2) Understanding

Sitting in solitude, as I preferred under most circumstances, did not hold the same appeal for me as it once had in the past. There was no longer comfort nor reassurance to be found in the vast, empty space surrounding me. It only increased the immense amount of loneliness bundled in my mind.

The loneliness may have been there before, but I only noticed it after Varian had been taken by the Lab. Before, he had been the cure, the one able to keep the loneliness at bay and away from sight. Now, it crashed and wailed against the barrier, demanding to be noticed. Attention was the only thing I could feed the loneliness, for the sake of my sanity.

There was no cure for my loneliness now, nothing to keep the feeling out of my view. There were only momentary flickers; it would mode from sight before colliding with the walls of my mind. That's when the feeling was the worst, when it decided to make itself apparent again. When it had first disappeared, I had thought I had found a cure. But it came back, reminding me that all was not okay.

Levi was my short-term cure. I had not even realized he had become one until I felt the loneliness ease away one moment, only to come back the next. Levi didn't provide near the same amount of content Varian had, however he did provide a small amount. It was enough to make me wish Levi would come to me now, to lead me away from my thoughts.

I can remember first meeting Levi. He had been the strangest of them all, stranger than the twins who finished one another's thoughts. It had frustrated me because I had not been able to figure him out. I had decided it was best to avoid him as much as possible since he was an unknown factor in my experiment. But Levi seemed to have thoughts that differed greatly from my own.

He would seek me out, unlike the others who kept away as if I was a disease outbreak. They had found out I was an experiment on the first day, when Experiment Cowen had told them so. They were afraid of me, constantly in search of hidden lab coats. They had yet to trust me, just as I had yet to trust them. It was completely understandable, even preferable by me. However, Levi was once again an unknown factor.

He would constantly talk, even if I refused to speak a single word throughout the conversation. It was as if he was talking to himself, but he never seemed to mind. I tried to remain emotionless, like a blank board at the Lab, but it was much harder to do than thought. I would find myself glancing at Levi when his conversation startled or amused me, seeing his face light up when I did so. But then I would find myself hardened, keeping the emotions under strict control, before turning cold. Yet, he always came to talk. Except today.

I desired someone to talk to more so today than I had recently. Yet, there was no one I would willingly seek out. I had promised I would not become attached and seeking them out was a sign that I was doing so. I sat alone, wishing one of them would find their way towards me. Levi was supposed to do so around this time of day, yet he wasn't here. I could only think of one reason as to why he would not show up on time: he was upset with me.

It was the conclusion I had come to. I had compared Levi's unusual missing status to Varian's stubborn quietness when we had journeyed to come up with the final conclusion. During our travelling, Varian had been unwilling to talk to me numerous times: when I had told him I hated him and when I had shut him out. Those were only two out of the various times, but they all were measured the same.

Before Varian had become quiet each time, his tone had been bitter. His words had grown harsh and his body had tensed. Those were all clear indicators of a person being angry or upset. I may not have, or still not rather, understood Varian's reasoning, but he would stop talking to me regardless.

I then took my results with Varian and compared them to my current situation with Levi. Levi hadn't displayed any of the indicators of being angry, but he had shown some of feeling hurt. His body had hunched over, his lips had turned down and his eyes had held wounded look. He had differed from Varian in that particular area, but his response had been generally the same.

Levi had left after my telling him to leave me alone. He had avoided me throughout the rest of the day and now, he wasn't here as he usually was. Perhaps if Levi did show up only to ignore me as Varian had I would apologize, although I wasn't entirely sure what I should apologize for. However, the apology may cause Levi to stop ignoring me. But if I compared Varian and Levi once again, an apology would be unnecessary.

Varian had always talked to me after several hours. He would act as if nothing had happened and we would continue down the roads with him glancing back occasionally. The only time Varian had not done so was when I had told him I hated him. The memory still burned fresh in my mind, along with him being taken by the lab coats. Both caused me to flinch if I thought to closely about them.

I would never make the mistake of telling a person I hated them. I had made it once, only for him to disappear. If I continued to do so, I would lose more and more. I did prefer solitude, but companionship, even if it is rare, can help keep someone sane in a world where they didn't belong. I didn't belong in the Outside, therefore I would need companionship if I planned to keep sane and healthy. Experimenting on the group I resided with would help me do so.

My thought were interrupted as the sun was blocked by a figure standing to my right. They sat down, causing me to look in the direction. I was greeted with a hesitant smile from Levi, who had decided to show up. I thought about smiling back, but decided against it. Smiling had never been a strong suit for me.

We sat there for two hours and forty five minutes exactly, me listening to him discuss his life before he had been acquainted with me in depth while I cherished the numbness he provided me with.