Present Day October 2018

I blinked slowly as the day light streaming in from the crack in the curtain hit my face. Memories from the night before flash through my mind and I couldn't stop the smile that appeared on my lips. Last night with Hayden was agonisingly perfect, the two of us snacking on greasy take away pizza and chatting about anything and everything had made my heart swell but, in the process, made the reality of us not being able to be together even more painful, even if that pain was one sided.

I shifted slightly in an attempt to find a comfy position to try and get a few more hours sleep when I noticed there was an arm locked firmly around my waist and not just any arm, Hayden's arm. My eyes almost bulged out of my head when I realised what we were doing, my back was pressed firmly against his chest and our legs entwined with one another's there was no way I could wriggle out of this without waking him and I couldn't deal with the embarrassment this early in the morning. His body suddenly shifted, and his head found its way into the crook of my neck, I closed my eyes and let out a shaky breath hopefully I'd be able to tune out our close proximity and drop off and hope to god by the time I was awake again Hayden would've moved. A part of me hated the idea because the feeling of the two of us felt so right but on the other hand I was only torturing myself thinking that the two of us lying here together even meant anything.

"I know you're awake, Luce." Came the voice behind me. My whole body almost shuddered, I'd almost forgotten how Hayden sounded after he'd just woken up. His voice was like something out of an erotic dream, silky smooth with an added huskiness to it that'd make any girl melt. His arm tightened around me pulling me even closer to him and I could feel my entire body heat up, I was so glad he couldn't see my face because I was 99% sure that it was bright red. "Uhh, morning." I spluttered "how'd you sleep?" Nice, Luce. Real smooth."Best sleep I've had in years, even with you hogging all the blanket." He chuckled

I managed to twist out of his grip, so I could turn to face him "I do not hog blankets!" I laughed "you've always been the one that hogs the blankets even when we were younger, if you can remember I'd always wake up half froze because you'd stole the blankets in the middle of the night."

"Hmm, that does ring a bell." He murmured "I'm so glad your home, you have no idea how much I missed you."

"I've missed you too, I'm so sorry that it took me so long to come home."

His gaze drifted to the chain around my neck and his whole face lit up , for a moment he looked like the old Hayden and not the shell of the man that'd been plagued by addiction. "You kept it?" His voice was barely above a whisper.

"Of course, I did, I never take it off. It's all that kept me going when my mum sent me to the rehabilitation centre." There was a moment of silence before he spoke again.

"I'm sorry about last night, I didn't mean for it to get that out of hand." He looked so sad and it made my heart ache, but I knew why he'd gotten so angry and my bet was that there was some truth to Harry's words, it was sickening to think of but if I was going to try and help Hayden get back on the wagon we were going to start with him being honest about last night.

"I know you're sorry, I'm not angry with you. I need you to be honest with me though, Hayden. Was what Harry said true? and not what he said about me, what he said about you and your friends and what he walked in on you all doing."

"Jesus, Luce." He laughed awkwardly "do we have to talk about this?"

"Yes, we do." I urged "I want to understand you better, I want to be able to help you."

"Please don't make this into something this isn't, it was only a little bit of coke I was barley even buzzed." I could tell he was starting to get pissed with me as he suddenly sat up and put some space between us, I missed his warmth immediately, but I needed to be strong.

"That might be the case, but I just don't understand why?" I began "you said you fell into this cycle when I moved away and I get that and I'm so fucking sorry for being the cause of all this but I'm back now , you don't need to involve yourself in that life anymore it's killing you and I don't want to watch you die Hayden , I thought you had once I don't want to go through that again because it'd kill me." My whole body felt like to was shaking but it had to be said, there were so many people who wanted him to beat this, but he just couldn't see it.

"This is me okay?" He snapped "if you don't like it then fuck off for another 5 years, I'm not your little project and I won't change and if you can't cope with that then just leave." I was close to tears and he could see that, I watched the internal battle in his eyes but the stubborn side of him ultimately won and he stayed silent, but he dropped his gaze to the floor, so he couldn't see the impact his words had on me. "Is that what you want?" I asked "do you really want me to leave? Because I've just left the only family I have to move back here to be with you and my friends but that's okay because I can easily disappear again I wouldn't want to get in the way of you and your issues." I knew this argument was completely childish and would only result to the both of us ending up in a foul mood, but this had been a long time coming, I couldn't just disappear for 5 years and expect everything to be peachy when I came back.

