I look at Pidge as she comes back into the room with a smile on her face, "Amelia said she'd be glad to help us." I clap quickly, but quietly, almost like a golf clap. "That's good," says Coran. "In that case, I guess we can't really beat around the bush; how do you want to go about doing Keith's funeral?"
"I hadn't really thought about it much..." I say while looking away from Pidge, and at Keith's cold hand. "Maybe we could have his ashes in an urn, then we'll have Amelia make the keychain?" "That sounds like a great idea, Lance." Allura praises me. "When do you think we should have the funeral?"
Before I can even think of how to answer, Pidge speaks up. "How about this Thursday? Lance, wouldn't it have been his nineteenth birthday then?" I nod slowly, still in the process of realizing that I won't have any more cuddles, any more kisses, or any more sleepovers with Keith. "Yeah, it would've... I was going to give him an 'i owe you' for a promise ring once we got back to Earth... Dammit... I should have looked closer at the bottle of pills that he took before now. I noticed that there was a bottle of something one day but I didn't look at it or ask Keith about it... How could I let this happen?" I grab his hand and squeeze it, as if I did it hard enough he'd wake up, "If I had looked at the stupid bottle, then he'd still be here. We could've gone home together, I could've introduced him to my family, I could've married him, and as gross as it probably sounds, we could've at some point made love..."
I don't even notice that I'm crying until Coran hands me a tissue, "we don't know that he would've been fine if you'd done something different, for all we know, he could've tried to do it some other way. Lance, you did everything you could for that boy. And before you two became a couple, we all could see how happy you made Keith. His attitude changed so much when you got together with him, and, in my personal opinion, it made him a better paladin. You were an amazing partner and friend to him, no matter what you might think." I look away from my tear filled tissue and at Coran when he said that, and I think about all the great times that we had together. 
There was one day where we were all relaxing, so Keith and I went into the blue lion and flew around space. I made many puns, to which Keith laughed and giggled at. We went to an abandoned planet and just floated around and danced to imaginary music, we had such a great time. We could've spent forever on that planet, but we were called back to the castle for dinner. After dinner we spent the rest of the night in Keith's room, we cuddled, kissed, and watched some cute romance movies until he fell asleep on my chest. Remembering that day made me sad, but I didn't cry; it felt like there was an ache in my heart, and it stung like a bitch, but I didn't cry.
"Lance, don't regret anything that you did to or for Keith. Whatever happened between the two of you before he died, don't regret it or think that it shouldn't have happened. Because that's the thing about life and taking chances: you never really know what's going to happen, and sometimes things take a turn for the worst. But don't ever think that any of this was your fault. We all know that Keith loved you very much, Lance, and it hurts us to know that we won't see his smile anymore. But we will become a stronger team from this, and the scars in our hearts will heal. It might not be in a few days, a few months, or even a few years, but we'll heal. None of this is your fault Lance, don't ever forget that."
"Thank you, Coran. That makes me feel a little bit better, but it just... hurts to see him like this. He was fine and healthy ever since I met him, and now he just looks... helpless...? I'm not sure how to word it exactly; he's lying here on this bed, frozen forever, and there's nothing to do to help him... I want him to wake up any minute now and hug me and tell me that he's okay, but he won't and I hate that reality... I hate this reality..." And with that realization being verbalized, it made it far too real for me; Keith wasn't coming back, he wasn't going to come back to the castle with us, and the part that hurt the most was that there wasn't going to be any more memories to make with him. 

I know Coran told me that I shouldn't blame myself, or think that it's all my fault, but that's what it feels like; it feels like if I hadn't said anything about Shiro's disappearance, then Keith would still be here. And that's something that I'll regret for as long as I live.

Hoooooo that was a chapter. Sorry if you thought that I repeated a lot of the same things, but that's just how I'm writing it. Lance isn't the most self-confident of the team, so I guess it kinda fits to have him being reassured a lot. Also, sorry for the long period between chapters, this was originally supposed to be updated every Monday or Friday -I forget- so you can see how much that didn't happen. I'll get working on the next chapter and hopefully it'll come out sooner than this one and me lmao. See you all in the next one.

-SoulEvans5