"I fucking hate you," Namjoon murmurs, bursting into his apartment. He roughly places his laptop on the sofa, leaning against it. He grips the sofa tightly, his knuckles becoming white from the pressure. His jaw is set and firm.

It's for the best.

"Don't give me that bullshit!" Namjoon yells, gesturing around the room in anger.

You can't date her.

"Why? WHY?" Namjoon bellows, "Give me one good reason why I shouldn't leave this apartment right now and tell her how I really feel?!"

Don't test me, boy. Just do as you're told for once.

"For once?! FOR ONCE?!" Namjoon scoffs, "All I have ever done is do as you say!"

Namjoon's eyes dart around the room, trying to find something to focus on as the thing he's really angry at doesn't have a tangible form he can take his anger out on.

His mind is silent.

"Z?" Namjoon snaps, "Are you fucking ignoring me again?"

No answer.

"Z?!"

Nothing.

Namjoon grabs a chair and throws it across the room, shattering it on the stair railing. He yells in anger, clawing at his hair.

He has fought people, ignored people, and embarrassed himself in front of people. He has lost friends and loved ones for this entity. But the one thing, one little thing, that he has ever really wanted, he can't have.

All because of this entity. This piece of shit god that ruined his life.

He swallows a sob, making his way upstairs. He undresses and heads into the shower, numbly contemplating the events from the day.

As soon as they made eye contact that morning, Z knew. He immediately told Namjoon what was going to happen.

She's going to confess to you today. Reject her.

He spent the rest of the day avoiding her. He could not look her in the eye knowing he had to lie through his teeth and break her heart. He didn't even know she had started developing feelings for him. The thought had never crossed his mind. The only time he had even considered that Hana might like him is when Z told him that she thinks he is creepy. Namjoon has now realised that wasn't the case.

He could see her watching him, her eyes full of confusion and nervousness. He was hoping she wouldn't tell him, silently begging her to keep it to herself, just for the moment.

But, just as Z predicted, she told him.

FLASHBACK:

"I'll see you tomorrow morning?" he asks, watching her anxiously fiddle with her shirt.

"Yeah," she responds. He turns, hoping she is reconsidering.

"Wait, I need to tell you something," she says quickly. I stop moving, turning to look at her. She looks so determined, a look he was never expecting to bring him so much dread.

"What's up?" he asks sadly, sliding his hands into his pockets to hide his shaking hands.

"I just... I don't know if this is weird or anything... I just know that if I don't tell you I'll regret it. I'm not a coward, I refuse to try to hide my feelings," she says firmly, clenching her fists slightly to encourage herself. She's so cute...

Be firm, Namjoon.

"Feelings?" he gulps, turning to face her properly.

"I... I really like you Namjoon... a lot!"

Namjoon has never experienced such intense euphoria with such intense sadness. Her words warm his heart, making him feel light and happy. But at the same time, he knows he can't accept her confession. He can't be with her. The longing that begins to suffocate him overwhelms him. He can't tell her the truth, he can't reason with Z... he is cornered.

Reject her, Namjoon.

I don't want to, Namjoon responds in his head, staring at her sadly.

This isn't a discussion. Let her down gently. She will be okay.

I hate you...

"I'm sorry, Hana," He mutters as he closes his eyes. He can't look at her at this moment, "I don't like you like that,"

. . . 

Hana:

I climb out of bed, looking out my window to see Namjoon standing outside my house again. My heart thumps painfully.

How cruel can you be?

I grumble, rubbing my swollen, red eyes of any morning crust. I shower, trying to make it look like I wasn't crying all night. Sadly, I still look like an emotional mess.

My first rejection... huh.

I have some breakfast and make my way outside. He stands there stiffly, his eyes trained on the ground.

"Good morning," He mumbles. I ignore him, walking straight past him as I head to the subway. He follows behind me, the sound of his shoes thumping on the footpath cutting deeper and deeper into the hole in my chest.

How dare he... after such a cruel rejection he has the nerve to turn up here again? To wait for me? He's not going to even let me get over the heartbreak first?

We make our way onto the train, moving towards Taehyung's normal, fluffy morning hair.

"Good morning," Taehyung beams. His expression falls the moment he sees my face. He looks past me, watching as Namjoon takes a seat away from us. Taehyung looks back at me, frowning.

"Are you okay?" He asks quietly as I sit beside him, slumped forward. I shake my head.

