RAELYNN'S POV

With my mother's story floating in my head and Ewan's cautionary words dancing around my thoughts I began to lose track of time. What was supposed to take a month to decide ended up taking much longer. So much had happened for our pack and so little had happened for me.

Yulia and that tall devilishly good looking Russian, Alexei mated. Zuri mated with a male from the Canadian pack and was eager to leave. Keegan and Kyle proposed to Tyffany and Marianne on their birthdays and Tyffany announced she's expecting again. Artemis and Jason had their baby shower for their twins. Tobias officially mated with Willow and created a pact between their two packs. And most importantly, I have been avoiding Luka.

After hearing that he was looking for me I became childish and played some hide and seek. I didn't want to see him because I didn't want to be hurt by him again even when I knew he only wanted to apologize. In fact this is would have been the first time in our history that Luka didn't wait more than a few days to say he's sorry and that's saying something.

But when he finally caught up with me I couldn't get away... hell I didn't want to anyways.

***Flashback***

"Raelynn! Goddess I shouldn't be out of breath chasing you." Luka says catching up to me. I wasn't running from him this time, I was running with Ralph. And now he's shot off into the woods.

"I didn't know you were chasing me in the first place." I say stopping by a tree to catch my own breath. Ralph still has so much energy.

"We need to talk." He's right beside me when he says this and I can smell his sweat and natural Luka scent like it's a perfume.

"Don't people usually say that when they're going to break up?" I ask sitting on the floor. The July weather has been so hot lately that coming out into the woods is one of the best ways to cool off thanks to the trees.

"We're not breaking up because we're not even together." Luka says sitting next to me.

Don't remind me, I think to myself.

"So what is it then?" I ask letting my hair out of its ponytail. I don't catch Luka watching me do it but I can feel his stare heat my already heated skin.

"I'm sorry for the way I acted at the party. I don't know why I flipped out the way I did but I know that it wasn't right. I'd later found out that you had a confrontation with that pup Colin and it made sense why you were so frustrated. I just... seeing you with Brayden... seeing the way he was looking at you and talking to you it made me–"

"Mad?" I finish for him but he shakes his head no.

"It made me jealous. Like seeing red jealous. And that made me feel so confused and conflicted with myself. Goddess if you'd only known the nasty thoughts going through my head at the sight of you... I'm still trying to get a handle on this today. I really just want you to know that I'm sorry. I was a dick."

"Yes you were. But it's ok. You're my dick." I say nudging his arm. Luka laughs at my corny joke and I join him. I'm still hurt but it's ok.

"I love you Luka." I say resting my head on his side. He turns slightly so I'm on his chest and I can hear his erratic heartbeat. He smells so good and feel so right and I feel so wrong...

"I'm so sorry Rae... but I love you too. Maybe too much sometimes." He says more to himself. I look up to him and smile.

"There's no such thing as too much love." I tell him as my eyes drift to his lips.

"Yeah?" He asks his voice sounding husky.

We've moved closer to each other and his hand is on my waist. My body is burning for him and I want to kiss him but I don't... because of Naal... and because of myself. Instead I pull back and lie on his chest again.

"Yeah." I say avoiding his stare.

Ralph comes back to pant at my feet and I kick him softly for running off without me. He yips and bites my leg but it doesn't hurt. He would never hurt me like that anyways. The three of us spend a few more hours just enjoying the cool forest. Ralph runs around us and even Luka eventually shifts and runs with him. It feels normal... it feels right... and yet I still feel so wrong.

I never told Naal about what happened.

And Luka never stopped apologizing.

***End of Flashback***

All of that goodness happened and I'm still confused.

Naal has been patient and kind throughout the entire time and has expressed time and time again that this isn't something that should be rushed but I feel like rushing! During the times that we've been... intimate he's told me all of the top secret things going on with the pack like Luka used to do.

Some Russian enemy was caught by the Bushuyet Lycans with the help of our pack about three months ago. They killed him on the spot saying he was too dangerous to keep alive and if what they found him doing was any indicator of how bad he was than they were absolutely justified in doing it.

