I've seen a lot of bullying, pretty much every day and I know how it feels to be bullied
The reason I wanted to talk about this is because my friends treat me like crap.
And earlier the boys in my class were being ridiculous on how rude and inappropriate they were acting.
Geeze I'm starting to sound like my mom

So I realized that people are only nice to the people they want to be nice to, I agree with Sam's ways
(Be nice to everyone)
So I've seen people cut themselves, kill themselves, etc.
DO NOT DO THAT
I REPEAT DON'T

Think of it this way
Okay so if you believe in God and the Bible then you believe that killing yourself is one of the worst sins you can do and you can't enter heaven
I understand most of you have a different religion and I accept that
But I'm not here to talk about religion
I said that because it's a little easier for those people because that's what they believe would happen. I'm Catholic and I believe that would happen, so I'm scared to kill myself. I almost have a few times too.

But not all of you believe that so its kinda harder for the rest of you.

So I don't know what happens when you kill yourself, besides you dying.
You're no longer in this world I think...
In a show I watch called "American Horror Story." One of the characters dies and they bring her back to life. She says she felt nothing but emptiness and it was just all black and cold when she was dead. So obviously no one can tell you what happens when you die, but I can assume it's similar to what she felt. And people believe you just feel emptiness. I believe that's what would happen if you did kill yourself. I don't know why people think pain feels good, SHUT IT YOU DIRTY MINDED PEOPLE. I WILL KILL YOU ALL! 

So when you are bullied, you either don't care like me or you become really depressed
I've come to learn words can't be hurtful if you look at this way
Okay so you're most likely all girls (no offense if there are gay guys)
(I have learned there are, you are beautiful)

So like look at it this way, say like someone calls you a slut or a whore.
You can say "Well how am I either of those if I'm a virgin?"
And if you aren't a virgin because something happened to you. Either lie if they don't know or just keep your head high and act like you don't care, but don't care at all more importantly. Okay so for example. Another youtuber I watch, Mylifeaseva, went through something like that. She was sexually assaulted. She made a video and book about how she dealt with it and I haven't read her book yet but I know it made thousands of girls cry and see all of that differently. Like look at her now, she's a famous author, youtuber, and has her own youtube red show. She went far because she tried. She didn't give up. 

Or if someone calls you a bitch

You can say

"Last time I checked I didn't walk on four legs"
Because bitch is actually a female dog. I mean I call my best friends bitches but that's because we love each other. We don't mean it to be hurtful. I've come to realize that words only hurt because some guy wearing a monocle and a top hat had a paper in front of him that said "If a person is called a bitch they should feel upset." (Me just trying to make you guys smile : ) ) 
They're just words that shouldn't hurt! Two years ago my best friend I thought was dead said "F you and I don't care about you." That hurt me so bad, it left a mark on me. It's a permanent scar on me.
   And earlier, my friend posted this photo on Instagram. This little boy is talking to this girl who cut herself and he asks her if she's an angel. She says "No," 
The little boy explains his mother told him that Angels hate it here on earth, so they hurt themselves to go back up to heaven. Let me get the photo

And this just seemed so true, like it actually made me smile. But I have a question for all of you. When you cut yourself and feel better some time later and are over it but you look at that scar on you and just remember? Why would you want it? Isn't it just easier to hit your head on the wall multiple times like I did so you can be grumpy about your headache instead of upset about what you're upset about? I mean I don't hurt myself because I'm scared and I don't have any reason to. My ex girlfriend lied to me saying she cut herself and she made me so worried for the longest time that when I asked her to show me, there were none. Don't lie about those things! Do you know how much you can worry people? 

   So guys are a different story, guys are more of the physically bullied ones.
So if you know a guy who is getting physically bullied then tell him to tell his parents or someone who works at the school or something. Girls can be physically bullied too, but they should do the same thing as guys. Don't try to be brave and fight back. You'll just get in trouble at school.
Now calling a guy an ass hole or dickhead they probably deserve it because let's be honest, all boys are like that at some point.
I'm not saying there isn't at least one guy that is nice to women, I'm just saying all boys are going to be rude to someone at some point in their life. Now don't say I'm favoriting girls. I have four brothers who have all been bullied. Guys try to act all tough and powerful. I mean in less you're Bennett, Declan, or Jordan from the good girl's bad boys you can't do crap to your bullies. I don't really know how to help boys because I'm not a guy. I have four brothers and I know only one who's been bullied but all he's done is be an idiot so I can't really say much. If I find out anything I'll add it in. 

