Warning: read at your own risk.

***

I understand even more, now.

Why is he doing all that. Why is he having those tattoes, those piercings, those undercut hair or even making it long enough, the eyebrow slit. Drinking alcholic beverages, doing different sports, improving his singing even if he is already the best at it, doing his best at dancing, making every fan smile and happy during his VLIVE's, twirking, tumbling, hip thrusting, taking wakky selfies, cute, handsome, cool, and stylish selfies. Eating whatever he like, drinking banana milk, fixing his bunny teeth, learning guitar, drums, and all the instrument he likes, reading more books, finishing his college and having a degree depsite being a busy idol. Learning new language. Exploring things. Traveling. Everything.

No wonder why is he good at almost everything he do. No wonder why he is called as the 'golden maknae'. He is living his life to the fullest.

And it's bacause of that dot. It made him believe that every small things can be the biggest if you do your best. If you pursue it. If you only believe and carry on.

It's what makes him going.

I almost cried in front of him.

"You can be your own dot. Someday"

Those words hit me straight in the heart.

Sa lahat ng pinagdaanan ko sa buhay. Isang dot lang pala ang makakapagbigay sa akin ng lahat ng lakas ng loob.

Sinarili ko lahat ng hirap. Tiniis ko lahat ng pagod. Even having fever is nothing but a wall to me that pushes me back when I want to do something. Hinarangan ako no'n at wala akong nagawa.

Now, I realize that what I am feeling right now is the price of being so workaholic. Pinagod ko na pala masyado ang sarili ko.

Hindi ako nagkasakit ng matagal at malala. Ngayon lang. Hindi tumatagal ng isang araw ang sakit sa'kin. That's what I think. Pero ininda ko lang pala 'yon. Because I had no choice.

Ilang araw akong naghanap ng trabaho. No one wants me. No one called.

Ang dot na sinasabi niya ay nasa harapan ko.

Maybe I don't have to be that dot. My own dot. Maybe it's him. Maybe it is from him.

They were the ones who called me when I needed someone. Nagkasakit ako, pero kung hindi ako pumunta dito ay baka hindi ko kinayang asikasuhin ang sarili ko. Baka namatay nalang ako sa gutom. Sa hilo. Sa panginginig.

I looked at him without hesitation. It's the look of gratefulness. I indeed needed this man. It was the best choice to idolize him.

Ginulo niya ang buhok ko saka matamis na ngumiti. Lumabas siya saglit at pagbalik ay may dala na siyang gamot. Paiinumin niya ako pero umiling ako at kinuha sakaniya iyon.

"You should wash your face and go to sleep now. I will be fine. T-thank you." Ininom ko na kaagad ang gamot para hindi na siya mag-alala. Masyado ko na siyang inaabala. He's also tired. He needs rest, too.

"I still need to study." ngiti niya. "I will be staying here if it's okay with you. I'll sleep in the sofa." itinuro niya ang sofa sa may kabilang kanto ng silid.

Umalalay siya noong hihiga na ako. Nagpaalam naman siyang maghihilamos muna.

Nakita ko nga siyang nagbabasa ng libro habang nakaupo ng ayos sa sofa. May kaharap din siyang laptop at busy sa pagkagat ng kuko niya habang nagbabasa.

I know he's been studying for his masters, now. Iyon yata ang dahilan kung bakit ang sipag-sipag niya palagi. Doble kayod siya kahit na pagod na sa trabaho.

I smiled while watching him. Ano bang ginawa ko noong past life ko at nawiwitness ko ito? The side that everyone can't see. But here I am, seeing and experiencing all this. Breathing the same air as him.

Lumingon siya bigla sa gawi ko kaya mabilis akong pumikit. Narinig ko ang mahina niyang tawa.

Halos isang oras ang naging katahimikan namin. Nanatili akong nakapikit at pinakiramdaman ang init ng katawan ko dala ng lagnat. Nakasubsob ang mukha ko sa unan. I even smelled Jungkook's perfume on that same pillow I was using.

Nahiya ako dahil baka malawayan ko iyon kapag nakatulog na ako kaya umayos ako ng pwesto.