Apparently with the help of Alexei and some of his men they've been able to hunt down Thomas' rogues and they've interrogated them to such brutality that they confessed where he was hiding out. When they went in search of him they found that though the information was true it was old. He'd already left.

Instead they sent in my father to do some investigating with the nearby towns and smaller packs to see what he could learn. He travelled all over Ohio knowing Thomas wouldn't be stupid enough to cross borders. He'd been gone for about two and a half months but when he came back he had found out so much about Thomas' plans and future whereabouts that Luka had a huge party for him.

My father's investigative skills are ridiculously impeccable.

The people he spoke with were mainly women who Thomas had... used before. One of them had ended up taking pictures of some schematics that he'd drawn out with his rogues of different hideouts when in fact she was merely trying to take a selfie. She sent them to my father hoping to help. Apparently Thomas got her pregnant but he was gone before she could tell him the "good news". Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.

Needless to say Luka, Naal and some pack members raided the hideouts and captured some more rogues. They almost caught Thomas but he was too fast to stop.

He'd left a bloody rampage in his wake and when dad went back to thank the girl for her honesty and offer her shelter all he found was her dead body along with the dead bodies of the other girls he'd spoken with. They were mangled up messes of who they used to be piled on top of each other. Ever since then Dad has needed to stay close to the pack in fear that the girls told Thomas who in particular they helped.

Other than that the pack from New York with that fierce looking female Alpha Imogen seems to be interested in creating an alliance of some sort which could be of use and Luka, Naal and Yulia are highly considering it.

Through everything that has been transpiring I'm still confused.

It doesn't help that I'm back in school or that it's my senior year. Unlike Willow, I've had to take PSATs like crazy over the years and now I have to come to terms with the choice of whether or not I will actually go to college. There's nothing in pack law that says I can't go to college but that doesn't mean I will... or won't.

I just don't know.

"Sweetheart?" Naal kisses the top of my head and I inhale his smell. Today we didn't do much but stay in each other's arms and kiss a little. It's one of the rare days that he has little to do and of course he offered to spend it with me.

Now that he has inherited Beta Dave's old home, which is a simple house with two bedrooms and a den, two bathrooms and the usual living room and dining room we come here to be alone all the time. It's close enough to the pack house in case anyone needs him, but far enough that no one will be able to bother him.

"I'm just thinking about school." I say sitting up from his bed.

We haven't had sex yet because Naal wants me to be sure of my decision before he lets that happen. He hasn't even let me sleep over with him either because he knows that will just cause more temptation. So instead I come over sometimes and we lounge in his room since it's the only place that we can get the most privacy due to the one window. The other rooms, though beautiful, are much too open. It's rare that people pass this place but when they do anything we did would be easily seen, curtains drawn or not.

Some days we spend like this one doing nothing but talking or reflecting. Other days it's just a heat of passion that ends in an intense orgasm on my part. He's always the ever cautious one making sure we don't go too far but far enough to leave us both satisfied.

"What about school? I know you've been doing well with your exams."

"Yes and I only have two left which will be super easy so that's not a big deal. It's just... the deadline for college applications is coming up soon. I've already asked some teachers for recommendations and they've written some amazing things about me. Even the principal gave me a recommendation... though I think you may have had something to do with that." I say poking his side. He throws his hands up in surrender.

"No that wasn't me or Luka. You're just a talented young woman." He comments smiling. He prefers to call me a woman rather than a girl and I like it.

"Well having all of those recommendations are great but I don't even know if I want to go to college." I tell him rubbing at my temples because another headache is coming.

"Raelynn you don't need to stay in the pack. You are free to do whatever you choose." He takes my hands in his and kisses them softly. "And if you'll have me then I will follow you wherever you go."

"I wish it was that simple. A part of me wants to go and then a part of me wants to stay. But what will I do in the pack if I stay? I don't even know what I want to be." Frustration threatens to consume me and I breathe out helplessly.

"You still have time. If I remember correctly the regular entry deadlines are between January and February and right now it's only December. Don't put so much pressure on yourself." He says kissing my cheek. I lean into his touch and close my eyes.

