"You know the day you left, I actually worried about Jesse?" She admits, glancing around Neverlands Zoo.

I furrow my eyebrows, glancing at my "mini-me" in genuine perplexity. I leave and she worries about Jesse? That's new.

"It's just... I know you, Michael. When you want to, you can be so-so careless. I mean you left me there without hesitation! I only hoped you wouldn't do it to her, you know?" She continues to express, minutes after waiting for my verbal response; that didn't come.

My eyebrows return to their original stance, my mind actually trying to comprehend and decipher the paradox of my siblings statements. I honestly didn't know she felt that way. I know I can be a little "cold" sometimes, but I would never intentionally hurt her, and especially not Jesse.

"Dunk..." I sigh, gathering my thoughts as her statement burns the mental bridge between guilt and disappointment.

I'm guilty of walking away from a lot of my past problems. I struggled with the art of compromise and comprehension. In the past, if I ever felt threatened, I would build a blockade between me and the "threat"; I was simply a coward. But, I've learned to change that.

"I'm not the same anymore. You knew what I was going through that was a lot of-"

"Pressure, yes I know. But big brother the very thing you've always told me you would never do, you did. You walked away from your family. You walked away from me. So excuse me for thinking you would walk away from her too. Michael, that shit hurt. I blamed myself, I blamed Joseph, for taking you away from me... but the one damn person I didn't blame was you." She stresses, her head low and her eyes hooded.

Another shot to my heart.

My unfortunate depravity; my selfish approach to dealing with my own woes. I've said it countless of times, I've tried to construe it but in the end, it never made sense. Two and two never added and I was left to deal with my burdens alone, but all they saw was Michael slowly drifting away and locking people out along the way. Never was that my intention, but I can't help what they inferred. For Janet, my only youngest sister, to stand here and tell me that she basically blames me for loose ends in our family, hurts; it hurts like hell.

Now my head is the one sinking to the ground, my own eyelids hiding the tears that have already planned their escape. I hate to stand here and play the blame game or even prove that my decision were justifiable, because I know not all of them were. All I can do is be open and honest, let my one and only Dunk know that, no matter what, I have and always will love her and be there for her.

"Janet, I hurt you and I'm sorry. I don't have anymore excuses. Dunk, it was never purposeful please believe that. I love you, okay? I really do." I find myself whimpering, only releasing the hidden tears once she wraps herself against my chest.

"I love you too big brother. I'm just happy you proved me wrong. She's beautiful and you guys deserve the best." Her sentences muffle into my chest before she breaks our embrace. "I just can't wait to see you in an all white suit."

At that, I chuckle lightly and give her one last squeeze. I missed my little Dunk. She was always an eye opener for me. Giving me insight that was way beyond her years. This time, she gave me insight on how much my decisions truly affect others. I don't want to be oblivious of anyone's feelings.

No, not anymore.

"Michael... you do know that you can take of that mask thing, right?" Jesse giggles, spooning her Mango sticky-rice pudding, into her mouth.

It's finally late in the afternoon and after an nuance of activities such as touring the Bangkok National Museum, strolling through the Sukhothai historical park, pausing for a bite to eat at the Kata Noi beach, and finally taking another stroll through the surprisingly, resting city; we finally made a pit stop at a nearby dessert parlor to challenge our taste buds to some home-made Mango sticky-rice pudding; so far, our taste buds have agreed with us.

"Mhm..." I hum, leaning across the table to scoop up a spoonful of her rice pudding.

With a swift smack of my hand, she wiggles a warning index finger and pulls her bowl closer to her. I can only chuckle at her reaction, she can be a very stingy pregnant woman when she wants to be. But, in her defense, I can't blame her. For one, she's eating for two and I wolfed down my lunch and hers just a few hours earlier; so she has a right to be overprotective of her food.

"You're going to learn to stop stealing food from a pregnant lady!" She playfully hisses, glancing around the empty parlor.

