EVELYN DeMARCUS

Russell was in front of me, angry with what I just said.

"I will not take your dream from you, ate! You're crazy!"

Hinilot ko ang sentido ko. "My dream is for the company to strive, Rus. I'm sure matutupad parin 'yon kahit ikaw na ang kumuha ng presidency."

Para siyang nandiri sa sinabi ko. "I don't know the first thing about running DMC, ate! I am only interested in the hospitals, alam mo 'yan! Ikaw dapat ang umupo doon! No one else."

"Look," mariin na sabi ko, "dada wants to retire already. At kapag nagretiro siya, someone has to take over! Kung hindi tayo, the board will be forced to do a vote! At alam mo namang matagal nang gusto ni mr. Romulo na ilagay sa posisyon ang anak niya. That would be disastrous, Rus!"

"Why can't you do it?" parang bata na pagmamaktol niya. Padabog pang pumadyak at humalukipkip. "This company will be bankrupt before I can even sit on the chair! Alam mo 'yan, ate!"

"Don't be a drama queen," I hissed at him. Naiinis na ako sa pag-iinarte niya. "DMC Hospitals are doing well! Don't cut yourself short, Rus! Training lang at makukuha mo din."

Russell groaned. "Have Ruel take over when he graduates then. Bakit ako pa?"

This time, binato ko na siya ng ballpen. "Idiot! That's not for another year or so!"

"Seriously, ate Evie, what you're asking for is impossible. Wala na isa sa amin ang papayag na hindi ikaw ang uupo bilang president. Besides, if the board does come to a vote, what makes you think they won't choose you? They trust you!"

I sighed, pagod na. "I can't risk it, Russell. You know how some of them follow mr. Romulo religiously. That's a risk I am not willing to take. DMC's power must remain in the family."

Nakasimangot na si Russell ngayon, galit na galit na. "Nasaan ba ang Third na 'yon? Punyeta niya ha!"

"Hoy! Respeto!" suway ko. Kanina pa ako gigil na gigil kay Russell. Ang arte arte niya ha! Masasakal ko na talaga!

"Where's Eva? She has a list of potential husbands for you!"

"Jeez, Russell! Tingin mo after the whole fiasco, maiisipan ko pang magpakasal?"

He gave me a disbelieving look. "I'm sure kung si Third ang nasa altar, you will not hesitate to—Aw! Ate! Masakit!"

I threw him my stapler. "Wala kang kwenta talaga! Leave!"

Russell smirked. "Can I stay here? Miss na kita, ate!"

"Stop being clingy and leave! Si Ruel ang guluhin mo!"

He gave another disgusted look before standing up. "Kay mama nalang ako. Miss na ako non, for sure. Isusumbong din kita kay dada."

"Shut it, Rus! Para kang bata."

"Inggit ka lang kasi ako pinakamalambing!"

I grabbed my whole puncher this time at natatawa siyang lumayo. "You're not malambing! You're clingy!"

"Sus! Clingy ka daw sabi ni Third!"

Punyeta!

Binato ko na pero sakto naman na sinara niya ang pinto. Minsan talaga nakakapag-init ng ulo si Russell. Hindi ko alam kung paanong siya ang mas matanda, habang mas seryoso at matino naman si Ruel. I really don't get it!

Calling the attention of my secretary, sinabi kong i-block lahat ng walk-ins for today and to clear my lunch schedule. I have been stuck in this office for the past week or so. Unang pumapasok at huling umuuwi. If I wasn't salaried, sigurado akong ang taas na ng suweldo ko dahil sa accumulated overtime ko.

"All walk-ins, miss?"

"Yes," sagot ko through the intercom.

Bigla ay napatikhim siya na ipinagtaka ko. "Uh... e-even mr. Lounge?"

"Third?"

"Yes, miss." Nasa tono parin niya ang kaba.

No way! Is he—He's here?

"Bakit mo natanong?"

"He's in front of your door, miss. Hinihintay lang ho na papasukin ninyo," she replied timidly, as if ayaw niyang marinig ni Third ang sinasabi niya.

I stared at the closed door of my office and hesitated. Simula noong dinner sa bahay ay hindi na kami nagusap pang muli. He tried his best to win me over during the dinner, but I was adamant to stop it all. Pursigido na akong pakawalan siya dahil 'yon ang alam kong tama at dapat kong gawin.

I made a mistake going for a committed man, pero hindi ibig sabihin non ay hindi ko na p'wedeng itama ang kung ano mang pagkakamali ko.

"Tell him to leave, please..." mariin kong sabi habang nakapikit. I cannot have him near me. My resolve will completely ruin kung lalapit pa siya sa'kin. To hear the plea in his voice and to see the sorrow in his eyes will dissolve all my defenses and I will take him back. Take him kahit hindi naman akin upang angkinin.

