❝Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you'll land among the stars.❞
-Les Brown

***

"When we're old, and I mean really old," Maya begins as we lay out on my balcony, gazing out across the many stars dotting the sky. "I want you to take me dancing."

"Dancing?" I half laughs. "We could do that anytime, right now if you wanted," I point out, liking the idea of taking Maya dancing. Liking the idea of looking like a couple. The idea sends a tingle through my stomach, the thought of our bodies so close together, our laughter mingling in the air. Sounds rather divine to me.

"No, Clark, when we're old. I want to be the old lady that still has the moves. The old lady that still has her old man best friend next to her. The old lady that would rather bust a hip than win at bingo. Sounds pretty nice, growing old," she sighs, as if all the other dreams she had of being an astronaut weren't as far fetched as growing old. As if growing old is something hard to accomplish.

"Let's just enjoy the prime of youth, first," I chuckle, liking her being in this mood. The atmosphere wasn't all stuffy with tension, we weren't on the brink of an argument, we were just talking like we used to. Talking and making plans for the future ahead of us, the future we both know we're going to experience together.

"I wish we had a time machine," she sighs, ignoring my previous statement. "We could travel back to the 1940's. I could curl my hair and wear the finest dresses. You could wear a tie and a suit, and we could go for a milkshake. Or, we could go to a party. Can you imagine how many girls would want you to court them?" She laughs, the sound being complete music to my ears. It's exactly what I need to hear, especially after all of our conversations.

"Not a lot," I laugh with her.

"Oh, please!" She scoffs, only to remove her hand from mine and whack my arm. "Our school is just stupid. If we were back then, you would have all the girls at your feet." Her fingers find mine once again.

"How are you so sure?" I ask her, wondering where she's getting these outlandish ideas from.

"Because, I just know. You're not ugly, Clark, you're actually rather handsome. You keep your hair cut nice and your eyes are a brilliant shade of green. Not to mention your smile. Yes, all the girls we know are just idiots."

"I could say the same about you, Maya, knock down all the boys at our school for being such morons," I point out.

"Yes, you could. However, you don't go to school in Halloween costumes in the middle of January, either," she mutters.

"I like your costumes," I admit.

"I know you do. You're the only one."

"They make you, you."

"That, they do."

"They're unique."

"Like me," she laughs, even though her laugh makes it sound as if she's insulting herself.

"Yes, like you. You're perfect," I whisper.

"You're delusional."

"Perhaps, I am," I sigh.

"You are. You really are."

"You like to insult me lately, am I really that bad of a person?" I mean this as a joke, but she doesn't seem to see it like that.

"I'm not insulting you, okay? I thought we were just being sarcastic," she huffs, and I know that I just spoiled her mood.

"I was only teasing. I feel as if I can't even say things anymore. You're so uptight and defensive, I don't know how to act around you," I admit, knowing that my words are most likely going to start another fight. I just want to be myself, however, and that never seems to be the right thing anymore.

"You don't know how to act around me? Unbelievable," she mutters.

"I know you're going through something big, I know you're life is hell, but why do you have to take it out on me? I'm trying to be there for you, I'm trying to help you, I'm trying to be the best friend that I need to be, and this is how you treat me. Is this how it's going to be from now on? I know we normally have an argument here or there, but we just can't get along anymore." I take my hand out of hers, not wanting to hold it anymore. I know her life is something I'll never experience, but that doesn't mean she needs to act like this. That doesn't mean she needs to be so vile towards me at every second. After all, she's not the only one going through something.

"I'm sorry," she tells me after a moment. "You're right, Clark, you're right about everything and I'm sorry."

"Don't be," I whisper. "Life is just being a hell to us, a hell that neither of us deserve."

"Just promise me you'll stay with me through this? I know my temperament is out of control, I know that I've been letting you have it with my mood, but please don't leave me? Don't give up on me? You're the only one who hasn't, yet." There's a begging tone in her voice, and I wish she'd see that I could never give up on her, no matter how she acts or what she says. Soulmates are for better or for worse, not just the happy times.

"I'll never leave you," I promise her, as I take her hand once more. "I promise."

"I love you, Clark. I'm sorry again. You don't deserve someone who treats you the way I do," she mumbles, sounding as if she's getting choked up.

"You're just going through things, Maya, it'll all get better. Just you watch and see."

"Do you think there's life up there?" She asks, ignoring my statement as she points to the heavens above us. "Do you think there are other things out there that can't be explained? Do you think Martians rule Mars? Or aliens rule Jupiter?"

"Yes," I say after a moment of thought. "I mean, it's such a vast universe, how could there be only one planet like Earth? So many stars and galaxies, surely we aren't the only life."

"Let's explore life on other planets, too. Not just the stars and the moon, but planets that have no name. Planets that they don't even know exist. Let's just live up there, live up there and dance up there when we're old. Let's just die among the stars. Yes, that's how I want to grow old. I want to grow old up there, with you." She squeezes my hand, as if she's assuring me she won't change her mind, and everything seems okay for once. In the past week, it finally feels as if it will be alright.

