Present day October 2018

I'd made the conscious decision to stay at Ricky's that night , not wanting to go home and face whatever shit show my mum had planned for me after disappearing act. We spent the majority of the night talking about what had happened since I'd left , I told him about how I'd graduated university with a business degree , about the job offer I had received and he went on to tell me how seeing the effects of what drugs and alcohol could do to a person was one of the reasons he'd decided to pursue counselling as a career. I found out that he was only in Riverside for the night and was travelling back home in the morning and that's when I made the decision , I was going back with him.

We'd left the hotel he was staying at around 8 am and we were now on our way back to the town that I'd practically been erased from. The journey back to Oakland was a quiet one , it gave me time to think about everything. I had no idea what I was going to say to anyone once I arrived , that's if anyone even wanted to speak to me and then there was Hayden. From what Ricky had told me last night he was still using and that he'd been doing so on and off since I left and that worried me. My mother was right , Hayden was an addict and I might have been blind to it when I was younger but I knew now that he needed help and maybe I could be the one to save him from himself.

"Who do you want to see first when we get back?" Ricky asks after a while

"I think I'd like to see the girls first. Are you sure they'll want to see me ? What if they hate me for leaving?"

"Sweetie , they could never hate you. Tell them what you told me and it'll be like you never left."

"I need you to be honest with me Rick , how bad is Hayden? I need to know so when I do go to see him I'll have been able to prepare myself slightly."

"He has good days and bad days." He began "me and the girls check on him every day , when he's on the wagon he's just as he used to be but when he falls of that's a completely different story. We've all tried to get him to visit a rehabilitation centre but he never listens."

"Typical Hayden." I sigh

"Has there ever been anyone else?" He asked , referring to the feelings I had for Hayden when we were younger.

"No" I reply "never"

The car fell into a comfortable silence for the rest of the journey and I spent most of my time gazing out of the window and waiting to recognise something that may indicate we were getting closer to Oakland.

"Welcome home." Ricky murmurs as the small town begins to come into view. There was an overwhelming feeling of nostalgia as we began driving through my old town and I couldn't help but smile , this was the place that I was meant to have spent my final years as a teenager , this was home. "Poppy's house isn't too far from here. That's where Kiara will be , we usually have breakfast together every Saturday morning." My heart swelled and broke at the same time at the thought of my three best friends sat round eating breakfast together as adults. I hadn't realised how much I missed them all until now.

The car came to a stop outside a beautiful stone house , it was something I would have imagined Poppy living in. "Are you ready?" Rickey asks

"I think so. Do you want me to wait in the car?"

"Don't be stupid , you're coming inside." He replied. The walk up that small garden path was the longest of my life , what if Ricky was wrong and they did hate me for leaving? He pulled out a key and opened the front door and ushered me inside. "Stay in the hallway , I'll come and get you in a sec."

"Okay." I whispered

"Honey , I'm home." He shouted as he walked into the house. I listened to the three of them chat for a few minutes about his night and whether he had fun. I could hear him telling the two girls to go and wait in the living room as he had a surprise for them and that's when he appeared back in the hallway.

"You ready?" He asked. I gave him a small nod and he led me into the living room.

The four of us stood there for a while , the two girls in front of me had turned white as a sheet it was as if they'd seen a ghost. I guess I couldn't blame them , 5 years was a long time when no one knows where you've gone and if you were okay. Poppy was the first one to break the silence. "L-Luce? Is that really you?" She stammered

"Yeah , it's me." I whispered "I'm home." She shot up from the chair and pulled me into a hug that would rival a boa constrictor , I could feel her body shaking slightly as she started to cry. "Shh , please don't cry Pop. I'm back now."

"S-sorry." She hiccupped "I didn't mean to get upset." She wiped her eyes and went and sat back in her chair.

"You took your time in coming back." Kiara murmured

Her words stung a bit but I couldn't blame her , I was the one that disappeared. "I'm sorry , I know that'll never be enough but I can explain. It was never easy for me I don't want any of you to think that it was."