Hindi ko siya inistorbo sa pagbabasa niya. He seems really busy and dedicated to what he is doing.

I just find this situation a little bit funny. Just think about how a day turns so eventful for me.

Kahapon lang nasa club pa'ko at nagtatrabaho. Nung isang araw lang, naghahanap pa ako ng trabaho, and now I seem to have one. A very big time job.

Big time, I mean a big responsibility. This job is ideal but everybody know the what if's for this.

What if Jungkook stans find out about this?

What if they overreacted? Because they always do, to be honest.

Those sort of things.

Nakatalikod ako sakaniya kaya humarap ako. I saw him still there, sitting while reading. But the moment I focused my eyes on his position, his face looked up to me as well which made me flinch, again.

Ngumiti siya. "You can't sleep?" may halong pag-aalala at kaba sa boses niya-If I'm even right with what I'm hearing.

"Hmm," I nodded and smiled faintly.

Mabilis siyang tumayo at nakita kong iniligpit niya na ang mga libro at laptop niya.

My forehead creased to that. Tapos na ba siya?

"I can't focus, too." he chuckled.

Ah.

Ikaw ba naman kasi may kasamang sobrang ganda. You can't surely focus as well.

Of course, that's a lie. I ain't that attractive.

"Wanna watch a. . .umm a movie? I kinda want to. . ." nagkamot siya sa sintido gamit ang hintuturo at nakatingin sa sahig. "I have movies left on my watchlist."

"Oh. Nice timing. I'm craving for some zombie movies right now." pagbibiro ko.

And to my surprise, he indeed have a zombie series on his list and we end up watching it. Because I wanted it; aacording to him.

Pinili kong maupo sa sahig habang nakasandal sa sofang mahaba. Siya naman ay nasa single couch.

He didn't even wanted me to sit there because basically, I was sick. I am stubborn and he can't do anything about it. I want some good view of the movie. And I have a bad eyesight. Kailangan ko ng malapit na pwesto sa tv para mabasa ko ng mabuti ang subtitle.

Nakasupot ako ng comforter at masarap ang pagkakasandal ko sa sofa. This is the best spot for movie marathon.

Tahimik kaming nanonood hanggang sa nakadalawang pelikula. Parehong thriller-action at zombie ang genre. May mga segundong napapatingin ako sakaniya dahil sa mahina niyang mga reaksyon sa movie.

Napatianod ako noong ang pangatlong movie namin ay isang romantic series sa netflix. Isa ito sa pinakagusto kong panoorin noon pa pero gusto kong manood ng may kasama. I don't have anyone with me at the house, though. My friend, is always busy with her own businesses.

Through my window.

It was a random series on his watchlist. I didn't know he likes this kind of show. I mean I know he is a romantic person but watching it actual with him is so euphoric. I mean how could I ever think about this?

Nang magsimula ang movie ay buong oras akong namumula. Kahit hindi pa naman romantic scenes o kaya ay kakilig-kilig ay sobra akong naaapektuhan sa mga characters. Their chemistry is so overrated.

The girl is so pretty while the guy looks really hot and have that manly pretty face you will die for. He has indeed the face sculpted by the greeek gods. Just like the guy I am with, right now.

Nakaramdam ako ng matinding init sa katawan dahil narin siguro sa nakabalot na comforter sa akin.

I decided to take it off and looked for something to tie my hair. But my pony wasn't with me at the moment.

Tumayo ako para hanapin ang panali ko sa buhok. Baka nasa kama iyon. But the moment I stood, Jungkook called my name. Butterflies flew around my abdomen. Goodness! His effect on me.

"Do you need something?" I looked at him and his face tells pure concern and kindness. Hindi ko rin malaman kung namumula ba talaga ang tainga niya o sadyang galing lang 'yon sa ilaw ng tv.

"I. . .I'm looking for m-my po. . .pony." God, why am I stuttering?

Nakita ko kasi ang pagdila niya sa pang-ibabang labi at kumintab din ang piercing niya doon dahil sa reflection ng ilaw. I coudn't resist looking at it.

