OCTOBER 13

    "How did I get here?" Minho wondered. A month had already gone by since college started and things were so different. Despite being with people almost constantly, he felt more alone than he did when it was just him and his cats in his room every evening after he took off his diner uniform.

         Recently, with fall now in full swing, the sun had been hiding behind world-darkening clouds. All the cloudy weather made for some very sleepy students ambling through hallways after dragging themselves out of bed. After more than a month, college had become a matter of routine. Everyone was yawning, nodding, dozing, all throughout this past week.

    As he sat down with his plate at lunch, Hyunjin sighed, raking a hand through his long hair. "I'm so ready to be done with classes for the week," he croaked. Nearly the whole table was agreeing with concurring hums and lazy nods.  "We should do something fun tonight, since it's Friday. We haven't hung out in days."

    "Yeah, I don't know about you guys, but I've had absolutely no time this week, 'cause that chemistry study guide was killer. I stayed up three extra hours last night to get it done." The other two chemistry students at the table groaned in pained agreement.

    "Well, what do you guys want to do tonight?" Chan asked.

   "I wanna watch a movie," Seungmin chimed, around a spoonful of soup.

   Chan shrugged. "Guess we might as well use the TV, finally." Because, after more than a month, they still hadn't watched anything on it. On the nights they spent together, they were usually goofing off and talking too much to consider turning on a movie, and the nights they didn't, usually, Chan was working, and Changbin was studying. But this week, everyone seemed to be tired enough to want to laze around the dorm and zone out while staring at a screen for a while.

    So after a few more hours of classes and studying and writing notes until his hand ached, Minho headed downstairs around dinner time, and Chan caught them all before they loaded their trays and told them he'd bring food for them all up to the room (the cafeteria was serving some questionable-looking soup, because apparently that was the only food to eat when the weather turned cold, and no one really wanted that), so the the eight of them shuffled off to 2Chan's room.

    Climbing the stairs behind Seungmin and Changbin, Minho wondered why he even came up there night after night. He knew the rest of the guys came to have fun with their friends, but... that's not really how it was for him. He had a bit of fun when he hung out with them sometimes, but more and more he just felt out of place.

    Thinking back to that first night, when he walked into 2Chan's room, and the rest of them filled it up, he remembered thinking that, for the first time in his life, he now had a friend group. A month later, he wondered, were these really his friends, or was he just there?

    Maybe he'd be better off just staying downstairs in his own room. He'd probably be subject to less uncomfortable experiences that way. Less of watching them be touchy and close. Then again, Chan, at least, would probably be concerned if he stopped hanging out with them. And Minho wasn't looking to be asked for reasons.

    Anyway, he shrugged off those complicated thoughts and took the easy way out, leaving them unanswered as he just took his usual spot at the desk.

     And that brought him here. 

   After about twenty minutes of Changbin, Seungmin, and Hyunjin arguing over which movie they wanted to watch, with a bit of input from Jisung and Felix here and there, Chan was already passed out. Chan had intended to hang out and stay awake long enough to watch the movie with them, but after a long week of classes, late night study sessions, and various shifts at his pizza-counter-job, he was exhausted and only minutes after he set two hot pizza boxes on the desk,  fell asleep draped over the side of what had become Hyunjin's second bed.

   While the movie played, Changbin laid on his stomach on top of the bed and twirled sleeping Chan's hair into strange shapes that Hyunjin and Felix snickered at as they lay snuggled up across the room on Changbin's bed. Seungmin and Jeongin were gathered around the pizza boxes deposited on the desk, stuffing their faces with whatever leftovers still remained. Minho sat away from them all, seeming an outsider, with his back to the wall, his arms crossed snugly over his stomach, and his eyes glued to Hyunjin and Felix. And Jisung sat at the foot of Changbin's bed, watching Minho. So, no one was watching the movie in the end.

   Once everyone had quieted and actually turned their attention to the screen, Jisung (who had been cold until the warm bodies of the two youngest took filled the empty floor space on each side of him, and he'd pulled Jeongin's legs over his to act as a blanket) glanced again at Minho. Everyone else was actually under a blanket. 