Once her eyes set on mine again, I give her a flirtatious wink, earning a school-girl giggle that actually made me "awe" inwardly; this woman is absolutely inestimable.

Long after her giggles are gone and her focus is, once again, on that of her rice pudding, my gaze still remains on her. I don't know how to construe it. This woman is aesthetic in her own right. She's simply astonishing and sometimes it overwhelms me.

So when she's hurting, I feel inane. I feel like I'm stuck in this labyrinth when I can't control the thing's that worry her the most. She's just too much of a fine china, to be hurt the way she has been in the past.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" She frowns, her tongue eagerly cleaning the left over pudding from her bottom lip.

Returning from my mental trip, I sigh heavily and force a smile. I don't want to ruin the moment with my own guilt-trips. She's happy and healthy and that's all that matters to me in this moment.

"No reason, you just look real nice today." I blush, nearly squealing at the sight of her cheeks rising from my compliment.

I've repeated this same sentence throughout this morning and well into this afternoon. She just needs to know. It's a pertinent compliment that isn't used as a tactic to keep her quiet and contempt for a little while, but for her to brandish the thought of how beautiful she truly is in my eyes. Whether she's in her maternity jeans or in my dress shirt, she looks absolutely alluring.

"Thank you Mister Jackson, you look damn near edible yourself..." She winks, hiding behind her nearly finished rice pudding.

I raise a flirtatious eyebrow, biting down on my bottom lip for special effects as I eye her carefully. Sometimes I have to take a good look at the woman in front of me. She has grown so much from the young woman I once knew. She's even more bewitching, elegant, and all the more titillating. The way she speaks with this new eloquence, is amazing. Even when it's just us in a steamy moment and sweat is dripping down our bodies, she is still very much so a captivating work of art.

I truly thank God for this angel.

"Edible, huh?" I press, licking my lips, slowly; just to get a reaction out of her.

If not I'm mistaken, I swear I heard her breath hitch a bit, before she clears her throat and musters her best poker face. Poor girl, I can see right through that. She's been anticipating and I won't tease her for long.

"I swear your mind is always in the gutter..." She playfully huffs, pushing her empty bowl next to mine.

"Says the woman who said that I look 'edible'. Last time I checked, my fiancé wasn't a cannibal." I curtly retort, rendering her speechless for a moment.

"Well I was stating the truth. I mean, you look good in red. Really damn good..." She sighs in defeat, shrugging off her statement casually before rising from her chair.

Now it is my turn to furrow my eyebrows and try to comprehend her knotty casualty. I have acknowledged the fact that Jesse is a bit more verbose these days, but I think most of the time she is oblivious to it. I've tried catching her in moments when she's most likely to be aware of the sensuality she brings to the table; especially at random moments.

It's been a chore, because even though she's as brave as a lioness, she's still as meek and timid as a cub when it comes to expressing her wants and needs to me; that goes for all areas in our life.

"Okay now you're looking at me like I have two heads!" She giggles, waiting for me to join her side.

"Well I have two and you're provoking both of them..." I grumble childishly, mentally giving up on trying to decode this woman.

Another giggle slips from her lips before her last smile transforms into a smirk. I know that smirk. That's the smirk that only appears upon her lips when she is about to take advantage of a situation. Although she has me in the palm of her hands, I'm not giving up without a fight.

"I am, huh?" She coaxes, snaking over to me.

Two can play this game.

I pause, glancing around for any witnesses. Upon generating that Bill and his crew are outside and the owner is nowhere in sight, I rise from my seat and step beside her. If she wants to try and handle me, she has to be ready for what I can offer.

"Yes ma'am. And, mama, this isn't minor. But I'm sure you can handle it, you're a big girl." I return her tone, slyly linking my arms around her waist; pulling her flush against my chest.

Her eyes flicker between mine and my lips before she nods and wraps her arms around my neck. It isn't until her lips near inches away from my ear that I catch on to her new game; who will whimper first.

