Present Day October 2018

My heart stopped, had I heard him properly? No, I couldn't have, it was just my mind playing tricks on me. "Luce?" He whispered, the look in his eyes was so intense it was almost as if they'd gotten several shades darker. "Y-yeah." I stammered, unsure of what to say.

"Please say something, you're killing me." Shit ... I hadn't made it up, god this was painful. I wanted nothing more than to pull him into me and never let go but there was still that one barrier stopping me and he'd made it pretty clear earlier that he had no intention of getting clean. "Why are you only telling me this now." I managed to blurt out after a few moments of silence. "I don't know, I guess the timing felt right I guess." He shrugged slightly "you have no idea how long I've wanted to tell you how I felt but it never felt right."

"So, when you were with all of those different girls, that meant nothing to you?" I asked.

"No, they never meant anything to me." He replied, brushing a lock of stray hair behind my ear. "It was always you, Luce. It always has been, always will be."

"Jesus, Hayden." I sobbed, I hadn't even realised I'd started crying but as hard as I tried to stop them, the tears wouldn't stop falling.

"Please don't cry. I'm sorry if I've upset you, I didn't mean to. I couldn't keep it a secret anymore, it's been eating away at me for years. It's okay if you don't feel the same but please don't let this ruin our friendship, I can't lose you again."

"No!" I shouted "I'm not losing you again. I can't, it'd be to fucking painful." I was going to have to make the decision, I was either going to have to tell him how I felt or completely dismiss my feelings for him and watch how painful it'd be for him. I let out a shaky breath, gathered his hands into mine and finally for the first time in years I let all my feelings out.

"I've loved you for so many years it's hard to distinguish a time when you didn't occupy my heart. All the years I spent watching you with all those random girls was so fucking painful because I just wanted that chance with you, to be close to you and to be able to be that girl that you wanted but I never got the chance. I wanted to tell you how I felt but I didn't think you were interested in me, I was just a silly little girl and I thought you saw me more as a little sister than someone you deemed 'dating material'. I've actually got Brittany to thank for that, it's funny really. I hadn't realised how I felt about you until she came along, you kept her around longer than the other girls you'd been with and I think that made me realise how over time my feelings towards you had changed from ones of friendship to something more serious. I got so scared that you'd finally found the girl you wanted to settle down with and I hadn't even gotten to show you or even tell you how much I loved you , it was painful but I would've rather us stayed the way we were back then in case I had ever told you how I felt and you rejected me , I don't think I would've been able to cope."

I was supplied he'd let me get that far due to the fact as soon as I'd finished talking I was pulled into him in a crushing embrace. It was a bitter sweet moment, but I let myself enjoy it for once, I deserved to be happy for a while, we both did. Before the inevitable shit show that was bound to happen as soon as he realised we couldn't be together, no matter how much we loved each other. He pulled away slightly, giving me a chance to look at him properly.

His eyes were glossy, and his cheeks were slightly damp, I smiled at him and ran my thumb under his eyes to clear away the tears. For the first time since I'd been back I had the old Hayden here with me, that cheeky glint in his eyes were back and so was the boyish smirk that always made my heart melt, this was the boy who I'd fallen in love with and for how ever short the time would be I was just glad to have him back. "I'm sorry for being such a coward." He said "I had no idea how much I was hurting you while I was with those other girls. I thought I was so deep in the friend zone that I'd never be able to get out. It was all just a distraction. I should've maned up and just told you, loving you just feels so right, it always has."

I felt myself blush at his words, but he was right. It always felt so natural for me to feel the way I do about him, it was as if we were genetically wired to be together. I couldn't help but let the goofy grin I'd been trying so hard to conceal finally show. "So, all those times you complained about having to wake me up and take me to school, you didn't actually mean it?" I giggled.

"Never." He replied "I loved every moment of it. I got to be the first person you saw as soon as you woke up, besides I loved how easy It was to get under your skin first thing in the morning, especially when the blankets got pulled off the bed." I slapped his chest lightly and shuddered at the memory of being woken up by that awful gust of cold air after I'd refused to get out of bed. "You're sick, Hayden Williams. I still class that as torture."

"It was the only way I could ever get you out of bed." He chuckled "you always hated the cold."

"I still do." I replied, "the weathers only just bearable at the moment."

