December 2018

I was released from the hospital three days later, under strict instructions that if I were to experience any headaches or nosebleeds, I was to return immediately. Ricky insured the doctor that I would be under strict bed rest, and that was enough to persuade her to discharge me.

The ride home was bittersweet, on one hand, I'd be home for Christmas, and be able to spend it with the people I loved. However, the bruises on my body and the dull ache in my heart was a reminder of the events that had transpired over the last week.

The first night back at Ricky's was hellish. He tucked me into bed like the fantastic best friend he is and told me to call if I needed anything. Once I was sure he was asleep that's when the tears finally started to fall.

Harsh sobs wracked my body, the crippling pain emanating from my ribs cause the tears to fall harder. I had no idea I was making any noise until the door to his spare room opened. He walked over to the bed and climbed in, pulling me gently into his arms. He led there with me for what I can only assume was hours while I cried.

"H-how could he do this to me?" I sobbed "I thought he loved me, Rick."

"Sweetie, he loves you. I don't think there will ever be a person on this planet that he'll love more than you. Hayden's a troubled man, and It's taken this accident to realise how deep of a hole he's gotten himself in. There is no excuse for what he's put you through; he was selfish and downright fucking stupid. Let's hope these next two months will help him figure it all out."

"I hate him, Rick. I don't want to see him ever again. This isn't going to be my life; I've worked too hard to get where I am. I need to think about myself for once; my life doesn't revolve around Hayden Williams."

One month later

The road to recovery was a long one. As the days turned into weeks, the pain caused by my broken ribs slowly started to subside, but the ache in my heart didn't.

It had been almost a month since the crash, and that's when the phone calls started. The first one came out of the blue, thankfully Ricky was the one who'd answered the call from what I soon learned was the rehabilitation centre. I knew who it was as soon as he answered the call.

It was as if all the mental healing I'd been doing for the past month had been for nothing. I had no idea what he wanted, but from the tone in Ricky's voice, I guessed that Hayden asked to speak to me.

I refused, as soon as Ricky walked into the living room I was sat there shaking my head at him. He didn't even have to ask. I listened to him as he explained to Hayden that I didn't want to speak to him but if he gave me some time maybe I'd talk to him in the future.

The phone calls didn't stop there. They came every week without fail. Every week I got Ricky to answer the phone, and every week he explained that I still wasn't ready to talk to him, but that didn't stop him from calling. Part of me felt like a bitch for completely ghosting him but I wasn't ready to talk to him, and he needed to understand that.

I still wasn't able to completely detach myself from him. Every time their phone call ended I made Ricky sit down and brief me on the progress, he was making and so far from what I'd been told he was doing astoundingly. I wanted to tell him how proud I was, but I couldn't.

January was slowly crawling by and before I knew it was the 31st. 23 more days and then Hayden comes home. I had no idea how I was going to cope with him being home, it was inevitable that we were going to bump into each other, Oakland was a small town, and you were bound to bump into someone you knew.

"Want to tell me what's on your mind?" Ricky probes as he sits down next to me on the sofa. "He's home in 23 days, rick." I murmur "what am I going to do?"

"That's a question I can't answer, sweetie. It's completely up to you; no one can tell you what to do. It's all on your terms."

The only thing was that my heart was conflicted. Part of me wanted to cut him out of my life completely, but the other part wanted to not forgive him as such but not completely shut him out of my life either.

Why does my life have to be so complicated...?

I spent the majority of the night tossing and turning in bed. Nothing about Hayden was ever going to be clean cut, and I knew that. From the moment I saw the broken man in his doorway all those weeks ago from and from the moment we both finally admitted our feeling for each other nothing was ever going to be simple for us, it just wasn't on the cards.

It was around 3 A.M when my phone vibrated on the nightstand. I had no idea who'd want to talk to me at this time of the morning. I groaned and unlocked my phone to see who was interrupting my much-needed beauty sleep.

To: Lucia

From: Unknown

I know it's late, but I want you to know

I'm sorry. I'm sorry for not trying harder for us,

and I'm sorry for hurting you. God, you have no

idea how sorry I am for causing all this.

You have no idea how many times I've begged my councillor

To borrow his phone to let me text you. I managed to wear him down.

I've got 23 days left and I promise you when I get back I'll show you I can

Be the man you deserve and the man you fell in love with.

I'll show you I've changed. I'll win you back. I love you, Luce.

- H