♡

DECEMBER 16

    Minho found himself alone in his room with another boring Saturday, on which he had no plans and nothing to do. 

   He woke from another far-too-short night of fitful sleep, as had become routine, but at least today he woke up with less of a headache than usual. The only thing that got him up and moving was the growling of his stomach, which he, of course, satisfied with the lowest-effort meal he could get. He brought a bowl of cereal back to his bedroom and ate slowly, staring at the wall, boredom and fatigue mixing and making him space out rather than eat his cereal.

And then his phone started buzzing wildly on the floor, causing tiny ripples to form in his bowl of cereal that was getting soggier by the minute.

...

       COLLEGE IDIOTS🤧

FELIX

guys let's make christmas cookies together

HYUNJIN

im down

CHRIS

 im off work at 3

JISUNG

 yes🙌 !

HYUNJIN

 whose house though?

FELIX

 can't do mine :( it's a little messy and my mom will freak out if i invite anyone

CHRIS

 can't do mine either

CHRIS

 what about you, hyun?

HYUNJIN

 yeah no way

HYUNJIN

 my parents are yelling at each other right now

JISUNG

we won't all fit in my kitchen at once lol

CHRIS

 umm seungmin? minho?

CHANGBIN

 hey what about me

CHRIS

are you volunteering?

CHANGBIN

 no 👹

CHRIS

 that's what i thought

SEUNGMIN

haha not it

SEUNGMIN

 im not cleaning the kitchen after y'all throw flour everywhere

MINHO

yeah i guess i probably could

MINHO

lemme tell my parents first

...

   Minho dropped the spoon into his bowl and sat back against the side of his bed, the apprehension building in his feet and weighing down his legs like fifty-pound weights.

   ...All because Minho didn't want to talk to his parents. Not about his... friends(?). (Again, he had difficulty figuring out what to call them.)

 But it was for the best, because his parents would not be happy if he invited a roomful of boys over without clearing it with them first, especially considering they tended to be loud and rowdy. It was probably worth it, just because making cookies was something to do, and he had been massively bored the past several days. Mix that with being too tired and mopey to get up and actually do anything because there's nothing but your own tired, weakened willpower to motivate you to do it, and you start to jump at the chance to do something that feels just the least bit useful.

   Minho pounded the heel of his hand against his forehead a few times, effectively telling himself to 'get over it'. Mostly to stall, he drug his tired eyes from wall to wall of his bedroom. In his chest he could feel a twinge of guilt for feeling that way about his parents. Almost everything, from the clothes and shoes messily arranged in his closet (or his suitcase), to the books collecting dust on his shelf, to the car keys splayed out on his desk, had come from his parents. Not so much anymore, now that he was an adult with a job, but when he was younger, if he asked his parents to get him something, usually they did. They bought him this and that and gave him things he didn't necessarily need, and that earned him the label of 'spoiled baby' from his sisters.

    The things his parents had given him stared back at him now, so that the guilt came at him from all sides.

    Yet, there was some vague sense of justification somewhere in his mind. Somehow it was just right for him to be angry with them. Because it felt like... as much as they gave him, and probably more, they took from him.

    But he didn't fully understand that and he didn't want to think about it either (it'd only make it harder to talk to them, anyway).

    He drank the last of the milk in the bowl like a shot, pushed himself up to his feet and stepped out of his room, and followed the sound of voices downstairs. He found his mother in the living room, speaking with one of his sisters, overhearing strange words like 'dating' and 'boyfriend' on his way there, though they shut up the minute they realized he was there.

   boyfriend? seriously... did she get a boyfriend?

   Something about his sisters dating... didn't seem right.

   But that wasn't important right now. "Hey, just so you know.. My friends are gonna come over in a bit." He paused as his mother turned to face him with furrowed eyebrows. Yeah, he didn't like this. His phone vibrated like crazy against his pocketed hand. "That's okay, right?"

   "Which friends?" Of course, she couldn't just say yes. She had to ask him.

   "From school," Minho replied, only sort-of answering her question.

   She actually looked surprised, and so did his sister, and it was because Minho had never mentioned a single friend he made at high school or college. Or otherwise. She raised her eyebrows. "How many?"

   "Seven, I think."

    The surprise on her face grew as her eyes widened. It was as if she was shocked that Minho actually made friends he never mentioned to her— ones that she had never approved for him. But he was grown up now, so she couldn't stop him from picking his friends. (Maybe he was still a little upset about the one time he'd asked if he could sleep over at the neighbor's house and she'd said no, because she didn't like the neighbors for whatever reason.)

   ...But if it wasn't that, it was probably just the sheer amount of them. Minho had only ever brought one friend over to the house, aside from the neighbor. And that was only one time, anyway. Little Minho always— as in, starting around the time he was maybe eight or so, then continuing on for the rest of his childhood— just seemed to rather be with his cats. 