"Mhm. I'll kiss..." She continues to coax, her arms slipping from my neck.

"Keep talking..." I breathe, feeling a new tug against my trousers.

"Lick, touch, rub... whatever you want... Michael." She nearly moans in my ear, her hands fumbling with the tongue of my belt.

This woman right here, I don't know where she came from; but dammit I like her.

Feeling the straining in my trouser worsen, I sigh a shaky breath and bite down on my bottom lip. She's playing dirty; I like her dirty. But, I know I better put a stop to this now before we have miracle twins-I swear this woman will be the death of me.

"Mama, I advise you to remove your hands so we can go before Bill comes looking for us, okay?" I shudder, reluctantly removing myself before she could rebuttal my wishes.

She obeys, pulling out a foreign lollipop from her jean pocket. I can't help but eye her carefully, even inwardly wonder when in the hell did she buy a lollipop. Just as soon as my mind began to run rapid, my thoughts are soon halted. She removes the wrapper swiftly, her pecans boring into mine celestially. But it's when she expertly pops the cherry sucker into her mouth, that I actually whimper.

This isn't right. Grown men don't whimper-not over a lollipop anyways.

She continues torturing me, allowing the lollipop to bobble in her her mouth before she breaks into cackles and points towards the entrance; informing me that we have a guest. Still raging with jealousy over the minor lollipop, I sigh heavily and follow her index finger to find Bill glancing between us suspiciously.

"Ya'll want to go to this damn park or sit around lallygagging? It's drizzlin'." He grumbles, rolling his eyes when Jesse giggles.

"Yeah we're coming. Come on, baby. We might get wet, if we procrastinate our next stop." She chirps, french kissing the cherry pop before dragging me to the door.

I follow suit, trying to seem as calm as possible once we hastily board our SUV. Meanwhile, my other half is screaming to see her previously mentioned, promises through. This isn't fair, but I'll let her win this round.

To live and survive in a world where true love is most often forgotten and trust is always falling between the cracks, you must have a foundation for yourself. This foundation has to be set upon a concrete of self love, self trust, and self acceptance.

It took me twenty-two years to find a foundation. It took me three succeeding years to build upon that foundation and actually find someone to help add onto the foundation. In succession to another year and every subsequent year that followed, I built a home; a home for my heart.

Now that my heart-this home has a steady foundation, I'm still renovating for more. My renovation won't be complete until a ring is slid onto her finger and she's weeping tears of joy, proclaiming to the world that she does in fact want to be my soul barrier, the keeper of my heart; that Jesse Rose wants to be Misses Jackson.

"You never told me if you wanted a big or small wedding..." I whisper, glancing out into the shallow lake.

The sun is setting and night is threatening somewhere along the horizon. I honestly wouldn't have predicted that today would have been so successful. I don't know how we've managed to migrate about the city without so much of a shuttering camera. It's foreign to me, but I like it.

Because of the lack of bedlam, I was able to give Jesse a day of normality. I was able to actually breathe easy and experience a day of normality for myself. This will definitely go down in history-or the English tabloids.

She lifts her head from my chest and inhales the fresh atmosphere around us; her simple "ballerina bun"'s fly-away's swaying along the sudden, easy breeze that passes along our silence. After her moment, she turns her gaze on me and offers a contempt smile before glancing at our entangled fingers.

"That's because it doesn't matter..." She simply whispers, squeezing my palm against hers.

Not the answer I was waiting for.

I furrow my eyebrows and gently tilt her head up with my free hand, forcing her gaze to fully connect with mine. I know Jesse, she wants more than what she's admitting. Every little girl dreams of her wedding day; every intricate detail, maybe even the actual date-Jesse is no different.

"I can find a nice white unicorn if you want? Or maybe you want me to learn how to ride a horse so we can ride of into the sunset? I could make anything happen, just tell me your dream and we'll make it come true..." I whisper.

