I wanted to say something:

" I am sorry," or perhaps " fuck you." I wanted to say, " I let you in and you abused that position of trust." But no no no. I wanted to say, " kiss me please please, we can forget everything."

Or maybe, maybe I just wanted to say, " I forgive you. You're not sorry but I still forgive you."

Saboohi

I cursed the day Rubi abandoned me. I cursed the day I was kept isolated from everyone. I cursed the day, when I was kept hidden from the world. I cursed the day when everyone was out enjoying love and I was being kept away. I was in therapy. I cursed the day when I was not allowed to see my sister get engaged to the love of her life and I was locked behind cold doors. I cursed the day when I missed out all details of her love life. I cursed the day when I was first rejected. I cursed the days that came after.

If love truly existed then I saw it in Afaaf and Zaryaab. In Faraal and Bazid and in Jahan and Ronaq. I saw love in Jahan's yearning for her.

And I cursed myself.

I cursed myself over and over again.

And over and over and over and over again.

Until I couldn't. I cursed when I crossed my boundaries in desperation of being loved. I cursed the day I gave Alamdar a chance into my life. He had no chance, he couldn't have a chance. He just couldn't.

I felt silly. The world was showing me signs, the nature was on my side. It was calling out to me. And each time I closed my eyes before the luscious wild trees, I felt them call out to me. Scream to me that; hold on, be patient. Love would conquer me. But I had to be patient. I didn't have to run in streets to find it.

Alamdar was utterly and awfully wrong when he said maybe I'll find happiness where I never looked. I'd find happiness but I'll find it from the place that is least expected. And I just knew that I wouldn't be able to contain myself, when happiness tingles me. And maybe that place would be someone's heart, who I've hurt.

If Jahan felt awful than I felt super awful.

I just wanted to conquer all steps between us and throw all the chaos out of windows. I wanted to embrace him and speak my heart out. But I couldn't find the courage. My stomach would fill with explosives everytime I would look at Jahan. And God- the man looked so unapproachable. So endangered that my heart would rip out in pieces and fall out infront of him. And I had no clue how to remove all the barriers from between us.

It was just him, me and the trees.

But I knew he felt something as well. It couldn't be. I was crazily all over him since the time we got married, it was only for a few days that I was distracted but still- I still am all over him. And it couldn't be that he felt nothing for me. Ughh-

The worse feeling was not to know something.

I dried my hair with the towel before throwing it on the bed just like Jahan does. And stomped my feet. My eyes sweeping over to the dressing table before I made my way over to it and brushed my hair. Footsteps rang against the wood before Jahan easily walked inside. His eyes flickered to me for a second before they went to the towel on the bed. I internally groaned.

Did he just have to look so good even in his casuals?

" Saboohi. Towel"

He pointed and my eyes snapped to his. My eyes followed his, to the towel seeing it on his side of the bed, leaving damp spot.

" Pick it up and throw it in the hamper."

I shrugged trying to calm the beast that was snapping inside of me. He couldn't stop me from going out with another man but he could point out the towel I misplaced for the first time.

" Pick it up, Saboohi."

He hissed, crossing his arms across his broad chest. And siren ran in my head as I stomped from my place to the bed and climbed on it. The sole of my feet dipping against the mattress as I stood before him. A few inches taller than him seeing him look up at me as I sneered picking the towel and making sure not to shove it in his face.

" I place it here for the first time- I pick it up. You throw your shoes here and there. You disturb all my makeup on the dressing table. You break the glasses. You leave the dirty dishes in the sink. You leave your jacket on my side of the bed. You- you."

I couldn't think of anymore things and it infuriated me more. But the man smirked before he easily reached his arms around my thighs and effortlessly placed me on the ground making a gasp to bubble out of me.

" Done."

He spoke so velvety that half of my arms melted away. His figure moved back as he lay on his stomach before burying his face in the pillow.

"Urgh-"

I grunted and pulled at my hair strands. I could feel the blazing anger wash away and I aimed the towel at the hamper. And as I turned to stare at the man, I wanted nothing but to climb in the bed next to him and lay my head over his back, sweep my hair like a curtain over his sweater and look up at the ceiling.

But I decided otherwise and made my way downstairs.

The weather was cooling off. It was cold but not something that couldn't be ignored. And so I unlocked the windows in the lounge and sat with my coffee nestled within my palms. My eyes flickering to the wild darkened trees and the mountains behind them. I felt a presence behind me and soon I saw two arms come to rest besides mine. He copied my style and crossed his elbows over. My lips tugged into a small smile but I covered it up with a pout and didn't avert my eyes from the sanctuary before me.

Cold fingers wrapped around my palm and my heart beats spiked up. And violins played in my heart and I thought of tightening my hold against his but what he did next broke the violin strings.