"This was a mistake." I said and got up from the sofa "have you seen my phone? I need to call Rick, so he can pick me up." I began collecting my things that were strewn around the living room, I could feel Hayden's eyes on me the whole time, but he stayed silent. Maybe this was is, maybe I'd completely screwed everything up between the two of us but if I had then so be it, I wasn't going to sit back and watch him destroy himself. "Luce wait." He groaned, and I spun on my heel to meet his gaze "what?" I snapped

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean what I said. I don't want you to go, I just got angry that's all. Please don't leave."

"What's happened to you, Hayden?" I sighed "you would've never spoken to me like that when we were younger. Don't you see what all of this is doing to you? What it's doing to the people that love you."

"I'm broken, Luce. Is that what you wanted to hear? When you left my whole world shattered and yeah, you're back now and it's fucking amazing, but I'm stuck in this hole and I can't get out, I don't think I want to get out it's like I can't function without a hit, it's a part of me now."

"Let us help you." I begged "you're too important to me to watch you self- destruct."

"Come here" he murmured, and I didn't even have to think my body automatically gravitated towards him. As soon as I was in grasping distance he pulled me towards him and wrapped his arms around me. "Please don't give up on me." He whispered, "I hate being the reason you're sad."

"I'll never give up on you. I lo- "thankfully I stopped myself and quickly rephrased what I was about to blurt out "I care about you too much, I'm here now and I'll be with you every step of the way. I just need you to try, okay?"

"I'll start trying harder, I promise. Can I talk to you about something?" He looked nervous, so god only knows what he had on his mind and what flood gates this conversation would open. "Of course, you can." I replied and led us both back over to the sofa.

"It's about the days after I woke up after the New Year's Eve party, it's okay if you don't want to talk about it I just wanted to get something of my chest." I was stunned to say the least, I never would've thought he would have wanted to openly talk about that night. Maybe we were moving in the right direction.

"No, it's fine." I replied, "whenever you're ready." He took a deep breath and began talking. "I was pretty out of It for the first day or so, the Doctors had sedated me and flushed everything out of my system, but when I woke up the first person I saw was my dad. He was sat in a chair by the side of the hospital bed and he look awful, his eyes were red, and he looked exhausted. That day was the first time I'd ever seen him openly cry and god was it painful, to know that you've caused a parent that much emotional distress it makes you feel fucking terrible. He asked me if I was okay and we spoke for a while, he asked why I'd done what I had and made me promise that I'd never scare him like that again but that's another story. After our chat he looked nervous like there was something he wasn't telling me, so I urged him to tell me what was on his mind, that's when he told me you'd left."

The pain in his eyes was utterly heart breaking, I wrapped my arms around him and pulled him into me and it took all my self-control to keep myself from crying. He spoke up after a while "In that moment I wish I'd died. I couldn't understand why you'd left, why you'd left me without even saying goodbye. I thought that I was just collateral damage and you thought nothing of everything that we'd been through. You broke me Luce but the only thing that makes this all okay is that you're back now and that I know none of it was your fault." If this conversation finished without me breaking down into floods of tears I needed a gold star, this was the most honest I think he'd ever been with me and it shocked me, but I had no idea why he'd want to talk about something so upsetting and that clearly troubled him.

"I spent about over 2 weeks in the hospital, they set me up with a detox clinic. It was hellish at first, but I suppose it worked for a while, I guess having to talk about my feelings and shit like that kind of helped. One night I realised something, I was thinking about the two of us like I did most nights but most specifically the night I gave you that necklace. I was so angry with you, I wanted to hate you, I wanted to forget everything about you after you disappeared, but I couldn't." he paused for a moment to wipe a stray tear away from under my eye. " I realised the reason I couldn't ever hate you let alone forget you was because I was in love with you and I think I still am."

A/N

Sorry for the late update , I've been super ILL for the past week and the weeks previous were filled with revising and taking my first exam in university.

I decided to change the name of the book as I felt it goes better with how I see the story line progressing , none of the previous chapters have changed only the title.

However , I finish University for the Christmas holidays on the 17th of December and I won't be going back until the 14th of January so around the 3 exams I have I will be posting a lot more !❤️

I hope you enjoyed the chapter & don't forget to vote and add His Saviour to your library so you don't miss an update❤️