'Well, now
If little by little you stop loving me
I shall stop loving you
Little by little
If suddenly you forget me
Do not look for me
For I shall already have forgotten you

If you think it long and mad the wind of banners that passes through my life
And you decide to leave me at the shore of the heart where I have roots
Remember
That on that day, at that hour, I shall lift my arms
And my roots will set off to seek another land.'

-Pablo Neruda
***

Hayworth Estate;

Averey gazed lovingly at the sleeping figure of his wife.

It was the first time in a long while that she looked this relaxed. He felt relief wash over him whenever he thought about the change he had witnessed in her over the past month.

She was soon nearing the date of her seclusion and he wanted to bask in the few moments he had left with her.

He had woken in the middle of the night, a habit he had developed in the past few months.
He felt the need to check upon her, every hour, to make sure that she and the child were okay.
After what happened with Maya, he had developed the fear of the same thing happening to Emma; and knew that he would not leave any chances for a mishap.

Averey brought his hand to Emma’s abdomen, revelling in the feel of the swift kick he received.

“You would be quiet a warrior, won’t you? Your mother and I cannot wait to see you.”

He smiled adoringly, before moving back to the settee, making sure to be quiet with his feet.

As he closed his eyes, Averey dreamt of his wife.

In his dream, she looked at him with eyes full of love, beckoning him towards her.
He followed without hesitation, feeling his heart race with anticipation.

“Papa!”

His head snapped towards the angelic voice, coming from Emma's arms.
There, looking up at him were pair of wide, innocent eyes, filled with stark acceptance and trust.

His heart thudded with awareness as he saw the little girl.
She was beautiful- just like her mother.

“Come, my love.”

Emma’s voice called out to him, and he knew this had to be a dream.

He also knew that if he could choose, he would never want to wake up from it…
__________________________________

Brandon took a deep breath before advancing towards the manor that had once been his home.

This time, however, he felt no more than a stranger as he entered it.
The furtive glances of the guards and maids, were a testimony of how long it had been since he last crossed the threshold of these gates.

He knew that his presence would hardly be welcome here, especially after what he had done; but his need to see Emma had overshadowed all other concerns.

He soon traced his steps to the hall, having been told by the maid, where to find the others.

“Bran!”

The voice of his youngest brother rang through the hall, before he even had a chance to face anyone else.

Philip ran towards him with extended arms, his face palpable with delight. Brandon grinned lovingly as he caught him in his embrace.

“Careful, young man!”

Philip pulled back to cry in an excited voice,

“You are back! You are back!”

Brandon ruffled his brother’s locks, noticing the change in its length.
He had grown so much…

He wondered what all he had missed.
How could he have given no thought to his brothers? They looked up to him for guidance, and what had he done in return?

“Yes, I am back. I am sorry to have left so abruptly.”

“Brandon, what brings you here.”

For the first time since he entered, he diverted his eyes from Philip to look at the other people occupying the hall.

His father had been the one who spoke, sitting at the head of the table. His eyes were sharp, but he could not miss the dash of hope in them.

He noticed the others too- Robert and Edmund looked at him with the same excitement as Philip. Brandon knew that the only reason behind their acceptance was their unawareness of the truth.
For, had they been aware of his sins, they wouldn’t be looking at him with such affection.

He saw Averey, staring at him with open distrust, his face stoic and defensive; and tried not to let his gaze linger.
He knew he owed his life to his brother.

Finally, he managed to turn his gaze to the woman sitting beside Averey, her features tight and stressed as she stared at him with horror. Brandon felt his stomach churn with revulsion- at himself.

How had it come to this?

It killed him to know that he was the reason behind Emma’s current plight, and found his guilt threatening to burst to the surface.
The little courage he had gathered, soon vanished, and he promptly removed his gaze from her.

“B-Brandon, this is such a pleasant surprise. It is really good to finally have you here.”

Scarlet rose up from her seat, and approached him with an expectant face.