"I'd give you the universe, Maya, if I could," I promise her, almost hoping that her ears didn't quite catch my voice.

"I know," she whispers back, letting me know she heard me. "But you can't, so, just give me yourself."

"I already have," I assure her.

As I lay here, among the blankets and pillows and stars, I realize now that I do love Maya. I realize that I have loved Maya for years, and perhaps, since I've known her. She is my soulmate in friendship and in love, and I really have given myself to her. She can have me, if she wants, all of me. I will give her love, I will give her protection, I will give her anything that she asks. There is nothing that I wouldn't reach above means to supply her with. I love her. I love her so much, and I know that it's only a matter of time before she figures out the true emotions behind the I love you's we share. Maybe, she already knows. Maybe, that's what she meant when she told me that I love her too much. It would make sense, but it doesn't matter. There is never too much love to go around, for one cannot be loved enough. She may have a rocky mood now, she may be unhappy, but there was once a time where we would laugh together. A time where she would curse at me just to make me snort from laughing. A time where we would share secrets and tell stories we've never told to anyone, stories that only God Himself knew besides us. A time where there was nothing between us, where we could say what we wanted and it was alright. A time where we shone bright together, and people knew our friendship just by the way we glowed when around one another. A time where everything was perfect, only it was only perfect for me. For among those times of laughter and happiness, Maya was dealing with a whole new hell on her own. The times where she would laugh the most with me, were the times she had the most pain. That's what makes me wonder how terrible this situation she's going through now must be, if it takes this much out of her just to appear happy.

"I know," she tells me once more. "I can't give you the universe or stars, either, but I'll give you myself, too. Forever and always, never apart — "

"You'll always be close to my heart," we finish together. It was our slogan, clumped together with a quote we heard years ago. It's not our original work, but it works just the same.

"Mom's going to be out of town this week. Dad's not even going to be here. I have no idea where he's going, but I know she's going on tour with some rocker guy that promised her backstage VIP treatment," she huffs, and I can imagine she's rolling her eyes.

Turning my head so that I'm looking at her, I wait for her to finish what she's going to say. "I'm going to be rolling it alone all week. I don't want to stay home, too many memories, so I was wondering if I could crash here? I know that's asking a lot, and I know I've been a total piece of crap towards you, but I would really appreciate it." Her brown eyes look guilty as she asks me, and I want to tell her that she doesn't need to feel guilty, that I'd help her any day. However, I can't manage to say that, for I do wish she wouldn't treat me like that when I'm just trying to help her. I tell her she's my rainbow, and she treats me like I'm her rain.

"Of course, you can. Mom and Dad never care when you stay," I inform her.

"Do — do you care when I stay?" She asks, her eyes looking into mine, and I have the notion to kiss her right here. I want to, but I don't want to ruin anything. I don't want her to push me away, or tell me that she doesn't think of me in that way. However, how could she not? I've only ever loved her, surely she feels something towards me? If she wants to grow old with me? Die with me?

"No," I whisper, my voice barely even audible as I just lay next to her and stare at her. This moment feels so intimate without even trying, and maybe that's why it feels so special. Nothing is forced, it's just Maya and I talking. "I don't mind at all."

"Good," she whispers back, her voice carrying the same tone as my own, which makes me want to kiss her even more.

"Maya?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm going to do something," I begin, just wanting — no, needing — to kiss her, at least just once. "And no matter what happens, promise me things won't be weird? Promise me we'll still be friends?"

"I promise," she says immediately, and I can't help but wonder if she knows what I'm about to do. Maybe, she's done this before with someone and never told me about it. Maybe, she's been in this situation loads of times. No matter what, I've never been in this situation. I've never done this with anybody, and I'm so thankful. Nothing makes me happier than the thought that Maya is the first person I'm going to experience this with.

"Good," I say, before I lean over and press my lips gently against hers. I want to make sure she won't back away, I want to make sure she won't push me away and cuss me out. I want to make sure she wants this too. I want to make sure it's okay for her, for I only want her happy. I only care about how this is all going to effect her.

When she doesn't push me away, when she doesn't cuss me out, I kiss her harder. I place my free hand on the nape of her neck, forcing our lips together more. There is no tongue, there is nothing rough or passionate, it's just Maya and me, lips against lips, as we lie under the stars. However lacking it may be on the passion, it's not lacking on the romantic.

When we eventually break away from one another, my insides swirling with curiosity and happiness and a bunch of other emotions, she smiles at me. It's not forced, it's not fake, it's so genuine that I find my eyes collecting tears at her happiness.

"Clark?" She mumbles, her voice slightly higher than usual.

"Yeah?"

"I got dressed up for you."

With that, I kiss her again.

***
This chapter gives me the feels awee