"How are you finding it at Ricky's?" he asked, I noticed the small smile that appeared when he mentioned him, it was an odd thing to see due to their slightly turbulent past when we were younger. "I'm camping out on his sofa for the time being, I don't mind though it's super comfy. I'm hoping to have my own place by the end of November, I want to be settled in by Christmas." The thought of spending Christmas here for the first time in years made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside as I'd be spending it with the people I loved the most.

"Are we going to be telling the others about us?" Hayden asked suddenly. The shock of his question almost sent me flying of the sofa. "W-what do you mean about us?" I spluttered.

"Well I love you and you love me so isn't it logical that we take it one step further?" Shit, this was bad, this was really bad. I had no idea how I was meant to tell him I couldn't be with him, we felt so right together but I wasn't going to be another one of those girls who'd lose themselves due to a partner with an addiction. "You know we can't be together." I whispered. "Why not?" he asked incredulously "we love each other, you're it for me Luce, you know that."

"I know, you're it for me too, Hayden. But I can't be in a relationship with you until you're clean, I can't sit by and watch the man I love slowly kill himself. If you get yourself clean and you promise to stay clean, then I promise to devote the rest of my life to you but until then I can't."

"You know I can't do that." He spat "you're asking the impossible, Luce."

"Then we can't be together, Hayden. I'm sorry but that's the way it has to be." The pain in his eyes were excruciating, I could be weak and turn around and cave and tell him that we could be together no matter what, but I had my own future I needed to think about, for once not everything in my life could revolve around Hayden Williams.

"I think it's best if you left. Get your stuff, I'll drop you to Ricky's"

"You've got to be kidding me. You're kicking me out?"

"I need to be on my own. Get your stuff." He replied.

The car journey home was awful, even though I was sat in the passenger seat of his Audi there was no reminiscing happening, I was fully lost in the utter catastrophe that had unfolded. I didn't even say goodbye when we pulled up outside Ricky's house because as soon as the car came to a stop I bolted. I let myself in and let out a shaky breath, I pleaded with myself not to cry but the whole ordeal had me frazzled. "Rick." I called out "are you home? I need to talk to you."

"In the kitchen." He shouted back. I ran towards the kitchen and as soon as I saw my best friend I threw myself into his arms. "What happened?" I didn't expect you to be home for a few more hours."

"I told him I loved him, Rick." I whispered, "he loves me too, but it's not enough."

"Go on, he urged." What's the stupid man done now."

"I told him that if he wanted us to be together, he'd have to get help and get clean before things went any further. He chose the drugs over me, I thought I'd have been enough but clearly not."

"He's an idiot, Luce. Try not to torture yourself with it, he might come around. I've seen the way that boy looks at you, it's going to be an internal battle for him. You've got to promise me that if things don't go the way you want them to you've got to keep going, don't spiral and don't throw your life away, there are plenty more fish in the sea."

But what if I only want this fish ....

I spent the rest of the day moping about and just generally feeling sorry for myself. After a long nap I decided that a bubble bath was the answer to all of life's problems. The warm water and bubbles felt amazing on my skin, I could almost feel the stress melting away. The lavender scented bubbles smelt heavenly, it was as if I was in my own personal bubble of paradise. I sunk down deeper into the tub and just stayed there for a while, it had been a long time since I'd just stopped for a moment and allowed myself to relax. Just as my eyes had started to droop, my phone vibrated. Wiping my hands-on a nearby towel, I picked it up and unlocked it. It was Hayden, but instead of it being a message from him telling me to stay away from him, it was something completely different.

To: Lucia

From: Hayden

I'm sorry for what I said earlier.

You're the most important thing in the world to me

I can't live without you, give me one chance and I'll show

You how much you mean to me.

Let me take you out on a date next Saturday

We can talk about the detox programs I've been looking at.

I'm going to do this for you, I love you. Please don't give up

On me.

I took a moment to process the message on the screen, was it really going to be this easy? Were things finally falling into place? God I really hoped they were. I wanted to trust him but there was something in the back of my mind telling me that this was all going to end really badly, but for once in my life I was going to do what my heart wanted to do, screw the consequences.

To: Hayden

From: Lucia

You get once chance, Hayden. I mean it.

Please don't let me regret this. I trust you

To do the right thing and I promise

I'll support you every step of the way.

Pick me up at 8:30

L x

God I hopped I was making the right decision.

A/N

I found some time to get out another chapter❤️ let me know in the comments what you think of it.

What do you think is going to happen with Lucia and Hayden ? Will it be all plain sailing or will their relationship go down in flames ?

Remember to vote & add his saviour to your library so you don't miss out on an update ❤️