He swallowed nervously, feeling all of his anger at the woman, overshadowed by his own guilt. For the first time in a long while, he found himself too tired to be angry at her.

He let her lead him to the seat beside Philip, with his brother following behind him.

Scarlet wondered what had brought the stark change in Brandon. This was not the same boy who had vowed to never set foot in this manor again.

She was not devoid of apprehension, knowing that his presence was bound to be a source of much pain for her daughter-in-law, and even distress on the part of Averey.
But something about Brandon’s eyes told her that hurting anyone amongst them was the last thing he wanted.

His face was devoid of its usual acrimony; his eyes much calmer.

She knew that part of the reason behind that change had to be Emma.
It must not have been easy for him to lose her. She just wished that this visit would only bring some much-needed reprieve in the lives of her children.

“You did not answer me.”

Brandon looked at Zachary with a hesitant face, not knowing how to reply to his question.

Why had he come here?
He was not sure.

He just knew that he couldn’t spend another moment of his life, knowing that he hurt the woman he loved and did nothing to atone for that.

Geoffrey and Maya’s words echoed in the confines of his mind, each second of the day.

He tried not to notice Averey’s hands on Emma’s forearm, whispering words of comfort as she fidgeted in her chair.

Seeing her state of unrest, Brandon almost wished he could undo this wretched visit.

“He does not need a reason to visit his own family, Zachary.”

Scarlet’s cautious tone stopped any further interrogation from his father.
Brandon cast a weary glance at her, frowning at the unaccustomed feeling of thankfulness for the woman whom he had never given a second glance.

He was not yet ready to answer any questions.

The sudden creak of a chair pulled his attention towards the reason of his visit.
Emma had stood up, her face eloquent of her discomfort.

Brandon felt a protest bubbling up in his throat when he saw his brother’s hand supporting her elbow, his concerned eyes fixed at her face. But he stopped himself in time; reminding himself that he did not have that right anymore…

“I-I think I need to have some rest. Please pardon me-"

Emma did not wait to hear anybody’s reply before turning on her heels and leaving the hall.

Averey looked at her retreating figure with worry, before directing an acidic glare at Brandon, who shifted his guilty gaze back at the table.

“I think I better check after her.”

Averey was gone in another moment, his footsteps echoing in the silence of the hall.

“Emma is tired all the time because mother says that she has a babe inside her stomach. Isn’t it, mother?”

Philip’s innocent explanation caused another stab of remorse to pierce Brandon’s heart.

Scarlet soon diverted the young boy’s attention, trying to diffuse some of the tension.

Little did she know that Brandon had long lost his appetite, craving nothing but the forgiveness of the woman he had hurt irrevocably.
__________________________________

Emma felt her tension ease a little as she breathed in the spring air, laden with the sweet fragrance of the spring.

Seeing Brandon after all this time, had brought back memories that she had learnt to suppress in the dark corners of her mind.

She had been taken back to the moment when he had dismissed her from his home with utter cruelty.

Her mind rang with questions- why was he here?
What could he possibly want from her now?
Had he not humiliated her enough?

But then she had reminded herself of the man sitting beside her; the man whose first concern had been her.
She had reminded herself of the efforts he had put in to remind her of the person she deserved to be.

She decided she was not going to let Brandon’s presence undo all that.

It did not matter why he was here; she could not let his presence pull her back to the darkness she had barely managed to escape.

“Emma?”

Her thoughts were interrupted by the voice that had haunted her for months, causing her to stiffen.

“Emma, please…Look at me.”

Brandon stood with bated breath, fearing her outright rejection.
To his utter relief, she turned to face him.

He sucked in a sharp breath as he took in the sight of her glowing face, carrying a serene expression. He could not remember her ever looking this beautiful…

She stood motionless, not uttering a single word as she looked at him.

Brandon felt beads of sweat saturating his brow. The words he wanted to utter, were stuck in his throat.

After what seemed like an eternity, he managed to croak out,

“A-Are you alright? Is the-"

He could not finish his sentence as his gaze fixated on the curve of her skirts, just below her chest.
One of her hands rested protectively upon it.

