M A N I K

I was in a place that I recognised, but did not recognised. It all familiar, yet unknown; the hallways knew their way to me, I knew where I was, but maybe I didn't take any effort to recognise anything.

"Manik," there was a small whisper that made my eyes open with a jerk, making me stare everywhere at the hospital lineways, the critical rooms lined up ahead of me, and I looked around me.

I recognised whom that voice belonged to, ofcourse I did. Nandini Malhotra, my wife.

I looked around, not finding anything. The hospital was empty, it was just me sitting on the black steel bench in front of the ICU my wife was in.

"Nandini?" I called out desperately, my ears already alert to just hear her voice once more.

"Calm down, Manik," her voice was no less or more than any whisper, and I saw everywhere around me, but I couldn't see her.

Was she invisible? Why couldn't I see her?

"Manik, I love you," her voice distracted my horrible train of thoughts and I stared at the door in front of me blankly, rather helplessly, tears threatening to fall off. It was more than a day that I had not seen her or spoken to her or anything like that, and all I get is such a closure?

"Nandini, I want to see you," I murmured under by breath but I knew she heard me. I just wanted to see her once, hold her in my arms and kiss her goodbye, the way it was supposed to be. I didn't want to let her go this way, with me not being even be able to see her at all.

"Sshhh Manik," she scolded, but her voice still low and I gasped. "What have I done that we deserve this?" I tried bargaining, my voice cracking away.

"You loved me, more than any person could love any one else. You gave me an infinity in a finite number of days. Every second that we spent together was my forever, Manik. Don't cry, please," her voice got lower and I could still not see her at all. So I sat back on the bench, holding my face in my hands, my eyes closed.

If I couldn't see her, I could feel her atleast. Feel her with me. For one last time maybe.

"I don't want to let you go-.....," my voice faded and she sighed. I was so desperate to see her, I could burn the entire world if that was the way.

"I wish I could have stayed, Manik; but I cannot. God was here to take me, and I stole some time away to talk to you. Let's not be greedy? I hardly have time before I walk away from your lives," her voice was even lower but every word was like a dagger to my half beating heart.

"Then please ask your God to take me with you as well," I murmured and she almost giggled. I could give away my everything to just hear the sound of her giggling, again and again and again and again until my ears give away, because I would never grow tired of her.

"I would have, you know I love you so selfishly. But I cannot. Because you have to be here, you have a greater responsibility to take care off....," I could sense her smile and even my imagination, her smile was so radiant that it took away the pieces of my broken heart making me want to smile as well.

"What responsibility?" I breathed, her scent flowing through the corridors and into my nose, tears finally flowing off. She was here, somewhere here. With me. One last time.

"Our babies, Manik. They've not even come into the world, how can it be time for them to go away already? You choose to save me or you don't, I have to die. We all are given certain time to live, and I already lived more than my time. I loved eternities in every time you kissed me, Manik. So now you have to let me go, and treasure the children I'm leaving behind with you. They need you, Manik. Be with them, I will be watching over you..", her voice faded away, as if she was crying too.

This time, I didn't stop those tears. I didn't show that I was strong. I just broke down, right there. I wanted her, more than oxygen or drugs or anything that keeps a man alive.

"No... no...— I .. you... we have so much left—.. we have to travel together the whole world—.. I don't want to be alone—... I can't lose you—... I—... i—." I put in everything I could, in phrases, everything that made sense or didn't.

I just wanted to keep saying, because I stop, maybe she goes away, maybe she'd go away without telling me a good bye.

Was I strong enough to hear her voice for one last time? Was I strong enough to never see her again, to never be able to love her again? Would I be able to do what she wanted me to? Was I strong enough to let her go, to tell her a goodbye?

