February 2019

After Hayden's admission things changed. We both fell into a routine that benefited us greatly, Hayden would come over at around 6:30 pm every night once I'd finished work, I'd cook the both of us a meal, we'd lounge around for a while, and then we'd both go to bed. Essentially, we were like a couple, and Hayden had all but moved into the house with me.

I was still hesitant to put a label on what we were, not because I didn't want to or didn't trust him, I just wanted to ensure the focus was on himself and not our relationship. I loved having him with me every night, it meant that I was able to be with him whenever his night terrors happened, which they rarely did now, and I also got the bonus of falling asleep next to him every night.

"I've got something to tell you." Hayden said as we climbed into bed that night.

"Is everything okay?" I asked. It was awful of me to assume that something was wrong, but I couldn't help it.

"Yeah everything's fine." He chuckled, "I've just been having a word with my counsellor about some stuff, I think I've decided that I want to get back in touch with my dad."

To say I was shocked would be a slight understatement. Hayden's dad had completely cut him off a few years ago after his addiction got out of hand. He'd told him that he couldn't stand to see his son slowly kill himself and that if Hayden didn't change, he'd wash his hands of him.

They'd always been close, and he'd told me that losing his dad was one of the most painful experiences of his life, but things were different now.

"I was wondering how long it was going to take you."

"Yeah, me too." He murmured, running his fingers through his hair. "I've been thinking about it for a while; I just hope he wants to talk to me after all this."

"I don't see why he wouldn't?" I replied "you're not the same person you were back then. Christ, you aren't even the same person you were last week. You'll have to show him that, he's not one to hold grudges, you know that."

"Yeah, I guess you're right. I'm hoping to get in touch with him by the end of the week and set up a date and time for us to get together."

"If you need me there as moral support I'd be more than happy to come with you," I replied as I shuffled closer to him.

"Nah, it's something I need to do on my own." He said "I appreciate the offer though. Did I mention I was looking for a job?"

"What?!" I screeched "I think you might've failed to mention that bit of information."

"Well, I've been looking for a while now. I've applied for a few of the specialist garages a few miles away from here actually. I'm waiting to hear from one about a potential interview."

"Oh my god, that's amazing I'm so proud of you." The boy had been a car nut for as long as I could remember. There wasn't ever a day when we were kids that he wasn't covered in oil from his bikes.

He'd been one hell of a car mechanic, but he pushed it all to one side once he started to struggle with his addiction. I was amazed to find out that he still wanted to pursue his dream career.

"It's something I've always wanted to do. So now that I'm 'better', I don't have an excuse not to pursue a career."

"What's your counsellor said?" I asked, wondering if he'd had a part to play in Hayden's decision.

"Nothing really. It was my idea; I just ran it past Dr James before I started applying. He thinks it'll be a positive thing for me, keeping my mind active along with doing something I love."

"I'll support you with whatever you choose," I said with a huge smile on my face. Maybe this is all going to be okay after all.

"On the topic of parents, have yours spoken to you since you moved back?"

"Nope." I replied "not that I'd want to speak to them. Granted I do miss dad, but I don't think he can be bothered for the all-out war with mum if he takes my side. It's not a catastrophic loss; she destroyed all the love I had for her the day she lied to me. Besides, I don't need them; I've got Ricky and the girls." Suddenly he pulled me closer to him; we were that close that I could smell the musky scent of his body wash.

"You forget the most important person on that list." He murmured. I glanced up at him, he had a cheeky glint in his eye, and I knew what I was in for.

"Don't you dare." I hissed. The threat went unnoticed and before I had any chance to scream, he pounced.

For as long as I can remember, Hayden's favourite form of torture would be to tickle me. I hated it. I detest tickling with a passion, but for Hayden, it was the perfect method in getting me to do or say whatever he wanted me to.

I still remember the time when I was around six, and I'd called Ricky my best friend in front of him. The whole ordeal ended up with me on the floor being tickled half to death, until I eventually said that he was my best friend. I'm sure the whole experience left me traumatised.

"Hayden. Don't you dare, please you know I hate being tickled."

"Who's the most important person?" He asked. The look in his eyes told me that there was no way in hell I'd be getting out of this. "Defiantly not you if you fucking tickle me."

"Who's the most important person?" He asked again. He moved slightly, trapping me under him. He attacked my sides, and I let out something that resembled a scream, and a laugh rolled into one.

