❝Memories are the stars that brighten our dreams.❞
-C.S. Lewis

***

I booked a room in the Hampton Inn & Suites in Downtown Chicago. I was going to book a room in the Hampton Inn Majestic, but it was a bit overpriced, and despite hoping Maya was kidding about her last comment, I didn't really want to take a chance. Not now, especially with how much progress we've made this weekend. I've got her laughing, I've made her happy, I've kissed her, it's been a good weekend. Despite not being able to go inside of the Planetarium — we have that to look forward to tomorrow — I've say it's been pretty successful.

Thankfully, the hotel was only two miles from the Planetarium. If it were any farther, I may have gotten us lost. Chicago is a big city, and despite being in a city before, it doesn't mean I know my way around. Especially with all the roads and cars. Last time I was in Chicago, my dad was driving, not me.

"So, is there anything else you'd like to see? Anything you'd like to do? I'm up for it. After all, you wanted to make today count," I tell her as I carry my bag up to the front desk, and she carries hers.

"Nah. Well, I would like to get some ice cream? That was part of the making it count. Unless, you don't want to, of course? I could pay for this? This I could do," she laughs, as I tell the lady behind the counter what my name is.

"Sounds good to me," I tell her, not wanting her to get upset and tell me how she can't pay for much. I don't want her to pay for my ice cream, but if it makes her happy, than so be it.

"Good," Maya smiles, as the lady hands us two hotel keys and tells us our room is ready.

"Let's go put our stuff in our room, then we can go get some ice cream," I reply, not wanting to carry our stuff around Chicago. I don't even really want any ice cream right now, but if Maya wants some, then we can get some.

Our room is on the third floor, and it looks just like any other hotel room I ever stayed in looks like. I got two beds, however, for I didn't want Maya to feel awkward. I didn't want her to feel like I was pushing anything, so I got two beds. It was a little more than what it would have been if I had only gotten one, but I'll keep that to myself.

"Two beds," she says as she walks in and looks around.

"I didn't want you to feel awkward or feel as if I was forcing you into anything. I don't want this ruined, either," I tell her, hoping she's okay with this.

"We sleep together all the time, Clark, you didn't have to get two separate beds," she sighs, as if she's upset with me. I may love her and understand her, but I don't understand her right now. I don't understand how she doesn't want to be anything more than friends, but she wants to sleep in the same bed. I don't understand why she's upset with me, when I'm just doing what she wants.

"You know, Maya, everything I do, and I mean everything is for you. I took you to Chicago, I'm going to take you to the planetarium, I don't push anything because I want you to be ready when you're ready, I get two separate beds just in case, and yet you get upset with me. Do you understand how hard it is not to tell you how much I want to be in a relationship with you? Or how hard it was to never kiss you? How hard it is to keep you happy? That's all I try to do is keep you happy, and this is how you repay me? With always getting upset. I want to protect you and be there for you, and you get defensive. What is this? What do you want with me, Maya? Because sometimes I don't even think you really care," I dryly laugh. Despite wanting to keep the peace, I'm tired of her getting upset with me. I'm tired of trying and having it all seem to be in vain. I love her, but I wish she'd open her eyes and see how much I truly do for her. However, it never seems like it's enough. I thought today would be different, but it's as if I keep giving her more and she just keeps taking without giving anything in return. I don't want her money, I don't want anything from her, except for her, but that even seems like it's too much to ask for anymore.

"You don't think I know how much you want to be with me? You don't think I know that you love me? I do know this, and I do love you. I'm sorry I can't give you what you can give me. I'm sorry I don't know how to love, Clark. I don't know how to love or how to act, and that's why I'm so afraid you'll leave me. I care, I really do, I just don't know how to show it. I didn't grow up with parents that loved me, Clark, I didn't. I didn't have love in my life before you, and I'm sorry, okay? I want to love you, I want to be with you, but I'm just scared. However, when I seen the two beds, I was afraid you were pushing me away. I was afraid you weren't going to try anymore. It scared me, and I'm sorry." She's not crying, but she look as if she's emotional, and all I can do it hug her.

"It's okay," I tell her. "Let's drop it, okay? Let's go get some ice cream. Let's make today count, not worrying about anything else. Not worrying about these two beds or not seeing the planetarium today. Let's just eat ice cream until we vomit. After all, isn't that what you wanted?" I ask.

"Let's not throw up, okay? I don't think that sounds as fun now," she smiles slightly.

"Okay, let's not throw up, but let's eat some ice cream."

"Okay. And thank you, Clark, for treating me so well."

"My pleasure," I tell her, before kissing the top of her head and taking her hand, only to walk out of the room and Google some ice cream shops nearby.