Everyone looked at each other. "How- but you all just- and they look-" Mr. Lovegood stuttered.
"Shh... Xenophilius." Lydia purred, running a hand through her husband's hair. "There's nothing to be done here on our account." The second Hermione was the first to speak besides Mrs. Lovegood. "Malfoy." She said, pointing her wand at Draco.
 "Don't touch him." Said the Hermione who'd been with them all along, pointing her wand at the other Hermione. "Hermione, what's gotten into you- her - you?" Asked the other Ron.

"Well, don't ask me." Draco huffed.
"Polyjuice potion?" Suggested the other Harry, pulling out his wand and pointing it at Draco.
 "Look, Hermione, if that's really me and not just a Death Eater with Polyjuice." Other Hermione said, narrowing her eyes at Draco with the last part.
 "Oh, it's me alright. No one else knows about the shrine in second year..." Hermione said pointedly. 

"Shrine?" Luna asked, interested. "Oh, that's interesting. Hermione, have you started a religion recently?" 
Both Hermiones jumped. Other Hermione lowered her wand, then raised it again as an afterthought. "So what are you doing with Malfoy, of all people?" 

"Dating him." Hermione said.
"Snogging as well." Draco added. "Like, so much snogging." 
"Malfoy, stop talking. She's already got a wand pointed at you." Hermione sighed.
"Mental, that one." Said Other Ron.
Ron nodded, exasperated. "That's what I said, mate. But it was either him, or that nasty git Jones." "Jones?" Other Harry looked confused.
"Everybody sit down. We can tell our side of the story and you can tell yours." Ginny said. 

"We're on a bit of a tight schedule." Other Harry admitted. 
"You don't want to find out why I'm snogging Granger senseless all the time..." Draco trailed off at the looks Harry and Ron were giving him. 
"Gross, Malfoy." Harry sighed.
"I still think he slipped her something." Ron muttered. 

"That's what Hermione thought." Luna agreed. 
Draco glared at Hermione. "Rude." 
"What? I suddenly had feelings for my childhood nemesis." Hermione shrugged. "I bet you thought the same thing." 
"We're here about the Deathly Hallows and a symbol you wore to Bill's wedding...?" Other Hermione pressed. "As interesting as all of this is, we're a bit on the run...?" 

"Sit down." Xenophilius looked at Luna. "I'm sure we have... enough time. For all of the stories." 

So they all did.

Other Harry, Other Ron, and Other Hermione did not look impressed with their story. "So you're saying I'm dating Draco, and it all started as a way to get some annoying wizard of my back?" Other Hermione asked skeptically.
 Luna shrugged. "Technically, that was the start of the affair. But it all really kicked off when he was reading Pride and Prejudice for English class."
Other Harry frowned. "Pride and Prejudice?"
Harry shrugged. "It's pretty good." Then it was the others' turn. They started with sixth year.

When they were finished, Draco smirked, "I really wish we could show them your prophecies, Mrs. Lovegood. Not the one where Hermione gets tortured by my evil aunt, or anything, but like the one where I'm Head Boy, and Hermione's Head Girl-" 
Hermione clamped a hand over his mouth. "She'd shoot you, Draco. I think I like you better without holes in you." 
"Worried, Granger?" He asked, peeling her fingers away. 
"About your personality getting you killed? Yes, I am." 

"Any other reasons why they don't get to see 'the future'?" Luna asked.
Hermione shook her head. "Let's not go into that. We'll eventually see that one again. Not the one with Ron and me, but the one where, you know. Astoria Greengrass?"
Draco nodded, and put his arm around her. "What about the one where Harry and Ginny's son is going to Hogwarts?" 

Other Ron glared at Other Harry. "You better not break her heart again." He growled.
 "Ahem." Ginny cleared her throat. "Really Ron. You missed me saying I'd become a cheerleader for Harry." Draco and Hermione cracked a smile. "What so funny, Malfoy?" Other Ron demanded. "Short skirts." Was all he said before Ginny, Luna, Hermione and Draco all burst into laughter.

