WARNING: MENTION OF SUICIDE AND ABUSE, IF YOU'RE NOT COMFORTABLE WITH EITHER OF THOSE TWO I RECOMMEND YOU SKIP TO THE NEXT CHAPTER OR WAIT FOR THE BOOK TO BE UPDATED. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED

Non hunter exams AU

Take me to the rooftop
I wanna see the world when I stop breathing, turning blue
Tell me love is endless, don't be so pretentious
Leave me like you do

Illumi stood on the rooftop as he stood on the edge of the building, looking down at ground as he saw the cars driving by and people walking not noticing him. His body ached, it hurt he was always in pain both physically and mentally, he hugged himself as he looks up a bit. He couldn't take it anymore it was too much to handle the voices in his head, the abuse he took from his parents he couldn't take it much longer.

He felt tears build up in the corner of his eyes his throat began to feel dry, as he felt the warm salty tears run down his cheeks.

If you need me, wanna see me
Better hurry 'cause I'm leaving soon

His phone rang, he goes to grab it and sees that it was hisoka he was calling him, he looks at the screen as the phone rang till it reaches his voicemail. He thought hard and after a good five minutes he made up his mind, he goes to the group chat that killua made for him, hisoka, and his friends.

From: illumi

To: Dumb hoes

I'm sorry guys

From: hisoka

To: Dumb hoes

Illumi what do you mean?, I called and you didn't answer. Is everything ok?

From: illumi

To: Dumb hoes

I'm sorry I'm such a fucken disappointed and let you all down

From: Killua

To: Dumb hoes

Anki what are you talking about?, You're not a disappoint

From: Kurapika

To: Dumb hoes

Illumi are you having those thoughts again?, We told you you're worth so much and shouldn't give up, you're strong you can do this we believen you

From: Illumi

To: Dumb hoes

Lier I'm just a disappointment just a punching bag for mother and father, but I promise I'll never disappoint you guys ever again

From: Gon

To: Dumb hoes

Illumi what are you talking about?, It's not true

From: Illumi

To: Dumb hoes

Gon, hisoka promise me you'll take care of killua and get them as far away from my parents

From: leorio

To: Dumb hoes

Illumi you're scaring us a bit, please tell us what you're talking about. We're your friends we can help you

From: illumi

To: Dumb hoes

I'm on the top of heavens arena, I'm going to jump and end my own life. Please take care of my brothers for me, whatever you do don't stop me

After that his phone was ringing as crazy text messages and calls from all of them. But he ignored them, he just sighs and looks ahead taking a deep breath.

Sorry can't save me now
Sorry I don't know how
Sorry there's no way out (sorry)
But down
Hmm, down

He was prepared to do this he would regret leaving his brothers behind with those people he called parents, but he was in too much pain and couldn't take it much longer. He chuckles a bit as he recalls a certain memory from his childhood.

Illumi layed on the ground his body ached, he was shaking a bit as warm tears dripped down his cheeks. He heard footsteps walk close to him, he felt slim small fingers grip his chin and forced him to look up at the figure.

" I know it hurts baby, but you did something bad and you need to be punished. I'm sorry but if you listen and be a good boy, you wouldn't need to be punished " his mother spoke looking down at her son lying to him, right in front of his face, a lie he bought many times.

Taste me, these salty tears on my cheeks
That's what a year-long headache does to you
I'm not okay, I feel so scattered
Don't say I'm all that matters
Leave me, déjà vu

He chuckles a bit, he prepared himself to jump but heard the door of the rooftop open, " ILLUMI DON'T DO IT!!! " he hears hisoka yell. He turns around and see hisoka and the other four, " it's already too late for me guys, I have long stopped fighting for a purpose to live. This pain is too much, I can't take another Moment of it,I have no purpose here  " he spoke.

" That's not true Anki!!, We all love you. You can't give up please don't listen to the voices!! " Killua spoke scared. " It's not just the voices killua it's everything, I can't stand the fact of waking up knowing I'm just a disappointment and nothing more. I can't stand being abused everyday by my own parents, do you know the terrible things they do to me?!!! " He yells as tears blur his vision.

" Please illumi come down, we can get the police involve. We can help you " kurapika spoke. " Please illumi don't leave me, I need you. I love you illumi, please don't leave me!! " Hisoka spoke.

If you need me, wanna see me
You better hurry, I'm leaving soon

Everyone stood quiet at hisoka's sudden love confession, " illumi since we met you were so interesting. I couldn't help but felt the sudden need, urge to protect you. I knew you were in pain but didn't know what or why, after a while I started to fall for you. You saved me from my dark world I was in, please come down and let us help you " hisoka spoke.

Sorry can't save me now (sorry)
Sorry I don't know how (sorry)
Sorry there's no way out (sorry)
But down
Hmm, down

Illumi looks at the magician, he let what he said process. " Please illumi let us help you, just let us in " leorio spoke. Illumi looks at them all, he really did see they cared and wanted to help them. But the voices in his head told him not to trust them, they were lying they wanted him to jump, to die. His head started to hurt, it was becoming too much for him, he felt like he was losing his mind.

Call my friends and tell them that I love them
And I'll miss them
But I'm not sorry
Call my friends and tell them that I love them
And I'll miss them
Sorry

All waited to see what the raven would do, " I can't do it guy's even if I did get down and got the police involved, I'd never be able to recover from this. It's too much, I love all so much but I'm not sorry " he spoke tears running down his cheeks.

" Illumi please don't " hisoka spoke stepping forward, " just know I won't be suffering and I'll finally be happy " he spoke as he jumped back. " ILLUMI!? " all of them yelled, hisoka ran forward to grab his hand but he missed by an inch and watched as the man he loved fell to his dead with a smile on his face.

So since I heard this song I wanted to write a fanfic about it, the sing is called listen before I go by Billie eilish. I'm sorry for throwing so much angust at you guys but I promise the next chapter will not make you cry, I'd probably be a smut I'm not sure yet.
~ pikatachi 🤗

08/23/2020

Word count: 1268