K A I R A

"Why are they giving us such weird stares?" Krishh murmured in my ear as we made our way to my group of friends.

"I don't blame them. If I saw one of my friends with you, I'd give her a weird stare too," I tease.

"Hey, be kind!" He whined. I chuckled, ignoring him.

"Hey guys, he is.....," I was about to introduce Krishh when Myra cut me.

"Krishh," she smiled, "We know."

She got up to give him a hug and I could see Abeer visibly stiffen. I chuckled to myself.

"When you said you were going out with a friend, I didn't know that friend was a guy," Ruhaana teased me.

"Ruhaana, I need to talk--....." I began but I was cut off again.

"Oh my god. Kaira?" I heard an unfamiliar voice as I looked back to see a familiar face, brown hair, hazel eyes.

"Nisha?" I asked, confused as she came ahead to hug me. Nisha was with me in my first two years of Interior Designing. We were good friends, used to sit together for lectures after we got teamed up for a project but once the course was over, we lost touch eventually.

"What're you doing here?" I asked, politely.

She pointed at Abeer. I looked over to Abeer and he gave a goofy smile. "I and Nisha were School friends, like best friends before..." he was cut off.

"Before this jerk shifted to London in seventh grade. I mean, that's such an odd year to go away," she rolled her eyes.

I saw Myra making a bored expression and I suppressed a laughter.

"And I'm sure you must be so excited to meet your old best friend's girlfriend..." I said.

"You have a girlfriend?" Her eyes widened as she looked to Abeer. "Now that... you didn't tell me at all."

"Who's she?" She poked his arm. Abeer gave me a look and I sweetly rolled my eyes.

Abeer was going to give a reply when Nisha's phone rang and she excused herself.

I saw Krishh settled with the boys, talking to Aarav. His eyes met mine and I raised my eyebrows asking if he was alright and he pressed his eyes in assurance.

Taking a breath of relief, I slouched beside Myra.

"So Nisha hahh?" I asked.

She gave me a pointed look. "As if he told me his best friend was a girl. Who add it, didn't even know he has a girlfriend now."

I laughed, "Chill. I know her. She's a nice girl."

"Yeah but...." she seemed frustrated, "You know how I feel about girls being around him all the time. They're like a magnet."

"Nisha's different. I know her, chill. She knows her boundaries," I tried persuading her.

Myra scoffed. "Mera chod. You say, Krishh haa? I mean, I know we haven't spoken since a while and I'm yet to take updates, but you and Krishh. That was a shock hmm..." she gave me a teasing look.

"How did this happen?" I heard Ruhaana's voice as she slouched beside me, with me in the centre. She forwarded me paprika which she was carrying in a bowl.

"Uh.... this is yummmmmy," I said taking a bite. I loved paprika. It was absolute favourite.

"I know," Ruhaana smiled, "I've made.."

I looked at her surprised. "I thought medical didn't give you time to do other stuff. And... I never knew you're interested in cooking."

"I'm not. Cooking's ew!" She made a bored face, "But I made this for you."

"What?" I whispered, stunned.

"Yeah. As an apology," she murmured.

"It's me who has to apologise," I corrected. "I came here so that I can talk to you and say sorry."

"Then that's forgotten. I don't think you've done anything wrong and even if you have, I have forgiven you, and forgotten it. So please do the same? I'm sorry," she said nervously holding her ear with one hand and I smiled.

It felt like a huge burden was lifted off me.

I was about to say how sorry I was too, when Nisha came back.

"So Kaira... you and Krishh? The last I checked, you wanted to do nothing with boys," she said sitting adjacent to the three of us.

"Which is true," I accepted, "and I have nothing to do with Krishh too. We're just friends."

"But how did this happen?" Myra said, amused, "I mean he was my senior... and then this."

I realised the guys were listening to us too. I looked at Krishh for help but he shrugged, smirking. Asshole. I will kill him later.

"Yeah," Ruhaana teased, "The last I checked, you found him cute... and now you're all together and stuff."

"Eeks we're not together and stuff," I quoted her.

"Cute?" Krishh said, suddenly interested, "She finds me cute?"

"Yeah," Ruhaana smiled, "You remember you had come to Myra's house like a month ago when we were all there?" She asked and he nodded.

"She said you were cute," Ruhaana teased. I glared at her but she conveniently ignored it.

Krishh smirked looking at me. "I would have never known," he smirked. I wiped off my smile and sternly showed my eyes to both of them.

"As much as I remember, you said he was cute," I poked Ruhaana. She shrugged.

"And you," I looked at Krishh, "You're not cute or anything."

"Whatever helps you sleep at night, sweetheart," He smiled back. I rolled my eyes.

"And what's the sweetheart about?" Abeer smirked. I swear he was just like his dad.

"I gave her a preference of what she'd like to be called.... she chose sweetheart," he conveniently lied.

"I chose Kaira. 'Cos that's my name, but whatever helps you sleep at night," I said sarcastically, quoting him.

I stared at him with anger and he with intensity and it would have never broken had someone not coughed.

"Okay," Abeer laughed, "We feel really happy knowing how you both help each other to sleep at night."

Ew. He and his stupid lame jokes.

I scoffed. But Krishh laughed and hi-fied Abeer. Wow. Best friend goals right there. (Note the sarcasm.)

Later that night, a little after dinner, we were sitting scattered.

"So what's going on between you two?" I asked making space between Aarav and Ruhaana.

"Kaira... I..." Aarav began but I showed him my finger, making him stop. "It's all forgiven and forgotten, remember?" I said, "So don't you dare start your trail of apologies. I'm sorry. Ruhaana's sorry. You're sorry. It's done."