I wasn't. I clearly wasn't. "Manik, you have to be strong. And I promise I will be with you, whenever you need me. Just close your eyes, and I would be with you. I promise. You know, I'd reside on the star you gifted me, and every time you see me shining the brightest in the night sky, you know it would be me. Just like I promised. And even in the day, even though you wouldn't see me, you wouldn't see the star, you know I would be there. I will be watching over you being the best and the most dotting father to our kids Manik," I know she was smiling and her smile wanted to break through the broken pieces in my heart, radiating her good vibes, wanting to make me smile.

"And you know what Manik, we're going to have twins. A boy and a girl! Just like we wanted, isn't it? They're going to be monkeys, just so naughty! They will take up every second of your everyday, not making you free enough to even think about me until they grow up, and then when you look back, I will just me a fading memory for you. But I know that wouldn't decrease your love for me, and mine for you.", i wanted to hold her words forever.

"And you know, I know their names, and I want you to name them what I am saying. I hope you can do this much for me?" She sounded disappointed and I nodded frantically, in the fear that she would go away if I didn't listen to her.

"Mahi and Aarav. Please?" Her voice was so sweet that if she even begged God to pardon her life in such a voice, he wouldn't say no. Then why wasn't she doing that.

"Mahi and Aarav" I repeated after her, nodding. I didn't want her to leave or to go away. Please no.

I was not strong enough. I would never be strong enough to let her go. It was like letting go an essential part of myself, my own heart, my half soul.

"Manik, please keep them happy," she whispered and I knew it was time for her to go.

"Please can't you stop?" I was desperately vulnerable, a mess of tears and shattered pieces of my broken heart.

"I wish I could. But rules are rules, Manik. Now smile and tell me that you love me, allow me to go in peace," she was barely saying and I cried harder. Could I do that?

"For me, Manik, please," she sounded vulnerable too. For her.

For her, Manik.

Rubbing my tears away, I smiled a bit, weakly, trying to give in my best but the fact that every sun from today will rise and set with me being alone, without the one I vowed to love forefer caused some unknown pain in stomach, as if my heart had dropped there, making it beat so fast that I could hear it myself.

"I love you, Nandini Malhotra," I whispered, more to myself, and the tears broke free again.

"Be happy wherever you are Manik, and if this heart finds someone else to beat for, don't push her away. Let in every ray of love that comes your way, okay?" She whispered slowly, her voice fading away.

"Just don't every forget, that I loved you till my last breath. Don't take this as a burden, take this as a reminder and never feel I'd be angry if you fall in love another time, with someone else. I'd be the happiest soul on this planet—.. heaven I mean, if I'm going there," she chuckled to herself.

"I love you, Nandini Malhotra," I repeated my words more staunchly, stopping her nonsense bickering.

"I love you more than this world has witnessed Manik, and I love Mahi and Aarav. Tell them about me, and only smile when you talk about me, never cry. I love you, I love you so much—...," her voice faded away slowly, and her scent around me disappeared as well. I couldn't feel her around me anymore, and I knew she gone.

"Manik"

"Manik"

"Manik"

"Manikk!"

I was left alone, and the corridors started disappearing until it was all blank and I could hear a strong voice overtaking me consciousness.

"Manik," it wasn't a voice, it was a scream. Cabir, I knew.

"Manik!" I finally let my eyes open, and Cabir stood in front of me. What was that, another dream?

Another fucking dream?!

A nightmare.

I smiled my thirty two teeth out. She was still alive.

"Manik, tu saari raat soya nahi hai, please go home!" Cabir patted my shoulder and my smile disappeared. My happiness was short lived.

I was still sleeping where I saw in my dream, the corridor, everything was same. This was not a dream, Nandini was here indeed. Warning me that she was going away, or that she has already gone.

It was not a dream.

She was here.

She told me what to do ahead.

She guided me ahead.

She was not dead.

But she told me what to do.

It was not a dream. My Nandini was with me.

"Nandini?" I whispered lostly and Canir presses his lips to a straight line. "She's still very critical", he informed and I laughed to myself.

"She's not going to survive this!" I informed him casually and he looked at me as if I was some alien. "Wh—.. how-... wh-...," his words were fading away, and he just stared at me blindly, big question marks on his face.