   "Alright," she finally said, with hesitancy.

   He was relieved. That went better than expected.

   After that, while he headed to the kitchen, he was back to checking his phone, which had been blowing up almost nonstop the whole time, though he had it on silent. They were discussing what kind of cookies to make, then talking about ingredients.

   It turned out that Minho's fridge was currently missing butter and had hardly any milk, and they were out of baking soda as well, so he had to text the group to ask them to bring some.

...

COLLEGE IDIOTS🤧

FELIX

oh my gosh it's like a potluck but with cookie ingredients

JISUNG

im bringing sprinkles

JISUNG

minho hyung you're like three houses down from seungmin right?

MINHO

yes

HYUNJIN

i still think we should make molasses cookies

SEUNGMIN

shut up ur wrong

SEUNGMIN

what even is a molasses cookie

HYUNJIN

 how can you not know what a molasses cookie is

SEUNGMIN

 jeongin says he wants white cookies

HYUNJIN

 liar

HYUNJIN

jeongin would never disagree with anyone on something so trivial

SEUNGMIN

you think this is trivial???

SEUNGMIN

take it seriously bitch

JEONGIN

we could make both right?

HYUNJIN

 innie you're on my side right??

JEONGIN

i don't really wanna take sides, hyung

HYUNJIN

dammit just like switzerland

JISUNG

did you guys really just swear on this chat when both chan and baby jeongin are on it

SEUNGMIN

oh shit

JISUNG

dude

SEUNGMIN

i mean s***

HYUNJIN

crying rn

JISUNG

chan's gonna beat your butts when he gets off work (edited) 

HYUNGJIN

BYE- JISUNGG

JISUNG

 im innocent

JISUNG

 chan hyung please don't come for me

MINHO

can we talk about cookies please i need ingredients

MINHO

if we're making molasses cookies i need someone to bring molasses

SEUNGMIN

that's not even a christmas cookie

HYUNJIN

yes it is ur dumb

HYUNJIN

 i'll bring stuff hyung

HYUNJIN

seungminnie can you come pick me up <33

SEUNGMIN

yea ok i'll be there in 5

SEUNGMIN

jeongin's potato phone died so he's frantically looking for his charger

JISUNG

mood

...

   Again, Minho shut off his phone, dumping it on the kitchen table while he cleared the counter and sprayed it with some kind of cleaner he found by the sink. He didn't know when anyone would show, but while he waited, he wiped the counter clean, then laid out various cookie ingredients, and that was all the time it took for someone to come knocking on his door. Most of them (meaning, everyone but Hyunjin) were no more than a ten minute walk away from everyone else.

   He opened the door and it turned out to be...

    Jisung.

   Oh.

   He hadn't thought of the possibility of it being just him and Jisung together.

   It had been days since what happened on their last night at college, yet it was still affecting Minho. He couldn't just move on, especially not when Jisung kept trying despite all Minho's efforts to stop him. The memory of the night before they left was burned onto the front of his mind, and like a burn, the pain didn't go away quickly. It died down, then throbbed again, and again, and again. When anything brushed against it, like the sight of Jisung standing alone in front of him, it stung, with searing shame seeping into his entire body.

    He couldn't let it go. He couldn't forget it, and try as he might he couldn't put it out of his mind, not for a second. It was getting excessive.

   Still, he'd rather just mask his discomfort and pretend it didn't happen, and thus act normally and civilly with Jisung. That was the only thing he could manage to do, and even that was incredibly difficult, because he had to tighten every muscle just to keep from scrunching up his shoulders and shivering in disgust and self-loathing.

   "Hey," Minho greeted, holding the door open to let him in, fighting the urge to just push it shut again, eyes on his shoes.

    "Hi." Jisung smiled a little, holding up a small, plastic container. "I have sprinkles."

    Minho smiled a little, too, probably because he was glad that Jisung was only talking about something as lighthearted as sprinkles. Not that he really expected him to come into his house and immediately start talking about some touchy-feely emotional nastiness, especially after he agreed to stop that, but... well... Minho was paranoid.

    "You can set them on the counter. No one else is here yet."

   Directly after setting down the sprinkles, Jisung was checking his phone in response to the buzz in his pocket. Minho got one at the same time, so he felt prompted to check it.

...

COLLEGE IDIOTS🤧

HYUNJIN

 turns out i dont have cookie stuff at my house so seungy and innie and i are going to the store first 

...

noooooooo

   Minho had to hold back a groan. That meant he and Jisung would be spending an even longer time alone.

   Of course, they weren't truly alone.

   Minho's mother was there, as was his sister. Jisung was quickly being inspected.