"Uh. . ." Tumango-tango siya at luminga sa paligid. Nang wala sigurong mahanap ay napunta ang mata niya sa sariling braso.

His wrist have a brown bracelet which I already saw the moment I saw him, here.

Nanlaki ang mga mata ko noong hinubad niya iyon at akmang ibibigay na sa'kin.

"I think it will do the work." He shyly chuckled with a small pout. His manerism pout.

I abruptly shook my head. "It's alright I can just find my pony. I think I just left it at the. . .the b-bed." tumango-tango pa ako para kumbinsihin siya.

He smiled as a response and agreed with me.

Dahan-dahan akong naglakad patungo sa kama at agad umupo roon dahil tila nanginginig ang tuhod ko. I'm still ill, for goodness' sake.

Pinasadahan ko ng kamay ang kama. Kinakapkap ang bawat sulok nito pero wala ako mahawakan. Wala rin akong makita.

Where did that pony go? Sa pagkakaalam ko kasi ay nakatali ang buhok ko kanina.

I grimaced as I tried remembering where could it be. Pero kumirot lang ang sintido ko sa ginawa.

I came back empty handed and just sat there silently. Tumingin ako kay Jungkook na nakatingin narin pala sa'kin.

Ngumiti siya bago inabot sa'kin ang bracelet niya. "You can use this,"

"Y-you sure?"

I can't just borrow his bracelet to tie my hair. Paano kung maputol 'yon? Makapal pa naman ang buhok ko.

He nodded and so I shamelessly took the bracelet. I had no choice. The sweats on my forehead are almost like the beads. Nararamdaman ko rin ang pagtulo ng pawis sa likod ko. Basa na nga yata ang damit ko dahil doon.

I feel like my fever is already leaving my system. Sa tuwing pagpapawisan kasi ako, kasunod no'n ay ang pagbaba ng lagnat ko.

To my surprise, the bracelet were stretching so well at hindi iyon nakakatakot na hila-hilahin. It was made well.

Pero nahirapan akong ipuyod ang sariling buhok. Madaling nangalay ang braso ko at bigla akong nakaramdam ng pagkahilo sa ginagawa.

I sighed and accepted my defeat. Isinandal ko ang ulo sa upuan ng sofa habang nakapikit ang mata. The world is spinning.

Pagmulat ko ay kamuntikan na akong mapaigtad sa kinauupuan. Jungkook pressed the pause button from the remote. Tumayo rin siya mula sa kinauupuan at lumapit sa pwesto ko.

Nanlalaki ang mga mata ko habang inoobserbahan siya. I coudn't move. I find myself frozen when he sat on the long couch. Pumwesto siya sa likuran ko.

Maya-maya pa ay bumungad sa mukha ko ang kamay niyang nakalahad. I gave him his bracelet immediately. Para akong robot na sumunod lang sa gusto niyang mangyari. I know what he wants to do.

And right there, I felt his hands scorching through my head, organizing my hair into a bun.

Painfuly, slowly, he reached every corner of my head. Inabot niya ang mga natitirang tikwas ng buhok sa mukha ko. He carefully places them at the center. Ramdam na ramdam ko ang pagdausdos ng kamay niya sa may sintido ko, sa batok ko, sa noo. My hair were all standing up in embarassment and my feelings were all over the place.

Nag-iinit ang mukha ko at parang hindi ako makahinga dahil sa kilig na pinipigilan.

Dahan-dahan na parang nag-slow motion ang lahat. Kahit kuko niyang dumaan lang ng kaunting segundo sa balat ko ay naramdaman ko. Tumataas lahat ng balahibo ko. Hindi ko napigilang makagat ang pang-ibabang labi.

My body is getting even more hot all of a sudden. Tangina, Jungkook is making me feel weird right now. Anong nangyayari?

Hindi pa nakatulong na nahirapan din yata siyang itali ang buhok ko. Bumalik lahat ng buhok ko sa dati nilang pwesto. Lumugay ulit iyon. At sa pangalawang pagkakataon, inayos niya ang mga iyon.

