Sutton

I step back through the lobby doors, my heart threatening to pound out of my chest. Leaning against the wall, I close my eyes and take a few deep breaths.

What the fuck was that? When I bribed the night guard in the lobby to let me out without saying anything to my dad, Jason, or Dom with a Starbucks gift card, all I wanted was to take a walk by myself. I didn't expect to—

"You weren't gone very long—you sure that was worth $25?"

The night guard's voice breaks through my thoughts, and I jump out of my skin. "Shit, Lauren, you scared the hell out of me."

"Sorry," she says, holding her hands out toward me. "I didn't mean to scare you. But you weren't gone more than ten minutes. What happened? Are you okay?"

"I—" Glancing around the lobby, I check to make sure it's empty before I step closer, drop into the chair in front of her desk and continue. "I can honestly say I don't know."

Her perfectly sculpted eyebrows come together under the bill of her uniform cap. "What do you mean? Did someone hurt you?" Her tone has gone from curious to truly concerned in an instant, and I am touched that she cares. Maybe she doesn't just see me as a little rich girl who lives in the penthouse who can give her gift cards as a bribe to turn her head.

"No, no, nothing like that. Well, not physically, anyway. I ran into someone in the park that I didn't really want to see." I give her the short version of the Nicolai saga, and even that much has her eyes widening.

"Wow," she says, relaxing back in her chair. "And he was mean to you again tonight?"

The memory of Nicolai pushing me up against that rock, pressing his body to mine with his obvious arousal between us washes over me and I can't help but squeeze my thighs together.

"That's what's even more confusing. He was, but..."

"Buuuuuut..."

"But he was also...I don't know, it's hard to explain. It was like he...was also happy to see me?" My voice ticks up on the end and I raise one eyebrow suggestively. I don't know Lauren very well, so I don't want to get too personal, but maybe she'll pick up what I'm throwing out.

When a smirk turns up her plump lips, I know she's picked it up and is laying it right back down.

"Oh really? And you say you were best friends?" She throws a set of air quotes around her last two words.

My cheeks flush and I fidget in my chair. "I always had feelings for him. I wanted more, but I never knew how to tell him. He's three years older, so when he turned 18 it was too weird. But even before that, he worked for my dad, and I never wanted him to end up losing his job because of me. So I never said anything. But then when he left like he did, and he was so cold, so heartless...I was glad I hadn't. It was clear he wouldn't have wanted the same."

"That's a lot for you to go through at what would that have been...16?"

I nod. "And you see how I live. I don't get to go anywhere unless I'm surrounded by my dad, Jason, or Dominique. It's not like I had a lot of friends to begin with. And I lov—" I stop and shake my head. "I'm sorry. I can't believe I'm unloading on you like this. You're just trying to do your job and this 19-year-old girl is blabbing about her sad, lonely, little life."

I'm getting up to go back up to my room and drown myself in a pint of Ben and Jerrys when Lauren reaches out and grips my wrist.

"Stop. You're not bothering me; being a night guard isn't exactly the most exciting job in the world, so talking to people is something I enjoy that's sort of a rare treat. And just so you know, I'm only 21. You being 19 isn't weird for me."

"Oh. Well, if you're sure..."

When she nods, I sit back down and let out a sigh, dropping my head into my hands.

"I just wish I'd never run into him again to be honest. I'd gotten used to him never being around, and now that I've seen him, I don't know, it's like I'm now thinking about what could have been. And what made him leave in the first place."

"Maybe just...ask him?"

The way she says it is just so matter-of-fact like it would be so easy. But it wouldn't be. Would it?

"I can't. He won't tell me the truth."

"How do you know that?"

"I—I mean, I guess I don't know for sure, but if he wanted me to know, he would've just told me. We were always honest with each other. Or...maybe he was being honest. He just didn't want to be there anymore, and I was one of the reasons he left."

Her sky-blue eyes widen and her jaw drops. "He said that?"

"Yeah, he did."

She wrinkles her nose and grimaces. "Yikes. What an ass."

"Yeah, so...maybe I just need to forget about it and pretend I never saw him."

Lauren nods. "I think that would probably be best. Just move on."

Move on where, though? That's always my problem. There's nowhere to go.

"You're right." I sigh and get to my feet. "Thanks for talking it out with me. It's not like I could tell Dom about this or anything...if anyone finds out I went out by myself, they'd lock me in my room til the end of time."

