THE AFFECTION

The only one that needs to love you is yourself, babe.

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Warning: Sexual Content

CHAPTER VIII

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AS SOON AS we got back to the upper part of the house, I ran straight to the nearest toilet and threw up. Sure, it was just straight gastric acid, but at this point I couldn't even hold water down.

“Ara, are you—”

“Leave me alone, Pablo,” I yelled at him through the door. There was a moment of silence where I believed that he had gone when he took me by surprise and spoke up again.

“Things will get better. I promise.”

“Leave me alone.”

I heard him sigh and then a little bit of shuffling behind the door. “Call me if you need anything.” And then he finally walked away, leaving me in my own solitude. A part of me wished he had just pushed a little more. I didn't realise how much I didn't want to be left alone until alone was exactly what I was. I needed somebody to help take my mind off things.

I sat down against the wall, holding my head in my hands as I thought through what just happened. Wasn't there any other way? Couldn't I have just shot him in the forehead or something? Why did it have to be so long; so cruel?

I could say I didn't have a choice, but I did. I killed him because Daniel wanted me to, not because he forced me to. I bet if I tried hard enough it wouldn't have been that bad.

I got into the shower for the second time that day, realising that there was no way I was going to be able to sleep that night. Every time I closed my eyes, the only thing I heard was his screams. I could see him begging for me to take mercy; to help him and I didn't.

I tried to scrub away all of the days events, but it seemed like an impossible task. It clung to me like a second skin. I got no blood on myself except for my knuckles, but it still felt like I was covered in it.

Covered in his blood.

As the stain of his blood would forever remain on my skin, the weight of his death would forever remain on my shoulders.

It wasn't something I could just wash away. I felt filthy, but it wasn't my body that needed scrubbing. It was my mind. The demons in me were tearing me apart and I wanted out.

But there was no way out.

I sobbed, letting the water run over my tainted skin.

***

My elbow rested on the cool marble of the kitchen island as I propped my chin against my open palm, staring mindlessly at the clock.

I had ditched trying to fall asleep about two hours ago when I had been woken up the fourth time to the sound of yelling. I knew it was only coming from my head and nobody else could hear it but me. And so before I was accused of going crazy, I got up from the bed and made my way to the kitchen, leaving Pablo alone in the room. Obviously, poor Guillermo had to crash on the sofa.

I would've told him to go take my place in bed if he wasn't completely passed out.

I was spaced out, my brain absolutely blank as I continued to stare at the clock, the hours ticking by. But the hours only felt like mere seconds as I sat on the barstool.

It was safe to say that this was my coping mechanism. This lack of functioning; lack of movement and growth; lack of thought, laughter or any kind of emotion; lack of anything.

Some would call it meditation. I called it a blackhole.

A place so dark that no bit of light could get through it; I saw nothing. This place was so empty, but so full at the same time.

I found that I could never escape it. Just like a blackhole. No matter how many times I tried to snap out of it and float away - come back to reality - I would always be pulled back in.

And the times that I did, I didn't really.

The first ever time I could remember being in this state of mind was when my dad suddenly just disappeared. Nobody would tell me where he was. As a hopeful five-year-old, I believed he would come back. That little trickle of belief - of hope - quickly diminished as months passed and there was no sign of him. Nobody even talked about him anymore. It was like he never existed.

So I stopped talking about him too. I stopped eating, stopped thinking, stopping playing and talking. My mother tried everything - everything - to get me back to normal. But it was no use.

The only thing - the only person - that helped me was the male guidance counsellor my mother had entrusted with me. I saw him as a father.

And when he left, I had already had experience so it wasn't nearly as bad.

After that, there were many more instances. But they were only small and lasted about a few hours or so. The worst one I could remember was when I was fifteen and my mom had gotten fed up with my shit.

And she kicked me out.

That's how I ended up working for Daniel's father. For a few weeks, I reverted back to this; back to the blackhole. It wasn't like I was younger. It was so much worse. As everyday passed, I was more and more convinced that I shouldn't be living on this earth.

I mean, if my mother didn't want me, then who would?

Daniel was the one that saved me; that pulled me out of those dark, dark thoughts. And so I fell in love with him.

And now, four years later, I found myself going back to my old ways. I would never be able to escape the blackhole. Because it was a part of me. It was my comfort during my darkest times. It kept me safe from my emotions. It kept me safe from me.

It followed me around like a dark rain cloud over my head, ready to make its appearance once the sun shining over me decided to take a little break.

I could never escape it.

“Araceli?” I was suddenly snapped out of my mindless staring as someone called my name from the archway connecting the kitchen to the sitting room where Guillermo was sleeping a little bit too soundly.

“Boss?” I didn't know why I asked. Who else would it be if not Daniel? Idiot.

“Why are you up?”

I couldn't find a way to answer that question without sounding like a complete psycho.

'Oh, I was just hearing screaming and loud voices in my head everytime I attempted to sleep so I decided to stop trying.'

Yeah, no.

“I just... couldn't sleep,” I answered, but the yawn that escaped my mouth made me look like the biggest liar on the planet.

“Is it because of Vincent?”

I didn't want to talk about that.

Before I could even control my tongue, I had already snapped. “Why do you care?” I quickly slapped my hands over my mouth as if that could take back what I said.

Since when have I ever been that lucky?

His eyes went cold as he took steps further into the kitchen - closer to me. “I don't.”

Ouch. I guess I walked right into that one.

I wanted to laugh and say something funny to cover up the hurt or maybe disappear to my room, but instead I sat, staring at Daniel as he stared right back at me. Finally, I relented.

