Let's face it. I admire Andy Warhol's work, but I cannot read this book about him because I'm crying. Prince's demand is upsetting me.

Prince comes into the sitting area."Penelope, I love you. If I didn't you'd be at Paisley Park right now while my staff was helping you pack your things. Of course I want to believe you were on your best behavior while you were out, but I don't know those people you were around. We don't want to know people like that. Drug users and people who have sex in the open. I find it scary that you went to that place, so I want to be sure you're safe. I will forgive you for everything you did that night as long as you're healthy. " He says in a concerned voice.

"I didn't know what Phobia was like. I'm not a nightlife person." I reply through the frustrated sobs.

Prince asks,"Are you done crying?" I nod "You've really made a mess of your eyes." He teases playfully as he ushers me into the bathroom. He removes my wrecked eye makeup and actually starts doing my eyes himself. I'm enjoying it. His focus is all on me and I love how his hand gently touches my face. "How do you look in the mirror everyday and convince yourself you're not pretty?" 

I don't have an answer for that one.

"Well?" he asks.

"I don't know. But it was hard at times to feel good when I lived with Grace. She's thin and sexy. And I wasn't even close at the time." I say. "Imagine an alternate universe where you can't get a date. No one thinks you're attractive-except your relatives. You wonder why you're a mess. You take phone messages for your sexy roommate. It hurts to watch her get ready for dates on the weekend-you know it'll be another lonely night for you unless she's set you up with someone." 

"That is sad. Why did you think you couldn't get dates?"

"The other kids at school didn't like me.They said I was so ugly I'd be the world's oldest virgin."

"You showed them" Prince kisses my cheek and starts on my other eye.

My whole story of being bullied starts to come out:how they were so mean to me that I was too scared to tell my parents, that I got beat up a few times and called every cruel name in the book. When you're super sensitive and cry easily that doesn't help (Thankfully, I've toughed up a little)Now he knows that back then no one wanted to be my friend or even stick up for me. Back in school I was very shy, pudgy, didn't know how to dress nicely and had bad skin but I didn't deserve the treatment I received.

"Baby, school's over. Put that shit behind you. You've got the rest of your life to live." Comforting kisses are placed on my forehead. He's right. Really I do need to move on. But I haven't finished the rest of the story of my school yard torture.

Take a look" He says as steps behind me so I can see his handiwork."Do you like it?"

"Yes! It looks fantastic! I love it!" I give him a hug and a kiss."You're a man of a thousand talents."

"I have a few"

Showing him my left tricep, I ask "You ever notice this before?", pointing out an old scar on it. That thing is one of the five things I hate most about my body. Grace said it's hardly visible when I was griping about it being obvious

"No,what is it?" Prince asks. He has to get his face very close to it to get a good look at it

"Battle wound. In ninth grade, some classmates shoved me outside and there was some broken glass on the ground. I fell on it. It was unintentional of the bullies but they thought it was so funny." Even I hear the anger in my voice. "Even though I was in pain, I managed to give one of them a black eye and it felt great. The first time I ever fought back. Once my parents found out how I was treated, they transferred me into another school so fast my head spun. I didn't make friends there either. Everyone just ignored me, probably because I was quiet. But I didn't care. I was afraid of rejection if I tried talking to others."

He takes my hands and looks me in the eyes, "Don't look back. " He kisses me again.

We head out to do some sight seeing. It's a lovely platonic date, we go to a museum and go out to eat.

That night I open my suitcase to find something wear to bed. All this sexy lingerie wouldn't be a good idea if Prince doesn't want to sleep with me. I put on a workout outfit- a tee shirt and sweatpants. "Where should I sleep?" I ask.

"In bed with me." Prince replies.

I guess he does actually love me and is just being careful. Feeling reassured, I take my rightful place under the sheets next to him. "Being bullied isn't something I tell people about." I admit

"I'm happy you told me. Maybe these few days together without sex is what we need so we can focus on communicating with each other. But you need to quit fighting. You're an adult, not a scared schoolgirl." He insists.

"Sugar, I still feel like one sometimes."

Prince falls asleep but I can't.Never did I imagine getting close enough to a man emotionally to confess to being bullied and in such detail. When you only get one or two dates with a man all you do really is small talk. Maybe I slept with Lars because I thought I might not get another chance to have sex. That never crossed my mind before. Finding myself opening up to someone who isn't family or Grace is very uncomfortable. Another thing that is weird is having a boyfriend who cares what you're up to on nights when he's gone. Not having had a real relationship before, I wonder: is he being concerned or controling? Would I even know if I was if I was in a controlling relationship? Perhaps I'll ask Jasper what to watch out for. He knows lots of men through training and competitions so he's probably observed an unhealthy relationship or two.

For some reason I think about Bunny Hefner. Her life is hers. No boyfriend keeping tabs on her. Something tells me there's no heiresses within a stone's throw of Bunny! Ah, I miss my heiress free days! I have committed myself to Prince because I love him, but I'm scared I'll reveal more about my past. I never spoke much about the stuff that shaped the less favorable parts of me. He wants to communicate, I don't want to anymore. Opening up makes me feel too many emotions at once-fear, embarrassment, vulnerability...

The bed sheets start to pull away me. Prince is hogging them. He's tossing quite a bit and is one restless sleeper tonight! I hope he's okay.

The next morning I wake up in bed by myself. I grab my  book and start reading. As far as I'm concerned, there's no point in putting on makeup or changing. The only reason I brush my hair is so it's not tangled. Prince looks at me. "You ought to get dressed." he says. He is his usual immaculate self. My first impulse is to tell him I'm not his fucking doll. 

