A couple of months earlier, you would've been flustered by Pina's straight forward approach. Who are you kidding, you probably would've been reduced to a blushing, stuttering mess. But then you fell in love with Legoshi.

Then, Legoshi left you.

And now, you feel nothing.

Pina's not a threat. He's nothing important to you, just another member of the drama club. There's no reason for you to be enraged by his actions, when he is doing nothing to endanger your well-being. Quite literally, for all it's worth in this weird world, this guy even seems to care about consent.

While he remains in close proximity to you, his mouth merely an inch or two from yours as he leans down towards you, he does not steal a kiss without you making the first move. You can respect that in a person; even if it's the bare minimum but in today's day and age that seems to have been forgotten. At least from the society you remember.

"Pina-" You begin to whisper, preparing to nicely tell the male to back off, only to be interrupted by the last person you want to see.

"Am I interrupting something?" Legoshi asks loudly, a low growl sounding beneath his voice, though he tries to cover it with a cough. Funnily enough, Pina doesn't back away; instead his little teasing smile increases significantly as he runs a hand through his long white fur. "Yeah, we were kind of busy here, Legoshi-senpai."

"Quit messing with him, Pina," You scold him gently, your voice bitter. Slightly surprising the dall sheep, you push his giant head away from you with weak fingers; the events of the previous day still affect your body, much to your dismay. Finally, you turn to look at Legoshi. "What do you need?"

To say that you're surprised would be an understatement. Your ex-boyfriend is bald, his hair cut down almost completely.

Why? Why would he go bald? His fur was great, what is wrong with him?!

Oh my god, did he become a wolf monk?! Is he in a cult?! Has he suddenly become terminally ill, what is going on?!

"U-uhm, Dom said you know where the costume for Adler is?" He stammers out, avoiding your eyes as best as he can. You nod, turning away from him and rummaging through the boxes. "Juno's going to be this year's Adler, right? I'm sure she'll do a good job."

The grey wolf just hums in acknowledgement, taking the costume you hand him and leaving the storage area as fast as possible. And from his sour expression, you can only guess that he truly despises you at this point.

Just like that, tears begin to flow from your eyes once more and you sniffle, trying to distract yourself and Pina from the fact that you're being utterly pathetic again. But the more you try to stop the onslaught of tears, the more seem to follow and soon enough your skin burns from the salty liquid.

"Senpai, are you-"

"I'm fine!" You cut him off sharply, irritated by your reaction to a single encounter with that damn wolf. "I'm fine, don't worry about it."

Wiping the stray tears away with the bottom of your shirt, you fake a smile. "Let's get back to work, shall we?"

***

Once again, your back hits the ground, a pained groan coming from you.

Still, you roll to the side to escape Valentina's quick attack and jump back to your feet, blocking her next blow with your arms. With gritted teeth, you glare into her golden hues as your feet try to find a stable stance. The mountain lion merely smirks, her sand-brown not even wet with sweat. Meanwhile, you look like a mess.

Dark bags beneath your eyes, bruises on your skin from training sessions and the various visits to the lab, scars on your arms from when you clawed at your skin until you woke up from your nightmares. A greyish, sick tint accompanies your natural s/c and currently, you're covered in cold sweat.

All in all, you feel and look like you've been through hell.

You've been doing this for a month. Alternating between spending your time with Haru in the garden, training with Valentina or going to the Lab every three to four days, you've slowly but surely been destroying yourself bit by bit. All of this is worsened by the fact that the amount of sleep you're getting is absolutely fucked. Three or four hours a night are your lucky nights; usually, you'd get one or two, sometimes you wouldn't get any. It's come to the point where you don't want to go to sleep anymore; you'll just wake up with more open wounds.

Your roommates are starting to be concerned, though you doubt it's about your well-being. They're scared for themselves. Of course, you don't blame them; you've woken them up whilst screaming bloody murder more than once. One time, the dorm mother even had to come up to ask what the entire ruckus was about. You don't want to be a burden to others, so you just avoid sleeping as much as possible.