Poppy motioned for me to sit. "Tell us what happened , Luce. We were all so confused after you just disappeared." I told them the same story I'd given Ricky the previous night and by the end of it there wasn't a dry eye in the house , including mine. "It was like you'd died." Kiara sobbed "it was so fucked up." I got up from my chair and gave her a hug , she was right. No matter how difficult it had been for me they were the ones that were left without answers. "I'm guessing Ricky told you about Hayden?"

"Yeah , he did." I murmured "he's taking me to see him later."

"Good." Kiara said "maybe you can talk some sense into him because god knows we've all tried enough. After you left he didn't speak to anyone for a month and -"

"Shut it , Ki." Ricky snapped "she doesn't need to know."

"I don't need to know about what? did something bad happen ?" I asked

The three of them exchanged a few hushed words and Kiara began talking again. "As I was saying , he didn't speak for a month. It was like a part of him went with you when you left , he wasn't ever the same. He had no get up and go anymore , he just sat in his house and drank all the time. We don't think he was taking anything at the time we tried to ask him but he won't ever talk about you , it hurts him too much."

My fingers curled around the dog tags hanging from my neck and I tried not to cry as I pictured the boy I once loved in such a state because of me. "I'm sorry you all had to deal with that. Do you think it's okay for me to go and see him ? I don't want to knock him off the wagon again if he's doing okay at the moment."

"Seeing you will probably do him some good , Luce. Maybe you'll be the one to finally make him stop" Kiara said. The convocation after that turned to something a lot more bright and cheerful , me and the girls talked about what we'd gotten up to in the past 5 years all of us talking animatedly about our individual achievements. I never would've thought that I'd be able to do this again , I thought I'd lost my best friends for good but sometimes the world has a funny way of surprising you.

"You ready to go and see Hayden?" Ricky asks eventually

"I-I think so." I reply. I had no idea why I was feeling so nervous , it was only Hayden. I laughed when I heard the girls protests so Ricky promised to bring me back once we were done. "Just remember , he's still the same Hayden. He's just a little lost that's all." Poppy whispered as she pulled me in for another bone crushing hug.

"I'll see you both later." I shout as me and Ricky walk down the path towards his car.

"Try not to disappear for another 5 years." Kiara laughs

"I'm not going anywhere , you're stuck with me now whether you like it or not." I shout back through the car window. As Ricky pulls away from the house the nerves kick back in tenfold , I had no idea what to expect. All I could picture was the last time I saw Hayden , his lifeless body at my feet and the fear from not knowing whether he was going to wake up again.

"He still lives next door to you." Ricky murmurs "after his dad moved away he gave Hayden the house , he couldn't cope with what Hayden was doing he was worried that he was going to end up putting himself back in hospital , so he and his step mum moved away around a year after you left. He's been alone ever since."

"Did they ever try and get him help?"

"They did once or twice but he point black refused to go , threatened to disown them if they made him get help."

"Jesus Christ." I murmur "I'm so sorry Rick , I never meant for any of this to happen. Maybe if I'd fought more Hayden wouldn't be in the mess that he's in." The guilt was eating me alive , I should've done more but I was too scared to disobey my mother.

"Sweetie , what happened to Hayden was inevitable. He was far more embedded into the party scene than you and Kiara ever were , the drugs just became a part of him and yes maybe you leaving had a part to play in him going off the rails but he's the one in control of his life , no one is forcing him to take them." His words were sobering but it still didn't help to ease the guilt that had settled in the pit of my stomach.

"We're here." he says after a few moments " do you want to wait in the car or do you want to come with me?"

"I'll come with you." I reply after a few moments. I follow him up the familiar pathway towards the front door , my heart felt like it was about to burst through my chest. He knocked the door and we both stood there and waited.

A/N

I'm splitting this chapter up into two parts , the second chapter will either be posted at the end of the week or the start of next week.

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