e p i l o g u e

If a star fell each time I thought of you, the sky would be empty.
-Unknown

***

S E V E N  Y E A R S  L A T E R

I wake up to a bright white light. A light that is so bright, I feel both safe and as if I'm going to sneeze. There's something different about the air, too. My muscles don't feel as stiff as they normally do, and I don't smell the scent of peppermint. Where am I? 

"Clark," I hear behind me, a voice that I remember hearing. A voice that I could never forget, even if I tried.

Turning around slowly, wondering if this all is nothing more than a dream, I find myself face to face with blond hair and brown eyes. "You made it," Maya smiles, and I remember it as if I had only seen her smile yesterday. However, she looks different. There's no sadness in her eyes, there's no heartache, no suffering. She looks refreshed, as if those years spent away from the earth was exactly what she needed. "I was beginning to wonder when you were coming to see me. I've watched you, Kent, all these years, and your light didn't burn. You kept your promise. You moved on, you lived your life. You lived a good life. You even got to be an engineer at NASA. You deserved it, Clark, you of all people deserved it."

"You deserved it," I reply, finally finding my voice, finally being able to speak after staring into her beautiful face, the same face I never stopped loving, not even after these seven years. "You deserved to work at NASA. You deserved to be among the stars, Maya, I'm just sorry I couldn't give it to you."

"But you did. You gave it to me the day you took me to the planetarium. You gave me a part of the universe I could have only dreamed about. A part that I never thought I would be able to touch. You always did so much for me."

"I didn't do enough," I breathe, wondering where I am. Wondering if this is all just a dream, or if I really have moved on. "I should have protected you from your family. I should have done a better job at protecting you, Maya, and I'm sorry."

"It was my time to go, Clark, don't blame yourself. It was my time to let go, to say goodbye. I just wish I had told you goodbye in person. I wouldn't have been able to leave, though, for I couldn't have left you if I saw the look in your eyes. The look of hope, of wanting a future with me. You had so much love for me, I knew that I wouldn't be able to go through with it. I would have probably suffered, gotten treatment and suffered even more, only to die a painful death. It wasn't painful when I took my last breath, what was painful, was I knew you would have read the letter, and I was scared of how this would make you feel. I was scared that this was going to break you, but it was too late. We found the tumor when it had already taken up so much of my brain, that surgery would have most likely killed me, anyway. I didn't want to go through surgery, I just wanted to leave in peace. The weekend you took me to Adler, was the weekend where I found my peace. I was able to let go, knowing I had such an amazing time with you. Knowing that I had touched the stars, been to a city, and kissed you all in the same weekend, made everything seem okay. I just wish you didn't have the pain you did, for I know you were going through a tough time. I'm sorry, Clark, it was just my time to go."

"Sorry? You're here in front of me, Maya, there's no reason to be sorry. I wouldn't have wanted you to suffer, anyway. I wouldn't have wanted you to become something you would not have wanted to become, so it's okay. I was in pain, I was in anguish, I had never in my life felt such a terrible feeling like I did that day. Not only that day, but that whole year. I was off balance, I was different. I realized that you were what was making me happy throughout all these years, that I couldn't even find it in me to try for the longest time. My light went out for a few weeks, Maya, and I'm sorry that I couldn't keep it burning in those moments. I just didn't have the energy."

"You don't need to be sorry. I once told you that when your loved ones die, it leaves a void that can never be filled. I didn't expect my void to be filled, I just expected you to find new rainbows and more happiness. I just wanted you happy again, Clark, I never wanted you to be in pain."

"I know," I tell her. "I'm happy now. If this is real, if we are really together again, than I'm happy," I promise her, before I take her hand, and we walk towards the light.

Opening my eyes, I wake up from my dream. I dreamt about Maya often, about finding her in the after life, her telling me she was sorry she left me. I was glad I would get to see her again, despite it not being real and despite it only being for a few moments. At least she was still vivid in my mind, even after seven years. At least I hadn't forgotten her. It's not as if I thought I would, I just was afraid I wouldn't be able to remember her like she was. I was afraid my mind would make her to be something other than who she was, but it hasn't. She's been the same Maya Edwards, in my dreams and in my mind.

I haven't fallen in love again. I haven't even looked at a girl the same way I've looked at Maya, but that's okay. I'm not looking for love, or for a family. What I'm looking for is a certain star in the sky that I found right after Maya's death. A certain star that I know they haven't charted yet. It's as if she left it for me, being the evidence of her goodbye.

"Sleeping on the job again, Jones?" My friend Ralph asks me, as he slaps me on the shoulder, the muscled in my neck aching from having fallen asleep at a desk. "I think we may have found your star," he points out, causing me to get out of the plastic chair I was sitting in, and follow him around the building, to where the observatory charts are. I'm working at NASA as an astronomer. It's not exactly my dream, but Maya has always been my first dream, and I want to find her out there. I want to find that star out there and name it correctly, before moving up to an engineer. "We think that's it," he informs me, as I look over the pictures of the stars, only for a smile to come across my face. 

"Yep, that's her," I grin. "That's Maya."

For, despite having a rough time of moving on, despite life being hard in the beginning, I did move on. I didn't forget her, I didn't abandon her, I just started looking for her among the heavenly bodies. For, this star might not be her, but it's a star I found myself, a star that I wouldn't name anything else. And as I stand here looking at the charts of stars, I find myself feeling happy, really happy. It feels as if a whole new chapter has opened up for me, a whole new chapter of everything, for I've found my closure, now I just need to find the rest of my dreams.

* T H E  E N D *

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