The decision should be so easy! Look at how comfortable you are with him right now! Don't you want this all the time?

Thoughts like these are always at the forefront of my head. And I don't have an answer. Sure this is great but is great good enough? Can't I want more than just great and comfortable?

I hear a buzz on his side table and see my father calling me. There are only two people who know about Naal and I and that's my mom and Willow. Since Willow is so busy with Tobias she hasn't been of much help and after mom's story well... I haven't sought her help either which leaves me to my own devices.

"Hey dad." I say standing up from the bed. He thinks I'm at a SAT study group right now. I don't think he'd be mad to know I'm with Naal but I also don't think it'd be wise to tell him. Mom knows the truth though.

"Hey sweetie. Your sister and I are going into town to grab some more Christmas decorations do you want to come? Maybe grab some hot cocoa from your favourite indie coffee shop as you call it?" He says trying to sound cool. I love him so much.

"Thanks for the offer dad but I'm still... studying." I say looking at a half-naked Naal lounging on his bed. He grimaces when I lie but he doesn't comment on it.

"Alright I understand. I'll be sure to bring you some anyways. I know how you get when exams begin." I hear Elle say something in the background and I smile.

"Thanks daddy. Don't be gone long I heard there's supposed to be a storm... and well... you know." I say solemnly.

"Of course. That's why I'm leaving now so we can beat it. And there's security with us as well. We'll be fine I promise."

"Okay... Can you put Elle on the phone dad?" I ask.

"Sure thing sweetie." The phone shuffles around and then I hear her voice.

"Hey Lynn what's up? Was there something you wanted me to get you? For Naal maybe?" She whispers the last part causing me to gasp.

"How do you know about that?" I ask not bothering to deny it.

"Oh please you're not as sneaky as you think sis." She laughs lightly and it reminds me of the sound of chimes. She's just turned eleven a few weeks ago and she's growing into such a mini me. I love it.

"I should have guessed you'd catch on." I say laughing with her.

"Yup. I'm going to become a private investigator just like dad. I love snooping around."

"I know you'll be amazing at your job no doubt. Anyways can you get me a lemon panettone from that bakery? I love those. I'll give you the money when you get back."

"I mean you can give me the money if you want but dad's gonna pay for it." She says laughing again.

"Whatever! Also can you pick up that book I talked to you about before? The one about Europe?" Elle and I have been planning a back packing trip when she turns sixteen but I plan on going sooner so I know where it's safe to take her.

"Yeah no problem. Anything else?" My eyes cast over to Naal at her question.

"No that's it. Thanks again Elle."

"Sure, sure sis." I roll my eyes at her choice of words.

"I thought you said you're over Twilight?"

"I was... and now I'm back in it." She tells me.

"Goodbye Abrielle." I say smiling.

"Goodbye Raelynn." She hangs up the phone and I go back to the bed.

"So your sister knows about us?" Naal asks pulling me into his lap. I feel his member begin to grow as I wiggle a little to get comfortable.

"Yeah but she won't say anything. I know her." He nods his consent and leans in to kiss me. I push against him to get deeper but he stops probably because someone is mindlinking him. Pulling back I get up from his bed and pick up my sweater from the floor. By the time Naal's mindlinking is over I'm already ready to go.

"No don't leave yet. Where are you going?" He asks getting up from the bed.

"Just because my exams are easy doesn't mean I still shouldn't study. I'm gonna head home." I say doing up my jacket. Naal pouts and draws me into him.

"What can I say... or do that will convince you to stay just a little while longer?"

"You could kiss me again." I say coyly. His eyes begin to swirl to black and he undoes my jacket slowly.

"Your wish is my command."

Naal leans in slowly and teases my lips with his. He's already learned what makes me tick sexually and knows how to make me work for his touch. His lips are a hair away from mine before he moves lower and barely kisses my chin. He mimics the movement on my jaw and under my ear making my skin tingle with anticipation. His hands hover over my hips leaving a wicked sensation and making me want him more.

And soon I've had enough.

"You're such a tease." I tell him grabbing his head and making him kiss me. He pushes me against his door and holds my hands above my head.

