each day.

I mean, look at Louis. He's definitely the type of guy to be into this sort of power play. Not sure if he'd need the costume and all but he has a carnivore fetish for sure. Even if it's just because of his obvious inferiority complex and need for power and control.

Clinking against the glass of your non-alcoholic beverage, your metallic claws, which are connected to a pair of obsidian-black gloves, gleam in the dim light as you ponder whether or not you should say something and let Legoshi know that it's actually you beneath your disguise.

Louis must've noticed his unsure gaze as well, as he leisurely pats you on the shoulder, not noticing your quick flinch at the touch. Truthfully, even after the calming moment you had with Free, being touched by someone else so suddenly is still a big obstacle for you. "Don't worry about her, she can be trusted. Anything you say to me can be heard by her as well. Now get started, moron."

Taking that as your cue to stay silent, though majorly disappointed about it, you return your attention to your drink as Legoshi begins catching the stag up on the resent events. Of course, only after one last unsure look at you. You don't know why Louis decided to keep you quiet for now; the only ideas you have are that for one, he wants to play it safe just in case the bartender has connections, or he just wants to wait for some kind of dramatic reveal. With Louis, it really depends on the mood that he's in.

"So, Riz is the killer, huh? Which means that bear's stuffed-animal act was just a façade he used to get by at school..." Louis mutters and Legoshi is quick to agree, leaving behind his falsetto voice and thankfully, the bartender chooses to mind his own business. "Exactly! He's awful!"

"Well, if you know he's the killer, then hurry up and turn him in already." The stag says as he fans air towards himself, the effects of the alcohol getting to him and tainting his cheeks a flushed cherry-colour.

"Why does everyone keep saying that? It's not that simple!" Legoshi argues and you mentally face-palm at your boyfriend's words because yes, it truly is that simple. And the fact that he's putting himself and everyone else at the school in danger to satisfy his subjective sense of morale still does not sit right with you but honestly, you have bigger things to worry about than Freddy Fazbear's dollar store version. "As a fellow carnivore, I'm going to show him justice by using force! And if I lose, then I'll just have to let him kill me."

BITCH WHAT?!

Chocking on your drink and wildly coughing, you bring the attention to you as your mind goes into overdrive. Of course, you knew his death was a possibility from the very start of this conflict but hearing him say it out loud so casually and being so nonchalant about his willingness to die sends a strike of pain through your heart. All of that and for what? To bring another carnivore to justice when that isn't even his job or responsibility, risking his life for a conviction as stupid as this?!

For once, you're glad that the mask covers your face and thus, your terrified expression. Breathing becomes excessively harder, Louis' hand on your back not helping at all despite his good intentions. The mere idea of losing Legoshi fills you with undeniable horror. But at the same time, his mind-set on the situation shows you once again how different the two of you actually are.

Whilst you try to survive every obstacle thrown your way, ignoring the time when you hit rock bottom a couple of months ago, this righteous grey wolf deals with the possibility of death in one of the most reckless and immature ways you have ever witnessed. The good old "If I die, I die" mentality only goes so far; it unfortunately ignores the people you'd leave behind.

As much as it hurts to think like that, you're wondering how much you actually mean to him if he's willing to just throw away his life like that.

"Hey...you okay, kitten?" Louis asks from beside you, his voice hushed and you nod hesitantly. Even though you are most definitely not okay. He tenses when your left hand flexes, the dangerous claws digging into the wooden surface of the bar. To be perfectly honest, the claws are probably your favourite part about your disguise.

"So you're going to fight Riz one on one?" The stag asks in irritation, his brow twitching at the other male's oblivious behaviour. The wolf shrugs his shoulders, pointing to the bandage on his head decorated with a single purple flower. "You know, I got this wound on my head from Riz...but only because I let my guard down. I'm going to settle things with him at New Year's Eve."

"Louis," He starts seriously, leaning forward onto the bar, "I want you to be there to see our fight."

Almost amused, the red deer scoffs at the wolf, finishing his drink in one go with an aura of arrogance. "Why should I?"