   And Minho sat by himself, by the desk. "Minho hyung, aren't you cold?" The poorly-insulated walls between them and the raging windstorm outside weren't enough to keep the dorms at a comfortable temperature, especially at night.

   Minho had goosebumps. Was it really from the cold or from the suddenly emerging thought of sharing body heat with one of them?

   Still, he answered,  "I'm fine."

    It was something about the way he could hardly tear his eyes away from the cuddling pair for a moment that made those words sound so fake.

   Only a few minutes later, everyone had settled in; even Minho had cozied up in the chair, a pillow over his lap. Everyone was relaxed but one boy, who was chewing at lower lip and sitting stiffly while Aladdin sang his song, like he was watching a horror, instead of a Disney musical. 

   "Why does Jeongin look so scared?" Changbin laughed, (though he did it carefully and quietly, since Chan was now using his thigh as pillow and sleeping peacefully through the movie) bringing everyone's attention to the youngest boy.

   "Last I checked, this was a kids' movie, Innie," Hyunjin teased. 

   "Someone hold the baby." 

   Jeongin whined at the blatant babying, and grumbled when Seungmin actually did pull him into his arms, laying him across his lap. But you could tell he was more comfortable like that, because he stayed right where he was, instead of squirming and wriggling out of Seungmin's grip as he'd often done, throughout these past several weeks as he began to blend in and hang out with the guys every day, like they'd always known him.

   And, again, Minho's eyes were glued to a pair of snugglers, and Jisung knew it.

    It felt wrong to keep watching them, but for some reason he felt like he couldn't keep his eyes away from them. He didn't know why. But it was always like that. 

   A little more than an hour later, hardly anyone was left awake and the movie was nearly over. Minho had only really been aware of Jeongin falling asleep: Seungmin had been very proud of the fact that he was able to send Jeongin to sleep in his arms by petting his head for a little while, and got everyone's attention with his cooing that made Minho's stomach churn.

    However, Minho looked around to see almost everyone knocked out. The boys had been run ragged by classes, homework, and jobs, too, for some. The only ones left awake were Minho and Changbin, and sort-of Hyunjin, whose head kept dropping and rising again. Felix and Chan laid, peacefully sprawled out, each using a friend as a pillow, while Jisung and the maknaes were a tangled, sleeping mess on the floor.

    Minho would not allow his weary head to drop like Hyunjin's, not while there were people around to see.

     Minutes later, the movie ended, and Changbin looked around to see that no one would be getting up to leave without intervention. He probably would've just let them have a sleepover in his room if it weren't for the fact that two of them had taken his bed, and that he'd be tripping over maknaes in the morning.

    Minho watched Changbin wake Chan very softly, and apologetically. While Chan was occupied with sitting up and looking extremely out of it, Changbin moved on to Jisung, Seungmin, and Jeongin. Both Jisung and Seungmin got loving slaps to the face, but Jeongin got a nice little tap, though he was already startled awake by the sound of slapping.

    As Jisung groaned and pulled himself out of the pile, Changbin pointed him toward Felix. "Mmhm, yeah, I got him," Minho heard Jisung mumble.

    He scooped Felix up, off of Hyunjin, and slung him over his shoulder. Felix woke up, but didn't seem to care. The two of them left the room on Jisung's legs alone, right behind Seungmin, who gave Jeongin a piggy-back ride.

    There was no one to carry Minho off to bed. And it was a good thing, too; if anyone tried, he would've bitten them. Still, he would've liked to just end up in his room without any work on his part, like Felix and Jeongin.

     Minho set the pillow back on the chair as he left, staying just long enough to witness Changbin's failure to convince Hyunjin to get up. Hyunjin ended up being dumped on the extra bed. Minho would definitely be sleeping alone in the room, that night. And he was glad about that, because he still didn't feel so good from earlier and wanted to be alone.

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