"Why are they all laughing?" Other Harry said to Harry. Harry shrugged. "Jonathan Jones thought Hermione should be a cheerleader because Draco somehow made quarterback, and then Draco freaked out about it, especially after Jonathan's twin sister Kimberly told him about the short skirts."
"Short skirts?!" Said Other Ron.
"That was exactly how Draco reacted." Luna said after they all stopped laughing. 
"Wait, what? My fourteen year old sister...?" Ron tried, scowling.

"I wondered why Blondie looked so angry up in the bleachers." Another voice said.
They all turned around again. "Jones. How did you even get here?" Hermione demanded angrily.
Jonathan twirled his wand like a baton. "I have my ways. ... Wait, why are there two of you?" The Hermiones looked at each other. "And you dated Malfoy over him? He just seems like an idiot." Other Hermione said.
Hermione narrowed her eyes at her. "Draco never tried to hit me with an Unforgivable. And Jonathan is a disgusting, idiotic, nasty pig."
"Hey. I am right here." Jonathan said. Hermione smiled sweetly at him. "Of course you are. If you weren't, I would have added in a lot of other bad things about you, but those four words pretty much sum it up. Now why are you here?"

Jonathan smiled. "I'm here on business. Xenophilius gave us a call that your friend Potter was here." Everyone looked at Mr. Lovegood. "Why Dad, why?" Luna said quietly.
"Because I know for a fact you're still locked up in the basement of Malfoy Manor." He said.
"Of course she is." Jonathan laughed. Draco glared at him.
 "And why is one of my friends locked up in my basement, Death Eater?" Jonathan threw back his head and laughed. "When you and your family gave up your home to the Dark Lord, obviously you gave it up to his son." 

"That explains the evilness. And the familiar face. Why didn't I notice before...?" Harry muttered.
"Oh, and Blondie; we eventually worked out our problems." Jonathan smiled, but then he was hit in the back with a stunning spell. "I've been wanting to do that for a while." Other Draco muttered. There was an awkward silence as he took in the scene.
"Well this isn't awkward." He said sarcastically. Other Hermione pointed her wand at him. He pointed his wand at her.

 "Malfoy."
"Granger."
 "Ugh! Not this again." Luna said. Other Draco and Other Hermione lowered their wands a little. Luna frowned at both of them, and then she motioned to Draco and Hermione, who were watching them. Draco kissed Hermione's neck playfully, keeping his eyes on the adults in front of them.

The Others stared at each other in shock. Other Draco and Other Hermione were looking at each other, obviously trying to find the qualities in each other that had led to the scene in front of them. Other Ron looked like he wanted to pulverize a Draco, though he didn't look quite sure of which one. He kept looking from Other Draco to Draco and back again. He finally decided on Draco. "Mate, lay off. He didn't steal your girlfriend or whatever." Ron said. Other Ron narrowed his eyes at him. "Technically, he did."
 Ron gasped. "No way, Hermione and I are dating?" Everyone in the room turned to look at him, especially Other Draco and Other Hermione, who had frozen Jonathan in Petrificus Totalus a while ago.

"Awkward..." Luna said. Draco and Hermione nodded. Other Hermione groaned. "I still don't accept this. I am never going to accept this." She muttered. "This is disgusting and wrong and now I'm going to have to live with that mental image of Malfoy and me forever..."

Draco heard her though. He turned to Other Draco. "Kiss her."
"What?!"
"Kiss her. It's awesome." Draco kissed Hermione's ear as a demonstration, and she laughed. "I'm so glad you're enjoying yourself." 
"I'm not kissing a mu-"
 "Don't finish that sentence." Among others, Draco was pointing his wand at Other Draco. "You don't have to finish it. Jones is still out cold, and no one here is going to tell Father that you didn't call her that word." 

"And here I thought you'd changed." Hermione huffed, standing up next to Draco.
"Granger, I have no hand in this. In fact, I have nothing but respect for Muggles after learning that they wrench each other's teeth out. That is terrifying." 
"Wait, what?!" Other Draco demanded. 
"...there are no dentists in the Wizarding World?" Other Harry asked Other Hermione. 