Alexander Lounge the Third was and is not mine to keep.

"Evie."

Nasampal ko ang sariling noo nang marinig ang boses niya. Next thing I know, he will be breaking down the doors to enter, too. Kung gaano siya kadeterminado noon na palayuin ako, mas malakas pa ata ang determinasyon niya ngayon na suyuin ako at pabalikin sakanya.

How ironic to deny the man I've been fighting for.

"Leave, Third," sabi ko sa boses na pilit pinapatapang. Hindi niya p'wedeng mahimigan ang pangungulila ko sakanya sa tono ko. He cannot know how much I truly miss him.

"Bullshit. Open this door, Evie. Hindi ko uulitin dahil talagang sisirain ko 'to," galit niyang banta.

I can imagine the crease between his thick eyebrows as a result of his annoyance. Sigurado rin ako na kung talagang makakaya niya ay gigibain niya ang pinto ko. From his tone, it seems as if he would go through the Wall of China just to get to me.

Pero hindi na p'wede. The wall was built for a reason and it was for protection. People do not build walls only to have them destroyed. I refuse to fall like the wall of Berlin.

"Leave before I call security," banta ko pabalik.

"Evelyn!"

E-vie-lyn... There he goes again.

Naramdaman ko ang pag-iinit ng sulok ng mga mata ko. He had to wait for this moment to say my name properly. Bakit hindi noon? Dahil ba malapit na akong mawala sakanya? After all, people cherish the lost more than the found.

"Mag-usap tayo," mariin niyang demanda. I could almost imagine his glare. Truth be told, I can almost feel it. Paanong hindi? E, sa halos araw-araw na kasama ko siya ay irap niya lang ang nakikita ko madalas.

"I'm busy, Third, and we really have nothing to talk about," I said with finality and let go of the intercom. Ayoko na siyang kausapin.

But, of course, he was almost as stubborn as I.

Kalmado kong pinagpatuloy ang pagbabasa kahit wala naman na akong naiintindihan sa mga nasa harap ko. My door was slammed open and a fuming Third walked in. I glanced behind him and felt bad when I saw my secretary's frustrated and scared look. Kawawa naman. Ang dami na ngang ginagawa, dumagdag pa sa problema niya 'tong si Third. I only sighed and waved her off. Dali-dali naman niyang sinara ang pinto at hindi nag-atubiling iwan kami.

I refused to look at Third who was not standing on the opposite side of my desk.

"I told you I'm busy."

"And I told you I want to talk."

Tumaas ang kilay ko at tinignan na siya. "So, sino'ng maga-adjust, kung ganon?"

I had to hold in my gasp. Ilang linggo ko rin siyang 'di nakita at aaminin kong nabuhay ang pananabik ko sakanya. I've been trying to fool myself into believing that I could handle the separation from him, pero ngayon na andito na siya ay parang gusto ko na lamang bumigay. I wanted to badly to just forget every single complication and just envelope myself in his warmth...

Pero hindi p'wede. I no longer needed him for the company, but how can I truly deny myself from needing him from my life?

He furiously slapped a hand on my table. I only blinked. I've dealt with so many angry businessmen that sudden actions don't surprise me a lot. Kalmado akong tao, pero hindi ko rin p'wedeng ipagkaila ang pamimilis ng tibok ng puso ko. I've seen his anger, but never have I ever seen him so furious.

"Trabaho parin! Punyetang trabaho 'yan!" he shouted with so much frustration and anger in his voice. Pati ang mga mata niya ay nanlilisik sa galit. "You always put your damn work over me! Punyeta, Evelyn!"

Napatiim-labi ako. I can't even deny that. I'm guilty of being a workaholic... but why does it concern him now? Dati naman ay hindi siya apektado na ganito ako. That I am a career woman above anything else aside from being a daughter and a sister.

"It's because I have responsibilities, Third, and—"

"And what? Everything you do is for your company? Alila ka na ngayon ng kumpanya niyo, ha?!"

I glared at him. "Bakit, ikaw, hindi ba?"

"No," he hissed with another glare. "I don't base my life choices on the company alone!"

Napabuntong-hininga ako. Alam ko naman 'yon. It was why he always chose Jane kahit na mas nakakabuti para sa kumpanya nila ang piliin ako. I can never be blind to that fact. Paanong hindi ko tanggapin kung 'yun ang katotohanan that I had to live with for the past year? I was constantly reminded that Jane was the choice while I was a mere option.

