Present day October 2018

I settled down into the cosy chair in the coffee shop Ricky had taken me to , I was still completely gobsmacked that he was currently sat in front of me. It was like something out of a dream , or a nightmare.

We sat there in silence for a while , neither of us really sure of what to say to each other. There was almost 5 years of unspoken thoughts and questions between us and neither of us knew where to begin. In the end it was me who broke the silence. "I really don't know what to say. I'm so sorry rick." Tears that had been kept at bay since I was torn from my old life back in Oakland were threatening to spill , having him here in front of me opened up all kinds of wounds that had never truly healed. "Luce , please don't be sorry. None of this is your fault , okay?"

"It's been so hard without you , making new friends wasn't an issue but something was always missing. It was never the same as having you , poppy and Kiara with me , you were the ones who knew the real me , not some 'reformed' version of myself."

"What happened , Luce." He sighed "you didn't even come to say goodbye." The pain was evident on his face and It was gut wrenching to look at.

"The day after everything happened was light a nightmare , I got home from school and there was a moving van outside the house. My parents were in the car , my dad couldn't even look at me." I began , drawing up the memory of the day that changed my life forever. "I was only meant to pop home to change , I was meant to be going to visit Hayden in hospital in hindsight I wish I'd gone strait there. I asked my mum what was going on and she told me to get in the car , that I was the one that had forced her to do this. That's when I found out she was moving us out of Oakland. I cried and I shouted and I begged her to let me say goodbye to you all but she wouldn't let me , she demanded that I gave her my phone so I couldn't contact you and told me to get in the car." My voice was starting to break but I willed myself to go on , he deserved to know why his best friend abandoned him all those years ago.

"Rick I tried so hard to persuade her to let me say goodbye , I was on the verge of hysteria but she didn't care. That's when she told me that I was going to rehab , a 28 day program to help cleanse me and deal with all the demons she thought I had. It's safe to say that It was the worst 4 weeks of my life. I told her and told her that I didn't have a drug problem , if I thought I did I would've willingly gone but it was just something to do at parties you know? My biggest regret was not trying hard to get in contact with you all , I tried so hard but she monitored everything I did and in the end I guess I kind of just gave up." I hung my head in shame , because I knew if Ricky , Poppy or Kiara had been in my position they'd have fought tooth and nail to find us.

"Fucking hell , Luce. I never thought she'd send you to rehab. I knew your mum was angry but I didn't think she'd go that far."

"Neither did I." I reply simply

"I never thought I'd see the day Lucia smith died her hair blonde." He chuckled , trying to lighten the sombre mood that had somehow descended upon us. I couldn't help but laugh , I'd totally forgotten the last time he'd seen me was when my hair was bright red , I remembered the days of me sat in a chair in the dining room with him as he dyed my hair. It was a ritual for the both of us , every time I thought my hair was getting a little too dull we'd pop to the shops to buy another bottle of the brightest red dye we could find and he would help by being my own personal hairdresser. "Not to sound to cliché but I bleached it as soon as I got out of rehab."

"Sweetie , nothing about you is cliché."

"So , do you still stay in touch with the girls?" I ask

"Yeah I do , were still really close."

I couldn't help but wince slightly "I'm glad you're all still friends."

"It was never the same without you , Luce. You were the ring leader , even Kiara calmed down after you disappeared and poppy well she couldn't get her head around it she must have cried for a solid week after you left."

"She was always the sensitive one. Do you all still live in Oakland?"

"Yup , I don't think any of us could bring ourselves to move. I think we all thought that if we moved away and you came looking we'd miss out on seeing you again."

I wanted to ask him about Hayden , there were so many questions I wanted to ask him it felt like the room was spinning but I couldn't. Asking Ricky questions like where was he buried and how was the funeral meant that I had to finally accept that the boy I once loved , and deep down probably still do , had died and I just couldn't do that I wasn't ready to accept it just yet. Thankfully the conversation drifted to safer waters and we ended up talking about what we'd both been up to over the years , I found out that he'd become a councillor and that he loved his job implicitly.

I found that quite fitting for him , he was always the one me and the girls went to whenever we had a problem whether it be something small or something really important , he was always there to offer some amazing advice. I also found out that Kiara was now working in the local nursery and found her true calling as a teacher and that poppy had just graduated university and was now a fully qualified nurse. My heart swelled with pride for them all , I couldn't be more proud of how successful they had all become , I was heart breaking to think I had to miss out on all of that.

"You've all done so well. I'm just sorry I had to miss out on everything." I sighed

"You couldn't help it , you were with all of us in memory. We never forgot you , Luce."

"I've still got all those old photos of us , the ones we took in school and at all those parties we used to go to."

"Oh god , don't remind me." He cringed

"Some of them are pretty bad , you'll have to come over and see them."

"Sweetie , now that I've found you I'm not letting you out of my sight for more than 5 minutes." He chuckled "I'm seriously going to have to surprise Kiara and Poppy with you , they're going to lose their shit when they see you."

"I'd love to see them , they're not going to be mad at me are they?" I ask

"Of course not , I doubt either of them will let you leave once they see you."

"God , I'm so glad we found each other again."

"Me too , Luce. I've finally got my best friend back. However , I'm a little surprised" He says , giving my hand an affectionate squeeze.

"With what?" I reply

"I'm surprised you haven't mentioned Hayden , we've been sat here for almost 2 hours and you haven't mentioned him once."

I felt my chest tighten , I wanted to get up and run I didn't want to have that conversation with him. "I guess it just slipped my mind." I lied , but I could already fell my skin getting clammy.

"Is everything okay , Luce? You look like you're about to throw up"

"When did it happen?" My voice came out as a whisper , I wasn't even sure Ricky had heard me.

"When did what happen? Luce , is everything okay?"

"When did he die , Rick. How long was I gone before Hayden died?"

"Died ? What are you on about , sweetie. I only saw the lunatic yesterday , he was high as a kite but still living and breathing. What made you think he was dead ?"

"W-what." I splutter "she told me he was dead."

"Who , sweetie. Who told you he was dead?"

"My mum , we got into an argument a few days ago and that's when she told me." I was trying so hard not to hyperventilate but It was like my heart was trying to bust through my ribcage. "Luce , I promise you he isn't dead. He's a little rough around the edges but he's alive."

"Take me to see him." I say , my mind was still reeling from what he'd just told me but the only thing that mattered was that Hayden was still alive.