~50 years later~

I shuffle down the path, watching as the sun slowly falls down the sky, closing the gap with the horizon. The beautiful oranges, pinks, and purples streak across the horizon, blending into the light blue of the sky. The fluffy clouds line the colours, bubbling as they fly from right to left. It has been a while since the sky has been this clear. It's only fitting that the sky is this beautiful on a day like today.

Using my walking stick for support, I lumber towards our bench, groaning as I slide onto it. I have my favourite pastries in one hand, the bag pinched between my hand and the handle of my stick, and an iced coffee in the other. I squint, running my eyes along the horizon. This place has always been beautiful, but not as beautiful as him.

It has been 6 months since he passed. 6 long, painful months without him. I struggled to sleep in our bed and follow our daily routine. His pictures litter my walls like little thumbtacks, sharp reminders of our time together. Time is so fickle, isn't it? Human existence, and all that poetic rubbish.

He passed from a heart attack after a long day of building a playground for our grandchildren. I told him to ease up; he's not as strong as he once was. I told him to leave it for our son-in-law and just take his heart medication. His heart was not doing well and hadn't been for years. But, of course, he dies doing something for someone he loves. For the people he loves. He was always like that since the day I met him. Hiding the existence of Xedysus, risking his life, and saving his friends; saving me. A pure soul.

As he grew older, he didn't change much. He was still a protective, supportive person. He would cuddle me every single day, and kiss me every single day. He never wavered, he never looked elsewhere. He made sure I knew that I was the only person he loved in this world, and I made sure he knew too. That was until we started having children, and then he shared his endless supply of love with them too. I remember the smile wrinkles at the corners of his eyes, his prominent dimples, and his warm embrace. His morning voice, his continuous teasing, his playfulness. Even during his 50th birthday, he was running around chaotically with our friends.

Our friends have been keeping me company, reminding me to keep on living for him. But what's the point? I stayed for him, I rejected Xedysus for him. What more do I need to live for?

My children, my grandchildren? Sure. And I do. Every single day; little reminders of our love. I spend 90% of my time with them, but even then I am never alone.

"Good evening, Kim Hana,"

I turn and smile, grinning at the beautiful young face that is that Korean drama actor I've always loved; Park Seojoon. Xedysus has never materialised as anything else. But I have not needed to call on him often, which is a good thing, I'm sure.

I am no longer startled when he appears, his deep, dark voice reverberating in the silence. He has been visiting since Namjoon passed, first appearing at his funeral.

Of course, I soon realised why.

"Good evening, Xedysus," I grin, watching as his face twists hearing his full name spoken aloud.

"What are you doing here?" He asks softly, looking at the view.

"This was our spot," I explain. I'm sure Xedysus already knows, but he does like to play human with me and hear my old stories, "We came here as often as we could, ever since our first date,"

"I see," Xedysus nods.

"Yeah... this is where he proposed to me," I point to the railing nearby, "And right here is where I first told him I was pregnant, and when our daughter-in-law called to tell us she was pregnant," I say, patting the bench we are sitting on.

"A lot of memories here, huh?" Xedysus says.

"Of course," I chuckle, "I wanted to see it again, one last time,"

"You can't keep running from the hospital, Hana," Xedysus scolds softly, "You worry your children,"

"They will be fine," I sigh, "It's tonight, isn't it?"

Xedysus nods curtly, watching me blankly. I recall the night he first told me.

6 months earlier:

"What do you mean?" I scream, "I just got back from Namjoon's funeral, do you really think now is the time?"

"I'm sorry, Hana," Xedysus sighs, "But you need to see your doctor, at least to ease your pain,"

"I'm 70 years old Z!" I hiss, "Of course I am going to have back pain!"

"It's not your back, Hana!" Xedysus' loud voice booms as he moves towards me, "It's your kidneys! Go to your doctor!"

"No!" I yell, my voice cracking with emotion, "So what if I am dying? At least then I'll be with him!"

I collapse to my knees painfully, the grief wracking through my body like a violent poison. I tremble, a loud guttural scream echoing off the walls of our home. I feel like I am dying like I want to die. It's like my heart is trying to wrench itself from my chest, pumping louder and louder in my ears. I can't control anything, not my limbs, my tears, or my screaming. My head hurts, and my jaw aches. I claw at my skin as ghosts of sensations tease my skin, reminding me that he won't be there anymore. His touch, his voice, his scent. It's gone, all gone.

"How dare he... how dare he..." I sob. Xedysus kneels beside me, patting my back gingerly, whispering soothing words in my ear.

"Don't worry," He murmurs, "I'll stay with you until the end, I promise,"

"I'm sorry, Hana," Xedysus sighs, pulling me from the flashback, "I wish I could heal you, but I can't mess with fate,"

"It's fine, Z," I smirk, reluctantly pulling my eyes from the view to look at him, "I'm ready,"

"Mom?" I turn to see my daughter, Kim Sunny, standing nearby with her hands on her hips. Life has started to wither at her skin with little laugh crinkles at the corners of her eyes and stress lines lining her forehead. She will always be my little angel, even now that she is 42 years old.

