Dallon:
I still can't believe Brendon asked me to join the band. I'm so anxious I've never played for a huge crowd of people before. As long as Brendon is on stage with me I will feel confident. I like Brendon a lot. Not because he's famous or that we sleep with each other, but he is honestly the nicest, funniest, sweetest person I have ever met. He's not afraid to tell people the truth. I think I'm falling for him. Anyway I gotta go get ready we're almost at our first stop.

Brendon:
Dallon is so adorable. I watched him play his Bass guitar during practice. He needs to know how I feel about him. I like him as more than just a fuck buddy and I hope he feels the same.

Dallon:
Holy shit Brendon just asked me to be his boyfriend. I obviously said yes. I cannot contain my excitement. I wish my parents could see me right now. I would tell them they were wrong about me. I am a guy. I am on tour with a world famous band. I am dating the lead singer. I had no help from you guys. You left on my own. You never looked for me. I could've died and you didn't save me. I saved myself.

Brendon:
Dallon came to my bunk crying. He kept thinking about his parents how they just left him out on the streets to die. I can't stand seeing my baby crying like that. I got up and decided I was going to take him on a date. Nobody knows that it's a date though. I don't know when I'll be ready to tell people about us.

Dallon:
Omg I can't stop laughing. Kenny said on Instagram that he wanted to see me naked. Brendon didn't like that so we set up a prank. I'm crying. Brendon said he wanted Kenny to help us with something. When Kenny got there we had a ton of sex toys and whips and hand cuffs. We recorded the whole thing and Brendon said that with Kenny wants to see "my porn then we will all three make some. Omg kenny's face was priceless. We ended up taking this picture of me pretending to grope Kenny. I am never going to forget that.

Brendon:
Dallon thinks just because he's my boyfriend that he gets the master bedroom in our hotel suite. The only way to settle this is a meme war. Dallon is going down. I am the webster's dictionary definition of meme King.

Dallon:
I just had a nightmare. I was back at that whore house and this one guy who used to rape me a lot told me that he knows where I am and is coming to get me. I'm scared I want Brendon to cuddle me and protect me. I want him to remind me that sex isn't scary. I want him to make love to me.

Brendon:
I'm so fucking pissed off right now. Dan took a picture of me and Dallon together and posted it on Instagram. I'm not ready for the whole world to know me and Dallon are dating yet. I told Dan that he had to disable the comments and that if he ever did that again he was getting kicked off the tour.

Dallon:
We have the next two days off and today me and Brendon are at the pool with Dan and Kenny. Zack is in dog duty. The other guys still have no Idea that me and Brendon are dating. I respect Brendon for not wanting to tell. Having a relationship with another band member while on tour can be stressful when the whole world is judging you.

Brendon:
I'm in bed with Dallon right now. He's asleep so I'm not going to stay up too late writing. I think I'm in love with Dallon. I feel like I'm ready to tell people about us. He makes me happier than I've ever been he was my knight in shining armor. I want the world to know how much he means to me. I want the world to know that Dallon James Weekes is mine.

Dallon:
Brendon is such a dork. He filmed The Emperors New Clothes music video today. He kept making really stupid dirty jokes like, "I'm a bit horny right now." Omg I love that man. I can't believe I just wrote that, but it's true. He is my best friend, my boyfriend, my everything. We snuck in a few make out sessions between takes because we're that rebellious.

Brendon:
Josh Dun came to visit. We were all joking around. I said something about Dallon making me look bad because he's so tall. Josh thought I was serious when I said that now everyone is mad at me. Dallon knows I was joking right? Ugh I want to bury my head in a pillow. I would never purposely make fun of Dallon.

Dallon:
Brendon has been acting upset lately. I hope he knows that I didn't take his joke personally. I flew out to see Josh and Tyler to clear that up with them. I know that I probably should've asked Brendon before I did this, but I told them we were dating. I really miss Brendon now that I'm thinking about him. I can't wait to be back in his arms.

Brendon:
Let's just say last night was wild. I got high. I threw a party. Pete came over. I fucked this really hot girl and asked her to go out with me. Why? Because I know Dallon cheated on me with Josh. I should've know once he became famous he would sleep around on me. It hurts really bad I loved him so much and he just walked off on me.

Dallon:
Brendon cheated on me. Why would he do that. And what's worse is that he broke up without telling me. I had to find out on Instagram that he was in a new relationship. I loved him and I thought he felt the same, but I guess he didn't. I gave him so much of myself only to find out that he would do this. I want to hurt myself. I don't deserve to be happy. I deserve to hurt myself.

