Raelynn's POV

Waking up in Naal's arms felt so good I faked being asleep for as long as I could. From the smell of his skin to the way he holds me just right so I'm not uncomfortable. He's perfect. Last night was perfect. And so crazy.

As I sat in the room wallowing in my own self-pity it dawned on me that unlike Luka Naal was there for me, waiting patiently to do anything he could to make me feel better. It's what he always does no matter the situation and it's what I always needed.

So when he asked me what I wanted I knew that it was him. There was no one else but him on my mind at that time and the look of his lips so full and inviting was my undoing. Did I think we were going to go so far and yet not far at all?

No.

In fact I was praying to God that he would rip off my dress and ravish in me like I knew he wanted to, but he was modest. He was horny and really hard but still modest. He respected my body, my age and my sexual needs all at once without pushing us too far. Everything that happened last night felt so right.

Until he confessed his love for me.

Maybe a part of me knew the truth all along but wouldn't look into it because I was so obsessed with Luka. Realistically I should have noticed it a long time ago. He'd always paid me so much attention and was always caring for my well-being and happiness, more than Luka at times. I should have figured it out that it wasn't just brotherly affection.

Maybe this is what I've been waiting for I mean I want Naal just as badly as I want Luka... I'm sure I do... well I hope I do. Hearing him say those words with such fire and unrelenting passion to me and knowing how badly he'd hoped that I heard what he said... I was so overwhelmed.

Both then and now.

And I still don't know how to respond to it.

"Raelynn? Are you awake?" I force myself to fake a yawn and slowly sit up. By the sound of Naal's chuckle he knows I was awake.

"Good morning." I say trying and failing miserably to sound a little seductive.

I run a hand or better yet I rake a hand through my hair to try and make it neat but I know it must look like a mess. Let alone my breath. How do people wake up in the morning and feel so comfortable in their messes with each other?

"Good morning sweetheart. Did you get a good sleep?" He asks with a knowing grin. I like this naughty side of Naal. It's so uninhibited.

"You know I did." I tell him blushing.

He kisses my burning cheeks and leans forward to kiss me on the lips. I want to pull back and tell him that my bad breath could kill him but I don't. And I don't think it would have stopped him anyways. He kisses me softly and slowly, biting on my lower lip from time to time before licking it. God it's so sensual and sweet that I feel like melting in his arms.

"I love you Raelynn." Naal says kissing me one more time before cupping my cheek. My eyes cast down from his because he's making nervous.

"I love you too." I tell him softly. To my surprise he gets up from the bed and stretches. I was kind of hoping he'd kiss me again.

"Would you like to use the washroom first?" He asks combing his hair with his fingers. In a matter of seconds it's looking flawless again. Wish my hair would be as obedient.

"Yes please."

I get up from the bed and run into the washroom to quickly brush my teeth and fix my hair. There are a lot of spare toothbrushes, hair brushes, hair gels and creams and other bathroom products in here. This room was probably for one of the visiting lycan packs. Grabbing a rag and wetting it I clean off the rest of my makeup and try my best to clean my body as quickly and quietly as I can. It doesn't take me long to freshen up and I open the door to see Naal sitting on the bed almost meditating. Clearing my throat he opens his eyes and smiles again.

God he's hot.

"It's all yours." I tell him sitting beside him.

He smiles and kisses me one more time before he walks into the washroom. When the door closes I begin to feel amazing and terrible all at once. What just happened between us last night was definitely irreversible. So now I need to make a decision.

Do I want Naal or Luka?

How many girls can even have this conversation with themselves? How many girls are dying for either one of these guys to glance their way and here I am I trying to decide which one I want more?

What kind of person have I become?

Hanging my head in my hands I try so hard not to cry but the tears still come. At first I think I'm crying because of the situation I'm in but then memories of last night come to me, along with the look on Luka's face when he tried to fight what he was feeling for me. Then I started to think about Thursday when I first met Brayden and the way Luka looked at me in the dress Frankie got me. And then all of sudden I'm crying so hard that it's hard for me to breathe. I see the first time Colin made me reach an orgasm then I'm seeing us breaking up. I'm seeing myself finding out that he'd been sleeping around with other girls to spite me and I feel myself choking.

