n i n e t e e n
❝Make a wish.❞
-Everyone
***
It was Tuesday, the second day of missing school. The second day without Maya. It was also her funeral. I had to give a speech. I had to stand in front of the community, the community of people that didn't even care about her, and tell them all how amazing she was. I had to do this, not for all of those bastards in the crowd, but for her. This is all for her, for despite funerals being for the living, this one was for the dead.
"Maya Edwards was incredible," I begin, trying to keep my voice calm, trying not to lose it now. "She was the best person I have ever met. She was bright, funny, charming, beautiful. She was everything I have ever loved, placed inside of a soul. She was my soulmate. People can snicker at this, for I know we're young," I breathe, the tears coming back. "I know we were barely adults, but that didn't mean we didn't know. She even told me of a story of Zeus striking the humans down the middle with a lightning bolt after he feared their power, then he sent them on a search for one another. A search to find their other half, or soulmate. I never thought I could ever love her more, but every time she opened her mouth, I did.
"We didn't get along all the time. I won't even pretend that our relationship was smooth. We barely ever agreed on anything. After all, we were both stubborn. However, I wouldn't change a thing. It was who we were. We argued the same way friends would laugh among friends. We argued the same way people would tell jokes. It's just who we were. It's just how we were.
"She loved the stars. If any of you would have gotten the lucky chance to know her," I say, a bit of anger in my voice. "You all would know this. We didn't get along very often, but the stars was a subject we always agreed on. We always were able to look at the stars through the same telescope, if you get what I mean. We connected over the constellations, over dreams of discovering the universe. She wanted to be Astronaut Maya, while I wanted to be Engineer Clark. She wanted to have a rocket, and I promised her I'd fix her rocket, just to make sure nothing would happen to her. I promised to protect her, no matter what, but seeing as I wasn't able to do that, I say I'm sorry. I'm sorry she didn't get to explore the stars, to see the constellations in person, for she deserved that.
"In my last weekend with her, I had the chance to take her to that Adler Planetarium, America's oldest planetarium. I've never seen her so happy," I laugh, the tears falling down my cheeks. "I made her so happy. I haven't seen her that happy in forever. It was as if I ignited the light inside of her, pushing out all of the good that was stored inside. That weekend was the most fun I have ever had. I explored the stars with her, I ate ice cream with her until we were sick. I spent the weekend with the person I loved the most in the world, so, how could anything be better?
"Maya didn't deserve what she got. She didn't deserve the bullies, she didn't deserve the hate, she didn't deserve everything that was given to her. She didn't deserve fake pity from people that didn't even know her, people that only showed up because they finally knew her story. I always knew her story, and I never once showed up just for pity. I was her friend, I loved her the way she deserved to be loved, and I don't think anyone out there in the crowd besides my parents, deserve to even be here. You people don't even know her. Half of you would make fun of her, adults included. Now that she's dead, however, you post it all over the Internet and pay for her funeral. If I could spit on all of you, I would. Maya Edwards was perfect in every way possible, and I just wish I wasn't the only person that could see this." Stepping off of the platform, I walk past all of the opened mouths, all of the people staring and making comments about everything I've just told them. I don't care, however, for none of it matters anymore. They don't know me, just like they don't know her. Their comments won't hurt me, for if they want to approach me, I might deck them in the jaw.
I'm so angry right now, but I feel a sense of relief. I'm still crying, but I need to get away from it all. Away from Maya's parents, Maya's funeral, Maya's letter, perhaps I may feel okay. I won't be happy, it'll be hard to move on, but I might feel okay. I would take okay any day over how I feel now. The pain I felt when I found out she was gone, was the worst pain I have ever felt in my entire life. I have never felt something that horrible, and I hope I'll never experience it again. It's as if part of me has died, but then again, if we really we soulmates, hasn't it? Hasn't part of me died, leaving my other part to suffer? I know she was my soulmate, and I know that's why it's so hard. But then again, even if she wasn't, it would still be hard. Everything would be hard, for I don't want to live in a world without Maya Edwards. I don't want to wake up everyday knowing she'll never wake up again. I don't want to look at the stars and be reminded of how she'll never be able to look at them with me again. There are far too many things that remind me of her, but then again I should be thankful. I should be thankful there are so many reminders, for perhaps I won't be able to forget her, then. Perhaps, she'll always be more than just a distant memory, a distant love, a thought that sends me back to the days we would spend together.
I got to know her, really know her. I got to experience life with her, and who else can say that? I'm the only person who knew her, the only person who was there for her. I'm the lucky one. I'm lucky to have gotten to appreciate her, when no one else did. I'm not the one who needs to be appreciated, Maya is. She's the one that deserves to be noticed. Despite it irritating me, despite me wanting to choke all of those people at the funeral, isn't this what I wanted? For her to be appreciated? Recognized? She's finally getting that. It's late, it's sad, it's upsetting, but she's finally getting attention. She deserved attention among the other million things she deserved but was never given. I just wish I could have given her more attention, despite her being all my eyes were focused on. She was all I ever noticed, all I ever seen. My beautiful Maya, you made my life sweet. You made my life happy. I just hope I did the same. I just hope that I was able to give you, all that you were able to give me.
I love you, Maya Anne Edwards, and there will never be another one like you. Shine bright among the stars, darling, for you were always brighter than any star ever was. I'll even look up at night and try to find you, for maybe you are looking down on me. Maybe, you're watching me from your star. I just hope heaven isn't so grand that you forget me, for I know that I'll never forget you.
Forever together we'll be, Astronaut Maya and Engineer Clark.
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