Brendon:
How can he stand there and look at me. How come he gets to play the victim. I was hurt to but he's treating me like I'm the evil one. He's just jealous of Sarah. He had his had his and he threw it away. He's sick and twisted. I hate Dallon Weekes.

Dallon:
He said he hates me. He hates me. I'm so sorry. I don't even think I can play tonight. My body hurts. My head aches, my heart breaks, my wrists burn. I can't stop crying. I wish my blood wouldn't stop flowing. I wish I had the nerve to cut deeper. I just can't take being around Brendon anymore.

Brendon:
Sarah is so sweet why couldn't I have met her before I asked Dallon out. Maybe my heart wouldn't hurt as much. I really like Sarah but just because I want to make Dallon jealous I always tell her I love her in front of Dallon I love seeing his face. All the hurt. Now he knows how I felt.

Dallon:
We stayed the night in St. Paul, Minnesota. I wanted to run away. I wanted to abandon this tour, But I ran into this beautiful girl named Breezy. I wouldn't have a stopped to talk to her but she asked me about the blood stain on my sleeve. It was actually nice. Talking to someone that didn't know me. We kissed and I don't know what got into me but I asked her to go out with me. Nobody has made me smile like this since I was with Brendon.

Brendon:
Dallon has a girlfriend. I want to cry. I shouldn't be so upset about this. I like Sarah. I need to do something. I need to marry Sarah. Maybe that will make Dallon jealous.

Dallon:
Well Halloween with Breezy was supposed to be fun. All about me and her, until I found out Brendon and Sarah got engaged. Now I'm pissed off. It's as if he's trying to make me jealous on purpose. Oh my god he is doing it on purpose. He proposed to her after hearing me and Breezy started dating. Why is he doing this?

Brendon:
Dallon just came up to me and asked why I'm being such an asshole. God I hate him for trying to make it look like it's all my fault. He is to blame. I know what he did. And if there's one thing I know about myself is that I'm good at revenge. I reminded him who the boss of this tour is and warned him not to cross me again.

Dallon:
I just don't understand what I did to make Brendon hate me. Why would he want to leave me without letting me know. Why is he torturing me. I don't know what's even keeping me on this tour. I told Breezy everything Brendon did to me. She stayed with me all night. She is a really sweet person. I don't know what I'd do without her.

Brendon:
Me and Sarah did wedding planning today. I am not going to let Dallon get in the way of my happiness. Who am I trying to kid Dallon is my happiness. Is what I'm doing wrong. Maybe I could just forgive him. No it's too late. Plus he hasn't even come clean about cheating on me. I can't give that douche bag another chance. I'm going to marry Sarah and rub it in his face.

Dallon:
I had a dream about Brendon last night. He said that if I really loved him that I had to let him marry Sarah. When he marries her he'll realize it was a mistake but I loved him I had to let him go. That's when I started writing this amazing song. It's not done yet but it goes, "if you love me let me go, if you love me let me go. These words are knives and often leave scars (the fear of falling apart). And truth be told I never was yours (the fear, the fear of falling apart)." I hope Brendon uses it on his next album.

Brendon:
Dallon turned all my friends against me. I don't know what bull shit lies he's telling them but he's not going to get away with it. His career is in the palm of my hands. Without me he's nothing.Nobody would like him if he wasn't in my band.

Dallon:
Brendon and Sarah got married today. Brendon said that if I wasn't his best man that I was going to be kicked out of the band. I know what he's trying to do. I don't know what this is doing for him. Me and Sarah hate eachother. Sarah is just as mad that I'm his best man. When I first met Brendon I thought he was the sweetest guy ever. I loved him so much. He wasn't the stereotypical celebrity. Now he's torturing me. I don't he's his purpose in doing this. It's like he wants me to kill myself.

Brendon:
I'm married this doesn't feel real. I'm so happy. I was so nervous that I was making the wrong decision. But it wasn't I love Sarah so much. I almost forgot about Dallon being there. I remember seeing him while me and Sarah dancing. He was sitting by himself. What was- he was crying! Why would he be crying? He's with Breezy. He should have thought about what he was doing before he cheated. He did cheat right? Why would he sneak around with Josh. Oh my god what if he didn't cheat. What if I cheated. I feel sick.

Dallon:
I've been so fucking depressed ever since Brendon's wedding. It's Christmas and I can't get out of my bunk. I just want to sleep and never wake up. Dan and Kenny are trying to make me go out and get food with them but I'm not hungry. I've lost my appetite, my will to get up and take care of myself, my reason to live, my Brendon.

