TW : panic attack, mention of drugs,

The spider senses at the back of the teen's head are starting to go crazy - not that he thinks the guy would ever hurt him, but rather that his aura feels way too threatening to be at ease. He can feel drops of sweat rolling down his neck as his heart pounds into his ears. It really isn't the moment to have another panic attack, but how else can he react when Bucky has his biggest secret into his hand, the one and only he didn't want them to know about?

"It's- It's..." he tries to mutter out words, anything that could begin to explain the whole situation, but his tongue won't stop tripping on the syllables, making it incomprehensible.

"I probably wouldn't have said a word for cigarettes and herb, but injections? Really?" if he started the beginning of his sentence with a detached tone, the one the man used at the end of it makes Peter wants to throw up.

It hasn't even been two hours since he arrived at the tower, and he already disappointed and lost the trust of the only one who tried to get to know him; he messed up, and he messed up bad. But he doesn't know how to correct it. Sure, the logical thing to do would be to say the truth; but how can you anticipate the reaction of someone who was born almost a hundred years ago? Does he even know that transgender person exists? That they're normal, and not the kind of freak people tried – and still tries – to make them years ago?

Peter's thoughts are running at an increasing pace, his anxiety rising up as each second passes. This day couldn't go any worse.

"It's not what you think..." he manages to breathe out almost to quickly for it to be understandable. He is surprised at his own voice, flinching at the high pitch he has. This was probably not the best way to start, but it's the best he can do for now.

"Really?" Bucky's words are as sharp as a knife, and he huffs as he stares back at the kid in front of him, "'cause it really seems like it! There are the needles, and the product, and they were under all of your clothes as if you wanted to hide it!"

Peter takes a step back as the man raises his voice, bumping into his desk. This really shouldn't be happening right now, and for a second, he can't help but wonder if he wouldn't feel better in the living room, in the middle of the argument between Captain America and Tony.

"The- the product!" he mumbles as his eyes widen, not quite sure where to start, "It's not- it's not drugs!"

"Then what it is?!" the growl makes the boy squeal and jump a little. He doesn't have to be scared of Bucky, he knows it, he is a part of the Avengers now, and he was so nice to him seconds ago – he wouldn't hurt him.

"Medicine- it's medicine..." he blurts out, joining the man on impulse and taking the little bottle from his hand to show him the label, "See? I- I probably have the doctor's order somewhere, if you let me a minute to search through my stuff I can show it to you to prove it; but I promise, it's not drugs!" He drops to his knees once he finishes mumbling what seems to be incoherent things, avoiding the other's glaze as he goes through what is left in the suitcase, hoping to find the said paper.

"What kind of medicine is that?" Bucky's voice comes out smoother, kinder than before, but Peter can still hear the hesitation behind his words. He closes his eyes firmly, nibbing at his bottom lip, before turning his head to meet the guy's stare.

"Hormones," his voice is not louder that a murmur, and he is quick to look away before explaining the rest, "those are hormones, Testosterone to be precise. I have to take them every week; and I don't even remember packing them because I have my shots on Thursdays, but I promise those are just hormones." He really wants the adult to listen to him, to believe him. Saying this isn't easy to begin with, but he doesn't think he could bare it if his explanations were ignored.

A tensed silence slowly takes place between the two of them, as Bucky continues staring him. His whole body burns with the weight of the glare, but he remains quiet – what could he add? He can't just blurt everything out.

"Kid," Peter snaps his head up when he hears Mr.Barnes, "I'm no doctor, but I'm pretty sure that with you Spidey powers you don't need any medicine; and I don't have a lot of information on the other case that I know of, but it has to do with the- the LGBTQ+ community, right?"

He nods slowly as he processes the words. He didn't expect him to know either the acronym or even just the case of transgender people; but the man just proved him wrong. The surprise must show on his face, because Bucky sighs before shaking his head.

"I'm trying to keep up with everything I missed," he explains, looking away, "I still don't get everything, but this topic it- I don't know it touches me. Learning about all that is making me realize things, and it eases some questions I had."

The teen doesn't say a word, though his curiosity is rushing him too – it's not his place to ask about that, and now is definitely not the right time at all for the other to confess anything; and even more to a stranger!

"So you..." Bucky visibly hesitate on the choice of his words, "you were born in a body that doesn't fit you? I mean, a wrong one, or something like that? That's what the hormones are for, to change it, right?"

Peter breathes freely as he sees no disgust nor anger on the man's face anymore, just pure hesitation and uncertainness. This wasn't the reaction he thought he would ever get, but it eased his conscience.

"Yes, I have what everyone calls a female body, though I'm not one." He keeps his explanations simple, a light smile on his face as he sits criss-cross on the ground.

"You're... transgender then? That's the word?"

The boy hums in agreement, stoping himself from chuckling when the adult lets out a big sigh of relief before relaxing his body and putting Peter's stuff back in the suitcase.