This is new.

The feeling of his control makes me grind against him in rebellion but damn I like it. My jacket is already on the floor and my sweater and shirt have been pushed up to reveal my stomach. Naal puts his knee in between my legs and applies just the right amount of pressure to my heat causing me to gasp out.

Instead of delving his tongue into my mouth like he usually does he kisses around my opened lips. It's a feathery touch, so light and soft and it makes me hot, especially when he sucks my bottom lip into his mouth.

Naal lets go of one of my hands to allow me to touch his chest. I've taken a liking to feeling the growls he's holding in so he doesn't lose too much control. But when he roars out his release the tension built up in his chest explodes and the vibration feels amazing.

Unlike with Colin and I, where everything was quick and heated and so sexual, Naal takes his time. He savours everything we do. He analyzes my reactions and my discomforts and he improves where he can. He's so good.

But is good, good enough?

The thought breaks me out of the kiss and I pull back, incidentally hitting my head against the door.

"Did I do something wrong?" Naal asks, his eyes flickering to everywhere he's touched to make sure I'm not hurt.

"No. No you didn't I just... I think I should go... For real this time. The other time was mainly just to get you worked up." I say honestly. His eyebrow quirks.

"It worked that's for sure. But I won't keep you here. When I was distracted before it was because I needed to do something but I'd been putting it off so we could spend more time together." He says moving away from me to grab his long sleeve shirt from the bed.

He's so sweet... But don't you want more than just sweet?

"I'll drive you back to the pack house. There's no point in walking with all of this snow outside."

"Thanks." I open the door to his room and wait for him in the hallway. His house is always so quiet. I don't know how he can stand it.

Naal meets me by the door a few minutes later wearing a light jacket as if it wasn't the middle of winter. He opens the door for me and I walk out into the still sunny sky. There's a fresh blanket of snow on the ground from this morning's snowfall, making the ground look whiter than a toothpaste ad.

I get in to his car and rub my hands together to keep warm. Even with all of my layers I'm still a little cold. Yay for December.

"Sweetheart did you remember to spray yourself? That altercation with Luka last time was annoying." Naal says getting in beside me. He has a bottle in his hand and a knowing look on his face.

"No I forgot... again." I take the bottle and spray myself as Doctor Ewan recommended before handing it back to him.

"One would think you're forgetting on purpose because you're finally coming to a decision... but I'm not getting my hopes up. You've had a lot on your mind lately." He comments putting the bottle in his glove compartment.

"Yeah I guess. I don't even know anymore."

"It's fine just relax and enjoy the ride. I have the radio set to your favourite station that plays Christmas music all day." I smile as he turns on the music and "All I Want for Christmas is you" starts to play.

As Naal pulls away from his house I let my mind drift back to the "altercation" Naal mentioned. It wasn't even that big of a deal really but Luka was furious. And I'm hoping it's because he was jealous.

In fact I hope it made his imagination run wild.

***Flashback***

Naal and I just finished making out when he got a mindlink from Luka. The look on his face meant it was something concerning Thomas so I knew it wasn't anything he could blow off. Good thing too, if I stayed any longer in his room we'd definitely have sex.

"I have to go to the pack house sweetheart do you want a ride?" He asks pulling his pants back on. He looks so good when he's half naked. Man I'm a pervert.

Why can't I just make a choice already? He's basically perfect. And he's basically mine. And he's basically not Luka... oh God why.

"Yes please. I need to help Abrielle with her homework and I think she has a boyfriend that she's been hiding so I have some investigating to do." I say pulling my hair into a messy ponytail. Naal gets a faraway look on his face again so obviously whatever Luka needs is urgent.

"Okay that's good. Let's hurry." He grabs his keys from the side table and is already out of his room. I know there's something I'm forgetting but I can't seem to put my finger on it.

I follow him out of the house to his car and get in quickly. Whatever is happening must be really important. I sit back and try to rack my brain for what I was missing but I still can't seem to come up with anything even by the time we get to the pack house.