"Louis-"

"How many times do I have to tell you?! I belong to the back-alley market! I have nothing to do with the school anymore!" He snaps, only to gasp when Legoshi grips onto his shoulders, the clawed hands scarily big in comparison.

"I'm done telling you to return to the outside world." He growls, his eyes gleaming with conviction. "There's a chance that this is going to end with my death and if it does, I want you to be there to see it. Please!"

Heavy silence fills the bar, your mind stuck on the morbid intention behind his words. Maybe that's a human thing but you don't think it's healthy to demand someone you consider a friend to watch you die.

Your synthetic tail swishes through the air when Louis speaks again. "...What about Y/n? Does she know about all of this?"

A clear cloud of sadness takes over the wolf's mind, his tail curling inward beneath the stool after he let go of Louis. "Of course she does and because of her, I will do everything I can to not lose. She doesn't understand my reasoning or why this is so important to me. But she's not a carnivore, so I don't expect her to understand. She supports me though and that's all I can ask for."

Nervously gulping, you stare down at your glass, your shoulders slouching at his words. Does he really think you wouldn't understand just because you're not a carnivore? Well, in his point of view, you probably don't. Maybe that's not because you're an omnivore though and more due to the fact that you grew up in a purely human society.

Violence among your own species isn't a rare occasion. Quite the opposite actually. So while Legoshi might believe that you're condemning Riz because of his actions as a carnivore, he couldn't be further from the truth. Your short time alive has taught you that anyone can be a threat and frankly, you've grown tired of giving people the benefit of the doubt or a second chance when it comes to cases like this.

That's probably the biggest difference between you and the wolf. Someone that sees the Monster in people and condemns it, and someone who tries to find that spark of light in everyone and change their mind and thus, their actions.

But some actions cannot be redeemed, nor can a person escape the consequences for their actions simply because they 'changed'. Tem is dead because of Riz and whilst you can find a small trace of empathy for the carnivore, he should still face his time in jail. Though honestly, you probably should as well.

You've killed someone, too.

"I'm doing this for her as well." Legoshi's voice brings you out of your thoughts, the stag quietly listening. "So she knows that I'm strong enough to protect her. And that I'm able to control my own inner beast."

"I think we both know who protects who in this relationship." Louis chuckles, before his face turns serious once more. "But at least you have some kind of devotion towards that girl. You should be grateful that she even puts up with you."

"I am." The somber tone in his voice makes your heart ache. "Do you know?"

"Know what?"

"About her disappearance."

Louis stays silent for a moment, letting the 'newly revealed' information hang in the air. It's starting to be rather awkward, sitting only a few feet away from your boyfriend without him even being aware of it. But if it means keeping him safe from Doctor Masago, you'll gladly carry this burden. With a sigh, Louis responds. "Yeah, I know."

"She told Juno that she's safe but...I'm still worried."

"Wait-" The deer blurts out, his eyes flickering to you for a small moment-" She spoke to Juno?!"

"Yeah..." He answers wistfully, visibly disappointed by that fact. "When I asked her, she said it was because of safety issues....because of our relationship and all. But I wanted to hear her voice so badly. She says she's safe but for how long?!"

Another side-glance is sent your way by the deer and you shrink a little, knowing that up until know, he thought you had used your call to talk to Legoshi. "We're talking about Y/n here, she knows how to handle herself. It's not like you can do anything to change it-"

"That's the worst part about it!" The deep growl catches you off-guard and even the bartender stops cleaning the glass he was working on to stare at the wolf, who mutters a quick apology. "It's just...when she was kidnapped, I was able to save her. I was able to do something but now, that's impossible. No matter how hard I try, I can't catch her scent or a single clue as to where she could be or what happened!"

Louis gently places his hand upon the other male's shoulder, giving him a comforting squeeze. "Not everything is your responsibility, idio-"

"But this is! She is!" He cuts him off, once again grabbing the deer by his shoulders whilst his ears lay flat against his head. "I'm her partner. I'm supposed to be there for her and keep her safe! What reason is there for me to have been born a wolf if I can't protect her? Now, when she needs me and is probably scared out of her mind, I'm useless!"