So bullying is obviously wrong and it's not fun to be bullied
I don't bully, I mean like I yell ewww at my friend Trinity's little brother and last year there was this racist guy so I put white out on him to piss him off
But that's pretty much it. I feel awful every time I ever have bullied someone. But I did as a kid, I didn't really understand back then. When I was a kid I didn't understand race and stuff, so I used to think people with different skin colors were weird. Well that is because my parents didn't bother to explain to me for seven years about race and I got in trouble -.- THANKS MOM AND DAD! 

So if you are being bullied, feel free to come talk to me about it. I mean I've been bullied most of my life. The entire time (except kindergarten and my first year of first grade) I was bullied. For the stupidest reasons! Just because I have ADD, OCD, Autism, bad speech, and other crap I probably don't know about. 
Okay so think of it this way. 

When you're a little boy or girl, someone is going to ask you "What do you wanna be when you grow up?" 
And actually that's quite rude to say, a nicer way to say would be "What do you want to give to the world when you're older?" Grow up! I've learned that word is just rude. The way people phrase things just make me mad for what they actually mean. And some people aren't trying to be rude, they're just used to that. But grow up, they don't mean get older. They mean let go of your childish ways and take on the hardships of an adult. B*TCH I WILL BE A CHILD MY ENTIRE LIFE! LOOK AT FREAKING BTS THEY'RE GROWN MEN AND THEY'RE THE MOST CHILDISH PEOPLE I'VE EVER SEEN. THEY SAY WE'RE YOUNG FOREVER, NO ONE CAN BREAK OUR LOVE. 

Your career matters, it helps the world.

So this is what I've told people

"What if you were the person who cured Cancer?"

I know most people don't like the what if game but I've learned that if you dedicate yourself you achieve your goals. I want to become an author, I want to make inspirational characters that the people who read my book look up to as an idol. I've been told I was someones hero and a huge inspiration to many people. That makes my heart glow, it makes me feel happy that people look up to me that way. I'm just a person who sits in her room listening to korean music and is surrounded by giant stuffed animals and BTS pillows while typing away on her laptop and raging because she only has gotten five hundred words down in fifteen minutes. I TAKE MY WRITING SERIOUSLY! 

So ask yourself, what do you want to be?

If you say make video games or do YouTube I'm going to say

"That sounds fun but by the time you are of the proper age, there's going to be something better and that won't be there for you."
Even I said youtuber just four years ago. But I discovered I loved writing. My friend Juliana, she wants to create her own video games. But Julie is someone with experience and is actually willing to go to college and do the work. Everyone else who tells me that are lazy bums who want to skip college. I don't even have to go to college to be an author, yet I'm still going cause it can open doors for me. And please, skip the sororities. They're not worth it.

Always have a back up plan
I actually want to be an author, but more like a world wide famous author like J.K Rowling. I want my books turned into movies and people cosplaying as my characters. I don't care about fame. But that's a goal, and I'm going to achieve it. Sam is a huge inspiration to me, when talking to him I said "Sam when you were fired you said you were going to make a lot of money and go to Japan. You didn't know how you were gonna do it but you did it, that is the type of motivation I love." and he replied saying "Now I get to make new goals :)" He's such a great guy when you get to know him. I feel so lucky that I get to meet people like him all the time. And I feel bad because other people can't... But I've decided to start putting inspirational quotes at the top of every chapter and maybe try and post one on my board every day just to motivate people. 


  I remember in 6th grade my teacher asked us to write a short story and read it to the class. I wrote "Ceana the crystal witch wolf." And still today I am told by my classmates that was the best story out of all the stories told. When I was reading my story up there, my hand was shaking so much because I was scared. And I was the last person to read that day. I had a special Ed class I had to share with one of my bullies, I had to leave my English class immediately afterwards and go to my other class with that bully. I told my teacher about my story and he started talking crap saying how everyone hated it and I started crying. Turns out it was just him and three other guys. But the point is, when I look back on that day I see it as a lesson. I no longer show I am weak to him. A lot of my bullies have backed off because I didn't give them the reaction they needed. My dad always tells me that it takes too much energy to hate and the only way they'll back off is if you don't give them a reaction. Just about three weeks ago, this girl was picking a fight with me and tried to piss me off. Because I showed no angry reaction, I just laughed at her stupidity. She tried to physically hurt me. Okay warning now, if I'm mad don't try to hurt me I'm a lot stronger when I'm mad. DETERMINATION. (Undertale reference)

   So me I've been bullied
I've had thoughts of hurting myself.
And I know what it feels like to cry in pain every night, your body hurts. When I was depressed, I tried starving myself to death. I remember my step mom telling my best friend, Kate~Chan, "make sure Lila eats today."

