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SEPTEMBER 16

    The more you spend surrounded by people, the less alone you'll feel. That's what Minho thought. Sounded obvious. It was wrong.

   Days went by, and Minho gave it his best shot to settle into his new schedule.  According to their varied schedules and class times, different sets within their new, eight-person friend group would sit together for breakfast, but they always sat at the same, big table. Whether it was just Hyunjin, Jisung, and Jeongin, or everyone at once, some of them were always there at the same time as Minho, gradually waking up as they filled their bellies. They tended to all be there at the same time for lunch and dinner, though.

  Chan actually seemed well-rested for a bit, but within the first few days, he'd already gotten himself back to hardly sleeping, because he'd gotten himself two on-campus jobs. He quickly returned to looking like a zombie until he chugged a mug of black coffee each morning.

   Increasingly, Minho found himself in 2Chan's room, because everyone kept deciding to hang out after classes and homework were finished for the day.

   Spread over the 2Chan room, mostly in bunches, the boys had been slowly chatting about class work and how they had been liking college life so far. But some things were bothering Minho. Jisung was asking if anyone wanted to give him a head massage, while Hyunjin asked if he could squeeze onto one of the beds with Seungmin and drape his legs over his lap, and that had been after Jeongin politely refused Seungmin's offer to take the very same spot. Listening both of which gave Minho second-hand embarrassment.

     Luckily, their conversations weren't about anything too touchy, otherwise Minho wouldn't have been able to stand it, even though he wasn't answering any of the questions floating around the room. Changbin had asked if he was the only one struggling to keep the shower pouring out warm water, and Felix was wondering if anyone else was bothered by the way only half of the chairs in some of the classrooms had armrests.

     It was just the normal, comfortable chitchat until..

   "Is anyone homesick?" Seungmin looked, a little nervously, around the room, seeming to be wondering if it was just him.

    Jeongin looked a little uneasy in his spot on the floor across the room from Minho, but he said nothing and just kept eating his lollipop, mouth closed.

   "I am," Jisung admitted, casually and easily. "I really miss my mom. Me and Felix cried together on like.. the third night here."

    Minho was a little taken aback, looking down at the floor while he listened. It didn't really feel like something he should be hearing.

   "I only cried because you were crying," Felix chuckled.

   Jisung just shrugged, leaning into Felix and letting him pat his head.

   Minho wondered how he admitted that so shamelessly. In high school, most of them would've been mercilessly teased for saying that kind of thing. But they were all adults now. It seemed they'd gotten past the stage where they felt the need to make fun of their peers day in, day out.

   Though, come to think of it, even with their limited contact in school, from what he did see of him, Minho seemed to remember Jisung always being that way: never caring about the possibility of being teased. He just said things. He wasn't scared.

   How different they were, Jisung and Minho.

   "I am a little bit, too," Chan added. "But definitely not as much as last year. I think it's better when you have a nicer room. And a nicer roommate." He nudged Changbin fondly.

   "Well, I'm not homesick. I like it better here, even though the room sucks," Hyunjin commented. Several of the boys groaned in agreement. Changbin just snickered at their misfortune. Minho was just kind of glad that it sounded like they'd be getting away from the tender subject.

    "Did you really hate high school that much?"

    "No, it's not that," Hyunjin replied. "I'm just glad to be away from my parents, honestly."

    Minho felt about the same, though he hadn't expected to relate to Hyunjin. He was homesick, though he wouldn't admit it out of fear for being too soft, but he didn't miss his family. He stayed quiet, biting at his nails, almost pretending that he wasn't there. He didn't really want to be there. Still, more than that he didn't want to cause a scene by leaving now and grabbing up all the attention of the six other boys that was mostly on Hyunjin for now.

   They never talked like this when they were in high school, though maybe that was because they had never hung out, all seven of them, as a group. They just joked around together when they did talk, and they didn't really ask personal questions. In all the years since ninth grade, Hyunjin had never mentioned how his parents were always drinking and yelling and driving him crazy. And Chan had never had the chance to tell him that he could relate.

    Minho hadn't seen any of them get emotional like this before, and it was honestly extremely uncomfortable, especially since he felt like a bystander while the rest of them were busy comforting each other, starting with Hyunjin.

    Minho felt as if he alone was still stuck in those high school days, somehow. He found himself unable to be part of the conversation as Hyunjin vented. It was weird, because it was new, and he had no idea what to do.

『 ↳✧･ﾟ

i didn't fit in as a little kid. i always felt like i was just the annoying, clingy little brother that no one wanted to listen to or be with.

now, because i don't talk and i don't cling and do what all of them do, i'm different. i mean... i don't want to be the way i was as a kid again, so why am i upset about this?

how have they all gotten like this already? they weren't so close in high school. literally. they weren't so... touchy. now i see them hug each other. not just felix and chan. it's been only a couple of days but now, it's like every time i turn around i see one of them putting their hands on someone. so i hurry to look away, because it's uncomfortable.

they almost seem like they're best friends all of a sudden... but with me, nothing's changed. even jeongin seems closer to them than i am, though it's been like.. a week or two.

i thought that, even though i was leaving home and everything was going to be changing, being around these guys would make it feel like something stayed the same. but nothing did. it's not the same. once again i'm an outsider.

why??

what is it that's wrong with me, that makes me never fit in?

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥』

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