"I have to go now but call me later tonight okay?" He says already at the door. I nod yes and watch him leave. Since I'm not in a rush I take my time getting out enjoying the cool September air. It's cold but it's not freezing yet.

"What the f*ck is that smell?" My eyes jump to the half opened door where I can hear Luka yelling. I run inside to see him holding Naal by the scruff of his clothes against a wall. His eyes are pitch black and his canines are fully drawn.

"What is the problem?" Naal responds calmly but I can tell he isn't calm. I used to think he was the level-headed one out of the two but I see his fists clenched and his legs are tensed. He's getting mad.

"What do you mean what's the problem? I can smell Rae all over you. Why the f*ck do you smell like that?" Luka snarls out. Naal is about to respond when I speak up instead.

"I went to visit him to talk about who to ask for college recommendations and I ended up falling asleep on him. He didn't want to wake me so he ended up drifting off too. No harm no foul." I lie easily. Luka looks between me and Naal before he lets him go.

"Alright Rae..." He moves away from him and walks up to me, still in his "beast mode" as I call it but he's much calmer. "You've been avoiding me and I've missed you. So much. I know my apology wasn't enough and the multiple times after that weren't enough either but I am sorry. You're growing up in ways I wouldn't allow myself to think about... but I have been thinking about it." He pauses and his eyes swirl back to brown.

"You have?" I ask meekly. God he turns my heart into mush and makes me so weak in the knees for him. He smiles at my question and leans in to kiss my forehead.

"Yes I have... We should talk and spend some time together. I can help you study with school and take you to the café in town that you like so much. They have that disgusting latte that you always crave this time of year." He offers entwining our fingers.

"Pumpkin spice latte." I tell him biting my lip. He watches it so hard it's like I can see the dirty thoughts in his eyes.

"Yes... that." His voice drops and so does my stomach.

There's something about the way he's looking at me that has my heart slamming against my ribcage. But then my eyes catch Naal's and he looks so mad and devastated at the same time that I feel like a cheap whore.

"We should do that... but I uh... I have to go check on Elle." I tell him running up the stairs and slamming my sister's door.

"Hey what's up with you?" Abrielle asks standing up from her bed.

I turn around to face her to make up some excuse but instead I burst into tears. This wasn't supposed to be so hard. I was supposed to know by now.

She comes to my side and holds me as tight as she can and I lean my head on her shoulder. She may only be ten years old but she's as strong as I was at that age and it's something I love knowing I can depend on.

Naal and I didn't speak or see each other for about a month after that. He was coming to terms with whatever was on his mind and I was learning that maybe I should have given Luka just a little more time after all.

***End of Flashback***

"We're here." My eyes open to see the pack house in front of me.

"Did I fall asleep?" I ask stretching my tense muscles.

"Yeah you dozed off for a while so I slowed down so you could rest." He says taking my hand in his. I smile in gratitude and undo my seatbelt but Naal doesn't let my hand go.

"What is it?" My question makes Naal grimace but he still won't let go.

"You know I've never rushed you in anything you choose to do. I've always encouraged you to take your time and thoroughly analyze what is right and what is wrong. But... I can't imagine going into a new year knowing that things between us are still iffy. I need you to make a choice Raelynn. And I need it to be made sooner rather than later." I pull my hand from his grasp and chew on my lip.

"Yeah... I understand." It's all I say as I leave the car and head into the house. I don't care to see if Naal has followed me because I don't want him to. I don't know what I'm going to say to him. I don't know who I'm going to choose.

Maybe I should just be alone forever. It'd be way less hassle.

"Hey where have you been? Busy I presume?" Willow asks as I walk past her to my room. I can't stand to see her happy glow now that she's mated to Tobias. I can't stand to see anyone happy.

"Yeah sure." I walk into my room and slam my door closed because my mood seems to be getting darker and darker by the second, but as usual Willow either doesn't take the hint or doesn't care... it's probably the latter.

"Are you alright?" She asks walking in and locking the door behind her.

"Naal wants me to make a choice. Now." I mutter out falling face first into my bed. My hand falls off the side and I reach down to pet my sleeping wolf.

"And you don't have a choice ready yet." It's not a question more of a statement and she's right.