“I'm sorry for snapping.”

He didn't say anything and I berated myself mentally, complaining about how I could've had a few more seconds of his affection but instead I had to lose control of my mouth.

Before I could say anything stupid, I felt his presence right in front of me. Tilting my head up to look at him, I didn't even realise how he slowly pried my legs apart so he could stand in between them until he was right in front of me.

He looked down at me with his beautiful brown eyes that looked pitch black in the dark and slowly, with unsure hands, touched my cheek. All the times Daniel had touched me had always led me into some kind of trouble, but this one felt different. For some reason, I felt like he was doing this because he wanted to rather than he wanted to get something out of me.

“Your skin is soft,” he muttered softly as if almost in a trance as his thumb rubbed slow circles on my cheek. I felt blood rush to my face as I bit my lip softly, trying to avoid a stupid mistake on my part.

Daniel's eyes zeroed in on the action as his other hand fell on my knee, resting there without knowing what kind of affect his touch had on me.

His eyes flickered back to mine again and I bit harder, almost drawing blood. My heart was pounding in my chest and I was coming short of breath with his proximity. Using the hand on my cheek, he slowly brushed his thumb across my bottom lip before pulling it out and caressing the bite mark I had left, all the while keeping his eyes on mine.

And then suddenly, the impossible happened.

He leant down and kissed me.

I felt my body stiffen as he slowly moved his lips against mine, his hand coming down to my neck to stop me from moving away. Not that I was going to.

Finally regaining my senses, I kissed him back. This was what I had been dreaming of ever since I first met Daniel and now I had it. No way was I going to pass it up.

The kiss was soft and tentative at first, as if we were both just dipping our feet in to test the water. His lips were soft and slow against mine and occasionally, his tongue would come out and taste my own or his teeth would nibble lightly on my lip.

Then slowly it built up, becoming more and more rough as we grew comfortable. His grip on my neck tightened and I winced at the pain because of the fact that I had literally just been strangled not up to twenty-four hours ago.

But I didn't complain. I didn't tell him to let go, because as weird as it sounded, the burn felt kind of nice.

Daniel dropped his hand to waist, reaching under my ass and hoisting me up against him before sitting me on the island so he didn't have to bend as much to kiss me. I wanted to run my fingers through his hair and wrap my arms around his neck, but if there was one thing I was certain I knew about him, it was the fact that he absolutely detested being touched unless he initiated it.

Despite this, I decided to test my luck and slowly raised my arms to his neck. Unsurprisingly, he grabbed my wrist and slammed my palm down against the island, pulling away from me.

In that moment, I thought I had completely fucked up and made him uninterested. That is until both his hands landed on my thigh and began to hitch my dress up.

“W-What are you doing?” I asked breathlessly as he ran circles against the skin of my inner thigh, dangerously close to my soaking wet underwear.

“W-What does it look like I'm doing?” he replied, mocking my stutter as he continued his movements, not bothering to look at me.

“We shouldn't do—”

“Shouldn't do what?” he asked but before I could reply, his finger was directly over my clit, rubbing me through my panties. I spread my legs wider and let out a low moan.

I couldn't formulate a proper sentence at his touch. It probably had much more to do with the fact that this was Daniel in front of me than because of the stimulation itself.

But he wanted to change that. He wanted to see me squirm and writhe right in front of him. So before I could answer him, he pushed my underwear to the side and slipped a finger into me, meeting little resistance as he did so.

“Hmm?” he taunted, bringing his face close to my own so his breath tickled my skin, “What shouldn't we do?”

His actions were slow and deliberate, bringing me to the edge but not quite getting me there yet. “I'll let you cum if I like your answer,” he said, making me bite my lip again.

“Nothing.”

“Good.” And finally, I felt his thumb on my clit.

He circled it slowly for a second, making my breath hitch in my throat as I gripped the edge of the table. I let out a strangled moan and squeezed my eyes shut as I rocked my hips against the movement of his fingers.

He slipped a second finger into me and started pushing them in and out again, making a small cry of absolute pleasure escape my lips. I rocked my hips frantically against him, watching the way his eyes lit up at that and clenched around his fingers.

“Fuck,” I heard him mutter under his breath, snapping his eyes up to meet mine. It felt like a jolt of electricity zapped through my body and to my pussy, because in that moment, my orgasm hit.

“Fuck.” A series of moans and curses escaped my lips as I threw my head back and shut my eyes again, moving my hips along with his fingers as I rode out the waves of my high.

Finally I settled and opened my eyes, taking in the dark surroundings of the kitchen before meeting Daniel's dark gaze. He looked pleased with himself as he slid his fingers out of me and right into his mouth, making me gasp and stare at him with wide eyes.

“You're sweet,” is all he said as he fixed my underwear and pulled my dress down. I could only stare with my mouth open as he fixed up my hair and appearance before lifting me off the table and setting me back down on to the stool.

He took a step back, as if to make sure that everything was in place before coming back to me again. He placed his hand under my jaw and lifted it, effectively closing my mouth as another surge of heat rushed to my face.

“Don't want the flies getting in,” he said, a smirk adorning his devilishly handsome face as he patted my cheek softly and then walked away.

But even as his retreating figure got further and further away from me, I knew deep down that this wasn't the end of his tiny little game.

That's only if his smirk and his massive boner was anything to judge by.

*****

Um... Hi?

How you doing?

Lmao, I had to search up VIII just to be sure that it was an actual number.

It is thank God.