Dedicated to all the girls with broken hearts who overthink and overanalyse everything too much. x

Next update hopefully tomorrow, or day after.

This will be the only Bonus Chapter available on Wattpad. Rest on Inkitt. I will notify you when I update there. x

Don't forget to vote, and your inline comments would be love.

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Kaira

I rolled over my bed, breathing deeply. The wall on the opposite wall said it was five in the morning, and the last bits of moonlight fell through the window. The sky was turning a lighter shade of blue, and being the start of winter, it was cold outside.

As I walked to the window pane, staring at the sleeping city, I should have been one of them. I should have been asleep.

Aarav-Ruhaana and Myra-Abeer's wedding functions start today, and in no time, I'd have to get up and get dressed for the Mehendi and Sangeet.

My entire life, ever since I was a kid, I waited for this moment. This exact moment, you know, when your childhood best friends get married, and you're supposed to be nicely dressed, greeting old friends and new ones, dancing and laughing. My best friend's weddings, and not one, four of them were getting married.

And although I was very very happy for them, I felt empty from inside. Like, I was smiling and pretending to be the happiest on this planet, but inside, it was all hollow and empty.

Krishh and I were at a hard patch.

Five years of our relationship, and not once did I ever regret him giving a chance he asked for that night. Not once did I turn back.

There were no what-ifs.

Because he was that kind of boy, that makes you forget fairytales, the one who picks you flowers after work and tells his bestfriends about you, the one that makes you smile more and fall in love with yourself before being asked to love him.

Ever since I met him, I have known nothing but happiness.

But right now, my back faces him. I know I wouldn't be able to look at him sleeping on the other end of the bed without breaking down.

I don't know how we reached this point exactly. Maybe it's me. It's actually always me.

Because I'm the fuck-up in this relationship. I've been sad for so long that I destroy so many things with it.

But you can't explain depression, or anxiety. Asking someone to not be depressed because there's love around them is like telling someone to not have Asthma because there's air around them; the only difference being, one destroys the mind and the other destroys the lung.

I've been as happy as I could imagine myself to be with him, but recently, I've been fighting a lot– with him, with my parents, with my friends, even with myself.

It feels like I'm at a constant war with myself. I kept scolding and fighting myself to try being happy because there's nothing to be sad about.

But sometimes, anxiety doesn't need a reason. It just strikes in waves against a sea shore, and these days, I feel like I'm drowning. And the worst part is that I don't even have the power to fight against it anymore.

I just want to let go.

I want to let the darkness consume me, drown me, kill me, piece by piece, breath by breath, until there's nothing left of me to pain anymore. Some nights pain so much, and the worst part is, this time, I want to let it hurt.

And I don't really understand why. I am hurting myself, and along with me, I'm hurting everyone around me as well. Depression shouldn't be contagious.

I think it's mainly because of a day that was approaching. The day I have been fearing for months now and it's so near, that it scares me.

Today.

Today is the day Karan will be out of jail.

Karan, my high school harasser. The boy who had stripped me down in front of his friends and tried to take advantage of me, the boy who had left me drugged me and wanted to rape me because he couldn't take a 'no'.

[ a/n: more details in bonus chapter 3A; y'all can re-read that part if you don't remember. ]

He'd be out of jail today. There will be no law holding him back, nothing would be able to stop him from reaching me, from taking his revenge, and from perhaps doing something he had left incomplete years ago.

It had been years and I still felt his touch fresh on my skin, and everytime I think of it, it feels like there's someone stabbing me over the wounds that I have taken years to heal.

And even now, they're not fully healed.

You can't just forget the fact that you were sexually harassed, assaulted, and move on in life.

And as this day came closer, I couldn't help but remember who Krishh was. Karan's brother.

Krishh, time and again, had proved that he was nothing like his younger cousin, but the fear in my heart felt more like a burden now that this day was today.

I didn't doubt Krishh. I never could. I would close my eyes and trust him with whatever he wanted, and that was a very big thing for a girl who was assaulted. Even when were in a relationship, it took me a long time to finally let him in, to let my heart trust him completely, to let myself know that there is someone in this whole world except my family whom I could trust when I didn't trust myself.

But the fact that I was in a relationship with my assaulter's brother was becoming more and more evident to me in the past month, creating a havoc in me.

It was burdening me, pulling me down no matter what I wanted to do to convince myself otherwise.

"You're awake," I heard his groggy voice walk towards me and before I could look back to face him, his hands encircled my waist on the pane of the window and he kept his head on my shoulder, his hot breath falling on my skin as his nose gently rubbed against my cheek skin.

"I am," I simply answered. Did he not remember today was the day his brother would be out of jail? I mean, it shouldn't be as dreadful for him as it was for me, right? At the end, Karan was Krishh's brother.

"Sweetheart," He said, breaking away. The playfulness and the sleep disappeared and his face stiffened, serious. "You're not okay," he studied my face.

I stared at him blankly. He knew me better than I knew myself. If I stared for a second more, I would probably start crying, and that was something I didn't want. I couldn't burden him with more of my problems.

I was a burden in itself.

He deserved someone who didn't have such a past as a baggage and while I can't give that to him, I can atleast make sure he doesn't deal with problems that are supposed to be mine.

I turned around, grabbing my jacket from the chair and wore it above the legging and tank I was wearing.

"I was just going for a morning walk," I lied, not looking at him but he grabbed my hand, making me turn to him.

"No you were not," he established. "What's troubling you?"

"It's nothing, really," I said, "Just a little stress. I can't believe our friends are getting married today. And ofcourse, we have to perform. I have a feeling I'm going to forget all my steps. Or what if I trip on my lehenga and fall?" I blabbered.

