In the early morning hours following our reception, I was standing at the Norman Manley National Airport waiting to board a flight to New Jersey.

As I stared at the flight schedules unseeingly my mind was lost in the heart-wrenching sounds of Leslie crying. 

I had just stood there with my hand placed on the doorknob as I felt like the lowest thing ever. It seemed like every time I gave her laughter I took it back and gave her tears.

'Am so sorry', I whispered, feeling my heart fill with despair that I was only hurting her through my wanting her.

I had decided to wait for her out in the living room and work out how I could make it up to her when my phone rang.

I took the call and listened to my business partner relate to me that we had a business prospect in the making. He had asked how I wanted to proceed and being the coward I was, I told him I would fly out to meet him to get things on the way.

I was once again running away from Leslie.

I had sat there after our conversation ended and made a voice note to Leslie, the minute it ended I left. I was never a coward but Leslie had me afraid of losing. She had flipped the switch and changed the game. I was using the convenience of this business prospect to slink away, to hide and not face my wife. I placed her calls on mute as I retrieved my travel bag and left like a thief in the night.

I dreaded what the outcome of this was going to be, however, until then being in New Jersey was a distraction that I needed and it would buy me some time until I get to face this situation.

It did not take long for me to board my flight. I settled down in my seat and before I knew it I was fast asleep. Later when I woke up my mind like my dreams were filled with the woman I cowardly left at the Villa.

I could only imagine how she felt the morning after our beautiful reception. The receival of a voice note from the man you married in such an informal manner would only drive home that this marriage was nothing more than a convenience. A charade. 

I took my phone which was now set to allow usage on an overseas platform. I  went to my wife's WhatsApp conversation and listened to my runaway message. It just sank me lower.

There I was saying I would have to fly out to New Jersey on a business trip as a medical institute there was interested in a project my company has recently launched. I had informed her my driver would deliver a car for her disposal that would transport her home after she checked out and I would keep in touch. 

I saw that I had a deleted message from her and underneath it was just one simple word. 

"Ok."

But it was not ok. I wanted her here with me. I wanted to tell her in person I never meant her to have reasons for tears. I wanted for us to make this work, I wanted us to be a true family, be man and wife in every sense of the word. 

However here I was miles away and a few minutes away from landing in a new country having felt my heart knew without a doubt it wanted, and Leslie would not know I love her. 

Life was simple but I complicated it by once again running away because I was scared and took the easy way out. I left the Villa broken and dejected using these feelings to fuel the choices that I made.  

If she never wanted to speak to me again I had no one but myself to blame. I had a chance to turn things around and I ruined it.

I made sure the days of the upcoming week were spent lost in work. I packed my itinerary that I had no time to think about Leslie and when I did I was too tired to permit it.

It did not last my hiding away from my reality back in Jamaica. By Saturday everything was in place and I was left with nothing but to board another flight and head home. 

Hours later I sat on Leslie's veranda and waited for her to return home from Mama's. I knew she was there as I had spoken to my mother. I could have taken the opportunity to speak to her too but instead, I just let Mama give me an ear full on my stupid behaviour. 

I remember Mama saying that life was too short not to love the ones who life has given to us and I might just lose the next best thing that happened to me because I was willing to take things for granted.

I had thanked her for reaching out to Leslie, for giving her the love that I was not yet able to give and wanted so much to share. She had sighed and told me not to run again.

Now here I was sitting on her old-fashioned wicker veranda sofa staring at my watch and then the driveway for her car with eager anticipation. I stood up as I heard an approaching vehicle but it was Ian returning from some work.

He had invited me in but I denied the invite telling him I was ok waiting here. I did not want Leslie turning up to me just being there. I had kept away for almost a week and I was bombarding her with my presence after deliberately being away. 

The evening was beginning to seep in and the sweet sounds of the approaching night were calming. I lean back on the sofa and close my eyes, losing myself in the tranquillity as I think how long it has been since I did something as simple as relaxing.

The quiet here was different from the many voices that would fill the atmosphere of Mama's home. There you had laughter, joy,  fellowship, and the warm feeling of belonging to a family that extended beyond blood but blossomed with community togetherness.

I was reminiscing; comparing and contrasting my life with that of Leslie when I felt a hand on my shoulder, my eyes fluttering open to see the lovely image of my wife's face staring down at me.

Was I dreaming? Did my need for her conjure her up? I stare at her sitting there beside me drinking in the sweet innocence that was a part of her. I look in her eyes wanting to see anger, anything that would show that she was upset but instead those honey-coloured depths were sweet and caring.

"Why are you out here in the cold? Does Ian know you're here?" she asked, concerned and curious.

"I wanted to wait out here for you," I replied, taking in her sweetness. 

She still had on the dress she wore to church. It was a wrap-around dress of white background with a variety of small red and green flowers. I liked the way it moulded to her petite frame and nestled about her knees.

She looked away shyly then dipped her head causing a few reddish-gold strands of the hair she had swoop behind her ear to come loose and fall over her forehead.

I reach out and move it away stroking her smooth forehead. How did I ever find it in me to leave her?

I was about to apologize but instead, I pulled her to me and claimed her lips in a kiss that I knew I needed even before I found the courage to claim it. I did not want to talk tonight, I wanted to make love to her. I wanted my body to speak to her heart and reveal my love.

"I want to make love to you", I whisper against her soft sweet lips. "Leslie I need you so badly.

*******************************************

Hey yah peeps ☺

Guy leaves you without a word except for a WhatsApp vn and a message that says much but adds little to take you in the direction you want, then turns up days later and says he needs you badly upon his return...what would you do?

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Now see you in Chapter 15 to see what Leslie does....😊