- it just occured to me
that many people
are afraid to heal
because their entire identity
is centered around the trauma
they experienced

they have no idea who they are
outside of trauma
and that unknown
can be terrifying -

Jahan

I was starstruck.

I had no words to define my limit of love for her. And now seeing her stand before me, as my bride, was making me lose my senses as well. She looked ethereal. Too beautiful and innocent to be revealed before the cruel world. And how I wished to just capture her and lock her in a tower so high that when she'd look down, she'd still see clouds.

She wasn't meant for the world to see. She was meant for me and my love and I was meant for her.

Ronaq.

Could it get any more beautiful.

She had truly surprised me. In all my life, I had seen all women adorn red on their wedding and before me, she stood in blue. On her wedding day. Her hair were brushed back, pinned into a bun with a large round headpiece dangling over her forehead while matching earrings adorned her ears. The blouse was embellished with all stones and jewels of the world. And her flowy skirt was blur and embroidered till the borders. Someone had set the veil over her head in a way, that all of it cascaded behind her. Her hands full of henna and filled with matching bangles.

She looked beautiful in all senses but she looked more beautiful when she averted her gaze shyly and looked down at her hands. A small gesture that pulled at my heart and my vision blurred.

She shifted on her feet and took a step forward and my chest tightened. I would have lost the world if she wasn't mine. My heart palpated and I felt fuzzy in the stomach. The realisation of marrying her becoming too heavy for me to breath in. My tears left the bay and trailed down my eyes and I didn't even notice until Ronaq wiped the moisture away with her henna hands.

" It's okay!"

She mumbled to me.

Wrapping my heart in warmth. I reached forward and kissed her forehead softly. Holding her close to me.

" You look beautiful, Ronaq!"

She blushed ducking her head low and mumbling a soft 'thank you'. I chuckled at her shyness and before I could say more the photographers were making their way inside the room.

We smiled to each other in secrecy like teenage lovers and not as husband wife. Soon we were being instructed poses and the session extended for an hour long.

When we were finally allowed to be seated on the stage. Our family and friends were all over us. Greeting and warm congratulations being exchanged. I was ecstatic and so was Ronaq. We were flying among clouds. And as soon as the event ended, I was pulling Ronaq by her hand and pushing her in my car.

" Be safe, you guys!" Zaryaab said.

As he placed our suitcase in the trunk.

" What is going on?" My wife grinned looking confused.

" Surprise!" I said kissing her hand.

I rounded the car once I had said farewell to all of our family. Buckling my car seat belt, I glanced at my wife who looked curiously at me. Her brown eyes swimming with sparkles. I held her hand and reversed the car as she spoke.

" Where are we going?"

I smiled at her inquiry. And what made me smile more, was the answer I had for her.

" You'll see!"

I was taking her to a place that lay between two mountains like a soft dumpling and surrounded by greens of luscious grass. To a place where the sun beemed shyly and moon sang lullabies. To a place that was away from all worried of the world. I was taking her home. The home I had built for her. For Us. And for,

Our Jahan.

•

If only I could describe how much I missed home. I left my backpack in the car and walked upto the patio stairs. Already noticing my mom's car in the driveway.

The afternoon golden rays washed over the house as I walked inside hearing soft laughter echo in the house. A very foreign laughter if I might add. Curiosity got the best of me as I stepped in the large hall only to get my breaths halted.

Mom sat on the sofa, smiling at the woman. Tea and biscuits laid on the table. And the woman stood smiling, holding the edge of the wall tapestry Ronaq had made. I stiffened seeing her hands on something my wife had made. Seeing a stranger's hands on something my love had made. Seeing Saboohi's hands on something Ronaq had made.

" What are you doing?" I growled with clenched fists.

The woman startled and so did my mother.

" Jahan, you're back!" Mom asked and I turned to her.

A newfound anger gushing in my arteries and veins.

" What is she doing here?" I asked walking towards them.

" Jahan-" mom stared at me like I had gone crazy.

" I invited her over for tea!" She pressed.

I turned my head and glared at Saboohi.

" My mother invited you, you had tea as well now there's no need for you! Leave!"

Saboohi gaped at me as I reached forward and curled my fingers around her arm, pulling her out of the hall and towards the doors. Mom shrieked behind me, yelling me to leave her and stop the madness but I wasn't having it.