On top of that, Juno's little fan club has declared you their number one enemy for whatever reason. Being covered in cold, dirty water is becoming a weekly thing, as well as finding trash under your desk in class. You do your best to ignore it because as far as you know, you probably deserve it. You overreacted back at the meteor festival, like you always do.

A couple of days ago, you saw Juno and Legoshi in the cafeteria together, looking like the perfect grey-wolf couple. So you're guessing she's content with these drastic turn of events. You hope Legoshi's happy now, more than he was with you.

Doctor Masago and her team have been getting bolder as well. It's part of the routine now to be infused with some type of poison or venom, just to see how you're body reacts to it. Naturally, none of them are pleasant. But you don't refuse either. You willingly go to every single appointment. You willingly let them inject God-knows-what into you.

The sleep deprivation, the pain, this scorching rage that's burning within you, all of it is fusing together into a mixture of guaranteed destruction. You're easy to irritate, far easier than any carnivore you know. Concentrating in school has become a hazard and your grades are dropping as a consequence. You've even given up your atelier at this point; you haven't touched a paint brush since the end of summer break. It seems meaningless to you, as do most other things.

You can tell Haru and Valentina are getting worried. The small dwarf rabbit has become your only friend in school. You haven't been with the drama club in a while now and normally, your headmaster would force you to attend according to his own words but apparently, your frequent visits with the doctors are a good enough excuse.

Only a fool wouldn't notice Haru's worried glances your way when the two of you take care of her plants. A long time ago, the garden was a safe haven to you; now it's just another place at school. You do your best to console her about Louis and remain the strong pillar in her life, but you're pretty sure she's starting to realize that you're about to crumble into dust and ruins.

Valentina, your mentor for the past month, can see right through your act as far as you can guess. She's been training you every day, except for the days that you've been at the lab. But you see it in her scrutinizing gaze every time she looks at you. You know that she's aware of your little plan of self-destruction.

Though you wouldn't exactly call it a plan. You simply stopped fighting.

You're not the girl that she knew before you; you're not some great soldier or anything like that. You're just you, a girl who died in a simple murder and who is just a simple fuck-up in life. Just because this method worked with her, doesn't mean it'll help you regain the ability to be happy again.

I just...I just want to feel okay for once. Is that too much to ask?

Dodging another punch from Val's precise fists, you quickly counter-attack with a roundhouse kick. She manages to block it, even the second kick that follows, but what she doesn't except is a third part of the combo.

With precise aim, you grab her head and ram it against your knee, causing her to grunt in pain. She recovers quickly, tackling you to the ground with her tall body. But before she can position her claws at your throat, you wrap your legs around her waist and roll over. Now sitting on her waist, you evade most of her punches, groaning in pain for those that you miss. And you actually manage to hit her once or twice as well.

She rolls the both of you over once again with ease and this time, the feline wastes no time with grabbing your throat with her clawed hand.

"Game over, sugar."

"Damnit."

Groaning, you accept her hand and let her pull you up. When she proudly touches your shoulder, you instinctively flinch despite knowing how upset that makes her. Still, no matter how hard you try, you can't suppress it.

"Be proud of yourself, honey," The feline beams, handing you a bottle of water and a towel, "You've come a long way in a month. Who knows, maybe you'll be able to actually win a fight against me soon."

"I doubt that." Coughing heavily, you immediately move to sit down back onto the ground as you pinch the bridge of your nose, trying to ease the headaches. Physical pain has been another consistent companion of yours, whether it is in headaches, chest pains or general agony in your body. On top of that, your scars have started to hurt again; both those on your chest and those on your upper arm. In a way, you already know that you're reaching your limit.

"You can't keep going on like this, sugar," Val sighs, staring down at you in concern, "You're burning yourself out. Not to mention what you're putting yourself through with whatever shit they do to you in the lab. You look like you've been dead for five weeks!"

"It's a new trend."