   For the sake of politeness, the two of them wordlessly migrated to the living room so that Jisung could say hello. Minho's mother sat, wearing an expression that Minho knew to be her 'public-face', because it was fake and concealing any sort of biases or presumptions about the new person in front of her. She had just sat down next to Minho's sister, and Minho had that familial sense of discomfort, second-hand, because while the sitting pair were a few inches from touching, they were still too close for a Lee child's liking. Had Minho been the one sitting there, instead of his sister, he would've been panicking and trying his absolute hardest to conceal it... but his sister just... nonchalantly, calmly scooted a bit toward the other end of the couch without even trying to hide it.

   "Hello," Jisung greeted, seeming conflicted on whether he should attempt to match the mood of the room or attempt to let his usual happy enthusiasm ease the tension. He offered a self-introduction with a polite smile, bowed his head and told them, 'it's nice to meet you.'

    Somehow everything about this situation was awkward but Jisung.

    Even if his mother seemed normal and casual enough to Jisung (and he wasn't sure she did), Minho knew this was her judging his every move and every word to decide whether or not to write him off as a bad influence that Minho shouldn't be around. That was an annoying habit of hers that Minho had hoped would've gone by the time he became an adult, yet still it persisted.

   "So, Jisung, how long have you known Minho?"

   "Um.. I guess I didn't actually know him until I was in ninth grade? So I've sort of known him for..  five years? But we haven't been friends that whole time, right?" Jisung looked to Minho for his opinion.

    In Minho's mind, they had been nothing more than acquaintances before this year, but what were they now? He hadn't thought of it. They were.. friends now? Friends stuck in a prolonged, uncomfortable state of tension?

    He shrugged.

    Now, he was stuck between a rock and a hard place, because he could either stick around and let Jisung be interrogated by his mother, and by doing so, let her believe she still had him in her grip like a dog on a leash, or he could make an excuse to get away, and then be alone with Jisung. He wasn't sure what would be worse.

  He hated the way his mom always tried to control him. It had always been like this.

  If he were to be honest, growing up, he felt like his parents hadn't cared about him—that was probably what he was trying to figure out earlier, in his room— which is why it always confused him that they were so overprotective, and that they gave him gifts. From the time he was just a child, he felt the distance between him and his family— knew he didn't fit in— and he felt that they were the ones that formed that distance, yet they never allowed him to go any further away. It really was just like he was a dog on a leash;  he felt as if he were always tethered up and kept an arm's length away, no closer, no further.

   He had spaced out while thinking of this, and now both Jisung and his mother were staring at him. "Huh?"

     "I asked where your cats are," Jisung answered.

   Oh. Jisung actually remembered he had cats. Minho had only mentioned that he had cats once before, quite a while ago, so it was a bit surprising to hear Jisung say that.

   "Probably sleeping in my room. Want me to get them?" It'd be a good excuse to get away from his mom.

   "Yeah." Jisung smiled.

   He trailed along behind Minho on the way to his bedroom.

   When they stood in front of the door, and Minho opened it, he found himself feeling uneasy about Jisung being inside his room.

   No one else really came in his room. He went there to be alone. In fact, it nearly annoyed him out of his mind when his family would loiter there, though it didn't happen often.

    ...Yeah, he'd really prefer for Jisung (especially Jisung) to wait outside.

    Minho only opened the door just enough for him to slip through. Thankfully, for once, Jisung seemed to get the message, because he waited outside while Minho found a cat to scoop up. Soonie was on his bed, so he picked her up and settled her on his shoulder, glancing down at his bed for a moment.

   As he looked down at it, he found, only now that he was thinking of Jisung being here, that his mass of blankets and pillows he'd collected and arranged messily on his bed had a human-shaped hole in the middle that he felt would look awfully incriminating in some strange way.

    Quickly, he turned and went for the door, but the problem was that as soon as Jisung saw the cat he stepped forward, into the room, to pet it, and Minho really didn't want to just... push him out of the room.

    He was biting on his lip as he watched Jisung's hand come close to him, then run down the back of the cat on his shoulder. As he repeated the motion it was all quiet between them, while Jisung looked at the cat adoringly. The sweetness in his eyes as he petted its head was enough to give Minho both a toothache and a stomachache... the second of which, he might have felt coming on, when he thought about the way that Jisung could just as easily (and might, if he'd let him) do the same exact thing to him.

   When Jisung's fingers brushed against Minho's shoulder as he stroked the cat's cheek, he cringed just slightly, tensing his arm harshly, before he could've even thought to stop himself, and that was what finally made him open his mouth to say that they should probably go back downstairs. However, hardly a sound actually made it out of his mouth before the doorbell rung.

   "Oh. Here." Minho handed the cat off to Jisung (careful not to brush hands or arms or anythings with him), who again, followed behind him. 

    Felix and Changbin stood together on the porch, shivering in the bitter cold, and as soon as Minho opened the door for them, Felix saw Jisung and immediately flung himself at him, wrapping his arms around him like he didn't even see the cat perched on his shoulder, while Changbin was just checking out the house.