"Hey, bub," I smile, struggling to stand. She rushes over, offering her arm for support.

"Who were you talking to?" She asks cautiously. I don't need to look at the bench to know Xedysus has vanished. He always does.

"An old friend," I reply like I always do. She rolls her eyes, leading me away from the bench.

"You can't keep leaving the hospital, Mom," She mutters, "It worries me,"

"It's okay, darling," I chuckle. Sure, my pain is quite high now that the effects of the painkillers are wearing off, but the knowledge of my imminent demise is soothing me.

"Hey, do you want to have a coffee before we go back?" I ask, beaming as I eye the nature café nearby before dropping my empty iced coffee in a passing bin.

"How about we grab a takeaway cup, hm?" My daughter compromises, allowing me to lead her towards the café.

We grab a drink each, Sunny chastising me for consuming too much coffee. I laugh at her motherly worry, slurping on my sweet coffee happily. I look around the café, reminiscing all the memories here. We had many dates in this little café, and it soon became the café I would meet Jimin at. The plants have changed slightly over the years, some outgrowing the café, and some dying off. But this little place is still standing, keeping our memories alive.

I wonder if Jimin will visit this place once I am gone?

Sunny drives me back to the hospital, happily talking about her day working as a teacher in a high school ("These kids are insane. Was I that bad?" She asks).

Once we arrive, she guides me back inside the building. The smell of chemicals and death greets me, making me crinkle my nose. I hate this place, but I don't blame my daughter for bringing me in the day I collapsed. I have been here for a month now and I am sick of it. I often run away to that bench, or back home to stare at his pictures. Sometimes I'll find myself at other locations full of memories. Anywhere is better than here.

"Mom," Sunny smiles as I climb safely into bed, "My brother will be here today with his kids,"

"Oh, that's lucky," I chuckle, "What time?"

She frowns but doesn't comment on my wording. Before she can respond though, we hear a knock on the door.

"Ma?" My face breaks out into a huge grin. I was so worried they wouldn't make it in time.

"Seokjinnie!" I cheer as he rushes over, his wife right behind him, "How have you been, baby?"

"Better than before," He hugs me gently, pulling away so his wife can hug me, "How are you, Ma?"

"Tired," I say simply. I turn my attention to his two little ones. His wife gave birth to twins who are now 7 years old. They look absolutely adorable with their huge doe eyes beaming at me.

"Hey, Nan!" They say in unison, climbing onto the bed to hug me. I groan in pain, but don't stop them, waving away Seokjin and Sunny when they try to help.

"How are you two?" I ask as they pull away. They begin telling stories of their awesome school field trip, and their boring classes. I nod along, smiling and sighing with them. After an hour or so, Seokjin's wife picks them up to place them on the floor.

"I'll take them out to the car," She smiles sadly, leaning in to kiss my cheek, "We'll see you tomorrow, okay?"

I return her smile and nod, knowing that I won't be here tomorrow. I wave, hug and kiss the two kids before they leave, my eyes becoming teary.

"It's okay Ma," Seokjin chuckles, "You'll see them tomorrow,"

"I know," I turn my attention to him, "How are you baby?"

I wish I could say Seokjin looks like the man he is named after, but he is handsome in his own way. He inherited his Father's eyes, smile, and height. I see too much of myself in him to mistake him for Namjoon.

"How are you really feeling, Ma?" Seokjin asks, his father's intuition rubbing off on him. I smile, patting his face gently.

"Much better," I reply, but that doesn't seem to soothe his curiosity.

"What do you mean?" He frowns. I ignore his question, gliding his hair over his ears and patting his head.

"You are such a strong, beautiful man, Seokjin," I can feel the tears pooling in my eyes, "I am so proud of you, you know that right?"

Seokjin looks deeply into my eyes as if searching for the truth behind my words. He seems to find it as his face slowly crumples. He pulls me in for a hug, a little roughly considering my state. I can hear him sobbing silently into my shoulder, so I pat his back gently. My children are as smart as their Father, so they know. Of course they know.

We spend another hour, just Sunny, Seokjin and I, talking happily about anything and everything. I can see the fear and hurt in their eyes, but I keep the conversation light. Soon, they are ready to go. They teeter at the entrance to my hospital room, scared to leave in case I disappear.

"I love you both, you know that, right?" I grin, waving happily at them.

"We love you too, Ma," Seokjin replies.

Finally, they turn and leave. Now it's my turn to break. Of course, I am ready to move on from this earth. But I know how my passing will affect them, and I know it'll hurt, just like how Namjoon's death affected me. I hope they don't grieve for too long, but I can't help feeling grateful for the opportunity to say goodbye. 

(A/N) 🫰🫰🫰 

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I'm sorry, this is gonna be emotional