"Bullshit." She snorts, crouching down to your level. "You need serious help, honey. I'm trying to help you with this training, but I can't do that if you're determined to work yourself to death."

Remaining silent, you avoid her interrogating stare, guilt gnawing at your heart when she heavily sighs.

"I admit, I was stupid to think this method alone would be enough to help you. So I gave a good friend of ours a call. He's going to help you with this because both you and I know that you need serious help, sweetie. You're suffering from PTSD-"

"I don't have PTSD!" You argue, ignoring her 'bitch please'-look. "I'm fucking fine, Val."

"Honey, you're the text-book definition." She deadpans. "Either way, you've got your first meeting tomorrow. You're going, even if I have to drag you there by your toenails. We'll be doing this alongside your training."

Assuming that she's done, you stand up again with a slight stagger in your step and move towards the door. However, her stern voice makes you halt.

"And," She commands, crossing her arms over her chest, "You're going to limit those doctor appointments. I know they're experimenting on you in there, so you need to stop with this shit, sugar."

"Can't exactly tell them to stop now that I've poured gasoline into the fire." You admit, your tone bitter and tired. But Valentina doesn't buy you're bullshit. "You're going to try."

"Val, I-" However, you cut yourself off. For her sake, you can at least try. If even a small part of you still clings onto that last spark of hope, you owe it to yourself to try. "Fine. I'll try."

"That's my girl!" She yells, making you wince at the volume for which she promptly apologizes. Swinging her arm over your shoulder, she places a motherly kiss onto your forehead before dragging you off to the kitchen. "Come on, let's get you something to eat."

Around two hours later, you find yourself back on the grounds of Cherryton. Darkness surrounds you, the only salvation offered by the various street lights while the trees sway in the night's gentle breeze. Autumn is coming sooner than expected and the temperatures are slowly but surely falling, especially in the later hours of the day.

You're not against it, you welcome the cold. It's refreshing and rather soothing against your irritated mind and body. Like a caring guardian, the wind plays with the hairs on your head; the familiar sensation reminds you how much you cherished your solitude not so long ago. Obviously, you still do in a way, though it was a lot easier to enjoy being alone when you didn't despise yourself with every fibre of your being. Now, every second of lonesomeness gives your brain the opportunity to fuck with you in the form of your memories, either about a certain grey wolf or about a menacing gang of lions.

On the odd days, you even have to wallow in the memory of your killer, the lady with the gun. Surprisingly, you prefer that memory to any other one; it helps you detach from your current reality. Seeing as you're apparently incapable of feeling fear right now, reminding yourself of your murderer fills you with a sense of nostalgia; a nice contrast to the overwhelming shame and sadness when you think about Legoshi or the frustrated rage inside of you at every memory concerning the Shishigumi.

Like they say, there's nothing scarier than the mind of a human.

"Hello, Y/n." A deep voice sounds from behind you and with a blank expression, you turn around to see Riz, Cherryton's very own version of Freddy Fazbear. Just without the hat. Honestly, now you just had to find a purple bunny, a chicken and a fox and voila, the band's back together.

"Yo, Riz."

The last time you conversed with the Bear, every possible alarm bell in your mind was ringing like the bells of Notre-dame. Now, it's pure silence. The bear nods at your greeting, falling into a slow walk beside you as you make your way to the dorms. A comfortable silence settles between the two of you, as neither of you are really social individuals. So quite frankly, you're caught off guard when the giant Grizzly eventually does open his mouth to speak. "You've got a lot of bandages. Is everything alright?"

"I'm fine, don't worry." You reply curtly. "How are things at the drama club? Sorry that I haven't been attending any of the meetings lately. I just...got a lot of stuff to deal with."

"That's alright. The club is holding up well. Pina's going to play the second main role of the Play."

"Oh? I'm sure he'll do well." To be fair, you're not surprised. The dall sheep is actually quite good when it comes to acting and you're interested to see how the Play will turn out now that you have a female Adler and a male love interest. Though you wouldn't have been opposed to a female love interest; this society is really lacking when it comes to lgbtqa+ representation. You thought your old world was bad but holy hell, this animal-ruled society really tries to shove heterosexuality and pureblood-relationships down your throat.

