I pace around my room with red string connecting leads on my wall. The Winter Solider, I mean Bucky, hasn't come to see me since S.H.I.E.L.D and Hydra were destroyed. A picture of Bucky and Winter Solider are on my wall. It's been slightly easy with everything leaked but some things are still difficult to recover. Within the year we've covered some Hydra hidden bases and the people of course. By we I mean the avengers and I. Tomorrow we're attacking a fake Europe Hydra fortress, we located the scepter to be there. I'm going to find out about my past and my abilities. I've gotten stronger. Since New York. Since I demolished my punching bag. And every time I box it always ends up like that. It goes like this.

-

Steve barging into my home. Punch. Putting the gun to my head. Punch. Falling out of the S.H.I.E.L.D jet. Punch. Falling from the helicarrier. Punch. Phil. Punch. Getting controlled by Loki. Punch. Chitauri. Punch. Tony. Punch. My parents. Punch. Pierce. Punch. Bucky. Punch. S.H.I.E.L.D. Punch. Hydra. Punch. Hydra. Punch. Hydra. Punch. Hail Hydra. Slam. The punching bag hits the floor and I get dizzy. Instead of Loki's blue control I see red. Hydra red.

-

I've gotten worse with my anxiety. Missions are torture. And I'm doing it all alone. If I had answers I wouldn't be so desperate to reconnect with Bucky. No I haven't told Steve. God the thought of me even being able to talk to him about such things.

"Knock knock!" Nat chimes.

"Honey I'm home!" Tony beams.

"Hi guys." I am sitting on the floor in front of my stringed wall. Chairs are pushed chaotically around me. Out of the way so I can sit and stare at my wall. I've dug my nails into my palms, blood seeping from my hands and into my under nails. Thinking about boxing does this to me. I feel energetic and angry. I almost forget my friends are here.

"How're you doing kid? Seem a little lost." Tony grasps me back.

"She does this often." Steve arrives. He sounds concerned but flat when he says this. I blush wildly and take in a breath. I return to normal.

"You having an episode?" Nat asks.

"I seriously suggest you see someone. I know this man, brilliant guy." Tony tells.

"Tony I don't need your connections." I defend, "I'm not having an anxiety attack, but don't give me one."

"How about talking to us?" Nat encourages.

"No she doesn't do that." Steve reminds. I roll my eyes, my tinted cheeks fade with annoyance.

"Someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed." I laugh sarcastically.

"I don't wanna watch mom and dad fight." Tony pretends to cry.

"I'll talk to your father later." I'm getting used to these jokes by now. Steve glows red at this.

"Um we wanted to go training." Steve changes the subject.

"If you'll have me, Solider." I smile, pushing away the mental battle I just faced. And that leads us to Tony's boxing ring. We get ready and pick our opponents. Tony looks at me and smirks, he thinks he'll win.

"Come on, Stark. Show me your strength without the suit on!" I howl in excitement.

I pretend to flex and kiss my muscles making Tony hysterically laugh, "You're on kid. You're getting too cocky."

We slip into the ring with our gear, "Oh I'm the cocky one? Mr. Stark I'd have to disagree."

"Don't flirt with me. We both have girlfriends." Tony jokes. I smirk even though he's being a dick. I punch him in the throat unexpectedly and he coughs. I kick his feet from under him and pin him. He kicks me in the gut which surprised me. I wince before punching toward him. He dodges before being pinned at the ropes. I elbow him in the shoulder and he swings around me.

"Running away?" I huff with exhaustion but I am in no way done.

"Uh no, just figuring out a strategy." Tony looks around but remains hopeless. I swing and he dodges again but then I slam my head against his. He's down and cursing to himself, "Damn Shortie, you do not play fair."

"Who's next?" I giggle, holding my head. It hurts but I'm still laughing.

Nat starts slurping an energy drink awkwardly, "Um I don't wanna fight. Ours take too long."

"True." I nod remembering our back and forth that happened a while back, "Steve?"

"Oh no, I'd hate to hurt you." Steve replies politely.

"Come on, let's see if you're truly superhuman." I wink and he slips through the ropes obliging. "If I humiliate you, I'm sorry."

"Ha. Ha." He stands in ready position. I take a few steps toward him threateningly. My boxing gloves aim at him, he's a lot more agile than Tony was. Tony was good at dodging but Steve is faster and more advanced. I leap and my hands lay around his neck while I flip over him. I pull him with me and he is taken off guard by my quickness. He groans grabbing my ankle and knocking me to the floor. I swiftly do a push up and I slam backward intentionally into him. I stab him in the rib with my elbow. He pushes me off him. The event feels oddly familiar and I start to panic. Steve hits me once when my anxiety kicks in and I attack. Punch. Getting controlled by Loki. Punch. My parents. Punch. Pierce. Punch. Bucky. Punch. S.H.I.E.L.D. Punch. Hydra. Punch. Hydra. Punch. Hydra. Punch. Hail Hydra.

"Izzy!" Steve calls for me. I'm atop of him with tears rolling down my eyes. His eyes are brutally wide and guilt washes over me. The tears won't stop coming, but emotions don't rest on my face. My breathing returns as does my control. My mind is back to being mine. Just in time for battle.