I haven't truly cried in so long. All of these stupid emotions welling up inside of me are making me feel like I'm going to drown in my own tears. It's all so much. Too much.

"Hey. Hey Raelynn? Are you okay? What's wrong?" Naal asks rushing to my side. His arms wrap around me but I can't take comfort in them. I feel so dirty all of sudden.

"I – I just. I n–need a second." I tell him scooting away from his embrace. I can't keep relying on him or anyone else to help me feel better. I used to be so much stronger when I was younger and seeing my past flash through my mind I see I need to toughen up.

"Raelynn?" Naal says my name so softly that it makes me open my eyes again.

"I'm fine... I just... I guess I needed a good cry." I say sitting up straighter. "But we need to talk." I watch the look of fear enter his face so suddenly before he nods his head.

"Of course." He moves to sit on the edge of the bed and I join him.

"What happened yesterday was perfect... But I don't think I should have done that." I tell him wringing my hands. I can see him nodding his head in my peripheral.

"I see..." His voice becomes so quiet when he says that and my heart hurts.

"I'm not saying I didn't like it because I really did. It was better than anything I've ever done with Colin that's for sure." I say honestly. He laughs and I feel lighter.

"I understand what you're saying Raelynn don't worry. Deep down I knew that even though it was the one thing I've wanted so badly in life, what we did didn't exactly solve the problem. You were hurt and I should have made sure you were in the right mind before I acted." The loathing in his voice is more than apparent.

"Naal I'm the one who kissed you first so no worries your noble and virtuous ways are still intact." Again he laughs and I join him this time. But the laughter dies down too quickly. "I heard what you said last night. I was in and out of sleep but I heard the important parts."

"How do you feel about it?" He takes my hand gently in his and I squeeze it.

"I feel good about it," I say and he squeezes my hand, "but I also feel weird about it. Believe me it's exactly what I wanted to hear but hearing it didn't satisfy me like I thought it would." I confess. He sighs.

"Because you still want Luka... More than me. I've always known this but I was hoping last night would have changed that." He hangs his head and I allow the tears gathering in my eyes to fall freely.

"Yes. I can't lie to you about that. But that's not just it. Reality has a tendency of showing up when you least expect or want it to. And the reality is I could hold out for Luka forever and he may never come to his senses. And that thought scares me. I'd stop living my life hoping that he would finally live it with me. And that's just stupid."

"So what are you saying?" Naal questions softly. The hope is so potent in his voice that I can't help smiling.

"I'm saying that I can't wait for Luka forever. I'm saying that I love you too and I know that you'd make an amazing boyfriend. I'm saying... I'm saying just give me a month or so to get my mind in check. Give me a little time to let go of some things... and some people so that I can give myself to you freely without any hesitation." We're both silent for a few minutes before Naal stands up and takes me with him.

"I'll give you all the time you need. I could never rush something as important as this. Just know I'm always here to talk if you need me... or I'm here... if you need anything else." His eyes flash black, his canines elongate and I hear a deep rumbling start in his chest. "I'm going to be honest with you Raelynn, I know you want this time to yourself but I don't want you around any other males anymore. Especially Gamma Brayden. It may be a bit much to ask but I don't want to have to maim males because they've gotten too close to you. And believe me I will do it if I have to... and I will enjoy every second of it." He says gripping my waist.

Just hearing him say that gets me excited and I know he can tell. I wrap my arms around his neck and he leans down to kiss me fiercely. His claws begin to push into my dress and I pull him closer to me. His hands slide down my dress to grip my ass and he lifts me to wrap my legs around his waist. My back hits a wall and I gasp out allowing him to slip his tongue into my mouth just as he did last night. He's gentle with it tasting me like I'm some kind of delicacy and I relish in the careful attention he's giving me.

"We... we have to stop. I could control myself last night but I barely have any restraint right now." Naal chokes out as he begins to kiss under my jaw, down my neck and on my collarbone.

He says he wants to stop and yet I can feel his hardness moving against me below and I love the way it feels. God I want to really know how it feels.