She pouts her lip in thought, managing to break our stare long enough for me to steal her lips; earning a suppressed gasp from her. This kiss has an eclectic definition for it's meaning, but there's one that I want to stand out the most; promise.

I know Jesse doesn't like expressing her dreams due to the fact that she was never allowed to have any besides dancing. If she won't allow me to make her dancing dreams come true, then I will be the wart that doesn't go away, to make her dream wedding become a reality; that's a guaranteed promise.

"You told me that you wanted the world. You want the stars, hell the entire galaxy. I told you that it's yours, so let me give that to you..." I whisper, after reluctantly breaking our kiss.

"What about what you want?" She breathes, most likely still taken aback by the kiss.

I take a moment to ponder her question; in order to prevent insulting her by not essentially thinking before answering. I never really thought about my "dream" wedding. I've always known, since being together with Jesse, that I didn't care just as long as she was the woman I was marrying.

Although this is cliché to say, I'm fine with whatever decisions she makes; if she's happy, then I'm happy. But, unfortunately, I know that isn't going to resonate well with Jesse.

This is a tough one.

"I never thought about it..." I admit my internal quarrel.

"I'd appreciate if you thought about it. I don't want to plan this myself..." She stresses, resting her head back onto my chest.

I mold into the park bench, contemplating my next sentence. I know I promised to help if needed, and I am a man of my word, but with me touring and taking care of our little one's, it's going to be hard to set aside a time to just sit and plan; but I guess it wouldn't hurt to try.

"You won't, babygirl. I'm right here." I sigh, pecking her forehead.

__________________________

"And the cow says what Noah?" I chuckle, pointing to his milk carton.

It's officially my first night back on tour and I'm elated and anxious. I'm elated due to the fact that I'll be back on stage, but I'm anxious because I'll be leaving my pregnant fiancé and one year old son alone in a hotel. I've tried convincing Jesse to tag along, but with there being so man precautions to take and even risks involved, she as well as Bill, decided that it would be in our best interest if she and Noah stay behind.

Therefore I've had them tag along with me throughout my rehearsals; if they can't at least enjoy the show, they can enjoy the making of it. Much to my surprise, Jesse and Noah have enjoyed most of the day, cackling with the bandmates (Jesse), playing director (Noah), and even gossiping with Karen and Mister Bush (Jesse); so far it's been enjoyable.

But, now with my show due to begin in as little as two hours, I've really been rushing through a lot of my routines to spend as much time as possible with my Nutty before he leaves with Jesse and Bill.

I just love my little man.

"Mo-Mo-Moo!" He giggles, stuffing another graham cracker into his mouth.

I gasp and nod, clapping for additive effect. I'm so proud of him. His verbal skills have improved splendidly. Jesse and I have predicted that he'll be soon speaking full sentences by his second birthday-in two months; I can't wait for that day.

"Yes, Nutty! The cow says moo! What color is the cow?" I coo, my smile, if possible, widening as he glances to me with graham cracker crumbs falling from his cheeks.

"Buh-boo! Boo!" He squeals, cackling wildly when I make a face.

He still has problems sounding out a few consonants and even some vowels. We (Jesse, Bill, and I) have been working with him on his enunciation and pronunciation of his everyday works. Some days we are gifted with a miracle speed through lessons that he comprehends completely, other days we are dowsed with frustrating headaches because we've been on one word for nearly two hours; it's all been a process, but our little Noah is worth it.

"Mhm... the cow is blue. Blue. Bluh-oo, blue. Can you say blue for daddy?"

He tilts his head to the side, glancing between me and his milk carton vacantly. I've picked up that this means I've lost him. He's confused and it's hard to revive him when he's at this stage in his autism. It's even harder to watch him just "shut down" out of the blue.

It really kills me, because there's nothing that daddy can do. I'm supposed to be his hero and ward off anything that hurts him, but I can't even free him of this autism.

It kills me every time I think about it.