Brendon:
During our stop in New York we got to watch the ball drop. Me and Sarah kissed when the ball dropped. After that we all went to a local club. At one point during the night I saw Sarah talking to Dallon. I started walking over when she turned around. She grabbed my arm and dragged me out of the club.  She said she wanted to spend the New Years with just me. I don't have a problem with that.

Dallon:
So Sarah made the mistake of coming up to tell me that I shouldn't be mean to her husband. It's a new year and we should start fresh. I reminder her of the fact that she's just the whore my ex cheated on me with. I have every right to be mean to him and you. Happy new year bitch. Her reaction was perfect. And then I saw Breezy's reaction. She asked if I still liked Brendon. She didn't want to be the reason that I let him get away. I love Breezy for that.

Brendon:
Dallon and Breezy broke up. I'm not surprised at all. Dallon can't stay in a relationship with one person before he gets bored. He was with me then Josh then Breezy. Now who? I feel bad for anyone that decides to date him. He's sick and disgusting.

Dallon:
Your is finally ending. I can't wait to get as far away from Brendon as I can. He kicked me out of the band. That makes it easier on me I guess. Fuck I'm so depressed. I'd rather be trapped in that whore house then go on another tour with Brendon it was that bad.

Brendon:
So Dallon thought it would be a good idea to comment on my honeymoon photo. He said something about want to kill himself. I told him to film it so we can sell the tape to TMZ. I'm so done with him it's not even funny. This tour was hell. Getting cheated on. My friends picking his side. They made me look like the bad guy. You don't think I ever got upset about this. I tried to kill myself when Ryan dumped me. I had to hold in all the pain of getting cheated on. Seeing my ex move on. Losing all my friends. I had to keep myself held together so that I didn't look like a psychotic freak. Now just leave me alone Dallon!

Dallon:
That asshole! I saved his fucking life! He would sell a tape of me killing myself to TMZ! Well he can suck my dick while I go suck Ryan's! I'm so High I can't even walk straight. I lost track of how much I had to drink. This is going to be very fun. Ryan is very hot I can see why Brendon would kill himself over losing him....
Damn! Ryan Ross is amazing in bed! Fuck! He could give Brendon a run for his money. Fuck! I'm still shaking. I'm sorry for my terrible hand writing. I need to Instagram this.

Brendon:
IWKNDNXJXNSBEBXJBXKSBM! THAT DOUCHE BAG ASSHOLE MAN WHORE! WHO AM I KIDDING THATS NOT A MAN ITS A FUCKING PUSSY! I HOPE SHE GOT AIDS! SHE WANTS TO POST SHIT LIKE THAT ON INSTAGRAM? LET'S SEE HOW PEOPLE WILL REACT WHEN THEY KNOW HER TRUE GENDER!

Dallon:
Brendon just posted on Instagram that I'm transgender. Now everyone is calling me a girl. How could he do that to me. Omg I think I'm having flashbacks. I can't get away from it. I'm so fucking scared. My biggest fear is coming to life. Why does Brendon hate me so. Why does everyone hate me. Why couldn't I have been born into a guys body. Why did I have to be born at all. I fucked up the only good thing I had in my life. I don't even know how. I guess he just realized how worthless I was. It's ok though because I'm going to fix everyone's problem. Goodbye anyone that cares about me (no one). I guess I'm just not good enough for this world anymore. I love you Brendon Boyd Urie.

Brendon:
Josh called me screaming into the phone. I told him that I didn't want to hear what he had to say and that I already know what him and Dallon did. He said he had no idea what I was talking about. I told him I knew Dallon cheated on me with you. He said first thing I never had sex with Dallon. I love Tyler. My mouth dropped open. He what? Dallon didn't cheat on me. Omg I was the one that cheat. What's wrong with me. Then Josh yelled me for posting what I did about Dallon. Dallon just threatens to kill himself on Instagram. How could I do that to him. I cheated. I married the girl and rubbed it in his face and now I just exposed his darkest secret to the world. I'm the reason he wants to kill himself. Something in my gut just told me I had to drive to the build I first met Dallon on. The building I tried to kill myself on.

Dallon:
As I was about to jump off the building I heard a familiar voice screaming at me to stop. I turned around and say Brendon running towards me. I fell into his arms and cried for dear life. He shushed me. He started crying and said he was so sorry. He was jealous when I started hanging out with Josh that he convinced himself that I cheated. He said he only married Sarah to make me jealous. After that we just sat there for almost an hour in silence. I looked up at Brendon and he kissed me. He kissed me! I got nervous and looked down. Brendon ran his hand through my hair. He told me that Since he cheated me with Sarah that it was only fair that he would get to cheat on Sarah with me. I looked at him like he was crazy. He brought his lips back to mine. This time we didn't just kiss. We made out. I miss the way his lis felt on mine. He drove me home. When we got there he ask to come inside. I knew what was going to happen if I let him in. So that is why I didn't let him in. I told him that it's either me or Sarah and that I wasn't going to sleep around with him behind her back.