"Yes... of course." I say as his teeth begin to peel down the top of my dress. I'm not wearing a bra with this... what a smart move on my part.

Naal kisses the top of my breast and I breathe out fisting his hair. I feel my full breast slip out of my dress and I already know what he's going to do. I get so excited I feel such an intense buzz all over my body. His breath fans against my bare nipple and I clench my eyes closed.

"How I've dreamt of doing this to you." He growls out before he latches on.

I scream and I hear the door open wide. My eyes snap open and I see one of the pack members standing in the door way with such shock on her face that my cloud of lust is completely gone. She has a key in one hand and some cleaning products in a bucket in her other hand. Naal seems to sense that I'm not in the mood anymore because he stops his assault and looks over to the door to see her standing there.

There's something familiar about that girl...

"Why are you standing there? Close the door and forget what you saw." Naal's wolf speaks with such authority that it even shakes me up. The girl closes her mouth and shuts the door quickly uttering apology after apology. Naal still eyes the door for a few more silent moments before he lets out a breath and lets my feet touch the floor.

"Is – Is she going to tell Luka?" I ask as fear finally starts to rear its ugly head. Naal shakes his head no but he still looks troubled.

"No. I made sure that she won't." He sounds so sure of himself that I begin to get alarmed.

"How? How did you make sure?" I ask. He grimaces but he doesn't look ashamed or even troubled any more... just annoyed.

"Like Luka I have a powerful command that can't be ignored. I went into her mind and made sure she wouldn't tell Luka."

"I didn't know you could do that... I mean I did. But... the power... it's something I've only felt with Luka." I say fixing my dress. He shrugs and goes to put on his shoes.

"It's not something I use often." I follow his actions and put on my heels again.

"So... now what?" I say braiding my hair. He watches the action with such attention that I blush. He sighs and walks to me slowly. I shiver as Naal undoes my braid and runs his hands through my hair. His fingers massage my scalp slowly and gently and I moan softly.

"You're so beautiful." It's only three words and yet I feel so loved and cherished by them. He does that to me.

"Mmm..." I say back enjoying his magical fingers. His face moves closer to mine and he kisses the top of my head before taking his fingers out and braiding my hair again.

"I apologize but I really wanted to do that." He mumbles out... something he never really does. But his posture straightens again and he gets his serious Beta face on.

"Back to what you asked me beforehand. Now is the time for you to you take your time and think. We... we shouldn't be too intimate with each other for now. I want you so badly and I don't want to do something that we're both not ready for. Just remember my request about the other males please." Naal comes to stand in front of me again and kisses me softly.

"I can do as you asked. I was only talking to Brayden to get you upset anyways." He frowns when I tell him the truth but doesn't comment on it. "What about Luka? Won't he be able to smell my scent on you... and vice versa?"

"Yes he will. It's up to you Raelynn. If you don't want him to know the truth yet then we can go to Doctor Ewan and have him spray us with that potion that can mask our scents." I find myself already nodding at his suggestion.

"Yeah. Let's do that for now. It's just easier that way." I don't miss the look of sadness in his eyes but he still smiles.

"Alright." Naal says walking to the door. He looks outside both ways before he beckons me to follow him.

I've watched a few T.V. shows and movies that have featured the infamous "walk of shame" and never did I think that I would be the one now doing it. Sneaking out of the recreation centre without being seen was both embarrassing and annoying to do. Thankfully everyone was still asleep in their rooms or... well they were still in their rooms from the sounds of it which made getting out a little easier.

I wait around a corner as Naal shifts into his wolf and I make sure to peak as he undresses from his party clothes. The sight of his rippling back in the sunlight gave me Goosebumps. Let alone his strong muscular legs and firm high... well I had to turn away quickly before he could smell how interested I was becoming.

Counting to twenty in my head as Luka taught me I hear the sounds of Naal's shift happening. A few seconds later I hear him coming closer before he motions for me to climb on so we can get to Doctor Ewan's faster.

I keep my head close to his body as he runs through the trees and past the lingering wolves. Even in the blur of speed I can see them giving him a bowed head in respect.