Dahil sa hindi maintindihang nararamdaman, inabot ko ang remote at pinindot na ang play button. Nagsimula na ulit ang movie. Doon ko ibinaling lahat ng atensyon ko.

Ngunit isang maling desisyon lang iyon. The scene is spicy and it's giving me chills even more.

Narinig ko ang mahinang tawa ni Jungkook. Ako naman ay hindi mapakali kung saan ibabaling ang atensyon.

Slowly, the guy kisses the girls exposed legs. He is clearly giving pleasure to the girl. Halata sa ekspresyon ng babae ang matinding nararamdaman. Nakaupo ang babae kaya ang pwesto nila ay nakakadagdag sa chemistry ng scene.

Nasa harap ang lalaki habang nakaluhod, while the girl is sitting there, her legs spread wide.

I didn't expect it to be like this. Sabi kasi sa narration, sikreto lang nagkakagusto ang babae sa lalaki. He was her crush for a long time. Magkapitbahay din sila.

Tapos sa isang iglap, dahil sa wifi password, nagkausap sila. But this scene is so enticing, you coudn't believe they just started to talk. Hindi sila close. Masyado lang sigurong nakakaakit ang nangyayari. They were already flirting like it's their forte.

At hindi ko kinakaya 'yon. Naaapektuhan ako masyado sa pinapanood. Lalo't nasa likod ko ang lalaking long time crush ko narin.

I can feel Jungkook's heavy breathing on my already exposed neck. Nangangalahati na siya sa pag-aayos ng buhok ko.

Bakit naman kailangan ko din maramdaman ang hininga niya? Kasama ba dapat ito sa scene? Nananadya ba ang tadhana?

Nilalagnat ako kaya sana ay hindi mahalata ng kasama ko ang init ng katawan pati na ang pamumula ko. This is not right at all. What I'm feeling is purely just because I like this guy whose doing my hair. Crush ko 'to. Normal lang sigurong sobrang kiligin at mamula kung itatali niya ang buhok mo 'diba?

Sinimulan niyang ipuyod ang buhok ko. Pinakiramdaman ko ang ilang ikot ng bracelet niya habang ang mata ay nakatuon parin sa tv. Hinayaan kong mapanood ko ng buo ang scene sa palabas. Wala akong choice dahil doon ako nakaharap.

I'm also curious to what will happen, next-

I mean the movie is good. I'm curious if they will end up together at the end. Paano pala kung hindi sila magkatuluyan? This scene is just absurd if they will not be together at the ending.

Kinabahan ako noong pinunasan niya rin ang pawis sa batok at leeg ko. Jungkook naman. . .

Things got hazy when I felt his thumb forming circles on my neck. May matulis ding bagay ang dumampi sa balat ko. Kuko niya yata. I winced in pain. Hinihilot niya ang batok ko.

"This will help you relax, noona."

Noona...

King ina!

Tumikhim ako para mabawasan ang kaba sa dibdib. Baka kasi marinig niya ang lakas ng kabog no'n.

Napapikit nalang ako noong mapalitan ng magandang pakiramdam ang masakit na paghilot niya kanina. It was really good. I can feel the pain slowly desolving.

Huminga ako ng malamim at pinakiramdaman nalang ang free massage ni Jungkook. He is so good at it, I swear.

Pagmulat ko ay tumayo na siya mula sa pwesto sa likod ko. Ang palabas na pinapanood ay okay narin ang nangyayari. Hindi na spicy.

Iniwan kasi bigla ng lalaki ang babae. Nabitin siya, tulad ko. Kidding.

"T-thank you. It helped well." wika ko ngunit hindi ako makatingin sakaniya. I feel like I made a scene on my head-a very not so ideal scene. I felt guilty for that sole reason.

"Let me know if you need a massage, noona. I wrote my number on your neck."

Huh?

***

Pasensya na kung bitin ang chapters natin palagi hehe. I'm still learning and may reason kung bakit bitin sila HAHAHAHAHA thank you for reading and supporting. To that one reader na nagmomotivate sa akin para ipagpatuloy itong story, borahae💜 thank you! You know who u are:>