"No need." She shrugged. "Remember when he hit me with that spell to grow my teeth out, and Madame Pomfrey fixed it?" 
"I'm going to have to apologize properly for that one before you let me snog you again, aren't I?" Draco asked Hermione. 
She nodded once. 

"Remind me why we shouldn't hex him again?" Other Ron demanded. 
"We need him." Luna decided, stepping over Jones. "He's not going to help us if we hurt him, now is he?" 
"What do we need him for, exactly?" Other Harry asked warily. 
Luna sighed. "My rescue, obviously." 

Everyone looked pointedly at Draco, and Luna shook her head. "No no no. He's too young and optimistic. They'll sniff him out in an instant, and then that just becomes a terrible experience, now doesn't it? Of course, he and Hermione can be a back-up, but..." 
"But what?" Other Draco asked. 
"But you and the Older Hermione are going to be the main players." Luna shrugged. 

Draco shot her a wary look, and Luna shrugged, sitting down in a thick armchair. "Now, why don't you three go have some biscuits? You look like fugitives." 
"Not too far from the truth." Other Harry muttered. 
"So what are we going to do?" Other Ron asked, taking a biscuit from the tin Luna summoned from the kitchen. 

"I don't think it's a we, Weasley." Draco huffed. 
Luna nodded. "Harry and Ron are going to stay here." 
"Excellent plan, Lovegood. I think we should use Granger's ti--" Other Hermione paled, then cast a muffliato, so no one knew why she suddenly jumped up and yelled at Other Draco, pointing a wand at him. 

That is, no one who was in the bubble, encompassing both Hermiones and Dracos. She had jumped up and yelled because Other Draco had suggested they both go into Malfoy Manor alone, and use her time turner. "How did you find out about that?!" She yelled.
"Please, Granger. You were in both Arithmancy and Divination? Unless you have a twin, which I highly doubt, despite the current situation, you have some sort of time turner. I figured it out years ago." Other Draco scoffed. 

"Then why didn't you ever say anything?" Other Hermione demanded. 
"Why the hell would I care about you running yourself ragged?" He replied flippantly. "Though I don't know why you've never used it for any of the troubles Potter managed to get himself into. I mean, really, Granger. Why not go back with Dumbledore and your little group of ragtag allies a few years ago and prevent the Dark Lord from arising? We wouldn't even be in this mess!" 
"McGonagall confiscated it!" 

"Why? If anyone needed a time turner, it's Perfect Potter! It's probably in her office as we speak!"
"I used it to help a criminal!"
"Oh? My idiot cousin?" Other Draco scoffed. "As if everyone doesn't know he's innocent at this point." Other Hermione pressed her wand against his throat. "Don't speak ill of the dead, Malfoy." She spat.
"Sirius died?!" Hermione asked, aghast. 

"Black was innocent?" Draco added.
"Ron's rat was Pettigrew all along." Hermione explained quickly. "You need to tell Harry about Sirius! He probably thinks that now because of this one, he won't have to live with his horrid, horrid aunt and uncle! I tried calling Social Services for him once, but no one believed me! Did you-- have you seen the marks on him?!" 

Other Draco squared his jaw. "Well, I'm sure life with the Muggles was just peachy compared to what I've been through."
"Oh, as if--" Other Hermione began. Hermione shook her head fervently. "Don't. Don't start on that! We're not going to talk about that here, with you two hating each other. Can you two just get along long enough for us to rescue Luna?!" 

Draco smiled softly, leaning against her. "Your hair smells nice."
"...Malfoy, I may be snogging you, but that is the creepiest thing you've ever said."
"Oh? Then let's stop talking for a minute."
She laughed. "Now you're just corny." They leaned in for a kiss, but were interrupted by Other Draco and Other Hermione. "Can you please not do that in front of us?" Other Hermione said.
"I still can't believe I -you- made out with Hermione Granger." Other Draco muttered, his disgust evident.
"Watch it Malfoy." Other Hermione said, gripping her wand tightly.