" Leave my house. This instant." Saboohi jerked her arm away from me and pushed her body away. Her butterscotch eyes held fury now as she looked at me.

" I was wrong about you. People like you never have a second impression."

She gave a quick glance at my apologetic mother and then turned on her heels before walking away. I clenched my jaw in rage.

" Jahan! What is wrong with you?" My mother yelled as I made my way in the hall again, her figure trailing behind me.

" What is wrong with me? What is wrong with you Mom?"

She gasped and placed her hands in her hips.

" Why did you invite a stranger in my house! I came back after a week and that wasn't the most pleasant sight I wanted to see upon my arrival!"

The vein on the side of my forehead throbbed as I heaved after yelling.

" I invited her because we've grown in understanding over the week."

I could not believe my mother right now.

" You've became her friend over the week. Meeting her here and there." I snorted, my head throbbing with dull pain.

" Of course Jahan. Since you've become so immune of your life, someone has to take a step for you!"

I glanced at the woman shocked.

" Stop doing this mom." I pressed this time with utter hurt.

" What is going on?" I heard the woman say as she entered with Khan Dada behind her.

" Jahan you're back." Dadi Gul Jan walked over to me and placed a gentle hand over my shoulder. I nodded. She sensed the tension in the room and looked at my mother.

" Serina, whatever has happened we will talk about this later. Jahan has just come back, he'll need to rest." 

" He'll ask for forgiveness." Mom glared at me with an anger I hadn't seen in a long time.

" You'll say sorry to her, Jahan. And only then you'll see my face." I watched as she picked up her bag and left with a small farewell.

Khan Dada didn't get to say a word as Dadi Gul Jan ushered him inside his room. When she returned back, she smiled at me softly and asked me to freshen up and rest. I did as I was told and locked myself in the room for the rest of the evening.

It was past dinner time when a knock sounded. I knew who it was and so I stood up to unlock the room. Afaaf's soft features greeted me and I stepped aside as she walked in with a tray in her hands. Dadi Gul Jan following after her.

" Have dinner, Jahan!"

Afaaf said softly, setting the tray on the table I had in the center of the room. I nodded my head and lowered my eyes.

" Afaaf, you can leave now."

Dadi Gul Jan said gently and the woman turned on her heels and left without another word. I felt the old woman sitting on the bed. She looked at me with soft eyes and I walked over to her, sitting before her and placing my head on her lap. Her fingers found my hair and she lightly caressed my scalp.

" You hurt Serina with your behavior." She spoke and I only nodded.

" Jahan, she's a mother and she only wished for your happiness. She cannot seem to adapt to the fact that you keep on going like this. This hurts her and so she finds ways to just settle you up herself."

" That doesn't includes calling over strangers and pushing me to them. Forcing me to get married." 

I protested with a sour taste in my mouth.

" Jahan."

" Why can she not understand that I cannot remarry. Dadi Gul Jan it's just not in my circle. I would never do that to Ronaq."

" Jahan, Ronaq is gone."

Her words were stern like a slap to my face and I shut my eyes.

" It's been more than three years. She's not gonna return. Ever. But if you keep struggling to live like this, we'll lose you too. And you'll lose us."

I kept silent.

" You're behavior today made Serina mad. She left. Is this in anyway appropriate to behave. Have I ever taught you to disrespect someone who's a guest at your home? What made you do it? Hm!"

I felt like a little boy again with Dadi Gul Jan scolding me and I jutted my lips together.

" She was-"

I failed to give a proper reason.

" She was a guest, Jahan. And now you'll say sorry to her. Apologize for your behavior. Otherwise I won't talk to you as well."

" Dadi Gul Jan!"

I protested as she stood up and gave me a stern look. Making me lower my eyes and give a nod. She let her hand on my head before she walked out instructing me to eat. I ate and then when I hit the bed, I kept twisting and turning with utter discomfort. It wounded my heart to hurt mom. And so I made up my mind to apologise to Saboohi and get over it for once and all.

The next two days were hectic with mom ignoring me to ends. I drove in the stubborn sun rays and stopped besides the curb seeing the market place calm like never before. I got down the car and crossed the road over to the mobile shop to get a new charger. It was only a few minutes of standing that I saw a familiar figure walk past the shop. I paid the man in hurry and rushed out of the shop.

