**unedited**

Warning: Manik's POV contains a lot of swearing. Those who are not comfortable, please stay away :)

M A N I K

The girl in front of me was sizzling hot. Her looks were killing me and that seductive smile and flirty wink that she kept giving me. Fuck!

I didn't waste any time in doing what I was once best known for.

I pinned her to the wall, my fingers tracing her hands.

"Oh... Manik...", she moaned.

I leaned ahead to kiss her.

"I promise I wouldn't even kiss any other girl except the girl I am having feelings for"

I don't know how her face changed with Nandini's as I leaned ahead to kiss her. The thin lips changed with the pouty ones, her face turned more chubby and gorgeous.

"Manik...", she moaned. When I opened my eyes, it wasn't Nandini but another random slutty girl.

No, I couldn't do this.

Her lips touched mine and the moment my eyes closed, Nandini's face flashed in front of me again.

I can't, can't do this.

I pushed her away and she looked at me shocked.

Fuck.

"three hundred and twenty one...", Cabir sang in my ears as I moved away from her, after apologising to her of course.

"What?" I rolled my eyes at him.

"Three hundred and twenty first girl you've rejected in the past year after Nandini left", he said smiling as if it was casual and I rolled my eyes at him.

"Aisa... Aisa kuch nahi hai", I stammered lying.

"Aur mein pregnant hu", he mocked. Let him fuck off even though I knew he was right.
Fucking ego.

I rolled my eyes again. Ignorance was a bliss.

"Nandini?" There was a scream outside the room.

Nandini?

What is she going doing here? I thought- that she's not coming. Never mind.

I ran out behind her.

"And now I think you're following Soha, isn't it?" Cabir mocked behind me laughing sarcastically and I ignored, again.

But she wasn't anywhere outside in the club. I just hoped that she didn't see me with the other girl and left.

Or maybe she did. Why the fuck do I care?

But I chose the other way and fucking went out to fucking find her.

And just as I entered out, I saw her sitting, her back facing me. The dress she wore was backless exposing her hot body, fitting her curves.

Fuck. Since when did she dress up this way?

I couldn't control my urge to go and talk to her.

"Aww, Baby Murthy is alone tonight?", the words left my mouth before I could even register.

Fuck. Why do I always have to be rude?

She was evidently shocked hearing my voice and her hands which were playing with water stopped.

"What the fuck do you want again, Manik Malhotra?", she spat back.

Oh. So the Nandini Murthy even says fuck. Interesting.

I settled myself besides her and the disgust on her face was clear.

Ouch, that hurt.

"You!" I replied and she shut her eyes with the disgusted face. What the fuck was fucking wrong with fucking me? Why do I say things to her without even thinking about them once?

She rolled my eyes and ignored me, ignorance is a bliss when I ignore Cabir but ignorance isn't a bliss when she ignores me.

"so, still single, haa?" I asked with a smirk. I loved teasing her and that disgusted and angry face made me talk to her even more. Not even for once did she look at me.

"no, two months pregnant", she replied and the colour of my face faded.

What the fuck? How can she be pregnant? Was she playing my own game on me?

"So, married?" I smirked with my attitude.

"Correction, happily married!" She said rolling her eyes as she finally looked at me, getting up and leaving.

She looked different. I've never seen her with make up. Not that she had put a lot of make up, but even that glow on her face, the light strokes in her eyes and that winged liner was a change and made her look gorgeous. I hate to admit this, but she looked fucking hot.

I didn't stop her, and she didn't look back.

"Nandini", I called and she stopped in my tracks, not turning back.

I bet she had missed hearing her name from my mouth just the way I had.

"You look gorgeous", I said, before even thinking twice.

She ignored. I deserved this and I knew that. She started walking again and though it was just physical difference, I could feel the heaviness in my heart.

"Nandini?", I called again and she stopped, still not turning back.

"I complimented you...", I said in a matter of fact tone with a hope in my voice.

I wanted her to talk to me, to scream at me, to fucking slap me, insult me or do whatever she likes but I couldn't take her silence.

Her silence killed me.

I could hear her sigh and though her back faced me, I could feel her roll her eyes dramatically before walking inside again.

I followed her, ofcourse I did.

When we entered inside, our friends were standing in a corner, with drinks in their hands.

All our friends were stunned seeing us walk in almost together, with she in front of me, but never said a word.

"hmm?", fucking Aryamman asked, nudging Nandini, giving her a drink in her hand.

"No way Aru, Nandini is not having that drink!" A guy said. I have never seen that guy before but he seemed quite comfortable with the rest.

And also, did I forget to tell you, Nandini doesn't drink? Thank god, this is one thing I know and not Aryamman. I smirked.

"she's been having too many drinks these days...", that same guy said but Nandini took the drink nevertheless.

WHAT? Nandini and drinking?

"come on Abhi, she's not a kid anymore, let her be-....", Mukti said scolding him.

"Manik, will you like a drink?" Aryamman asked in a disinterested tone.

"No, I don't drink anymore", I answered and he fake smiled. Nandini looked shocked at the new found information but she hid it quickly.

Like whom are we fucking kidding and trying to act all good with these stupid fake smiles? We all know how much he hates me for what happened between me and Nandini more than a year ago, and we all also know how much I hate him for-.... never mind.

Just then, the songs changed again. DhruLya and CaVya hit the floors, leaving me, Mukti, Aryamman, Nandini and that guy Abhi-.. or whoever he is, alone.

"How about I dance with my gorgeous lady?" Abhi asked, bowing in front of Nandini.

My? Did he just say my?

"But you said I was allowed to take her on a date tonight!" Aryamman pouted and Nandini pulled his cheeks.

He looked gay, and this girl is finding him fucking cute.

