With hurried steps, Ryan shuffled me out of the apartment and down the stairs to the ground floor. I leaned on his arm wearily as we walked. "Thank you..." I said.

Ryan hugged me to him as we headed for home, but I could feel the tenseness in his shoulders as we walked. "Why were you with him? What happened?" he asked.

I couldn't meet his eyes. "I called him..." I admitted. He shot me a look and I sighed. "I was afraid he'd hurt you if he found out about us, so I tried to tell him to leave me alone," I said.

"By yourself? Jacob, I know why you did it, but it was still stupid," he said. "I thought he was going to hurt you. Do you know how worried I was?" He took my shoulders and pulled me in front of him so I would have face him.

"I know..." I said, ashamed. "But I didn't want you to have to deal with my mess. I was trying to fix things."

He stared at me, having no argument and finding no fault in my explanation. Still, he sighed, exasperated with me. "You're so reckless sometimes..." he said. He hugged me. "God, I was so scared when I got your text..."

I hugged him back. "I know. I'm sorry I scared you. I won't do anything like this again, I promise," I said.

"Good," he said. He pulled away to look at me. "Now, let's get you home. It's almost three in the morning."

I hesitated, tugging on his arm when he went to continue walking. "Actually..." I said. "I don't want to go home yet." I felt like a coward, but I didn't want to see my dad. Connor's words were weighing on my mind.

Ryan frowned, but understanding soon came over his face. "Oh, Jacob," he said. "I don't know what Connor said to you, but whatever it was is a lie. You can't listen to him."

I itched to avoid this topic. "I know, but... I can't help but feel he was right. He said my dad never cared about me... I just think that maybe he's not entirely wrong," I said.

Ryan held me by the shoulders. "Jacob, he was just trying to rattle your cage. Your dad loves you more than anything," he urged.

"Then why didn't he try before?" I asked. "Back when my parents divorced he didn't even try to keep custody. Not once."

This was a valid argument, but Ryan would hear none of it. "I'm sure he had his reasons. But he loves you and he did come back for you," he said. When I still felt unconvinced, Ryan bit his lip before grabbing my arm and pulling me with him. "Come with me. You need a distraction."

I followed him back to his house and he lead me inside. He must have noticed how nervous I was and slipped a hand around my waist to keep me from looking around too much. "Don't worry. My parents called me when I was hurrying to get you and said they had a company emergency. They won't be home for a while." He kissed my cheek. "You can relax."

I nodded and we went upstairs. After he shut the door, he pulled me towards him and kissed me hard, arms looping around my lower back. I was surprised by the sudden action and tried to pull away from him. "Ryan, please," I started.

He held me to him as he said against my lips, "It's okay. Just relax." He swayed to imaginary music as he walked backward, pulling me with him. "I'm trying to heal you. You need real love that can cover up the past."

I felt tears come to my eyes as the fear of the past came rushing back. There were so many nights of fake love that I would relive if this continued. But Ryan was determined. He moved me towards the bed and layed me down gently. I tried to sit up, but he straddled my waist. "It's okay, Jacob. I promise I won't hurt you," he said.

The tears escaped my eyes and rolled down my cheeks. "But I'm scared..." I said. "I don't want it to be like before."

Ryan looked at me differently to Connor in that moment. He kissed my softly. "There's a difference this time," he told me.

"What's that?" I asked.

He played with my hair as he smiled down at me. "I love you," he said seriously.

My heart swelled and I felt all my nerves just melt away like butter over a flame. He did love me. He was the only one I believed when I heard those words. My tears came faster then, and I reached up, hugging Ryan tightly. "Asshole..." I muttered. "I can't believe you..."

He chuckled and nuzzled my neck. "Yeah, yeah. I know," he said.

I layed back willingly this time after he slipped my shirt off. I shivered a little as the cold air hit my skin, but soon forgot about the cold as Ryan's warm hands ran over my body gently. His touch was almost not there as he fingers felt over me like I could shatter under too much pressure. He traced my sides and my stomach, my neck and my arms; not an inch was left unloved. It felt so good, so different than all the times Connor had touched me. It felt real for once,

I swallowed a little nervously as Ryan slipped my pants off and kissed down my stomach to my lower abdomen. Just before his lips reached my cock, only half hard, he stopped. His eyes traveled to mine and he stared at me, the question lurking behind his emerald eyes. I bit my lip and closed my eyes, relenting silently. After seeing me nod, Ryan gently but firmly wrapped a hand around my cock and rubbed it slowly.