 Being Prince's woman requires so much more grooming than being a single janitor does. I always feel pressure to have an attractive outfit on all the time and always be wearing makeup-even a little at the gym! Back in my single days I never wore makeup (except for lip gloss and mascara on the dates Grace set me up on) , wore sweats when I wasn't at work and I'd go many days without shaving my legs. I miss that freedom. Guess having to look good all the time is wearing on me.

Instead of being sassy with Prince, I ask,"Why should I get dressed? I need to workout anyway. "

"I was about to call room service for breakfast. Can't you skip the workout today?" Prince gripes. 

Um, no. Daily exercise (and serious dieting) is required to try to have the a body that is acceptable for being a public figure of sorts. People expect The Mistress of Muscle to be somewhat fit. And dating Prince, a famous man with a perfect ass means you've got to keep it tight. Those who know me best know that even before all this I had issues with my body. Dieting became too much of a priority starting at age 15. I'd stopped short of having a full blown eating disorder.By the time I was 18 I was down to a waist size that I now secretly mourn the loss of. Eating that little was not sustainable and I'm not a teenager anymore. So long really tiny waist. Thankfully, I'm still the same size I was at the awards show. It would be nice to be smaller, but think my genetics have already decided I'm going to be pudgy. All this working out and dieting is probably just putting off the inevitable.

"What's on your mind Sweetie?" Prince asks.

Blinking away tears, I dig around in my luggage for one of Jasper's workout plans. "I miss the old days. When few knew we were dating and I wasn't called The Mistress of Muscle." I confess. Hell, no. I'm about to open up again. Hopefully it won't happen after this. Being able to do this with someone is so new to me "Back then my body only had to look good for us. Not the paparazzi or the fitness industry. Now I feel judged. Falling into the fitness industry was hard on me mentally. Body issues that go way back. Let's just say I like shooting ads better. Yes, everyone says I have a gift for shooting muscle. But there's that expectation to at least not be fat yourself"

Prince's hand runs through my hair. "Penelope, you've always had a beautiful figure. " He says gently, "You know I'm not shy about telling you how gorgeous you are." 

"I'm sure the fitness industry was a culture shock. " Prince continues, "But no one really expects you to look like those people. Going from your life into my public one couldn't have been easy for you, either. Just like you, sometimes I feel a little judged myself. "

We talk about his confession for awhile. I love it when he talks about about his feelings to me. It makes me feel as though we are truly intimate. Prince speaks for a prolonged period of time, which I don't mind at all. As usual I give him my full attention while he shares what's going on in his head. "I'm sorry, Sweetie. You wanted to go do your workout and I wouldn't shut up. Why don't you get going?" He says.

"You don't need to apologize to me for that! I enjoy it. You were the one who wanted to communicate, right? As long as we are talking, I noticed you weren't sleeping well last night." I tell him.

"I don't lately."

"Why?"

" If you need to be so nosy, a few times a week I have a recurring nightmare."

"That's awful! What happens in your nightmare?" I ask .

"Doesn't matter. It'll stop soon. Go to the gym now, we've got plans for later. "

About an hour later I come back to the room, take a shower and call out to Prince"Should I get dressed for the plans we have?"

"Yeah" Prince replies.

He's probably got a surprise up his sleeve. I get dressed . Prince smiles,"You always feel prettier in something you can't workout in. The way you walk says it all. That's why I suggested you get changed this morning. This dress brings out the green in your eyes. They are the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen."

Forcing him to look in a mirror with me, I giggle as I say,"Then you haven't looked in the mirror lately-damn!" We spend the next several minutes laughing.

We head to a different museum than we went to yesterday. It looks closed. A man opens the door and welcomes us in. Prince has made arrangements for a private tour. He informs me that this place has some of Andy Warhol's work on display! This makes me clearly giddy. The tour guide leads us through the museum. Prince brags about me being a skilled photographer.

Our tour guide was fun, the photography and art incredible and I was with the man I love. Despite all my thoughts about my life lately, no way does Bunny have it this good! Having your time as your own is only nice if you're actually doing something with it. She's not. Great. Now I feel sorry for her. 

"Penelope, art and photography exhibits really make you happy don't they?" Prince muses after our tour.

"Why wouldn't they? " I exclaim.

"The way some women are about getting designer clothes and fancy jewelry, you are about going to a museum. I love that."

"Clothes go out of style and get worn out, jewelry you can lose. But you never forget the time you saw that amazing Helmut Newton exhibit with your man"

"That was nice." Prince holds me real close and whispers,"I adore you and want that test to be negative more than you do."

Of course he does, because I already know it'll be negative. "What would you do if it wasn't?"

"It'd hurt, but I'd have to ask you to leave."

"Understandable."

We get something to eat and return to the hotel. I start to remove my dress. "Not in front of me." Prince insists."Remember you're the sexiest woman ever, yet as of right now I can't sleep with you but I want to so bad."

Forgot that I cannot be nearly naked and "tempting" my boyfriend. In the bathroom I replace my dress with a clean sweatsuit. That ought to wreck the boner I saw earlier. Jasper is probably the only man who'd be aroused by a woman in a sweatsuit.

Tonight is not something I look forward to, now that I know Prince is suffering from a recurring nightmare. That cannot be pleasant. Being empathic person I am, I decide to be real nice to him before he goes to sleep. Maybe he'll have pleasant dreams. He gets sweet nothings whispered in his ear as soon as we're in bed together. Prince moans softly as I rub his back with my hand.

In the middle of the night, he accidentally awakes me by kicking my leg. I notice he's restless and whimpering "No, no, no" . This must be some Hell of a nightmare. I shake him. "You're up?" he asks.

"Yeah, you woke me." I reply.

"Sorry."

"You okay?"

"Just the nightmare."

"What is going on in that? " I ask.

"It'll go away. Go back to bed."

What do you think of Penelope starting to let Prince know what her issues are?