"I don't really see where this is going, Third," pagod kong sabi at sumandal na sa inuupuan ko. I looked so unprofessional while slumped, pero hindi ko na mapigilan. Sumuko na ako, e, pero bakit parang pilit parin akong pinapalaban? I lost the war. I gave up. Ano pa ba?

I watched his eyes soften and his tensed body relaxed. Umiwas ko ng tingin dahil ayokong makita ang lambot sa mga mata niya. Mas nahihirapan lang ako. I'd rather see his anger than his... fondness...

When I heard him move, pinanood ko ang mabagal niyang paglakad. He went around my desk until he reached my side. Tumingala ako at magsasalita na sana nang bigla siyang lumuhod sa gilid ko. Now I was looking down at him and I couldn't help but feel a bit emotional.

Bakit na ba kasi andito? Bakit mo pa ako pinapahirapan?

I just wanted to forget about all of this and move on. I just wanted to be free of him once and for all.

"My Evie..." he said in a soft voice. He slowly reached for my hand and I could feel my eyes burning. Shit. Ang hirap...

"Third, please..." Pumikit ako ng mariin. My chest was hurting. Whoever said heartbreak wasn't physical must have never experienced it. Dahil ramdam na ramdam ko ang paninikip ng dibdib ko. And it hurt so much...

His lips touched my hand and I kept my eyes closed. Ayokong umiyak. Ayokong may pumatak kahit na isang luha man lang. Ayoko nang damdamin ang bawat hapdi ng puso ko. Ayoko na.

"I broke up with Jane."

My eyes snapped open. Nakaawang ang mga labi akong napatingin sakanya at nawala agad ako sa sarili ko. My mind couldn't fully process what my ears heard. Gulat na gulat akong nakatingin sakanya habang siya naman ay nakayuko at patuloy na hinahaplos ang kamay ko. I tried to withdraw my hand but he held it firmly. Ayaw bitawan, ayaw pakawalan.

The fuck?

He broke up with her? For what?

"Why did you do that?" I calmly whispered. Nakatitig lamang ako sa nakayuko niyang ulo. Hindi ko parin kayang paniwalain ang sinabi niya. He broke with Jane? The love of his life?"

Inangat niya ang ulo niya at sinalubong ang tingin ko. He had a serious look on his face na para bang napaka-importante ng usapan namin. Like it was the most important thing in the world right now.

"Dahil magpapakasal na tayo."

Again, I was stunned into speechlessness. Iba't-ibang mga emosyon ang naramdaman ko at hindi ko alam kung alin ang pagtutuunan ko ng pansin. Gulat, galit, saya, at lungkot ang namuo sa isipan at puso ko. It was all too confusing, but I chose to rely on my anger. It was the safest emotion. It was the most protective emotion at the moment.

"Bakit mo 'yon ginawa?" puno ng diin kong sabi. I swiftly withdrew my hand at nabigla siya kaya hindi niya ako napigilan. I glared at his shocked form. "I'm no longer obliging you to marry me, Third! Hindi ka ba nakinig noong sinabi ko 'yon sa bahay namin? We don't need to marry anymore so you had no reason to break up with Jane!"

Kumunot ang noo niya at nanumbalik ang inis sa mga mata niya. He frustratedly combed his hair with his fingers. 'Di makapaniwalanh tinignan niya ulit ako tapos ay napailing.

"You spent a whole year begging me to break up with her and marry you, tapos ngayon na ginawa ko na ay galit ka? Damn it, Evelyn, when will you stop being an annoying brat?"

I gaped at him in shock. At talagang ininsulto pa ako!

"I am not a—"

"Yes, you are," he hissed. "Ang gusto mo, ikaw lagi ang nasusunod. And you damn well do anything to get what you want. At ngayon na ibibigay ko na ang gusto mo, you suddenly want the exact opposite and expect me to follow your demands! Wala kang pakialam na binago mo na ang buhay ko!"

I ignored his last statement and stuttered. "H-hindi ko na 'yan gusto!"

He stood up and looked even more frustrated. Gulong-gulo na ang buhok niya at nandidilim na ang mga mata sa galit. It was probably a bad time, but I couldn't help but admire him a bit. Hindi nakakatulong na mas nag-gwapuhan ako sakanya tuwing galit o nagsusungit siya. I had to look away and control my desires.

"And what about what I want, huh? Wala kang pakialam?"

Napalunok ako. "W-wala..."

"Annoying brat," he spat out.

Akala ko aalis na siya pero nagulat ako nang biglaan niya akong hinila patayo. My wide eyes stared at him in shock habang siya naman ay nakasimangot na na parang bata na hindi pinagbibigyan. I wanted to badly to ease his obvious frustrations, pero may pumipigil na sa'kin. The image of a crying Jane awakened my guilt and overpowered all other emotions. Damn it!