He looked at me for a moment, analysing my face. "If you fall, I'd catch you," He replied, and oh, the meaning.

I hope I let you catch me, Krishh.

This was how I found myself on the trials, two hours later. I shouldn't be here. A morning walk, that I promised Krishh would be just for thirty minutes, turned out to take two hours.

I didn't have the power to return back home.

I didn't have the power to stare into the eyes that love me so much and lie to them.

At the same time, I couldn't tell him the truth.

It'll break him.

It'll break him to know how I was doubting our relationship, when I didn't want to.

I really didn't.

For once, I wanted to be the happy girl, happy with her love and close-to-perfect relationship.

But I couldn't.

I kept overthinking and overanalysing things until I fucked it up in my head.

That's what anxiety had done to me, but with Krishh things were much simpler always. I wasn't used to having complicated things with him. Believe it not, in the past five years, we haven't fought once.

He's been the most patient and loving boyfriend you could just dream of.

And I hated at what position I was putting us.

For all the love he had given me over the years, I couldn't do this to him. Not to him. I couldn't tell him how I was afraid he was Karan's brother when he has never given me a reason to believe so, from the start.

If I even do tell him, and maybe he understands why i'm thinking that way, but I could just imagine the hurt in his eyes, the feeling of sadness he'd feel from the inside.

And I couldn't do it to him.

He's the most precious thing in my life, and I couldn't hurt him.

But being in a relationship with a girl who was depressed and deals with anxiety, sometimes even PTSD, hurt comes like a bonus.

And I didn't, couldn't hurt the man who's given me only and only love.

So there's something I knew I needed to do.

I needed to let him go.

I needed to let him let our love go.

I needed to let him be out there and be in love with a woman who loves him the way he deserves to be, not by someone like me, who lives with doubts despite all the love and happiness he's given me.

I was snapped out of my thoughts when a hand grabbed my wrist. I felt panic spring through my veins.

Anyone but Karan.

Not that hazel eyes and cunning smile. Not Karan, please.

Relief struck me when they were brown eyes I loved and a concerned smile I had grown to love over the years.

"Krishh," I say, relief written over me. But the relief soon turned into heaviness when I realised this wasn't going to be for me after what I was going to do today.

"You way like there was someone else you were expecting," he chuckled. Little did he know, I was.

I remained frozen, not knowing what to do,

"Sweetheart," He said, stepping forward, holding my shoulders firmly, "Is there anything bothering you? Have I– Have I done something wrong?"

It's now or never.

But I couldn't push the words out of my mouth. I felt like I wanted to cry out loud, but I knew I couldn't.

"I— I'm not happy," I choked out.

"That I know," he sighed in a knowing glance, "Tell me what went wrong, darling?"

Say it.

I have to. I have to let him let me go. I have to let him be happy, even if it means with someone else.

We all accept the love we think we deserve, and I will never feel that I deserve the way he loves me.

"Y– You," I stammered.

"What?" Confusion spread across his face.

"I want to break up with you," I finally forced the words out, the words I thought I'd never ever have to say.

His expressions stiffened, and his hands fell of my shoulder. Breaking his heart this way is better than slowly breaking it with my thoughts everyday.

"Is this a prank?" He asked, unsure and I nodded negatively. Tears pooled my eyes looking at my worse nightmare come true and I forced to keep them in.

"Have I– Have I done anything wrong?" He asked. I nodded negatively.

"Then, what is it?" He asked.

I needed to give a reason, and I knew telling him that I wasn't in love with him or that I was in love with someone else wouldn't work. Anyone could say how much we were in love with each other by the way our eyes twinkled when we thought of one another.

"Don't tell me that you don't love me anymore, because heaven knows you do," He said, looking straight into my eyes.

"And I'm not leaving your life– I'm not leaving you until you give me a valid reason to. I'm not going to walk away from us, Kaira," he established.

"Do you–," my voice choked and I collected myself again, "Do you remember how years ago, you told me I didn't need to belong somewhere...." I reminded him.

"I told you that you need to be free before wanting to belong somewhere, or to someone," He recollected, on that pretty night when I kissed him for the first time.

"There's that moment now, Krishh," I say, holding in a sob, "History just got repeated. I– I feel held down by us, by this relationship. I– I can't take it anymore. Can I just ask for my freedom back?"

I saw the expression in his eyes change and only I knew how many years his pain would haunt me. I just caused so much pain to the man who wanted to take all of mine away.

He stared at me for a long time, but I looked everywhere else.

"I promised to make you free, I promised to make sure you'd always be free," he whispered, trying to smile, "How can I say no now?"

I could hear the broken heart through his voice as he stepped ahead. His hands gently held my head as he pressed his lips against my temple and as his lips lingered them longer than they should, one last time, I let the silent tear flow.

"I love you, sweetheart," he whispered before waking away in the opposites direction. I knew he didn't have the power to look at me just as much as I didn't have to, to look at him.

I held myself in for a little while longer, until I reached home. The house wasn't home without him.

He had left.

Everything he owned was still there but he wasn't, and he wasn't coming back and I knew it.

That was when it broke my heart.

I thought that was it, the peak of my heart break, but my heart hadn't even begun breaking. It started when I opened his wardrobe to pull out a sweatshirt that smelled like him, and instead what rolled out was a tiny box.

A tiny box with a diamond ring inside and a small note that simply read:

To my sweetheart.

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Don't forget to comment and tell me what you think would happen ahead.

I'm back on regular updates, and to compensate for my disappearance, I uploaded this on Wattpad. The rest will be on Inkitt, and I will notify you when I update it there.

Thank you. x