I dropped my head back and arched my back a little, allowing myself to sink into the pleasure. I heard Ryan chuckled as he murmured, "You're so tempting..."

I glanced at him and licked my lips. His eyes sparked when he saw that and he moved up so he could kiss me. I held onto his shoulders as he rubbed his chest on mine, his hand not stopping its engrossing movement. "Gosh, it's hot..." he breathed as he sat up and tugged his shirt off. I tried to control my breathing as I caught sight of his beautiful skin. It was smooth like marble, and caramel colored. I wanted to touch that skin.

As soon as Ryan tossed his shirt away, he came back to me, kissing my neck up to my ear. I felt a few love bites and it made me moan into his shoulder, turned on. "Oh, God, Ryan..." I begged. "Please stop teasing me..."

"Are you sure?" he whispered, faltering. "I wasn't going to ask you to go all the way if you weren't ready."

I shook my head and buried my face in his neck. "Please, Ryan..."

He hesitated for a second longer before he slipped his pants off and pushed my legs back, trying to ignore the way his hands shook when he did. He looked down at me, but respectfully kept his eyes on my face. His gaze was unnerving though, and covered my eyes so I wouldn't have to see him when it happened.

Ryan paused when he saw that. "Jacob, if you're not ready I don't want to force you," he said.

I shook my head, my hands still covering my face. "It's not that," I said, my voice choked. "It's just... I keep seeing Connor and I don't want to."

The room filled with silence before Ryan spoke softly. "Then see me," he said. He reached down and pulled my hands away. "Don't think about Connor at all. Look at my face. See me and only me."

I stared at him and my trembling lessened. "Okay..." I said. I didn't know if I could, but just hearing him say it made me want to believe I could.

Ryan kissed my forehead firmly before pulling away to screw the decency and look at where he needed to open me up. He seemed concerned about something and he spit into his hand to wet his fingers. I jerked when his fingers probed around my hole, but I was more used to being touched there than I would have liked to admit and just kept my eyes on Ryan's face to maintain my sanity as the preparation process began. 

I went from almost indistinguishable moans to breathy gasps as I gripped at Ryan's shoulders. "You're t-taking your fucking time," I said after too much of this.

Ryan's serious expression didn't change. "I don't want to hurt you," he said.

His words shook me and I blinked up at him. I had to stop myself from asking him why, and instead, grabbed his hand to stop him. "I want to feel you now. Please," I said.

Ryan stared at me, his eyes unreadable. Then he pulled his hand away hastily and lined up, blinking sweat out of his eyes. As he started pressing in, I clenched my teeth to keep from crying out. He was slow and gentle, but I still felt that burn that came from the stretch of an intrusion. My had shot down to grab at his stomach, but he was determined now and wouldn't let up. When he was all the way in, I rested my head back on the bed and breathed through my nose. Ryan moved my sweaty hair out of my face. "Are you okay?" he asked, his voice a little strained.

I took deep breaths and nodded. "Yeah," I said. I felt my eyes watering some and closed my eyes to hide it. "You can move if you want..."

It was more of a request than a suggestion because sitting there like that was going to drive the both of us crazy, so Ryan clenched his jaw and pulled out a little. I gripped his shoulders, but he put my arms around his neck and pulled me into his lap. "Hold onto me. Lean on me all you need," he said. I hugged him gratefully as he lifted my hips up and down. I didn't realize I was crying until I sobbed on a down-thrust and Ryan stopped. "Am I hurting you?" he asked, panicked. 

I shook my head and chuckled. I'd had it worse than this, so I wasn't crying because of pain. I was crying because of how loved I felt. No one had ever cared if I was alright, but I could feel it in every touch of Ryan's hands, the way he held me so that I was cradled close to his body to keep me warm. "No... You're not hurting me..." I said through my tears. "I just love you so much."

"Oh," Ryan said. He leaned his head against mine and hugged me tightly, smiling. "Well, I love you too..."

I nodded. "I know..." I said.

The rest of the night I did exactly what Ryan told me to do. I saw nothing but him. I even saw him when I fell asleep. He held me close for hours, and told me not to be afraid. Though we were up most of the night, I slept so peacefully I didn't even remember when we fell asleep. I hoped I could stay this happy forever. I hoped I could stay with Ryan forever.

*******

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