"F-Fuck you." I spluttered between laughs.

"I'll stop as soon as you say it, Luce." He laughed "one word, six letters."

"Never!" I screamed, "I need to pee now get off me."

"Not until you say it." He replied.

"Fine!" I screamed, "it's you, Hayden. You're the most important person. Now get off me before I wet the bed."

He laughed and rolled off me, and I dashed to the bathroom. That boy will be the death of me.

"You're such an asshole," I whined when I got back into bed.

"I have no idea what you're talking about." He replied.

"You know full well that you're one of the most important people in my life." I huffed.

"I know" he chuckled, "I just wanted to hear you say it."

"You're evil, Hayden Williams, I hope you realise that."

"Mhh" he murmured, pulling me into him. The room was dark, and I could tell he was getting tired.

"My therapist wants to meet you."

"Does he?" I asked, "why would he want to do that?"

"He thinks I'll help with my night terrors if you attend one of the sessions, something about all of the guilt I have inside me. I've got a session tomorrow morning if you want to come."

"Of course, I will. Now get some sleep."

He mumbled an inaudible version of what I thought sounded like goodnight. Just as I was dropping off he shuffled closer, it might have been wishful thinking on my part, but I'm more than sure I heard him say I love you just as sleep consumed me.

The visit with Hayden's councillor was enlightening. Dr James was what you'd class as your 'stereotypical' therapist. He was middle-aged with salt and pepper hair; he wore a tweed suit and thick-rimmed glasses, it was as if the man had been taken straight from a Sherlock Holmes novel.

However, Dr James was a brilliant man, and he and Hayden worked amazingly together. I sat back and watched as the two of them worked through their session, the Dr asking Hayden questions and then sitting back to analyse the answers. Towards the end of the session, Hayden was asked to leave the room, leaving myself and Dr James alone together.

"It's nice to meet you, Lucia." The doctor said after Hayden had left us. "I've heard a lot about you."

"All good things, I hope." I replied nervously.

"Yes." He laughed, obviously sensing my nervousness. "I'd like to ask you a few questions if that's okay?"

"Ask away."

"I understand that you've known Hayden for quite a while."

"Yeah, you could say that. Hayden's parents were friends with mine, I've known him all my life."

"Hayden is a troubled boy, Lucia. However, I feel as if you already know that." I nodded my head, for the next fifteen minutes I listened to the Dr as he spoke about all the progress that Hayden had made, from the look on his face when he talked about Hayden I could tell this man was as invested in helping him get his life back on track. It was amazing to see first-hand someone who was just as invested in Hayden's well-being as me.

"I'm sure you're aware of Hayden's night terrors?" He asked. I nodded my head, maybe he had an idea of what was plaguing Hayden's mind and causing the horrific outbursts. "It's all down to a huge amount of guilt Hayden has due to the ordeal he put you through. However you're a smart girl, and you've probably figured that out yourself."

Again, I nodded, after Hayden's admission of what was happening within his night terrors, it didn't take a genius to put two and two together. "I admire the patience you have when dealing with his issues. Many people wouldn't want to have to deal with such a thing. However, I'm more than sure it isn't just solely driven by you wanting him to get better.

I blushed at his words, was I that transparent?"Sadly, there is nothing you nor I can do for Hayden regarding his night terrors. Due to them being a manifestation of his guilty conscience, I can only aid him with his recovery, but he is the one who has to work through his guilt, no one else can do that for him."

"Is there a time frame for this process?" I asked

"No, I'm afraid there isn't. It's an individual process that may take weeks, possibly even years to solve. It's all down to the individual."

Dr James must've seen the disheartened look on my face because he gave me a small smile. "Don't be disheartened, Lucia. Hayden is a strong and determined young man, and I'm more than sure with your support, it'll take a lot less than you think for him to recover."

After that Dr James and I said goodbye, as I walked into the reception area where Hayden was waiting, a strong wave of optimism washed over me; we were going to get through this together, no matter what.

As I walked towards where Hayden sat, I took a few seconds to look at him, and I couldn't help but smile. A few months ago, all I saw was the empty shell of a broken man consumed by his demons, but now in his place was a fighter, a broken boy fighting hard to put all of his pieces back together again and it made me love him that little bit more.