Saboohi was nowhere to be seen as I looked at the way she was heading too. My amber eyes kept looking for the woman in white as I took steps in the direction she must have gone. Walking up the market place, I trailed up the path to the round about and then stopped.

" Strange. She was here one minute and now-" I muttered to myself, squinting my eyes.

Giving up I turned around just to see her standing in the flower shop. I stilled on my spot and watched as she picked out a bouquet and handed to the bother at the shop. She paid, picked the flowers and hurried on her toes. Oblivious to my gaze in her. The faster she walked, the more her white dress swished against her feet. For a moment my heart shuddered and I almost turned around to walk away but mom's angry words made me oppose my decision.

I jogged up the way to the woman.

" Saboohi!" I called to make her stop.

" Saboohi."

She jumped as I appeared before her. A scowl wrinkling her features.

" You scared me." She said letting the scowl smooth away now.

I awkwardly rubbed my palms together, seeing her butterscotch eyes look at me expectantly now.

" I-I"

" Yes." She probed.

" Actually I- that-"

As I stuttered she shook her head.

" Looks like you have nothing to say."

She said and started to walk again. I groaned and balled my fists. Grinding my teeth together, I walked besides her.

" I wanted to apologise for my behavior that day at my house. My mom is quite angry of me at the moment."

" Hmm"

The smile on her lips slowly turned in a grin and she tilted her head to look at me.

" And?"

" And I am sorry for being that harsh to you. I shouldn't have done what I did that day."

I said finally seeing the woman almost squeal on the road.

" Now we're talking. I am sorry as well. I didn't mean to say that to you too it was just a reaction of your actions."

I nodded my head as we stopped by the round about.

" I can say you're a good man." She added. Tucking her hair behind her ears.

" Thank you." I said offering her a smile. Looking down at the red roses in her hands.

" Now could I come over for tea at your house with your mother. I hope you wouldn't throw me out this time." She joked and I allowed myself to say yes to her.

" Thank you."

The wind blew her hair and her eyes sparkled as she smiled at me. I let my eyes roam over to her streaked hair that were braided into a weird style.

" I like you."

A punch hit my gut and my eyes rounded as I heard her.

" Excuse me!" I half shouted.

Her daze broke and she jumped back, the flowers falling from her hands. A series of sorry leaving her lips as she stiffened.

" I'll get those."

I spoke rubbing the awkwardness away and bent down to pick up the flowers. Kneeling, I saw a shiny bracelet also lying in the road. I handed her the roses from my bent position and held up the bracelet asking if it belonged to her.

Saboohi took the flowers and nodded her head for the bracelet. I straightened up seeing the woman stare at me with glossed eyes. Her nose pinkish.

" I must leave now." She said and turned on her heels walking away.

I let her go and only when she was gone I felt my heart beats racing. I turned around, ready to walk to my car when the I noticed the figure observing everything that happened. My eyes widened already knowing the look of horror and joy on her face. A mix of both.

" Norie!" I called out but the woman was already rushing through her way.

Shit man!

I drove home and got in with an anxiety attack already pulsating through. Walking past the corridors, I entered the open veranda seeing Dadi Gul Jan, mom and Afaaf stand there. Norie stood besides them her eyes telling stories of unrevealed secrets. I stiffened with the look of horror in Afaaf's eyes.

" You proposed her in front of the whole market?"

The words hit me like a brick to my face. And I stood dumfounded at Mom's question.

" He did it!" Norie jumped in squealing on her wrong assumptions.

" I-I"

Why couldn't I form a coherent sentence.

" Oh Jahan!" Dadi Gul Jan sighed out.

" I saw it with my own eyes. The city is the witness." Norie was unstoppable.

I heard footsteps and dreaded what more awaited me. Turning around, I found Zaryaab stand opposite to me. His shoulders slumped and his face blank. Yet I read the question in his eyes before he even vocalized it.

" Jahan! Are you getting married."

•

Ta daaaa!!!

I am back with Jahan guys!!

And look, look what has happened here! Huhhhh!! What are your thoughts on the chapter fellas!

What's going to happen next?

A curious question- do you think Jahan should remarry?

Keep hooked up guys!! I'll see you real soon!
Take care till then! ♥♥

Love,
_Hafsa♥