It takes Naal fifteen minutes to get to Doctor Ewan and I'm surprised to see that he's busy. I figured with the healing capabilities that wolves have, the need for a doctor wouldn't be that great but obviously I was wrong.

Getting off Naal's back I stand outside the makeshift medical centre while Naal goes to shift by a tree. He comes back wearing a white tank top and shorts and has a black shirt and shorts for me to wear as well. His suit seems to be stuffed into a bag.

"Here you can change into this since I'm sure you don't want to be wearing your dress all day." He says handing me the clothes. I smile up to him and kiss him on the lips. The bag of clothes in his hand drops to the floor and I feel his arm encircle my waist. I like kissing him. It's always so sweet but he always loses control so quickly. It's such a thrill.

"Thank you." I say smiling and pulling back slightly. His green eyes warm at the sight of my smile and he lets me go.

"You should be careful Raelynn. I could become addicted to those kisses." He says kissing me once more.

I slip my tongue out and lick his bottom lip and he devours my mouth with his own. He's insatiable and I love it. I can feel the tension building in his body and I remember him admitting that he doesn't have much control right now so again, reluctantly, I pull back from our heated kiss.

"Speak for yourself Beta." Winking I walk to the tree and take off my dress. The light breeze hits my bare chest and I gasp at how sensitive I am. All of this because of Naal.

"Raelynn? Are you okay over there?" He must have heard my gasp.

"I'm fine just a little... sensitive. I'll be done in a second." I grab the top first and put it on and then the shorts. Picking up my dress I begin to notice that maybe not wearing a bra wasn't the smartest idea. My nipples are really... prominent right now.

"Uh... Naal?" I call out for him and it takes a half a second till he's right by the tree.

"I knew there was something wrong. What is it sweetheart?" His hand reaches around to touch mine and I entwine our fingers.

"I... um... I need a bra." I tell him softly. My cheeks are already hot and when his grip tightens on my hand my body heats up too.

"I'm so sorry Raelynn the thought didn't even cross my mind." He says letting go of my hand.

"Of course it didn't you dirty Beta." I say jokingly. He laughs a little from wherever he is and he returns with a white bra that looks a little too small for me but I don't care.

"Raelynn if I was really that dirty then I would have gotten you the white tank top along with no bra. But I have some decency." He says from behind me. I put on the bra and the shirt again and finally step away from the tree.

"Thanks for this Naal. It's a little tight but it works." I tell him putting my dress in the bag where his clothes are. He openly eyes my pushed up breasts with such lust that I redden.

"Let's head inside." Naal says with a tight voice.

I follow behind him into the medical centre and see some pack members walking around patching up young pups or checking for injuries on older lycans. Naal is sure to keep a distance between us as we navigate through and it leaves me feeling a little rejected, even if I was the one that wanted to do this.

The members acknowledge Naal with respect and smile at me. I actually recognize two of them and they wave at me beaming widely. If they can smell what Naal and I have done like I think they can, they don't seem to care to react on it and I appreciate that greatly.

The door to Ewan's office is closed so he must be in there. Naal knocks once and then opens the door. Guess he has the authority to do that. But when we enter I'm surprised to see Ewan speaking with my mother. He has his hand on her shoulder and a look of such longing in his eyes that I feel uncomfortable watching. My mom looks really worn out for some reason and she's leaning into him for comfort. He holds her in his arms and kisses her temple as if they were lovers. I pull both of us out of the room to give them privacy not before seeing the doctor give my mother some kind of shot.

I didn't know she was sick.

We wait outside for a few more minutes and the door opens. To my complete shock mom looks great. She looks... normal and refreshed and I feel more confused than ever.

"Mom what are you doing here?" I ask stepping away from Naal. She must not have known that I was here because she looks just as surprised to see me as I was to see her.

"Raelynn? What are you doing here? And why didn't you come home last night? And why do you smell – Uh... Never mind. We can talk about this when you get home." She says walking away.

She didn't even answer my question... worse than that... she avoided my question.

"Are you okay?" Naal asks still standing by the door. I nod wordlessly and follow him into the office.

"Ewan we need a favour." Naal says closing the door.