"Okay," he laughed. "We're friends. Like good friends."

"Like good friends who go on dates, and good friends who kiss each other...?" I teased.

"Kaira!" Ruhaana playfully slapped my arm, "Good friends who're good friends."

"You say we're just friends but friends don't know the way you taste lalalalaa...." I sang, quoting Señorita, Shawn Mendes and Camilla Cabello's latest song, as I got up from there. They laughed as I was walking towards Nisha, but I stumbled with Ishaan instead.

"Hey, careful," he said, helping me stabilise. I passed a small smile, not wanting to engage in a conversion with him.

I wasn't exactly mad after what happened yesterday, I was hurt.

"Hey, what's wrong?" Krishh asked. That's when I realised Ishaan and Krishh were talking when I stumbled across.

"Nothing," I smiled back.

"Great. Ishaan was telling me how you were He naughtiest one in the group and always ranking them and how he would always fall for your pranks," Krishh told me.

I smiled, not trying to give away.

"And..." Ishaan said softly, "She was also the most forgiving."

"I could forgive someone only when they make a mistake," I say looking straight into his eyes, "How do you forgive someone when they're telling the truth?"

Ishaan's smile wiped off his face.

"Excuse me...," I smiled, walking away from the two, moving outside to take a breath of fresh air.

It was almost time to leave.

"Kaira?" I heard Ishaan behind me. "Can we talk?" He asked.

I turned to him, "No."

I began walking out when he held my hand tightly and pulled me where I was. I stumbled before resurfacing.

"What?" I asked, taken aback. I didn't ever remember Ishaan being so violent. Guess London changed more things than we could count.

"I need to apologise," he said. "Forcefully?" I asked, my eyes at his hand that held my wrist tight.

"Sorry," He said leaving it.

"Look..." He said, "All those things I said yesterday, I was drunk. I mean, I'm not blaming it on the alcohol, I just want you to know I wasn't in my senses."

"A drunk man always tells the truth," I cut him off. "You think that about me, shallow, cheap. I can't make you apologise for how you think about me. I have to learn to accept it and grow."

"That's not true," he said, "I was just hurt. I believed you even when you didn't want me to. I never even let you explain why you did that because I knew you meant good. I trusted you about that. And all the things that happened, I just lost my senses. I thought what if..." he murmured.

"What if I plotted you and Ruhaana together so that I could have Aarav all to myself?" I completed his statement, "Well, I clearly failed at that."

"No!" He said, guilt on his face.

"You did think that," I said, "And I want you to know I'm not an obsessive girl. I liked Aarav for a bit, it was a tiny crush, he didn't like me, I got over it. That's about it."

"I know! I know!" He said quickly, "There's nothing I can say or do to make you believe me, but I am sorry. I wasn't in my senses, really. I just needed someone to blame it all on, and..."

"And you just put it on me," I completed his sentence again. Tears brimmed in my eyes.

"You didn't care how I would take it, how it would make my heart heavy or that because of you I would cry myself to sleep at night? You didn't care about anything else, Ishaan. I know I made mistakes, and I am taking responsibility of them. But you don't put accusations like that on me one day and apologise the second. Do you even know---..... you just wanted to blame it on someone and you decided to put it on me. You have no idea what I was already going through..." I was almost crying.

"I'm sorry," he said, firmer this time. His hands gripped my arms, and that is when I realised I was shaking. I was crying. I had goosebumps. I was shivering. I was panicking.

Nothing made sense anymore.

"Shit, you're having a panic attack," he murmured, horrified. "Distraction...." he self talked. I wasn't listening anymore.

I was thrown back to the time when my nightmare happened. I could see the dark room, colliding with the darkness of the night. Ishaan's face merged with Karan's. His hand on my arm reminded me of Karan's touch. I felt like I wanted to puke. I couldn't breath anymore. I could just feel my tears.

And then I felt my his lips on mine.

Everything I felt stopped. I wasn't shaking. I wasn't shivering. I was more horrified and numb. I could feel Karan's lips. Everywhere.

I wanted to shout. But I felt frozen.

"You're strong. I appreciate you, Kaira," I could hear Krishh's voice in my head tell me.

I wasn't strong.

I was weak again.

I was weak.

I was vulnerable.

I let Karan do this to me. I could have stopped him. But I couldn't. Because I'm a coward.

I'm weak.

Ishaan moved away. I was rooted, numb. New tears made their way out. "I'm sorry, you were having a panic attack. I-- I had to distract you, and it worked." He said again and again.

It wasn't his fault. This would work for anyone else.

But not on me.

Not on a girl who was almost raped.

I stared at him with numbness. "It's okay..." I murmured. It was not okay.

I turned to my right to move in again, I wanted to ask Krishh to take me back home when I saw him.

Standing outside.

Watching me and Ishaan.

I could see a lot of emotions running on his face. But mostly, Betrayal. Hurt. Anger. And then I saw him leave.

"You okay?" I heard Ishaan's voice again as his hand gripped my arm again. I looked at him.

And then I collected all the pent up energy I had and pushed him away, as hard as I could.

And when I pushed him, I pushed every man who thought I was weak. I pushed away his touch, Karan's touch, the bad memories, the nightmares, the pain. I pushed it all away.

Ishaan was as confused as he could be.

And I smiled.

I smiled happily.

I was wrong all my life after that incident.

I always thought I needed someone to love or someone to love me. I thought I carved love and concern.

I thought I wanted to somewhere to belong.

I didn't.

I never wanted to belong somewhere. I wanted to be free.

Krishh made me free.

~~~~~~~