"What happened?" He asks, sliding his arm over my shoulders. My lip quivers as I feel the urge to cry again. Why has this man made me so emotional? Why?

I lean against Taehyung's shoulder, a tear or two escaping my eyes as I explain what happened.

By the time I finish, we arrive at our stop.

"Really?" Taehyung stares at me, wide-eyed, "Well that's unexpected... did he explain why?"

"No, he just turned and left," I sniffle, clinging to him as we move through the crowd. I lose sight of Namjoon, which eases my pain a little.

It is going to be a long, hard week, and an even longer school term.

"I don't understand," Taehyung sighs as we enter the school gates.

"Why?" I frown, looking up at him. He still has his arm slung over my shoulders, gently patting my arm as he consoles me.

"Well... our friend group talks," Taehyung shrugs, "Everyone was certain that Namjoon likes you... even Yoongi was trying to get you two together,"

I frown and pull from Taehyungs embrace, folding my arms.

"Seriously?" I say, feeling exhausted.

"Yeah, we all ship you guys," Taehyung smirks, "Well, everyone except Jimin,"

"Well, maybe Jimin is the only one of us that isn't delusional," I hiss, storming away from Taehyung. He gives me a hurt look before following me to class.

I don't mean to take my emotional baggage out on Taehyung, but I am just so frustrated. Even Namjoon's childhood friends thought he liked me. So why?

It doesn't matter why, I chastise myself, all that matters is he rejected you. Move on!

I nod to myself, plaster a big beautiful fake smile on my face, and enter the classroom.

I spend the rest of the day repeating the worst juvenile experience of my life to each of my friends, including Namjoon's friends. Just like Taehyung, they were all surprised.

"Are you sure he said that?" Hoseok asked.

"Maybe he thought you meant something else?" Seokjin suggested.

"He actually said that?" Yoongi sighed, looking concerned.

"Are you serious?" Jungkook gasped loudly.

Jimin was the only one who seemed surprised that I liked Namjoon.

"I didn't know you liked him," He said, a strange look in his eye as he gave me a sad smile, "Maybe it's for the best?"

Lastly, Minho asks me what is wrong, immediately noticing I am upset about something. We meet up at lunch, away from my other friends.

"Are you okay?" Minho asks, smiling kindly. I shake my head for the umpteenth time today. Do I really have to tell everyone?

I explain what happened with Namjoon, too emotionally drained to shed any more tears for this man. He nods along, sighing occasionally.

"Wow... I'm not surprised... he seems really cold," Minho shrugs, "Anyway, I'm sure you don't want to talk about that anymore, right?" He chuckles.

I feel a comforting warmth spread throughout my body at his words. He's the only one who seems to understand that I don't want to keep talking about it.

Hoseok and Seokjin questioned me for the whole class, Jimin became cold and distant for some reason, Yoongi was insisting I tell him specifically what Namjoon said and how he acted, and Taehyung was treating me like I was fragile.

Minho and I spend the rest of the day together as I avoid all my other friends. I don't want their questions or their curiosity. I just want to get over this and move on. That's all I can do, right?

As much as the curiosity around their confusion keeps nagging me at the back of my mind, Minho's presence soothes it easily.

"Hey..." Minho mutters as we dawdle towards the school gates at the end of the day. I can see Taehyung standing just outside the gate, impatiently waiting for me to come out. Namjoon is with him, staring down at his phone, his expression blank.

"Yeah?" I sigh, stopping to face Minho, not ready for the uncomfortable trip home.

"Do you want to hang out this afternoon?" He asks, glancing towards Taehyung and Namjoon, "I feel like you need a distraction... we could start watching that Korean Drama you were talking about last week,"

I smile happily, lighting up at the suggestion. Yes, a distraction will be good.

"That sounds like a good idea... your place?" I ask. He nods vigorously as he slides his hand into mine, leading me to a different school gate. I let him pull me, pulling out my phone to text Taehyung.

Taehyung KakaoTalk:

HANA: Hey, don't wait for me. I'm going to hang out with Minho.

I slide my phone into my pocket, ignoring it as it beeps to let me know he has responded.

Yes... a distraction...

Minho is a very attractive distraction, isn't he?

. . . 

"Oh wow..." Minho sighs as the episode ends, "That's such an unfair cliffhanger!"

He moves the dinner dishes from the coffee table, reaching and grabbing the TV remote to skip to the next episode. He pauses the TV, turning to look at me as he bites his lip.