"How are you holding up?" You ask in a friendly tone. Riz ponders for a moment and you wonder how much his back must hurt from the constant slouching. "I'm doing well. Nothing's out of the ordinary in my life."

Well that's a weird way to phrase it.

"By the way, you can stop slouching around me," You blurt out, surprising the large carnivore who now stares at you with widened eyes, "Your back must hurt like hell. So you can stop that, I'm not really intimidated by your height. You're a bear, you can't help it."

"I...okay." Finally straightening himself up to his full height, you can tell how relieved he is by that simple action. Still, it's impressive to see someone exceed two meters in height. If Riz decided to punch you for no reason, you'd go flying into a tree.

The two of you continue your walk in silence, parting ways when he drops you off outside of your dorm building. Waving goodbye to him, you vanish behind the glass doors, preparing yourself for another long night.

"Fuck!"

Carefully holding your arm around your aching ribcage, you grunt and grit your teeth together to keep from making any more noises of pain. The cold, rough texture of the concrete wall behind you digs into your back, messing with the fabric of your uniform. Forcing your eyes to remain impassive, you lift your head to observe your group of assailants.

It's lunch period, meaning most animals are huddled together in the cafeteria whilst you're out here, cornered by a group of animals.

"You damn human!" The female snow leopard growls at you, "What's it going to take for you to finally leave the school, huh?!"

You don't know who she is exactly, or anyone else of their little extremist group; all you know is that they just love to torment you. Though this is the first time they've gotten physical.

"I don't have a fucking choice in the matter, pussycat," You groan, wincing and panting heavily as the female donkey sends another harsh punch into your abdomen. In total, they're a group of four females, most of them in your year or third years. A snow leopard, a donkey, a gazelle and an ostrich.

"You're making Juno-san's highschool experience miserable and we can't allow that," The Gazelle grins, ignoring the fact that you haven't interacted with Juno for a whole fucking month, "So we're just going to have to keep you in check until you leave."

Her hand, though clawless, settles on your throat and presses down in a menacing fashion. Still, you don't even flinch. Why would you? You've been through worse and you know that they don't have the guts to kill you.

In your core, a spark of fury gnaws at your hatred for these animals. It begs to be released, to cause agony and destruction. At the very least, you should defend yourself, right?

But you don't. In the end, you don't want to succumb to the anger and lash out like a feral beast. And maybe, this is your punishment for all the hurt you've already caused. You hurt Haru once, you hurt Aisha, you hurt Juno, you hurt Louis...you hurt Legoshi. So why should you fight back when you clearly deserve this?

The bell rings, signifying the unfortunate end of your little confrontation. With an annoyed glance at the many animals rushing out of the doors not too far from where you are, the snow leopard bears her fangs at you. She nods at the Donkey, who reels back her fist. It makes impact with your cheekbone, the force of the punch catapulting your head against the concrete.

As you slide to the ground, holding your head in pain, the four animals walk away like they never did a single thing wrong in their entire lives. Thankfully, there's no blood, though the area is most likely going to hurt for quite some time. It's definitely going to bruise.

Chuckling humourlessly, you lean back against the wall, ignoring the many stares of the animals walking past you.

"I want to go home." 

***

Hey ho ho, homies! I hope you enjoyed this chapter!

More angst! Woohoo....geez I want to go back to happy Y/n. Fun fact about me, I get way to attached to my Main characters, whether they are unspecified or actual Characters of mine. So currently, I'm basically putting my child through a bunch of bad shit for the sake of the plot.

That's also one of the reasons why I'm updating so often now, I want to get out of the training montage.

I've been rereading some parts of the manga and can I just say, it's unfair that Legosi looks good all the fucking time. What the fuck(٥↼_↼)

Anyways, I hope y'all are safe and sound and healthy! Stay safe guys, gals and nonbinary pals!

See you in chapter 54!