“We are both fine.”

He winced at the unfamiliarity of her tone and looked at her with pleading eyes.

“Was that all you came to ask?”

Brandon knew she expected the worst of him.
She was probably waiting for him to bolt out of there- just like he always had.
But this time, he was going to prove her wrong. He was going to show her that he had changed.

“No, Emma…Lord, No!”

His voice broke, trying to keep his emotions under control.

“I came to apologize, Emma. I know what I did to you is unforgivable. I do not expect you to forgive me this very instant. I just want to let you know how very sorry I am…
I am so sorry, Emma. I do not know what had happened to me. I was afraid- afraid of feeling so much happiness at the same time.
I did not know I was capable of loving another person the way I loved you. You had given me hope; and I did not believe in hopes…I did not believe in much till you entered my life.
Your presence made me feel…alive. When you told me about-"

He took a shuddering breath before continuing,

“When you told me about our child, I did not want to believe it. I think I refused to believe it for a long time. Because believing in that, would have meant that I still had hope left for some happiness in my life. And I had long given up on that, Emma.
I did not want to drag you into my hell.”

He looked at her with the most honest expression he had ever donned. He knew she deserved nothing less.

Emma’s eyes softened and welled with tears.

“Why now? Why after all these months?”

Brandon threw his hands out in desperation at her tired voice.

“Because I have changed, Emma. I know you might find it hard to believe, but I have. I have realised my mistake. I should never have pushed you away- abandoned you; not when you needed me the most!
I am here because I don’t know what else to do. I cannot live without you, my love.
I tried to, but it is terrifying.
I do not feel alive anymore…not without you by my side.
I love you. I love you and our child.”

Emma let out a shuddering breath as she closed her eyes.

“Is this supposed to wipe away the humiliation and pain that I went through for the last seven months? What do you want me to do, Brandon? What do you expect of me? Should I forget about all that happened?”

Brandon shook his head vehemently, grabbing her free hand in his,

“No, my love! No! I just ask you to give me a chance. Let me show you how much you both mean to me. I will leave everything here.
We would go wherever you want. I will shield you from every pain. I vow to take care of you, Emma- like I should always have. Please, my love…Come with me.”
__________________________________

Averey felt his blood turn cold as he heard his brother’s words.

He saw him facing his wife.

When Emma had wanted to take a walk in the garden, he had readily complied, knowing that Brandon’s presence must have been a cause of great distress to her. The fresh air was bound to be of some help.

However, he had not been able to rest with the knowledge of Brandon being here.
His need to assure her safety, had caused him to soon follow her to the garden, something he now wished he could undo.

When his brother had entered the hall, Averey’s first concern had been Emma.

Brandon’s remorseful expression and calm stance, had dispelled some of his anxiety. But now, hearing the him utter those words to her, he felt a sense of panic grip his heart.

There was no mistaking the sincerity in Brandon’s voice.

Even though he could see neither of their faces, Averey knew his brother was hurting. He knew that he genuinely meant what he said.

He also knew that Emma must still love him.
How could she not?
She was carrying his child!
For, no matter how much he wanted for it to be his, the truth remained the same.

He felt a deep ache, knowing that Emma would not be able to refuse Brandon.
A morbid acceptance filled his heart.

She was going to leave.
And he wouldn’t stop her.

He wouldn’t stop her because she deserved happiness, even if it were with his brother.

He would let her go.

He would be content knowing that she was cared for. For though Brandon had made many mistakes, he was still his brother.
How could he resent him for being happy?
As long as he takes care of Emma and their child…

Averey knew he could not bear to know her reply; not when he already knew what it was going to be.

He left the garden with urgent steps, his heart heavy with foreboding.
__________________________________

Brandon’s chest heaved with emotion, his heart thudding with apprehension for her answer.

“No.”

The ground swayed beneath Brandon’s feet as she uttered the word.

“What?”