"You're welcome, Sutton. Do you want me to give you this back?" She holds out the Starbucks card to me. "I feel bad you didn't even get to stay gone long, plus you got metaphorically slapped in the face while you were out there."

I push the card back toward her. "Absolutely not. Keep it. Have a good night, and I'll keep you updated if anything else happens."

"You better. This is some good tea."

I manage to get in the door without setting off the alarm and when I'm back in my room, I change into a sleep shirt and slide under the cover, intent on falling asleep, but my brain refuses to turn off. All I can think about is Nicolai and how he spoke to me in the park.

And how when he pressed up against me, I could feel how hard he was.

Nothing makes sense, and I am so confused.

And turned on.

With a frustrated groan, I flip over onto my back and slip my hand under the cover and beneath my shirt. As soon as my fingertips brush against my ribs, I have to stifle a moan.

Why am I so worked up? Nicolai was a complete dickhead to me, so why am I letting him get under my skin?

I don't have the answers, or the mental capacity to work through them right now because all I can think about is the throbbing between my legs and how tightly my skin is stretched over my bones. My hand drops lower until my fingers are underneath the waistband of my panties. When I run them through my slit, I find myself soaked.

My eyelids flutter closed as I slide one finger further inside and press my thumb against my clit, relieving some of the pressure that's been building since I saw Nicolai at that restaurant. I let out a whimper as my hips lift from the bed, and I clench the sheet tight with my free hand.

"Fuck," I hiss as I work myself faster, little coils of pleasure winding low in my belly, the climb to release shorter than I expected with nothing but my hand, and I bite my bottom lip until the coppery taste of blood hits my tongue.

Usually, when I have the urge to practice some "self-care," I'm reading a spicy book. So I have something to...inspire me. But this time, there's nothing. No words, no music, nothing on my phone. Just...me and the dark.

And thoughts of a certain ex-best friend of mine. How his dark hair hung over his forehead, his hazel eyes traveled up and down my body like he wanted nothing more than to devour me, and how hard he was when he—

No. No no no no.

I will not come while thinking of—

"Nicolai," I breathe as the string that's been wound so tightly inside me snaps, my back bows off the bed, and my orgasm rolls over me in waves. I sigh as I come down, my body relaxing back into the mattress, my heart pounding against my ribcage.

I'm floating in the post-orgasmic glow when the realization slams into me that I whispered Nicolai's name at the most inopportune time. The man who just basically accosted me in the park. Who does that?

Jesus, what the fuck is wrong with me?

***

"Please?"

"I don't think so, Sutton. Not today," Dom says, throwing her purse over her shoulder and tapping in the alarm code on the keypad on the wall.

My eyebrows furrow, and I try to shove down the hurt that bubbles up within me. "Why? You always take me to the farmer's market with you on fresh flower day."

She turns toward me, and I can see in her face that she's conflicted. But that doesn't change the words that come out of her mouth.

"I know, but you need to stay home now. Your dad is insistent upon it, and I can't defy his—"

Shaking my head, I stuff a mini muffin in my mouth and hold up both hands. "Whatever. I know, I know, we can't defy Xavier and his almighty law."

Dom tilts her head to the side. "Don't be angry with me, babe. If your dad didn't think there was a real reason to worry, I don't think he'd stop me from taking you to the farmer's market."

"What's the reason to worry?" I ask, crossing my arms over my chest.

"I can't—"

"Tell me. I know. So I'm just left here alone?"

"Of course not. Jason is here. He's working from your dad's home office today."

My stomach tightens when she mentions Jason. I have managed to avoid him since the conversation we had in the car after dinner. Even though it turned out okay after his initial reaction, I still felt a little awkward about everything. But it seems like today might be the day I'm forced to face it.

"Fabulous. Have fun," I say, my voice clipped.

Dom offers me a smile, and I give her one back, but it doesn't reach my eyes.

After she leaves, I finish up my breakfast, clean the counter and go back to my room. When I get there, I stop short; the door is cracked open.

"What the fuck," I mutter under my breath. "I know I closed that."

There's no one inside, but I still look under the bed and in the closet like a paranoid idiot. Even I know that's a little bit too far, but all I can think about is being followed at the bookstore, Nicolai showing up randomly at two places at the same time as me, and—

I stop and sink down onto my bed, my eyes fixed on the wall in front of me.