Once more, utter stillness suffocates the interior of the bar, only interrupted when soft laughter erupts from the deer, confusing both you and the wolf. "Huh?"

"Come on. Your face, it's too much." He laughs, covering his mouth with his hand as his shoulders shake in tune with the pure tune coming from his throat. "Y/n, the same female that shot of one of my antlers and took on multiple lions all by herself? Honestly, she's more likely to protect you in any case. I feel sorry for whoever's on the receiving end of her aggression."

Legoshi is baffled, leaning closer to the deer and only now do you realize that his dress is actually on backwards. "How are you so calm about this? Doesn't she mean anything to you anymore?"

It's almost frightening how quickly the deer's mood takes on an angered twist, his brows furrowing at the carnivore. "Don't assume things that you have no knowledge of, you moron. And if you really want to know, I'm calm because I trust her and her skills. Shouldn't you do the same as her lover?"

"...You're right, Louis." Seemingly in shame, Legoshi's gaze falls to the floor. "But I can't help myself. Grey wolves are naturally protective of their partners. That's why I have to fight against Riz, so that she can see how much stronger I've gotten and that I intend to keep my promise to her. I want to marry her one day."

Your eyes widen at those words and even Louis chokes on his own spit when he hears them. Heat crawls up your neck and onto your face at the mere thought and thankfully the wolf continues the conversation, thus breaking you free from your love-sick brain.

"Speaking of the fight, I hope I'll see you there."

When Legoshi springs up from his chair and bolts to the door, both your and Louis' eyes widen to the size of saucers, but the wolf acts as though this was just another normal evening in his ordinary student life. "I'll take that as a yes! We'll be under the Gazura bridge at New Year's Eve! It's in front of the school! I'll be waiting!"

"Wait, I'm not going!" But it's too late, as the wolf has already fled the bar. The door closes behind him, whilst you're left to stare at the now empty spot. Your heart aches to go after him, especially now that you've learnt just how plausible his death could be. And in your current predicament, showing up at the fight itself would be like walking into a burning house for you. Dangerous, reckless and lacking any sort of self-preservation.

"Come on, go." Louis' voice breaks your stupor and you turn to him, only for the stag to nudge you with his elbow. "Go after him, stupid. Just be careful."

"Are...are you sure?"

"Yes." He presses through gritted teeth, nodding to the door. "Now go!"

Instantly, your feet hit the ground and sprint towards the door, not caring about your leg injury in that moment. It keeps you from running at your full speed and you're already panting when you make it out of the door, searching for the tall canine. Thankfully, you were fast enough to catch a glimpse of his pink-clad silhouette disappearing into a dark alleyway and without hesitation, you follow.

Jogging up to the entrance, you peer down the long and dark pathway, seeing his shadow slowly merge with the imminent darkness. You don't want to call out to him, in fear that it'll alert any unfavourable individuals. But somehow, you have to get his attention.

"Why are you following me?"

Your breath stops in your throat when you find him standing right in front of you, his high heels in his hands while he stares down at you suspiciously. Taking a step back to put some distance between you two out of instinct, you wonder how he moved so fast without you even noticing. But at least it removes the issue of getting his attention.

"Did Louis send you?" Legoshi asks again, tilting his head to the side as he awaits your answer. Still panting and attempting to catch your breath, the jacket of your suit swaying softly in the breeze, a thousand different phrases go through your mind. Yet not one rolls of your tongue; for once, you are entirely speechless.

You have no idea how to start this conversation and the wolf seems to get tired of your silence. Seconds tick by, but not a word makes it past your lips. Like a fish out of water, you gape at him, opening and closing your mouth. Not that he can see that; the mask prevents him from seeing any of your features or expressions.

"I'm sorry but uhm...I have to get going." The ball of anxiety in your stomach grows even worse when he smiles at you and turns around, adamant on leaving. Instinctively, your hand reaches out to him, your voice finally returning to you.

But fate has different plans.

"Doctor Masago is going to be livid when she hears this."

...Masago?