"Knock-knock..." Her voice lulls from behind the door.

I shrug off the haughty thought and turn in time to see my lovely beaut. Since our little date, she has been fairly glowing with this new light. Although we didn't end on the high-pitched note I'm used to (due to someone claiming that they were "exhausted"), our date, in my eyes, was perfect. I'm just relieved to see her so happy again.

"Hey, mama... Leaving so soon?" I sigh, placing Noah's Melody-Time piano in front of him.

For a second he glances at the toy before tapping a key, then another, until he is actively following the bright buttons as the tunes play. When I turn away to return my gaze onto Jesse, I'm met with a frown. It's the same frown she gives me each time I place that piano in front of Noah; it's the frown of pity.

"Michael... it's okay. He'll be fine." She sighs, slowly approaching me.

I glance around my dressing room, leaning against the vanity; desperately trying to pull myself together. I hate crying in front of Noah, but I die a little more inside each and every time I witness him struggle. I always end up blaming myself, mentally listing the "what-if's".

What if I didn't push Jesse away, the way that I did? What if I didn't stress her out as much as I did? All of these "What if's"-have brought no sign of change.

I'm forever guilty.

"No, I did this to him! I'm supposed to be his hero, but I've fucked up his life! I did this to our son, and I'm sorry Jess. I-I'm so sorry..." I whimper, allowing her to engulf me in a tight embrace.

I don't know how many times I have broken down like this. I don't know how many times Jesse has assured me that everything will be okay. I don't even know how many times I've prayed to God that Noah's autism would magically go away. All I know is that each every time feels like the first.

"Shh, baby. This isn't your fault... It's not Michael..." She coos, rubbing my back slowly.

"Yes it is... I'm so sorry, Jess. God, I swear I am..." I continue to mewl, clinging onto her waist.

Suddenly she snatches away from me, only to pull me back to her with her palms on either side of my face. She has this new gleam in her eye. I don't know whether it's frustration or passion, but it's intense enough to calm my whimpers for the moment.

"Michael, I love you. I love you so much... I won't stand here and listen to you go on and on about how terrible of a father you are. Okay?" She pauses, her hold of my face tightening. "Look at me when I tell you this, you are a blessing to Noah. Do you hear me?" She demands, her eyes not giving mine a chance to escape her gaze.

I nod silently, not truthfully believing every word. I know that I'm much of a curse to Noah as I am a blessing.

"You are not a screw up, you are not a deadbeat, and you are damn sure not a failure. Noah loves you with everything in him, and he knows that you love him the same. So why in the hell do you constantly do this, huh? I'm happy and so is Noah. You are as much as my hero as you are Noah's. Baby, I love you... so,so much. Please stop blaming yourself for something you can't control." She concludes, pulling me into her chest.

At this point, I can't hold back the tears. For nearly a year and a half, I've blamed myself for sons autism. I've blamed myself because I did the exact same thing with our miscarried child. I've always blamed myself for the lost of our first baby. I never truly coped with his or her death, not properly anyways.

"You have another chance, baby. Okay? Another chance to be a daddy... Maybe to a boy or a girl. I have a feeling it's-"

"Hey Michael! We need you for these transitions!" Brandon Bryant; my stage manager, calls from the other side of the door.

Exhaling away my mental negativity and my developing frustrations, I reluctantly break from our embrace and re-gather myself enough so that I can look her in the eye and thank her. I don't know what I would do without this woman, I had a sample of what it felt like; I don't ever want to experience that pain again.

"I love you Jess. I really do." I sigh, suddenly feeling at a lost for words.

She smiles, that wonderfully bright smile of hers and pecks my lips tenderly.

"I love you to-"

"Luh-uh. Luh... Ma-ma!" Noah interrupts, somehow finding his way between our calves.

Jesse giggles, kneeling down to the level of the toddler. He meets her gaze, hers warm and comforting while his beamed with excitement with a certain mild meekness. It's something that always happens between a visual exchange with these two. I love witnessing their connection. I would hope to have that same connection with him someday.