"But she's mine." Abhi declared dragging her to the floor.

And she didn't protest. She fucking didn't protest.

I didn't notice how Aryamman asked Mukti, and they left to the floor, leaving me alone.

My eyes were glued at fucking Abhi, who held Nandini's hand, entwining them.

I looked around to see if the girl I had 'tried' kissing and there she was, smiling at me seductively. I smirked, what a slut she was.

She came with me to the dance floor without even asking questions despite by insult and rejection.

She looked into my eyes with the glance of naughtiness, and every expression of hers screamed how she was dying to be in my bed.

But I wish i would be half as interested as she was, because my eyes were glued at Abhi and Nandini.

His hands snaked around her waist, holding her close and tight. She dug her head in his chest, enjoying the proximity, and not minding it all.

Was she serious when she said that she was pregnant? Was she really married to him?

Married to a fucking jerk like him? He looked gay too.

I knew she knew that my eyes were glued at her, but not for once she looked at me. And that killed me, her ignorance killed me, her silence killed me.

I pulled the girl closer to me, who's name I didn't even know. She smiled at me and now I looked back at her, smiling at her back.

And now, I'm sure that Nandini's eyes are at me.

My lips touched her neck, tracing kisses there and her hands gripped my coat tightly.

"I promise I wouldn't touch a girl in any wrong way, in a way that would hurt you"

My subconscious mind warned me to stay away, to not mess with her. I closed my eyes and even without alcohol, that girls face merged with Nandini.

"fucking Murthy with rosy lips", my own words rang in my ears.

I couldn't, couldn't do this. Even if I wanted I couldn't stay with any other girl. I can't.

My hands reached her shoulders as I pushed her away, and she looked at me dejected.

I left from there to the bar counter to avoid apologising to that girl.

"Vodka shots please!" I ordered, my eyes glued at Nandini, who was now blushing.

What the fuck has she done to me? I can't even mess around with girls in peace any more. I fucking hate her from the bottom of my heart. Fuck.

Look at her, she's enjoying with her husband, and look at me, I'm dying out of grief. Cabir sahi kehta hai, I've become a fucking retard since a year.

I have stopped drinking because I messed up things badly with Nandini the last time I drank one and a half years ago.

I have stopped using girls for the fucking promise I have given her.

I haven't even kissed a fucking single girl, I hardly mess with them every night but they're eventually rejected each day and I get back home like a retard.

It's not that I don't want to break the promise I have to Nandini, it's more like I can't because every time I try, the girls face appears to be like Nandini's, her voice, my promise, everything rings in my ears and I push her away because I can't stand being with Nandini anymore, not after what happened one and a half years ago.

One

Two

Three

Ten

Fifteen

I lost count of the beer and vodka shots I consumed, until everything around me seemed blurred and I couldn't even hold the glass anymore.

This felt so good, so so good to drink after more than a year. The pain inside me was stumbled back in my brain and I felt liberated.

But still, I knew I'd mess up again if I stand this way in such a drunk state.

I got up from where I was, stumbling here and there.

I got out of the club without anyone's notice and walked till the pond where Nandini was sitting earlier.

"Happily Married", her words rung in my ears.

No, I know she is lying. She can't be married to anyone else because she loved me.

And even after what I did to her, love can't end. And I know that.

My eyes were heavy and I couldn't sit there straight anymore.

The world felt dizzy and even with heavy eyes, I unlocked my phone, and the first picture in my gallery was of Nandini sleeping which I had taken once when she was at my house.

"No Nandini, I know you love me too much to move on. I know you still love me. I know I have not lost you...", I smirked laughing and everything appeared blank.

I fell back and everything around me was black.

"Nandini", I whispered hugging my phone tighter before I finally passed out.

He came ahead to her as he stripped her off her clothes. "Abhi...", she moaned as he took her lips into his.
His hands clutched her naked body tighter on the bed as I just stood there in the corner, watching their heavy make out.
"Don't touch her you Bastard!" I shouted. But he didn't seem to hear me as she moaned more and he pushed inside her.
"Move away or I'd fucking kill you", I screamed again but they didn't hear me, they were too busy in themselves.
"No"
"Nandini, listen to me"
"No"
"Fuck"

**splash**

My eyes moved open and I got up with a jerk.

It was a nightmare. A fucking nightmare.

"Manik, tum theek ho?" She asked and I looked up in shock to see Nandini, fit and fine, still in her clothes.

My hands reached her shoulder and I held her tightly.

"You are my imagination, kal aakh kholunga toh you wouldn't be there, like always!" I laughed dryly and her eyes welled up with tears.

I was not drunk. I was not sober. I was in a state between it, I was just lost.

"Manik!" She whispered and I closed my eyes, hearing my name after such a long time.

I didn't know how I felt my cheeks wet. I have never cried till date, and here I was letting myself fall weak for a girl I hate.

"Don't.. fuck... Abhi... I... you...", I stammered miserably putting my hands on my eyes and I felt her hand wrap around me.

I knew this was my imagination, but still all I needed was her comfort. I wanted her to hold me as I cried for the first time in ages and tell me that I'd be fine. I wanted her to hug me and tell me she loves me. I wanted her even after all what I've done to her.

Actually, I didn't want her, I needed her.

All I needed was her.

Just her.

"Why did you do this to us Manik? Why?", she barely whispered.

Even my imagination Nandini was mocking at me and I wanted to apologise to her. I couldn't do that to the actual Nandini, maybe I could apologise to the imagination Nandini if that makes me feel better?

And the next moment, I took her in a bike crashing, ground shattering, soul healing hug. And she didn't protest.

I didn't have the power to hide my tears anymore, neither did she.

I needed her, just as much as she needed me.

~where there is love, there is pain~

~•~