"I'm sorry I freaked out," he starts mumbling while scratching the back of his head, "it just looks so much like drugs, and I lost some friends of mine back then because of it, and you're just so young I- I couldn't play it cool or just pretend I didn't see it."

"It's okay," Peter gently says, "you gave me quite a good scare, but you couldn't know; and you listened to me, so it's no big deal. And I'm actually happier because you try and learn about the LGBTQ+ community than I'm angry at you for lecturing me."

"Yeah well, I still don't know everything, it's quite hard to find neutral stuff about it on the internet – people are sometimes horrible, or rejecting each other when they're supposed to be together, and it kinda confuses me..."

"I could help you, you know?"

Bucky's head turns quickly towards the boy as soon as he lets the words out. "Really? You could? I know it's weird, but I want to be able to understand, and we should have had that knowledge back then but we didn't, and now I just- I want to know, because it isn't weird or wrong to talk about it like before."

Strangely, seeing the man get all cheery and excited about the idea of Peter teaching him things makes the teen smile even more. Who would have thought that this would happen?

"We could maybe talk about it later today?" he proposes, tilting his head to the side, "like before and after dinner if you want; and even tomorrow. But I think that right now it would be a good idea to go back to the living room and make sure they didn't kill each other, 'cause I don't know you, but I don't hear anymore screams."

"Yeah, okay, sounds good to me!"

A smile on both of their face, they get up and make their way towards the living room, leaving Peter's stuff still half unpacked. They stay silent as they walk, but the tension that grew during the last minutes went away, and they both seem at ease. The boy's panic is long forgotten – the only thing in his mind being the way the adult listened to him, and seemed to care even though he didn't know him. Somehow, he can't help but feel excited about talking with him about "his" community, explaining the acronym, the different umbrellas and terms, the various beliefs; he wants to help him with what people often call a modern worry, or a modern thing. It just made him happy when he saw the desire to learn in Bucky's speech, and he will do everything he can to fulfil this.

The absence of talk between them isn't awkward, but the absence of screams coming from the living room is. When they left earlier, Tony and Captain seemed ready to rip each other's throat, and Peter has a hard time believing that the two men could have just calmed down like that – not when they were this angry, not when it seemed this serious. A little part of him hopes that maybe they aren't able to hear them because they went somewhere else, because they left – but he also knows deep down that it's not the case. Letting the boy all alone without him to meet the team wouldn't be something that Mr.Stark would do – especially regarding the multiple panic attacks the teen had already.

"It sounds way too calm," Peter mutters under his breath as they reach the end of the corridor, and Bucky only chuckles as an answer.

"It does, yeah."

Peter stops before they can go in the open, his body freezing as his fear reappears. What if something bad happened while they were gone, and it was all because of him? What if Captain and Tony wanted to split up the team once again? He knows he already overcame those thoughts just moments ago, but he can't help and let them try to take over him again. It feels all so repetitive, yet it's still unbearable to live. He feels everything just like the first time, each wave of growing panic flowing in his veins, his cold shiver running through his spine, his intrusive thoughts yelling inside his skull – it's all the same, but he can't stop it and it makes it even worse.

He's surprised to hate the silence, to despise it; when just minutes before it could have a good sign. In the space of a few seconds, he finds himself dreaming of hearing the team's screams once again – would they be directed at him or not. He just wants noise to shut down the voice in his head, he wants sounds to fill his skull until there is no place left for his worries. He doesn't care if his senses go overload once again, nor if it ends up hurting like never before; he wants his constant panic state to stop.

Peter feels weak each time something like that happens. Every time he can feel it coming but not stop it give him the impression of being useless, worthless. Who is he going to help if he can't even manage to stop a panic attack? It's stupid, and toxic, he knows it – but he doesn't have any control over it. Maybe it has something to do with his unbelievably low self-esteem, or maybe it is the recurring nightmares keeping him from getting enough rest each night; but he doesn't have the strength it requires to-

"Kid," once again, it's Bucky's voice that brings the boy back to reality, and though he is thankful for it, he can't help but hate that it has to happen, "take a deep breath okay? It's gonna be alright, and if one of them tries and start talking nonsense again, I'll stop them."

The determination in the man's voice impresses Peter. He doesn't even know why, but hearing him and seeing him look so determined to actually end any possible argument warms up his chest and relaxes his tensed muscles. It's futile, almost childish, but it brings a little smile on the teen's face as he nods suddenly and follows Mr.Barnes, entering the open room.

I'm sorry for the late update! But here we go. I really wanted Bucky to be the nice "uncle", understanding and all, so I hope you don't mind !
I'm going to try and to write the next parts (though I still have some already prepared).
I really hope you liked it, feel free to comment and like to let me know !
Stay safe and hydrate,

H.