"Mommy loves you too, Noah!" She cheers, glancing up at me to ensure that I'm paying attention.

I nod and join the two, kneeling down onto one knee to meet the two in a warm embrace. I love these two so much. I honestly don't want them to leave, but if it's for their own safety; I will have to accept it.

"Daddy loves you both. Especially my little Nutty." I chirp, stealing him away.

He eagerly wraps his arms around my neck, planting a open-mouth kiss on my cheek before giggling wildly and whispering his own version of "I love you"; only releasing me minutes later to join Jesse at her side.

"Michael! We need you now!" Brandon knocks on the door again.

I sigh heavily, ignoring the urge to give the man a few choice words in front of my Noah and our unborn, He knows damn well that I don't like to be rushed when I'm dealing with my own personal matters; I pay him, not the other way around.

"I swear they don't listen when I tell them to leave me alone. I'm so sor-"

"It's fine, baby. You're the King of Pop right now, not my fiancé. It's fine." She giggles, gently guiding my chin in her direction.

I make an effort to retort her casualty about our unfortunate interruption's, but her lips fall on mine softly and all fades away. She always expresses her frustration of how much I can "control" her emotions with just a simple glance, but it's she who has me eating out of the palm of her hands ever so eagerly. Neither one of us bares the right to claim control over the other, and for that reason alone, our chemistry strives. I'm sure it's something rare and I like that it is. We just, coagulate well with one another.

"I love you, girl." I manage to whisper after she unfortunately broke our kiss.

"You've already said that..." She giggles, lifting Noah onto her right hip.

"And I'll never stop saying it..." I linger, leaning in for another kiss.

"No! No Da-da!" Noah disapproves, placing a small palm on my lips. "Nat-tee. Nat-tee Da-da!"

Jesse bursts into another fit of giggles, removing our sons hand from my mouth, all the while trying to scold him between laughter. I couldn't even hold back my own cackles as I playfully scowl at the toddler from ruining my chance. I don't think he realizes how much daddy loves kissing his mommy, but I'll let this one go; for now.

"Well we should go you nat-tee daddy. Bye Michael." She finally exhales, making her way to the door.

I nod and rush to her side to open the door before her hand reached the handle. I maybe be on a tight schedule, but I always have time to be a gentleman.

"Thank you Michael. You didn-"

"I was just coming to get you..." Bill pops his head in between us, flashing a goofy smile at Noah before turning to me. "Brandon is having a cursing fit. You better get out there, man. I almost said something to his as-"

"Bill!" Jesse hisses, shifting Noah to her left hip.

"I'll give him something to get worked up about. I have already told him about bothering me when my wife and child is here." I grit, rolling my eyes at a whispered scowl from Jesse.

"Good, 'cause he workin' my last damn nerve with his bitchin'." Bill agrees, covering his mouth once he catches Jesse's "Mama Bear" glare.

It's the glare that warns you to be careful about your future decisions around Noah. She hates when we curse, roughhouse, or demonstrate anything that would be rated PG-thirteen around, Nutty. I can understand her reasons and often times feel her raft later; I definitely will receive a bit of this raft before the night is over.

"Sorry Jesse. My fault, are you ready to go?" Bill exhales.

She nods silently before turning to a waiting Scotty and Rafael, who whisks her and Noah away before I can offer my own apology.

"This means I'm in the dog house, huh?" I exhale heavily once they are out of sight.

"No... You know she'll be fine when you return to that hotel. Let's get you out here before Brandon has a damn baby." He chuckles light heartedly, patting my back gently.

I nod and allow him to escort me out into the stage with one mental affirmation on my mind-the same one I remind myself of every time I step on this stage-I have to do this for Jesse, Noah, our unborn child, but most importantly, I have to do this for me. And with that, I grab a nearby microphone and zone out.

"