I sit on the medical bed and cringe when I make the paper rip and crinkle. Naal smiles at that and stands beside me holding my hand in his. He doesn't seem to have a problem showing our potential pairing in front of the doctor. How odd. Ewan looks up from some chart he's reading and greets us both with a warm grin.

"Beta Naal it's good to see you. You're looking strong and healthy which is to be expected. And Raelynn my goddess where the hell has the time gone! You have to be what sixteen by now?" He asks standing and coming around his desk to lean on it.

"Seventeen." I correct him. He nods at that and sighs.

"It's amazing how fast the years go by." He pauses and laughs to himself a little before he looks up to us again. "Now how can I be of service?" It' s now that he takes in the sight of the two of us, let alone the smell and his eyebrows raise high into his hairline.

"Uh... We uh, we need you to mask our scents... please." Naal says blushing. He went from this serious Beta to a shy young man when talking about our intimacy.

"I can smell that. Huh... I'd always thought Luka would have stepped up... anyways that's no problem. Will this be a temporary thing or will you need a bottle of it?" He asks going back to his desk.

I'm guessing by the look of concentration on his face that he's opening a safe and when I hear it click I know that I'm right. He reaches inside and pulls out a little blue spray bottle that smells strongly of bleach and flowers.

"We'll need a bottle... you know... just in case." I say blushing. Naal squeezes my hand in reassurance but I know he doesn't really want to do this. Doctor Ewan tries his hardest not to laugh but he fails miserably.

"No need to be embarrassed you two! You're not the first couple to come to me asking for this." He tells us smiling.

"We're not a couple... not yet anyway. But I appreciate this Ewan... and I'd appreciate your silence on the matter as well." Naal comments taking the bottle.

"Of course. Doctor patient confidentiality and all that crap. Now you only need to spray yourself twice with this potion and your scent, or more Raelynn's scent will be off of you in a flash. I've modified it from the last time it was used. It's going to leave a bleach-like smell on you for an hour or so but it's a minor setback." He goes back to sitting behind his desk and Naal sprays me first and then sprays himself. I can't tell if there are any changes but Naal seems to be more than satisfied.

"Thank you this will do." Naal shakes his hand across the desk and takes my hand to leave.

"Thank you Doctor Ewan. It was good seeing you again." I say almost outside his office already.

"It was wonderful seeing you too Raelynn. Stay happy and confident in your choice." His last few words stay with me as we head back to the pack house.

Stay happy and confident with your choice. Did he say that because he knows I'm not one hundred percent sure about this? Could he see my apprehension with Naal?

"Is there something on your mind?" I barely hear Naal's question let alone see him stop walking because I'm still thinking. Feeling a hand on my shoulder I shake out of my thoughts and see Naal watching me carefully.

"Huh?" I mumble out. He grins and cups my face, but then he lets it go because we are nearing the main pack area.

"I asked if there was something on your mind." He says gently.

"There's always something on my mind these days." I admit holding his hand in mine. I like the feeling of us touching.

"I know it's not my place to pry–"

"When has that ever stopped you?"

"but as I said before I am always here to talk if you need me." He offers. I shake my head and look to the floor.

"The things I need to talk about are things that will hurt you. I'd rather handle this on my own." I continue walking forward and Naal follows silently behind.

We end up at the pack house in seven minutes because I kept count to keep me sane. My feet which usually hurt from walking bare foot in the forest are numb and my mind is a mess. I just need to sleep.

Once we get to the door Naal takes my hand and pulls me back.

"I guess things will have to go back to normal now huh?" The sadness in his voice makes the pain in my feet apparent. A deep pulse that matches my aching heart.

"Yes. Though I will take you up on your offer... to uh... help me. Because you know... I like it when you help me." I'm trying to say the obvious without making it obvious because people can hear us. Naal begins to blush and tries to nod with a serious face.

"Of course I'll help you. Just call me anytime and I will be there." I watch his hand move up to touch me before he fists it at his side.

"Goodbye Naal." It hurts to say this. I've enjoyed the time we've spent alone together.

"Goodbye Raelynn." He walks ahead of me into the house and down the corridor towards the office and I make my way up the stairs to go take a shower.