  And I did eat that day, but still not a lot. Every time I did eat I felt better. I really hate my step mom right now because during those times, she told me lies about my Mom and turned me against my Mom in the time I needed her most. My Mom was telling me last night it was one of the worst feelings she's ever felt, knowing that her child whom was upset pushed her away. That's my scar. And every time I enter my old bedroom where I cried, the atmosphere just changes and all I feel is the cold when that room used to be really hot.
Don't go through the same pain I went through. In the last two years I've become a different and better person. I'm finally doing good in school and I'm getting an even better new start in just a few months. You know my life is actually good right now, I have A's, B's, and one C. I got plans for the rest of the year and I get to go see BTS in concert soon. 

   You sometimes can't even cry...
It's awful
Don't put yourself through that, the thing that kept me going was my books
I did what I loved to make me feel better.

Today in one of my classes, my teacher asked us about college.
I told her my opinion, a very strong one too
I said "When I look at my classmates or even people who aren't my classmates, I ask myself if they're ready for college. Sometimes they aren't because they aren't trying, and if they don't try they won't accomplish anything."
I can't remember everything else I said (Well I can but it leads to my age, I'd like to keep that private)

So when I finished talking she said "Everyone, you need to remember Lila for the rest of your life."
I'm not joking I swear she literally said that
Of course they all yelled no because again, bullied. But yeah they obviously are going to remember me. Cause while they're working at some fast food restaurant I'll be at book signings and will be laughing at them because I actually TRIED.

Achieve your dreams, no one is perfect
Practice does make perfect, but perfect is only for work that deserves an A+
And people who get A+'s, actually tried.