His disbelieving whisper was met with a soft, sad smile from Emma.

“No, Brandon. I cannot come with you. Do not mistake my words. I do forgive you.
I forgive you, because I do not want my disappointment and anger at you to consume my life; not when I have so much more to live for now…
But I cannot allow myself to trust you again, Brandon. I simply cannot.
We loved each other; but I don’t think I was ever enough for you. I was foolish enough to think that I was capable of changing you. I forgot that only you yourself were capable of doing that.
I was under the impression that our love would be enough to drive the darkness out of your life; to allow you to have faith in yourself. I thought that sooner or later, we would be able to achieve the future that I always imagined for us.
But I was wrong.
I am happy though, that my absence was able to achieve what my love could not. You are finally trying to overcome your weakness.
I believe in you when you say that you have changed. I am happy for you. You have already let so much of your life be ruined by your hatred. It is good to know that you have decided to start afresh. But I cannot be a part of this new journey…and neither can my child.
You lost us the day you asked me to leave.
Because, no matter how hard I try, I cannot forget that moment- the sense of helplessness and shame that I had felt. And I cannot ever risk letting my child go through that ever again.”

She stopped Brandon’s cry of protest with a final shake of her head.

“No, Brandon. You might have changed. But I cannot trust you. It is just that simple. I have found a new life here. A life with my husband; one who gives me the respect that I deserve.
He was there to give me a hope for the future, when I had given up on it. He reminded me of my strength when I was at my worst. He stayed up nights, making sure I slept comfortably, not bothering about himself. He showed me what true compassion is like.
He loved another man’s child, like his own flesh and blood. And I cannot betray him. I cannot do that.”

Brandon’s eyes drooped in pain, as he swallowed his tears.

“Do you love him?”

Emma smiled softly as she envisioned Averey looking at her with affection in his eyes. Her tone was full of contentment when she spoke again,

“I know I will. I know he loves me, though. I see it in his eyes, Brandon. He makes me feel…cherished. He allows me to have faith in love again. When I envision my future, I see him in it. I am sorry, Brandon, but I cannot give you what you want. You will always have a part of my heart. I cannot regret what we had, not when I carry our child. But that is all. I cannot be that girl anymore.”

Brandon knew he had lost.

A part of him had been prepared for this.
After his conversation with Geoffrey, he had known that his efforts might be in vain. He might already have lost Emma and his child.
But he had to try once...

He couldn’t help but admire the woman she had become.
He couldn’t help but commend her for having faith in herself. He should be proud of her for realising what was good for their child.

He already knew she would make a wonderful mother.
His child did not need him; not when he had her as his mother.

He sighed in defeat and looked at her with a wry smile, knowing that he did not have the right to do anymore; knowing that this was probably the last time he could do this,

“May I-"

Emma’s eyes widened with surprise as he extended one of his hands towards her abdomen.

She hesitated for a second, remembering the times in the first few months when she had imagined him wanting to feel their child.

She looked back at him, noting the resignation, mixed with hope, in his eyes.
She knew he would retract if she refused, but did not have the heart to do that.

Emma nodded her head tentatively, seeing a grateful smile lighten his eyes.

Brandon’s breath hitched as soon as he felt the first sign of his child.
There was the softest of flutters beneath his palm and knew he would live to regret what he had done to this child.

He could not fathom the thought of not loving it. How could he ever have refused to own this beautiful miracle?

His voice choked with emotion as he spoke,

“This is-"

Emma saw the tenderness on Brandon's face and felt her heart swell with love for her child.
She willed him to know that he was loved by his father; that no matter what had happened in the past, Brandon did care for him.
Her child would no longer have to be troubled with the knowledge of being rejected by the very man who sired him. For, she knew that the love in Brandon’s eyes was not fabricated.

“He is a really active child.”

She laughed affectionately, sniffling through her tears.

Brandon raised his curious eyes at her,

“He?”

Emma flushed as she replied,

“I just have a habit of calling him that. Averey is convinced it would be a girl.”