"Here we go again. Look, remember, this is all for Luna." Hermione sighed. "I guess we could just Polyjuice Jones--" 
"Too much hair product." Draco huffed. 
"--or tie Malfoy up in the basement and polyjuice him..." Hermione continued. 
"No polyjuice." Other Draco pointed out. "And I assume you mean me." 

"I agree, Granger. I think tying each other up is too early at this point." Draco cackled. 

Hermione resisted to elbow him in the stomach. "Just try to not kill each other." 

Other Draco let down the Muffliato. "No promises, Stranger Granger." 
"Oh, for the love of... he's the Wizard version of Dr. Seuss, isn't he?" Other Hermione groaned. 

Other Draco stuck out his tongue at her. "I don't know what that is, so I assume it's a compliment coming from you, Granger." 
"What's your plan, Luna?" Draco asked. 
Luna clapped her hands excitedly. "Well, we claim that Draco came across Hermione and decided to bring her back. She'll be locked in the basement, and we'll be able to free both her and me. Now, why are the ones who are dating involved? Because if you're caught--" 

"Lovegood, I refuse." Other Draco said coldly. 
Luna blinked at him. "Why?" 
"You're supposed to be smart, Lovegood. What the hell do you think is going to happen to her? She's not going to be locked up. She's going to be tortured until she dies!" 

A silence fell across the group. 
"Well, then. I guess you're our prisoner then." Luna noted. 
"What?" Both Dracos said in unison. 
"Well, if they'd outright kill Hermione, how pleased do you think they're going to be with you when you've come back empty-handed without the son of Voldemort?" Ginny asked. 

Other Draco ground his teeth. "I refuse to remain here!" 
"Too bad. It's for your own good." Ron grinned. 
Other Draco glared at him. "You're enjoying this, aren't you, Weasley?" 
"A bit." Both Rons and Ginny shrugged. 
"Where do we stay?" Neville asked Mrs. Lovegood. 

"You may all stay here, or camp out in the backyard!" She announced. "Oh, but do go get Luna soon, please..."
Luna nodded in agreement. "I quite think I should be rescued now. By my calculations, house-elf Apparating won't affect my condition. Call Dobby, Harry." She looked pointedly at Harry, not Other Harry, who nodded, and called Dobby. 

Less than a half-hour later, Other Luna came back, with Ollivander and Griphook.
"Mother?" Other Luna said in wonderment. Then she saw Luna. "Now, I really am Loony. Ah, well. Not so bad, now is it...?"
 Other Hermione shook her head. "Time traveling accident. And that was my reaction when he kissed me." She jerked her thumb  at Other Draco, who was playing a game of Wizard Chess with Other Ron. 

"That's great! I've bet fifty galleons on you two being in a relationship!" Other Luna said, smiling. Luna closed the book she was reading. "Not her. Well... a bit." She gestured to Hermione and Draco, who were sitting on the floor, tangled in each other's limbs. They had been talking quietly when Other Luna had entered, but were now watching Other Luna. 

"Sorry that it took so long to regain your daughter, Mr. Lovegood." Ollivander smiled gently. "She wouldn't leave us down there. Good girl, 12 inches of oak, unicorn hair. It was a yearling filly, as I recall..." He noted. 
Other Luna sighed. "I'm very sorry to have lost your wand, Mr. Ollivander." 
He brushed it away. "You didn't lose it, they took it. After all of this is over, I'll make you a new one. After all, I might have gone mad down there with no company." 

"Mm..." Other Draco finally looked up from his game. "I suggest we all flee. America is nice. And across the Atlantic. One thing's for certain, they're going to ask why I never came back and we never explained our absence." 
"Mr. Ollivander, would you mind explaining the Elder Wand?" Other Harry asked. 

Ollivander's eyes lit up with interest for a brief moment. "Of course, but... I agree with young master Malfoy. Or... just master Malfoy, it would seem. Perhaps we could discuss this... somewhere else?"