"Trust me, I know. She told me she's going away," I blabbered and he hugged me tightly, tighter then anyone had ever hug me, and it was like I could feel my broken heart inside my chest when I didn't want to feel anything anymore.

"Excuse me?" A voice broke our trance and my lost chain of thoughts away, as we saw the doctor impatiently waiting. My eyes automatically shifted to Nandini's ICU, and the red light was off. It was over.

"The decision is now, her or the kids," she whispered, and her face was sorry, as if she was herself going to cry for putting me through it.

"Her, ofcourse her!" Cabir shouted at the doctor but she still stared at me, because this is my decision. No one else's!

"Our babies, Manik. They've not even come into the world, how can it be time for them to go away already? You choose to save me or you don't, I have to die. We all are given certain time to live, and I already lived more than my time. I loved eternities in every time you kissed me, Manik. So now you have to let me go, and treasure the children I'm leaving behind with you. They need you, Manik. Be with them, I will be watching over you.."

"The babies!" I whispered barely, my voice couldn't be heard by myself.

Cabir just stared at me and so did the doctor before she walked inside her room again.

"Manik! Do you know what the fuck have you done!" Cabir shouted at me but my inner voice was stronger to hear anything. I myself crimped back to the couch, taking my face in my hands.

I had done it.

I was strong enough.

I did let you go, Nandini.

I promised that, didn't I?

I saved them Nandini.

Probably you wouldn't hate me, you'd like to see your kids happy.

"I love you more than this world has witnessed Manik, and I love Mahi and Aarav. Tell them about me, and only smile when you talk about me, never cry. I love you, I love you so much—...,"

"You choose to save me or you don't, I have to die. We all are given certain time to live, and I already lived more than my time. I loved eternities in every time you kissed me, Manik. So now you have to let me go, and treasure the children I'm leaving behind with you."

"I've loved you till an eternity, Manik Malhotra,"

"My heart has beated for you until death does us apart, Manik"

"Excuse me?" A voice removed me from my thoughts again and I looked up at the doctor, looking at my blank face. Was it done already?

"Congratulations, you're a father, a boy and a girl for twins; and they're both healthy," she whispered trying to smile and my mind immediately drifted to Nandini's words.

"And you know what Manik, we're going to have twins. A boy and a girl! Just like we wanted, isn't it?"

"And— Nandini?" Cabir asked the question my heart was afraid to.

"She was conscious when she saw the kids, she said she was very happy with the choice Manik made, and then she fell back immediately after that. She's living her last breaths now, but she asked us to tell you she loves you and she's happy, just love the kids as a mother and a father if you think you ever owe her something," she whispered again and I felt a fresher dagger moving through my heart.

"Now this battle is Nandini's, you can see your children in the incubating room," she pointed to another room and I didn't have to be told much as I walked there, lifelessly.

I killed my own reason to life.

"Manik, please keep them happy,"

The nurse dragged me inside, and placed me before my kids. They were just as I had seen in my dream, beautiful, a perfect combination of me and Nandini.

"Mahi and Aarav"

"Mahi Nandini Manik Malhotra," I kissed her forehead and then moved towards him, "Aarav Nandini Manik Malhotra,".

Unknowingly, a tear drop left my eye, falling on Mahi, and I thought she would wake up from sleep but she didn't. Instead she smiled, and it was the same smile that Nandini had.

In all my pain, I couldn't stop smiling looking at her smile.

I didn't if I have lost more today or I have gained but what I knew was that I would never let my broken parts affect them, I would love them to the forever and humesha that I promised Nandini.

Because until one of us are alive, even if that means me, MaNan will live in my heart forever.

~•~

To read ahead, switch to Inkitt. If you have not downloaded it yet, the link is in my account bio.

All I want to say is, do not judge Manik after this chapter. His reasons are stronger than you, me or anyone could understand.

Thank you! (the end is very close)