"Bingo."

"So why don't you just tell him that?" She sits beside me and pets my back.

"Because six months is pretty long don't you think?" I tell her flipping on to my back and almost crushing her hand. Good thing her reflexes have improved.

"Do you want to be unhappy for the rest of your life? Do you want to be unsure and constantly wondering what could have been?" Willow questions softly.

"No."

"Then six months really isn't that long."

"Okay but would you have made Tobias wait that long?"

"If I was unsure then yes. But Tobias wouldn't allow me to wait that long in the first place. He made it very clear that even though we fought I was still his. He made his claim on me loud and clear without hesitation."

"Yeah but–"

"It's just like your mom's story. Sure she and Ewan were kind of together but your dad made it very clear that he wanted her and made sure that she knew deep down she wanted him back."

"What are you trying to say?" I ask getting more and more confused.

"I'm saying this decision isn't only yours. If Naal truly wanted you as his mate he wouldn't allow you two to be together in secret. If he really wanted you he would have told my brother the truth months ago. If he loved you the way Tobias loves me, the way your dad loves your mom, the way Alexei love Yulia then you'd already know your choice. I'm not discounting how he feels for you I'm just saying it's not enough."

As I lie on my bed and take in what Willow just told me I begin to see everything through her eyes and she's right. I shouldn't have so much pressure from this. Naal should outright know what he wants. If my dad was willing to vouch for a complete stranger to join this pack because he knew one day they'd be together then why should Naal and I be a secret? Just because it was what I wanted doesn't mean it was what he wanted. I know he didn't want to hide us but instead of fighting me on it he allowed it.

Does that mean he doesn't love me enough?

"Alright I understand what you're saying completely but it works the same way with Luka. I love him. Period. Even if he didn't save my life all of those years ago I still would have loved him. But he has conflicting feelings for me."

"Yes that's true but I've been watching him a lot lately especially after the gathering and I can tell he's coming to terms with you. He's been so stuck in the past that he's finding it so hard to look at the present and the future. You just need to give him a little push."

Or a little kiss... like dad did with mom.

"So am I deciding something right now?" I say starting to feel a little better.

"No right now you're going to turn on your T.V. and watch a stupid chick flick with me. Right now you're going to enjoy girl time and not think about boys. Right now you are going to do something for yourself." Willow says grabbing the remote and playing the DVD still inserted. Bridget Jones' Diary begins to play and I adjust myself properly so we can watch it together.

She's a great best friend.

***

I awake to the sound of subtle knocking on my door and I realize it must be really late. Picking up my phone it shows that it's two in the morning and I smile knowing it must be my dad checking on me.

I sneak out of the bed so I don't wake Willow and open the door quietly. To my surprise it's Luka waiting outside and he doesn't look happy.

"Hey Luka what are you doing here so late... or better yet so early?" I say softly. He looks at me with red rimmed eyes and falls to his knees.

This is it! He's going to tell me how he feels!

"Rae..." He chokes out my name and my heart hammers against my ribs. "Rae I'm so sorry." He can barely get any words out I just want to kiss him so badly.

"Sorry about what Luka?" I ask gently. His head is in his hands and he's shaking all over.

"You – Your father... H – He... He was ambushed... Rogues were everywhere. They tried to fight them off but they were relentless. They... they ra–raped your poor sister... he did it. Thomas that piece of shit... he took pleasure in watching them do it...and ... and... There was barely anything left. H–He made sure to leave a warrior alive to tell me everything. H–He made sure that he could see everything happening so he knew every detail... H–He... oh Goddess... I'm so sorry! It's all my fault! I shouldn't have let them go! I should have kept him here! I was supposed to protect them! Oh God Raelynn! I'm sorry I failed you!" Luka's words are hidden within sobs and wrenching sounds but I can hear him.

I can hear him and I ... I can hear her screams... hear her cries... and her pleads. I can see daddy fighting. I can see him battling to protect his daughter... and failing... I can see the fight leave his eyes... I can see all of the blood...

And then all of a sudden.

All I see is black.

***

#RIPChristopher #RIPAbrielle