"Listen..." Minho tries not to laugh as I giggle at him, "I know I said one more episode, I know it's late... but just one more?"

"Of course!" I cheer, "We have to watch one more!"

It is almost midnight, and I am sitting on Minho's sofa, eating away at a few snacks he has prepared. He provided dinner, drinks, and a Korean drama. This is the best way to deal with a broken heart.

Minho lives in the university dorms, a complex containing small studio apartments near the university. He spends a lot of his time here hanging out with the friends he has made in class. Usually, when Minho and I would hang out, it would be during the weekend at my house. This is the first time I have ever spent time at his place.

It's nice to hang out in a space with him without my parents looming nearby.

Excitement radiating off him, he shuffles around, pressing play on the remote. I lean back, happily singing along with the OST as the episode flashback starts.

We are sitting comfortably, usually with a small space between us. In the hours we have been watching this drama, I have noticed the gap between us has decreased. We are sitting thigh to thigh, my arms crossed over my chest.

As a romantic scene starts to unfold on the TV, I hear Minho sigh. Before I can comment on it, I feel his arm slide down the sofa and onto my shoulders. His hand hangs limping by my arm, his fingers gently grazing my skin methodically.

I shiver, turning my head slightly to look at him. He is watching the drama intently, smirking slightly at the TV.

An attractive distraction...

He glances towards me, not turning his head away from the TV. He gives me a small smile, looking away.

Is this cruel?

I shuffle so I can snuggle into his chest, leaning into him. My head is resting on the crook of his chest and shoulder as I relax into his embrace.

Should I be doing this?

He brings his arm around and under my chin protectively, his hand gripping my other arm. I feel him turn and press his face into my hair, leaving a small kiss on my head. He turns back to the TV, resting his face on the top of my head.

Am I using him?

I grab one of the pillows on the sofa, placing it on his lap. He cocks his eyebrow at me before I lay my head down, curling into a ball as I snuggle into his lap. He sighs deeply before placing his hand on my waist, gliding his fingers across the skin peeking between my clothes. His other hand gently combs through my hair, making me shudder slightly at the light sensations on my scalp.

I wonder what is going through his mind right now.

30 minutes later, the episode is finished. Minho picks up the remote and pauses it, covering us in tense silence.

"Are you comfortable?" Minho asks, his voice slightly deeper than before.

"Yeah, is it okay?" I ask, trying to sound innocent instead of flustered.

"Yeah, I don't want to move," He chuckles, "But I do need some sleep,"

"Oh," I sit up, turning to look at him, "You're right, I should head home,"

"It's okay, I have a spare blanket," Minho puts the pillow aside and stands up, grabbing a blanket before I can protest. He passes it to me, standing in front of me for a moment.

I look up and blush. His dark eyes watch me for a moment, slowly gliding over my face and body. He smirks, shaking his head as he turns to clean up the coffee table. I watch him, my heart racing at such a simple act. What the hell was that?

Once he is finished cleaning he sits back on the sofa, his body turned towards me as he leans against the pillow on the arm of the sofa. He slides his leg onto the sofa behind me. He taps his chest expectantly, his arms open and waiting.

I begin stuttering, unsure yet certain of what he is implying.

"W-W-What?" I ask.

"Lay down," He murmurs, "It's okay. I'll be comfortable and you can sleep comfortably,"

"B-But... that's..." I gulp. He smiles kindly, gesturing for me to lie down. He shuffles closer to me, so his head is resting on the pillow, looking more comfortable.

"It's okay," He smiles. I do as he says, slowly sliding into his arms. I turn my body so I am essentially on top of him, my arms wrapped around his middle with my face resting on his chest. He lifts his other leg onto the couch, his knee slightly bent and leaning against me. He flutters the blanket open, covering us both swiftly and easily. He presses play on the drama, chuckling lightly as I sigh. Once he is finished, he wraps his arms around me, pulling me further into his embrace, resting his chin on my head.

I'd be lying if I said this sort of intimacy doesn't feel so good. The warmth and safety in his arms calms me. A small part of me feels a twinge of guilt towards Namjoon, but I shut it down immediately. He doesn't like me, so I don't owe him anything.

Minho runs his fingers up at down my spine, slowly lulling me to sleep. Before I know it, I pass out, the Korean drama OST ringing through my dreams. 

(A/N) 🫰🫰🫰 

Ooo Lee Know...  😏