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"I'll show you how to let go of the pain without killing yourself."
💖P E R C Y💖

"So...", he trailed on, "What happened to you and Percy?"

A blush crept up to my cheeks, thank God for the dimly lit street. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, you guys hated each other and then, BAM! Suddenly, you guys are the best of friends."

I laughed, "Percy's...good. I mean, he's been good. He was supportive and well, he became our peacekeeper while we were at war."

Despite being friends again, I felt like he was hit by my words and tried to remove his faltered expression. I guess he succeeded because his eyes perked up, as if he was remembering something, "You do know that he used to have a thing for you, right?"

I was completely taken back, "Say what now?"

"Yeah, I think it was during our sophomore year? Yeah, he used to ask a lot about you."

"What!? I thought he hated me?"

"He thought you hated him!" He laughed again. "Maybe you guys thought you hated each other and that's probably why you never got along."

"Wow," I say out of breath, "I'm completely mind blown right now. All these years, it had been a complete misunderstanding?"

He chuckled and said nothing else. We were like that until we reached our house. I looked at it, not just stare, I really looked at it and realize that even if I had been here for 17 years, I couldn't exactly call it home. Mostly because, I've spent more days crying than actually living here.

I remember a psychology test our teacher gave to us once. It was to test our priorities.

You are alone in your house with your newly born sibling who is crying. It is a rainy day and you had clothes outside, vulnerable to the rain. Simultaneously, the water in the tub is almost full, the phone is ringing, while there is a loud knocking on your door. In what order will you finish these tasks?

I honestly thought that I was being practical. Basically, I chose the running water first, then the clothes outside, then the ringing phone, the knocking, and lastly, the crying baby. In order, money, sex drive, career, friends, and last is the family.

I thought it was ridiculous. But I finally realized how true it is. I never felt what a real family felt, I didn't have many friends.

The only funny part was the sex drive because it was next to impossible.

The family, however...Now that's another story.

My parents...they are never supportive. One thing I do know is that they are never there.

It's kind of relieving to see Gaston finally be there for me.

He was the one thing I could call home before. I wasn't so sure about now with our rocky relationship. But, I really want him to be the brother I once had.

Perhaps...

But I didn't want to dwell on that thought so long.

The first thing I noticed when we reached the house was the car parked on the driveway.

"Holy shit! Where have you guys been?" Percy's voice was both comforting and startling that I was embarrassed with him seeing me on this state.

Aside from that, I finally saw my palms and how they were bleeding. I knew well enough what both of them would do if they saw it. So I hid both of them behind my back.

"I really don't want to talk about it, guys. I'm gonna go sleep now." I tried very hard to hide my palms. Gaston somehow understood and nodded while Percy was giving me a concerned look, like he wanted to hug my pain away but restrained himself because of Gaston.

Once I reached my room, I heard Gaston tell him that he's going to take a shower and that he could make himself home.

I, on the other hand, struggled to clean up the wounds on both sides because, well, both of them are wounded.

The moment the door opened, I knew that I was screwed.

"I knew something else happened to you. Didn't Gas see this?" I shook my head and let it down, accidentally touching the open files of my palm.

I hissed and flinched visibly. "Let me." He rushed to my side and took the kit, rummaging through it and looking for the things he needed.

"I'm sorry." He suddenly said, "I'm sorry because I couldn't be there for you."

After a few beats, he finally asked, "Who did this to you?"

I didn't utter a word because I knew that he already had an idea on who did it.

Anger swelled in him. I swear to God, I saw steam blowing out of his nose.

"He's not worth it, Perce. And...He's not exactly wrong." I breathed out.

He calmed himself but his eyes held a sense of urgency, "About what?"

I had a mental debate whether or not I should tell him. I decided on the latter, "About everything. About Lucy, it's my fault, all of it." Tears were suddenly threatening to spill again.

In the middle of it, I said in between sobs, "Sometimes, I feel nothing, then other tines, I feel to much. I can't take it. Maybe it's easier if I..." I didn't dare finish the sentence.

"No." He said firmly. "I can't let you do that."

"Life is something that can surprise you in many ways, as long as you head towards the right direction. Suicide is not an option. I don't want you to do what you did last year, we can't lose you-I can't lose you."

I didn't utter a word. Instead, I stared at my now treated hands and focused hard on my breathing.

He was so close I could almost feel his breaths on my skin. "Give me time. I'll show you, I'll show you how to let go of the pain without killing yourself."

"Percy, there's nothing for me here."

"There is always a purpose. Your life matters."

"No, it does not. I'm worthless and stupid."

What he did next made my heart skip a beat.

He pressed his lips on my forehead and whispered, "You do matter to me."