    "Damn, Minho hyung, you got a nice house."

    Soonie yowled and clawed her way out of Jisung's grip, hitting the ground with a thump and hurrying away from the scene while Felix squeezed Jisung tight, wailing about the fact that he hadn't seen him in a whole three days.

    Once Felix and Jisung had actually separated, and Felix was able to remove his coat and shoes, Minho led the group of them into the kitchen, noting that his mother and sister had already disappeared, likely having gone upstairs.

   Felix set a grocery bag filled with cookie ingredients on the counter, running Minho through the list of things he brought, before he pulled out a chair between Jisung and Changbin, who had taken seats at the kitchen table.

   "If you guys want anything to drink, there's cups in this cabinet," Minho announced, watching three sets of eyes follow his pointing finger.

   Minho sat down on the end of the table, wondering what to do with their downtime before the rest of the boys arrived, and no sooner had he done that than Felix was pulling something yellow and banana-shaped out of his hoodie pocket. "Let's play Bananagrams!"

   The air filled with chuckles coming from each of them at Felix's eagerness. They only got through two rounds, one that Jisung won, because he successfully dumped all his hard letters on Felix, who was oblivious enough to not realize that Jisung was placing every hard letter he got directly in front of him, and another that Minho won, because the word "ovoviviparous" was still on his mind from studying for his biology exams. During the second round, the doorbell rung again.

    "Alright, everyone close your eyes. I gotta go get that." Minho stood, looking behind him while he speed-walked toward the front door. He caught a glimpse of Changbin trying to stealthily arrange more tiles. "Don't you dare, Changbin!" Jisung snickered. Minho hadn't been this enthusiastic about... maybe anything, since high school, and it was all because this weird little word game awakened his competitive streak.

   Hyunjin, Seungmin, and Jeongin were at the door this time, and they quickly and noisily (on Hyunjin and Seungmin's part, as they were still bickering, while Jeongin was just as placid and quiet as ever) came inside and removed their outerwear before Minho directed them to the kitchen counter to set down their grocery bags.

   Immediately after doing so, he slid back into his seat at the table and finished off the game. Despite Hyunjin jumping in to help Felix with his last few words, Minho still won.

    By then, it was already past three, when Chan was supposed to be off work, and he hadn't sent anything to the group about when he'd be there, but everyone else was ready and waiting.

   ...

COLLEGE IDIOTS🤧

MINHO

chan hyung?

MINHO

 coming?

CHAN

sorry, i got stuck working overtime. go ahead and start without me,, idk when i'll be there :/

JISUNG

 you sure hyung?? i think everyone's okay with waiting

CHAN

nah, it's no biggie

CHAN 

have fun guys, i'll try to make it there soon

   ...

   It was amusing to see the way everyone quickly picked up their phones to send over-dramatic messages about how much they wished Chan was with them and how they couldn't go on and make cookies without him.

    But within five minutes or so they were all ready to begin.

    It was extremely chaotic, because four different recipes were being made at once. Minho just decided to stick himself on dish-washing duty and let the others mess around with making and shaping the dough and preheating the oven and mixing the frosting.

    At some point, Minho realized that a frosting fight was beginning, because the boys had finished decorating and had extras, but he quickly broke it up since he didn't feel like spending the rest of the day scrubbing the floors, walls, and ceiling.

    Instead, after cleaning the counter, several of them stood by the oven, or sat on the counter to wait for the cookies as they sat in the oven. Felix began singing Christmas carols to entertain himself, and a few of them joined in.

    For the last time, the doorbell rung as Felix was belting the lyrics to "Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer". Minho slipped away from the group to get the door, and though nearly an hour late, Chan had finally showed up.

    Though at first he furrowed his eyebrows at the sound of Felix's yelling, as he walked to the kitchen with Minho he was giggling at the sight of Felix sitting on the counter with red frosting covering his nose, kicking his legs as he sung. Felix was interrupted by the beeping of the of the oven.

     "Looks like you came just in time, Chan hyung," Jisung cheered.

    "Just in time to avoid all the work," Hyunjin added.

    Minho had to admit, he enjoyed himself more than he'd thought he would, that day, and even after he sent them all off with ziplocs full of assorted cookies, he ended up feeling better than usual until the night.

    It hadn't been so bad. It was kinda fun. Jisung didn't even bother him about... things.

    Plus, he ended a plate full of freshly baked cookies. 

꘎♡━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━♡꘎

me: this chapter feels like it's so long compared to the others idkkk it feels kinda out of place

also me: *makes it a thousand words longer*

i know it's weird that this is being posted in the middle of the year but it was christmas time when i wrote this :') i waited until december to write all the christmas break things because yes.

before we get to the climax, favorite character?