An hour and a half into the drive, I glance over at Cash. Both hands on the wheel, his knuckles are white, gripping it so hard. He's chewing on his bottom lip, and keeps glancing at his phone which is on the carrier on his dash.
"Cash." I say quietly. He shoots me a quick glance that doesn't mean anything. "Cash." I say again. This time he turns and looks at me.
"I'm sorry lil Blue, I just don't know what to do anymore." He sighs, pulling a hand off the wheel to pull his ball cap off and reposition it on his head. I smile at the nickname I got last year, but I also know how stressed he is.
"Wanna pray about it?" I ask him.
"I have been." He says.
"No Cash, together." I reiterate.
"Sure." He says, and reaches his hand over. I grab onto it, and cover it with my other hand. He clears his throat, but chokes back tears before he can talk. Seeing your best friend that helpless does something to you.
"Lord," I start. "We don't know where Cody is. We know we don't have control over that. But Lord, you do. And I'm asking right now for your protection over him, his fellow soldiers, and his command. Lord I pray you take care of him. Help him get sleep tonight, and give him strength to find his way back home tomorrow." I pause for a second, and Cash chokes out words that make me choke up as well.
"Lord, I know you've got a plan for his life, and if that plan is to take him now, please at least let him leave a legacy that points his fellow soldiers to you."
He squeezes my hand, and I squeeze his back. He manages to say another sentence before the tears choke him up completely.
"But God, he's my brother and I don't want to lose him, please protect him."
"Amen." I quietly finish. Cash blinks back tears, but doesn't let go of my hand. If that's what he needs, I'm not about to pull my hand away. At 10 we pull into a Kwik Trip, and Cash hops out to fill up. I head inside and get snacks. I know he wants a red Gatorade, it's all he'll drink. I grab him one, and me an iced tea. I get back out to the car, and he's on the phone with Colton. Colton is beside himself, in the middle of what I presume to be a panic attack.
"Colt!" I jump in, noticing his breathing slows slightly when he hears my voice. "We're about 45 minutes out bud, we'll be there soon."
"Okay," he chokes out. "but I'm scared!"
"We all are bud, it's ok." Cash says, and for the first tine in a long time I see him clenching his jaw super hard. He used to do it a lot, but I got him to stop after he complained about jaw pain.
"Just hang tight, ok?"
At 10:58 we pull into the driveway. Colt runs out of the house. And let me tell you, being 5'5 and 130 pounds and having a 6'0" 210 lb high school football player come at you is not exactly fun. However, being between that and a 6'1" college rodeo kid is really intimidating. After our group hug, I follow both into the house. Cash immediately heads to check the back door (which by some miracle is actually locked) and I sit down on the couch with Colt.
"Wanna watch a movie? I was watching a movie before you guys came." I can tell he's trying to cope by acting like nothings wrong, just for tonight at least.
"Sure, what movie?" I ask.
"Well, I was watching a movie I don't think you would like." He tells me.
"Try me." I tell him.
"Red Tails, it's a WW2 movie." He says, trying to make it sound not interesting.
"RED TAILS?! I LOVE RED TAILS!" I say, slightly louder than necessary.
"Whoa lil Blue, chill." Cash says, coming around the corner back into the room with us. He stands in the doorway, leaning against one arm with one foot propped up. And in that moment, I get a really good idea of what it would be like to marry into this family. But who am I kidding. Cash Hawthron is not going to fall for me. It's just not gonna happen.
"Wait, how did you get the nickname?" Colt asks, confused.
"Because she's little, and has blue eyes." Cash says, shifting his weight before taking a step into the room. He makes a point to sit on me, instead of on the very open spot next to me on the couch.
"Hey! Pick on someone your own size!" I whine.
"No can do, Colt knows my tickle spots." Cash snickers, before shifting his weight so he's off of me. "Now let's watch this movie."