"Bitawan mo 'ko," mariin kong utos.

He only rolled his eyes, completely disobeying me. Napasimangot ako sa ginawa niya pero agad ring napatili nang biglaan niya akong buhatin. I shrieked and tried my best to break free, pero mas hinigpitan niya lang ang hawak sa'kin. Carrying me like a bride, he walked towards my couches and sat down, positioning my on his lip. Sinubukan kong umalis ulit pero pinirmi niya ako doon. When I attempted again, he spanked my exposed thigh.

Napasinghap ako. "H-how dare you! At sa office ko pa talaga! You have no respect!"

He scoffed at mas lalo akong na-offend. It was a sexy move and I hate that I liked it when I should be appalled by it! Grr! Tigang na tigang, Evie?

"You like that kinky crap so cut it out," walang patawad niyang sabi kaya mas umawang ang labi ko sa gulat. I even felt myself blushing hard. Nang makita niya 'yon ay ngumisi siya, tuwang-tuwa sa sarili. I only frowned at him. "Good. You finally shut up. Makinig ka na ngayon."

"I refuse to listen to you and your—"

He spanked my thigh again. I winced a bit and felt embarrassed when I felt something heat up between my legs. Umiwas nalang ako ng tingin at 'di na nagsalita pa.

"Are you finally going to listen, you brat?"

Inirapan ko siya pero hindi ako nagsalita. He took that as an affirmative and finally relaxed.

"I should've appealed to your kinky side in the first place..."

"Shut up," I grumbled. Inis ko siyang binalingan. "Ano ba kasing sasabihin mo? I wasn't lying when I said I had a ton of work to do!"

Nanlambot ang mga mata niya at may munting ngiti na namuo sa mga labi niya. The smile distracted me from my anger a bit pero nakabawi rin ako. I tried so hard to hold on to my anger. Hindi 'yon healthy, pero natatakot ako na baka agaran rin akong bumigay kapag pinakawalan ko ang galit na 'yon. I refuse to weaken my resolve.

"I want to marry you, my Evie..." he adoringly whispered. Naestatwa ako sa kandungan niya, refusing to still accept it. "I'm not doing it because you're obliging me to. Gusto kong gawin dahil gusto kong dalhin mo na ang pangalan ko. I want my ring on your finger and I want my name in yours."

Napalunok ako at napayuko, still refusing to look at him. Halos marinig ko na ang pintig ng puso ko dahil sa sinasabi niya. My heart was beating so wildly and so uncontrollably. Gusto kong maiyak sa sobrang tuwa, pero tuwing naiisip ko na bumigay ay pumapasok sa isipan ko ang mukha ni Jane.

How can I be happy when it's only possible because of someone's misery? Hindi ko kayang malunok 'yon... parang ang hirap...

"Please..." he whispered his plea against my ear. Napapikit ako lalo. "Marry me. Be mine officially, love..."

Fuck...

Nanghina na ako ng tuluyan. I want so badly to say yes. Maybe even drag him to the mayor's office already, pero hindi ko talaga ma-control ang isipan ko na lagi nalang naiisip ang naluluhang mukha ni Jane. She was a casualty in this war and despite of it being all fair in love and war, hindi ko na p'wedeng ipagkaila ang nararamdaman kong guilt. I was so guilty that I felt like I didn't deserve any of this...

Hirap man, pinilit ko talaga na tumayo at lumayo mula sakanya. Hinigpitan niya ang hawak niya sa'kin and I had to close my eyes when he choked on a sob behind me.

"Let me go, Third... please."

"Evie... no..." He sobbed harder this time.

Mabilis kong pinunasan ang mga nag-uunahang luha ko. I tried so hard not to make a noise. Ayokong ipakita na nahihirapan din ako. I need to show him that this was what I truly wanted — to be away from him, kahit sa ngayon lang.

I forcefully ripped myself away from him. At nanghihina at parang sukong pinagmasdan niya lamang. Iniwas ko ang tingin ko mula sa namumula niyang mga mata at pilit na tinatagan ang sarili. I want nothing more than to be with him, pero parang hindi ko pa kaya. I want to forgive myself first and find a way to ease my guilt.

"I need you to leave," mariin kong sabi, hindi parin makatingin ng diretso sakanya. "There are things I need to do at wala akong panahon para sa drama na 'to."

He flinched at my cruel words and I almost apologized. My heart broke again when he bowed his head.

"I'm begging you, Evie..." he pleaded so softly and with so much hurt and agony.

I closed my eyes firmly. Ayokong umiyak sa harapan niya.

"Leave, Third. I don't want you here."