You freeze in your spot, Legoshi's form in the distance growing smaller and smaller as he begins to run, merging with the shadows whilst you try to process what you just heard. You're torn between your heart and your brain.

As always, your heart wants nothing more than to run after Legoshi and let him know that you're okay, that he doesn't have to worry. And if given the opportunity, you'd like to knock some sense into him so he knows that losing to Riz is not an option. Meanwhile, your brain screams at you to let him go and instead, investigate the male voice you just heard. After all, what use are you to Legoshi in your current predicament?

I'm sorry, Wolfie. Please...don't blame yourself because of my decisions.

Gulping down the guilt and shame, you do as most humans in your situation would do. You choose your head over your heart, reason over love.

"I can't believe we haven't found a trace of her yet."

Turning on your heel to sneak to the edge of the alley, remaining as silent as possible. All they should be able to smell regarding your scent is Free's blood, who happily smears it onto your neck, wrists and stomach every time you leave the hideout. Pressing your back flat against the rough surface, you sneak a peek around the corner. Two dogs stand with their backs to you, both of them dressed in black trench-coats that resemble those you'd see on someone who works for the FBI, at least from what you remember.

"I mean, how long can a human girl of her age disappear for? She's the only human, someone must've seen her in the past few days, right?"

Immediately, you hide behind the wall again just to be sure no one sees you. Then, you concentrate solely on listening in on their conversation.

"Someone could be hiding her. Or she could already be dead. The Shishigumi had their eye on her a couple of months ago, so with our shitty luck, she's probably dead and in some beast's stomach."

"Is that our worst case scenario?"

"Fuck no, Shigeru. Worst case scenario is that she tries to go to the cops."

Tension spreads through your body, your ears straining to catch their rather muffled words. What could he mean by that? Wouldn't it be beneficial to them if you were stupid enough to seek help from the police? They'd report right back to Masago's higher ups and you'd be put in a cage for the rest of your life, you reckon.

"Wait, wouldn't that help us? That way, we wouldn't have to search for her in the black market of all places."

A moment of silence passes, the older male hesitating before his rough voice speaks again, his tone more hushed than before. "The captain wants this to stay on the low, got it? So you didn't hear it from me if someone asks you. But apparently, project Alpha was unauthorized."

Project alpha?...Is that what they call the breeding-experiment?

"Unauthorized?"

"Yup. According to the others, Masago ignored the guidelines when it came to ethical experimenting with the subject. From what I know, it's especially strict because the girl's the only one we have and not even a full adult. The Institution of endangered species' rights, the human support organization and the ethical researching Association would throw every last one of us in jail if they catch wind of this."

"The doctor ignored the higher ups?!" The second dog freaks out, whilst you're trying to calm your breath, excitement rushing through your blood. If this is true, then you still have a chance at a normal life. This surprising turn of events could lead to you getting your full freedom back. "Why would she do that? Where's the motivation behind that?"

"Don't know, Shigeru, maybe insanity or shit like that. But the Doc's a smart female, she must have a plan. And the kid doesn't even know about this, so we should be good. We just have to find her."

"If you ask me, we're focusing on the wrong area. She's probably already out of the city. She's a clever one, there's no reason why she'd stay here when she could just as well run off to the mountains. Maybe even find others of her species."

"That's where you're wrong, youngster. She has a reason to stay."

"And that would be?"

"That wolf." At this, your heart sinks. "Girly got herself a lover and didn't tell the Doctor. We've been watching him during school but until now, there're no signs that he knows anything. Kid probably thinks she's dead. Sometimes, he leaves the school-grounds and we trail him, but we always lose him in the black market area. Our sources say he's visiting his grandfather, so it checks out."

The second dog hums in confusion. "...How so?"

"The boy's a second-degree hybrid. His grandfather's a komodo dragon, we did a background check. A decent reptile that lives on the other side of town, so going through the market is a short-cut."

"I see."

"Come on, let's get moving. We still have to check two more districts before calling it a night. How's your wife doing by the way? Any luck conceiving?"

"No, not yet."

"Damn. Grow some balls, Shigeru."