It's not like it's the first time I've thought of it, but it's the first time I've really considered it. What if it is Nicolai who's following me? What if him showing up wasn't actually, what did he call it...two "unhappy coincidences"? What if he made them happen the way they did?

Shivers roll through my body as the implication of that dawns on me.

And the knocking on my door sends me springing off the bed like I've been shocked.

"Come in," I say, my voice cracking.

"You okay, Sutton?" Jason asks as he creaks the door open and steps inside.

"Yeah, you just startled me is all," I say, nothing but the truth this time.

"Oof, sorry," he apologizes, sitting next to me and tucking one leg underneath him so he's facing me. "You feeling okay since the other night?"

"The other night?"

"Yeah, the night you lied to me after we went to dinner and told me nothing was bothering you. Ya know, before I professed my undying love for you and you shot me down and sent me straight to the friendzone."

I roll my eyes and shove him playfully. "And just when did you develop your psychic powers?"

Jason grips my wrist before I can pull back and then tentatively reaches out and tucks a strand of still wild hair behind my ear.

"Ever since I've known you, Sutton, I've been able to read you," he says, his tone serious. "Sometimes, I swear I know you better than I know myself."

I don't know why, if it's because seeing Nicolai shook me up so much, if I'm still worked up from what I did afterward, or because Nicolai scared the fuck out of me and Jason is making me feel safe right now, but all the plans I had for staying away from Jason today fly from my brain.

I find myself leaning into his touch instead of shying away from it.

Jason has never treated me the way Nicolai treated me at the restaurant—telling me I was the reason he didn't want to be around. He's never abandoned me without so much as a goodbye. And he's sure as shit never shoved me against the wall in the middle a darkened park and put his hand around my throat, got in my face, and reminded me of how insignificant I am.

Jason has never done anything but protect me, be here when I needed him...and he cares about me. He's told me so more than once in no uncertain terms, leaving me nothing to guess about.

Why shouldn't I try?

Jason doesn't miss a beat and slides his fingertips along my jawline, tipping my chin up toward his.

"Sutton, are you sure?" he whispers, so close I can feel his breath against my mouth.

My stomach turns somersaults, my lips parting with a hesitant, "I—"

Jason leans back but doesn't remove his hand, just slides it back and tangles his fingers in my hair.

"You're not ready. It's okay. You will be. Because you know the truth, princess. I can give you everything you want. The freedom you crave. You could have it with me."

When his fingers tighten on my strands, I feel a tug in the back of my mind that tells me to be careful. But no sooner than the thought crosses my mind, Jason has let go and gotten to his feet.

"I gotta go back down to the office and get some work done. Let me know if you need anything, okay?"

"Oh—okay," I stammer, standing and following him to the door.

He turns back to me before he leaves, and before I know what's happening, he's leaning in, and I realize he's going to kiss me.

Immediately, my insides go into panic mode. Shit, shit, shit. Does he think I'm ready right now?

I turn my head to the side so his lips will hit my cheek instead of my mouth, but to my horror, the opposite happens, and suddenly, I'm kissing Jason Kincaid.

A groan rises from low in his throat, and he parts his lips, running his tongue along the seam of my mouth.

Fuck, fuck, shit, damn, mother fucker. This is a nightmare.

I somehow manage to end the kiss without making a complete fool of either one of us, and I take a deep breath, placing my hands on his chest to put some distance between us.

"I'm sorry," I say, bringing my fingertips to my lips, trying to come to terms with everything that just happened, including the thought that came to my mind as Jason's lips landed on mine.

"No, don't apologize," he says, leaning against the doorframe. "I was just going to kiss your cheek—I thought you weren't—"

"I'm not. I thought you were going to—so I—" I shake my head. "Never mind. I'm a little mortified right now. Can we—can we pretend that didn't happen?"

Jason's eyes are twinkling with amusement, which irritates me a little bit, but I push down the feeling. "Yeah, sure thing. I'll see you later, Sutton."

I don't even respond, I just shut the door behind him and plop onto the bed on my back, staring at the ceiling once again.

Me accidentally kissing Jason isn't even what's bothering me the most.

It's the fact that when his tongue was in my mouth, it was Nicolai's face I saw.