Brendon:
This is the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I always looked at people who got divorced like they were idiots. Why would you marry someone that you didn't want to spend the rest of your life with them. Now being an adult I realize that relationships are complicated. There's trust issues. Marrying someone because you thought the one person you wanted to marry wasn't a possibility. I don't know how to tell Sarah I want a divorce. I really do love her. But I love Dallon in away that I would never be able to love Sarah. Dallon saved my life not just by pulling me back up onto the building but he helped me see my worth. I'm also more sexually attracted to  Dallons body. What can I say I love dick lol ;).

Dallon:
I know Brendon offered to let me rejoin the band but I've also been working on a side project. Me and an old friend of mine named Ryan Seaman reunited and we've been writing music together. We call our band I Don't Know How But They Found Me. Brendon got to listen to our first song we plan to release. I'm so happy he likes it. His opinion is all I care about.

Brendon:
Me and Sarah finally got a divorce. It's really weird. I feel like I broke a law or something. I'm just very excited to see Dallon. We're signing him on to be an official member of Panic! At The Disco. And then hopefully Dallon and I wil have a private celebration back at my place.

Dallon:
I'm crying. Brendon is so easy to fuck around with. He makes really sweet and adorable posts and I make them sound dirty af. Brendon laugh is so adorable I'm gonna pee my pants. Omg I love Brendon.

Brendon:
Dallon is going to be the death of me. He is so funny. He posts really dirty, kinky, and inappropriate things. The fans keep asking us if we're dating. Today Dallon asked if I knew that we had a ship name. It's called Brallon. People have also been writing fan fiction about us. I'm totally gonna make Dallon read it with me.

Dallon:
Yee! I'm so happy. Me and Brendon just had our first photo shoot together. He keeps telling people that I look way better than him. I know that's a lie. Brendon is a god. I look like dork next to him. Anyway I gotta go. Me Zack and Brendon are getting pizza and beer.

Brendon:
I asked Dallon to be my valentine on Instagram. I guess I'm not really trying to keep me and Dallon's relationship a secret. I rented a yacht. Me and Dallon are going to have dinner on the yacht. And watch the sunset. We are going to head to the Caribbean and go on vacation. A vacation that is very long overdue.

Dallon:
Brendon is literally the best boyfriend ever. Fuck I love him so much. I showed him the song I wrote for him on tour. He finished writing it and played it for me on the piano. And the he took me to a yacht. I feel like a schoolgirl who has a crush on the jock. I'm so happy. I love Brendon. I feel so lucky to be with him. He could have anyone he wants but he chose me.

Brendon:
I finally told everyone online that me and Brendon are dating. I mean just in case they couldn't already tell and some people just need the confirmation. I also explained to them what happened Between me and Dallon the past few months. I was a jack ass and I know that. All the guys forgive me for being a dick. There's just one more thing I need to do.

Dallon:
I was in the middle of posting on Instagram how much I love Brendon. He gets up and goes to the yacht. I asked where he was going. He told me he'd be right. I started scrolling through my feed. Brendon came back and said he wanted to ask me something. He seemed nervous. I got scared. He wasn't going to dump me was he? He told me to follow him. We got on top of the yacht. I asked what we were doing. He handed me a pair of binoculars and told me to look at the island a few miles out. I was confused but did it anyways. It took me a minute to figure out what I was staring at. I adjusted the lenses until I could see people holding up letters that spelt out, "Will you marry me?" I was in shock. I turned to look at Brendon. He was down on one knee holding a small velvet box with a ring inside of it. I gasped. I could barely form any words. I just started kissing him like crazy. He asked if that meant yes. I was crying and said yes you dumb ass. I will marry you. He laughed. We started kissing again. He slid the ring onto my finger. I'm still crying. I'm so fucking happy. We may have had a terrible year. More like an impossible year. But we made it through it. And this year is going to be way better.

* omg so many words. This was so long but this is also the only chapter. This was just a journal explaining what happened behind the scenes in  the last year while they were on Instagram. It's their personal thoughts. I tried to explain most of the posts. I may have combined a couple in one journal entry. But yeah that's it for this story. Make sure you keep reading H.O.P.E. If you haven't finished it already. Also the song is called Out Loud by Gabbie Hannah or formally known as The Gabbie Show*

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