After that, they're out of hearing distance. Your legs quiver from everything that you've just learnt and swiftly, you sink to the ground with your legs huddled against your chest. Everything seems frozen in time and you're unsure whether you want to cry out in joy or frustration. Honestly, you have no clue how to react.

What you do know is that for one, you're not a lost cause.

There's a chance that you can regain your freedom, your rights as a human-being in a world full of animals. The light that you believed to have been eradicated the day you had to flee from the lab starts to ignite again, leading you through the coldest winter to salvation.

However, you doubt just showing up at the police station, or even in front of the mysterious beastar, without any proof is going to be enough to save you. It would be your word against that of Masago and her entire team and even your missing finger or the wound on your arm wouldn't be enough evidence. At least from your experience.

Wait a minute...Hayato!

If you're correct and you truly hope you are, he should have some sort of contract that explains the details of the project. Even if he doesn't, Hayato can be your second witness. It would at least give you somewhat of a chance.

So what's your next mission? Find Hayato. Hopefully in the next few days, so you can still come to Legoshi's fight and protect him if need be. That should be doable, right? Maybe you can try contacting any of those associations, get them on your side too. Well, you should probably do that anyway because you have no idea how you'd even address this case in front of the police. Nonetheless, you'll cross that bridge when you'll get there.

Sighing, you lift your head to the sky, the stars being outshined by the lights of the city.

Legoshi's a second-degree hybrid.

That's the second piece of new information.

It doesn't change your views on the wolf but it does make sense. His reptilian eyes, his massive height, the fact that he's the polar opposite of every other canine you've met and basically always wears the same stale expression; all of it finally falls together into the perfect puzzle.

Maybe that's why he rarely talked about his grandfather. Does he think I'd be ashamed of him if I knew? Is that why he never said a thing?

Though to be honest, it's not really my business. He's still Legoshi and his family history isn't my concern, at least not yet. We've barely known each other for a year, so I can't expect him to tell me all about his past.

I can't imagine living with that sort of secret.

Then you remember how you even got here.

Oh wait, yeah I do. Man, sometimes I forget that I was literally shot and killed. So much has happened since then. And Legoshi's been with me through almost all of it.

And in that moment, you make a promise to yourself.

Come tomorrow, you'll start looking for Hayato.

No matter what, you'll see Legoshi's fight. When he'll need you the most, you'll be there at his side. Like it's supposed to be.

**Bonus Content**

When Ibuki finally enters the bar again, he only finds the male red deer in front of him. No trace of you or the wolf. "Uh, Boss? Where did that big female go?"

"She's gone. I had no business with her."

Taking his seat next to his boss, the Shishigumi lion sighs. "Oh, good. That's a relief. So...where's the girl?"

"Oh, she landed her shot. They're out back from what I know."

Ibuki gasps in shock, staring at the stag in bewilderment.

That human girl is a womanizer just like our boss! As expected from one of the boss' close acquaintances! What a powerful friendship!

***

Hideho Hello, homies! I hope you enjoyed this chapter!

We've gotten past crossdressing Legoshi (what an icon). You know damn well that's gonna come up in the future again 😌
So, instead of a lemon, we have this serious chapter. What a twist.

What do you think about project alpha? Did y'all expect that?

Anyhow, life is weird and I'm currently really questioning my sexuality again. Why? Because omnisexuality just doesn't fit. None of the labels fit 100%, but I'm back at pansexuality again for now. Thing is though, I'm really wondering if I actually like guys at all. Legit, the only dudes I've liked are fictional. So I am really wondering if I also like irl guys too or if this is a case of compulsive heterosexuality.

I guess we'll never know🤷🏻‍♀️ Sexuality is weird, confusing and hella annoying sometimes. The journey is funny though, it's like I'm playing pingpong.
At first, I had to question if I was bi or straight. Now, I legit have to question if I'm not just a lesbian in denial. Well, at least I know I'm the gay cousin in my family🤡 

Either way, the world is fecking weird and I think the writers for 2021 should be fired.

Anyways, I hope y'all are safe and sound and healthy in this pandemic! Stay safe guys, gals and nonbinary pals!

See you in chapter 70!