***

"Mom how did you know dad was the one?" I ask as I dry off my legs. I walked into her room a few minutes ago when I still felt no relief from the shower. My mind has been running amuck all morning.

"How about we start with this question, where were you last night?" Her penetrating stare is my undoing.

"I spent the night at the recreation centre." I tell her honestly but I know she doesn't buy it.

"With who?" She asks calmly.

"With Naal..." The confession gives me butterflies and nausea all at once.

"And why were you with him?" I open my mouth to make up some story but the truth comes out first. Mom sits on her bed patiently listening to every word and I feel so much better knowing someone has heard what happened.

"So to answer your question earlier I didn't know your father was the one. Honestly I was in love with someone else. Well I was very infatuated with him at least." She admits. Grabbing one of dad's shirts from his dresser I throw it on top of my shorts and bra and sit down beside mom.

"Who was it?"

"Ewan McAllister. Or as you know him Doctor Ewan." Imagine my shock.

"Seriously? Why? When? Why?" I ask completely confused.

"I've never told many people this before but I was adopted. Your gram and gramps are not my real parents." Mom says softly. Imagine my fricken shock! Mom looks so much like gramps; from his eyes, to his lips, to the crinkle in his forehead when he's worried.

"Do–Do you know who your real parents are? Can you remember them?"

"No and I have no memory of them sadly. In fact I can't remember much of anything before my adoptive parents. But back to the story, I was found a few miles away from where Ewan was living with his parents in the forest. I'd been only few years old, around four when they found me. His mother and father took good care of me and Ewan was like my brother but they wouldn't adopt me because I was human. Instead my adoptive parents offered to take me in. They were new to the pack and due to an unfortunate accident during my mother's shift they couldn't have children. At that time we were not in the Dark Moon pack rather a smaller pack on the border of Ohio and Kentucky." She pauses and motions me closer to her.

I lie my head in her lap like I used to as a child and she runs her fingers in my hair. My mind flashes to Naal but I push that thought away.

"It was called the Pale Moon pack and they were superstitious there. As I grew up they tried many times to rid me from their pack because I was human but Ewan always stood up for me one way or another. Eventually I saw him as more than a brother and I fell for him and he for me. It was a joint decision to leave Pale Moon in search of a more accepting pack and with the blessing from our parents we left and found Dark Moon. By then Ewan was already in his twenties and was a great medic and chemist and I was just eighteen. Your father was already close friends with the Alpha Gannon and he vouched for the two of us. I didn't know he was trying to impress me I merely thought he was being nice." I open my eyes to see she's stopped talking but there's a small smile on her face.

"Your father was a persistent man. He wanted me from the moment he saw me and I didn't know why. I was so sure I could resist him because I was sure I was in love with Ewan, I mean he was my rescuer and all but as time went by I grew closer and closer to Chris until he finally got the courage to kiss me. And that kiss... it said it all. I had kissed Ewan once or twice before but it felt nothing like Christopher's. His had power and passion like nothing I'd ever felt before and more than that they had devotion and love in them. I knew then that he was it for me. I told Ewan what had happened and he was sad but he already knew that I was drifting. A part of me felt like I betrayed him but I knew that love was more potent to me than heroism." She finishes her story with a kiss to my forehead and I sit up again.

"So you're saying that Naal could be the one for me because even though I've been idolizing Luka Naal's love is realer?" She laughs at my analogy and shakes her head.

"Ok so then you're saying that I should just kiss Luka and see if there are fireworks?" Again she laughs and shakes her head again.

"I'm saying my story is mine and your story is yours. I don't know what it is about us women that have men flocking to us but I do know that we have the ability to see what our heart truly wants. Just as you will be able to. It's not going to be easy nor will it be quick. But when the time is right... you will know." She leaves the bed to go into the washroom and I still sit here dumbfounded.

Mom peaks her head from the washroom door with a suspicious smile on her face.

"By the way I've been hearing that Luka's been looking for you. He seems sad and anxious for some reason? Do you know why?" She smirks as she closes the door again.

I do know why... and the thought makes my head begin to throb.

***

3 more chapters left until the end of HOLDEN!! *tries so hard not to bawl* :'(