Thank you if you got this far
I know not all of this was about bullying, but this is me explaining what will happen if you let or don't let bullying get to you. Also I suggest reading "The good girl's bad boys by Rubix Cube89208
This story is about an EXTREMELY bullied girl named Naomi. And she's been bullied eleven years, physically, cyber, like every single one. But one day, three bad boys come into her life and become like her bodyguards. It sounds crappy but it's actually REALLY funny and it's an amazing adventure. It has ships in it and the author is amazing. But it also tells you about how to cope with bullying. It's an awesome story and it can actually make you cry. They're not the regular high school bad boys. Like as you read the book you'll be so surprised and Naomi is so strong and she never hurt herself even though she was bullied for eleven years. Check it out. And later on in the story, it shows how boys dealt with their bullying. I won't spoil anything it's such a funny story and it has some massive feels AND NEEDS TO BE PUBLISHED SO I CAN PUT IT ON MY BOOKSHELF. But more importantly, it shows how to cope with bullying.
  Another thing
Remember this
"If I killed myself tonight, the stars would still appear; the sun would still come out, the Earth would still rotate, the seasons would still change, so why not?" Everyone who thinks about suicide thinks this but THIS is what you should think about.
Do not tell me your best friend would not sit at your lunch table for three days just staring blankly at your old seat wishing that you were there to fill the space with laughter.
  Don't tell me your younger brother or sister would not break down in the middle of class because you started talking about your favorite subject in school. The subject that everyone knows how your sibling killed them self.
  Don't tell me your mother would not stare into the mirror with trembling lips wishing she could be bringing you home from the hospital rather than having to escort you away in a casket to the nearest graveyard!
   Do not tell me your father would not begin working the night shifts to distract himself of the silence at home because you're not up at the un godly hours of the night talking to your friends or your lover on the phone, laughing because you love each other!
   Don't tell me your lover would not go into your room and put on the last hoodie you wore trying to desperately imprint your scent onto their skin so they never forget your beautiful scent! The warm feeling you gave them!
   Do not tell me your friends would not stare blankly at the gymnasium wall after the principal announced your death to the entire school making no sound trying to convince themselves this is another one of your stupid and idiotic pranks!
NONE OF THESE PEOPLE WANT YOU TO KILL YOURSELF!
IF YOU DON'T HAVE FRIENDS FIND SOME WAY TO MAKE FRIENDS. TRANSFER SCHOOLS. LOVERS DON'T MATTER IN SCHOOL. SOMEONE IS GOING TO MISS YOU. WHEN YOUR TEACHERS DO ROLE CALL AND SAY YOUR NAME AND YOU DON'T ANSWER BECAUSE YOU'RE GONE. WHEN SOMEONE MAKES A MEMORIAL FOR YOU AND WHENEVER SOMEONE NEW COMES THERE THEY KNOW A POOR HUMAN BEING KILLED THEMSELVES AND EVERYONE WHO LOVES THEM IS HURT AND CRYING. THEY WISH TO SEE YOU JUST ONE MORE TIME. TO FEEL YOU IN THEIR GRASP AGAIN. JUST TO BE ABLE TO SEE EVERYTHING BEAUTIFUL ABOUT YOU. SO WHEN YOU GROW UP AND STOP FEELING FUCKING SORRY FOR YOURSELF, THINK OF HOW YOU'RE AFFECTING THE ONES AROUND YOU! YOUR ONLINE FRIENDS! YOUR PARENTS WILL SEE THEM ON YOUR PHONE AND DON'T CARE YOU'RE TALKING TO STRANGERS! THEY'LL HAVE TO EXPLAIN YOU'RE DEAD. IF MY MOM SAW I COMMITTED SUICIDE SHE WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO LIVE, SHE'S ADMITTED TO THAT! MY FATHER HAS HEART PROBLEMS AND WOULD HAVE A HEART ATTACK. MY BROTHERS WOULD FALL DOWN TO THE GROUND AND CRY KNOWING THEIR LITTLE SISTER IS DEAD. If someone went on my phone and saw my online friends and explained I was dead, THEY WOULD CRY. My best friend/sister Jade, we've never met in person but we love each other. She would cry, look at all the photos she has of me. My best friend John, he loves me more than a best friend. He would be heart broken. ALL OF MY READERS. HOW WOULD YOU FEEL?
  I'm sorry, I'm crying as I'm writing this. Please don't harm yourselves, I care about you guys. You guys are like my family.
The other day my friends and I were talking about what we would do if any of us died. My darkest friend, Juliana, said she wouldn't care and would walk away. But really, even though how messed up she is she may not cry but she would definitely feel sorrow deep down and won't want to admit it. And actually the other day I found out she was just joking and would actually cry even if I died. She's known me since we were five-six years old. (That's a long time for how old we are) In the BTS theories, the theory is Jin took an overdose but survived but then drowned. Throughout the MVS it's how the other members are coping with it. Rap Mon is the only one who can cope with it the best. While everyone else tries to kill themselves. V drowned. Jimin either drowned or was shot. Jungkook was hit by a car or shot.
J-Hope took an overdose but survived. Suga set his hotel room on fire but survived. Rap Mon was the only one who didn't try to kill himself. I'm saying this because that's one way how friends would feel. I actually cried when I watched those theories.
Another sad story is a book called "The ones who walk away from Omelas."
It's about a town, everyone is always happy. But in a basement under a hotel there is a little boy locked in a cage crying. He's extremely depressed. His parents abandoned him. People go see him but aren't allowed to feed him, talk to him, or help him. They eventually felt anger and walked away from the town called the Omelas. The boy was alone. In Spring Day, BTS's new song in their album "you never walk alone." V is dead. They hang his shoes in a tree so he can walk closer to heaven. In Run, they're not singing about a girl. They're singing about how Jin died and they're running, trying to stop him. They do everything they can to change time. And they do, they did a lot of bad things to cope with their best friends death. In Fire they burn all of those sins and bring Jin back to life in Blood sweat and tears.
    Now think about that friendship. What they did makes you cry.
  Your friends and family won't let you walk alone. The choreography for Spring Day proves that. They hug each other, walk and run together, help each other stand up, and in the end I think it was V who was crying and Jimin was hugging him.
    That is how I would comfort my friends, would you do the same? Would you hang their shoes up to honor them? Would you make a memorial for them? Ask yourself how you would feel if your friends or family were dead. Then ask yourself how yourself how they will feel.
~Lila W.