Brandon felt a pang of longing as he imagined a little girl- one with her mother’s eyes; one whom he will never get to hold as his own.

“I think he is right.”
__________________________________

Emma smiled contentedly as she entered her chamber.

Her heart felt lighter than ever, and she could not wait to see her husband.

Her excitement was short lived however, when she was met with Averey’s sombre gaze. She wondered if he was still upset about Brandon’s visit and neared him to rest his doubts.

“You may leave, Emma. Do not worry about anything.”

Emma frowned when she heard the sullenness of his voice.

“What do you mean? Leave where?”

Averey sighed heavily before looking straight into her perplexed eyes,

“I heard what Brandon said in the garden. I know you love him. I can also see that he has changed. And if you wish to leave with him, I understand,”

Emma found her respect for him grow even further as she looked into the intensity of his eyes. She could see it was killing him to say this; but he still continued- for her.

“I know we did not marry for love. You are not bound to me by anything.
Do not worry about my family. I will make them understand. I will arrange for the annulment as soon as possible. For the time being, you may leave with him. I will not stop you. Just- just take care of yourself- and the little one.”

Averey gathered his courage, anticipating the worst as he waited for her to thank him for making this easier on her.

“Is that all?”

He glanced quizzically at her, his fear intensifying.
Did she want him to annul their marriage immediately?
Was she going to tell him how much she hated being married to him?

As far as he could remember, she had seemed quite peaceful for past many days.
Perhaps she had been hiding her pain…

“Oh, Averey! I am not going anywhere.”

Averey’s ears perked up with surprise. He doubted he had heard her right.
Had she really…?

“But I heard Brandon-"

“Brandon did ask me to, but I refused. I am not leaving you.”

Averey’s frown deepened when he saw the small, angelic smile adorning her face.

“But why?”

Emma stepped closer to her husband, placing a gentle hand on his cheek.

“Because I do not love him. I could not agree to go with him because this is my home now. This is our home.”

Averey stood bewildered at her words.

“I remember the vows that I took, Averey; and I intend to keep them for the rest of my life. And before you object, I want to let you know that I am not saying this just for the sake of responsibility or duty. I say this because I want to; because I admire the man I am married to, and feel fortunate to have him in my life.
I want to love again, Averey.
I want to love you…
For, whatever the circumstances might have been, I am glad I am here with you; and I hope that over time, I am able to become the girl you deserve.”

Averey’s heart swelled with love as he gazed at his wife.
He could not believe she meant to stay with him.
She chose him!

He felt his shoulders sag with relief.
And to think she was worried about being deserving for him?

“You do not understand, do you, Emma? There is no need for you to change. I love you. I love you just as you are.
I know your heart is not yet ready to fall in love again, at the moment; but if it is, whenever that time might come, I will be here to lay my possession on it. That is your husband’s promise.”

Emma let out a teary chuckle as he spoke the last words, his eyes sparkling with adoration.

“I will remind you of that promise soon…”

Averey pressed a soft kiss on her forehead, relishing the feel of her in his arms; basking in the knowledge that she was not going anywhere.
He will lose neither Emma, nor their child.

“I cannot wait.”

His statement was met with a hearty kick from the babe, causing them to lean into each other with eyes full of hope- hope for a future filled with love and laughter…
__________________________________
Author's Note-

Hello to all my wonderful readers!
Hope you are all safe and sound.

We have reached sort of a conclusion to the Averey-Emma-Brandon situation.

Brandon had already low-key known what Emma's answer would be. But sometimes, even when we know the result, we cannot help but make an effort.
For the peace of his own mind, Brandon had to do this.

What is your take on it?
Was Emma right to reject him?

Let me know if you are satisfied with this chapter.
What should Brandon do now?

Last but not the least, the times are rough. We can see people around us battling with anxiety. Just take some time to remind them, that you are there. Let your family and friends know that you love them. Sometimes it might act like a miracle.
And don't forget to LOVE YOURSELF.

Till the next time 👋