He took the cup from my hands and instead sipped my coffee. I scowled silently but let him have it. I could allow him to have all the coffees of my life as I suddenly remembered.

Patience. Patience.

We stared at the trees for I don't know how much time but I savoured every minute of it. And when I turned to have a look at him, it surprised me to see his eyes already on me. I felt nervous and my breath hitched. Having him so close to me did utterly awful things to my circulatory system. Heat flushed over my skin and I moved away from the window only for my hand to knock down the small pot we had there, in haste.

My eyes widened as I leaned down the sill to see the broken pot. My cheeks heating up with embarrassment. Jahan chuckled hoarsely. And he leaned towards me, almost caging me in between the sill and his body. Our knees digging in the cushion of the couch.

" You break unnecessary pots and I clean it up."

His nose brushed mine as he whispered. I blinked and in that second he was back and up from the couch. The front door opened as he walked out. And my heart beats rang in my ears and I managed to carry my shuddering self to the kitchen. Warm shivers running down my spine.

I kept my eyes to my plate as we ate dinner. Feelings his amber brown eyes on me occasionally. And the sound of our spoons clashing against our plates got louder.

I dumped my plate in the sink before washing it. Feeling the sudden change in the atmosphere. Jahan came to stand by me and I felt his warmth before his hand coiled around my arm. I turned to look at him. His features soft as he looked at me. His eyes so beautiful and approachable.

" Saboohi, I- umm-"

The chimes of my phone rang from upstairs and he fell silent. I easily pulled myself away from his hold as he released me.

" You should get your phone, must be someone important."

He said before walking off and I sighed out. I made my way upstairs knowing it wasn't anyone calling but the reminder alarm, I had put to remind myself of something I had to tell him. Sliding against the screen, I sat on the bed. Seeing a message from Alamdar. Ignoring the text, I stood up to pray.

Once done, I made my way down the stairs seeing Jahan on the couch, his laptop before him and his phone in his hand. Whilst the newscaster blared in the background. I fiddled on my place staring at the man. Perplexed how to start this conversation with him. Jahan noticed my gaze on him and looked up, his eyebrows raising in question.

" Um- I wanted to say something."

He nodded and kept his phone down.

" I am listening."

His voice reached my ears and I ran my tongue over my lips.

" Alamdar is celebrating his birthday tomorrow night. He has invited us, so would you-"

I trailed off seeing his attention get distracted as his phone tinged and he scrolled through it. A smirk plastered against his lips and he looked up. Something so devilish about his eyes that shivers crawled all over my spine and he spoke.

" Of course. Why not."

My eyebrows knitted together hearing his reply and I nodded my head. I turned back to go upstairs but stopped seeing the man relax against the cushions and place his head on backrest. His eyes closing. My shoulders dropped upon realising his intentions. He was going to sleep on the couch again. I huffed, working up a quick plan in my mind.

Casually strolling to the kitchen, I grabbed the mix nuts jar and walked down to the couch. Pushing his legs off the couch, I made some space for myself and sat down. Jahan turned tensed as his legs now dangled down and he sat up. His eyes moving to me as I switched on the television. My peripheral senses were directed to him as I increased the volume.

" Saboohi, what are you doing?"

He sighed running a hand down his hair and I shrugged.

" I am watching a movie."

" And I am sleeping here!"

" But you can sleep in the bedroom!"

" But I want to sleep here!"

" But you can sleep upstairs."

By the time we stopped arguing, we were at each other face. Nostrils flaring as we stared down. His eyes boring into mine and mine boring into his. The sudden high pitched music started to play in the music and we jumped back. My heart thudding loudly as I stared at the television screen, feeling the man do the same.

My heart raced more violently when Jahan leaned his head against my shoulder and easily grabbed the remote from my hold. I gave in and concentrated on the screen seeing the actors dance in a fancy college party. The volume turned down to normal and I chewed the cashews. My eyes stared wide at the screen as I lifted another peanut to my mouth, Jahan's hand distracted mine making me feed him and then he sat straighter. But I ignored him too absorbed in the scene.

But as the cruel man stood up, he switched off the television before going upstairs making me bite out profanities behind him as I slumped down on the couch alone.

What the hell?

So much to make him sleep upstairs!

•

Jahan

I read through the newspaper aware of the groaning and mumbling woman as she jogged upstairs and downstairs. It amused me to see her so frustrated and anxious. I knew as much as I wanted to say something, she wanted too. But I was enjoying seeing it hard to control for her. But I was anxious and nervous as well. I feared that if I opened my mouth to speak it would turn out utter evil and vicious.

A small smile embraced my lips thinking of this morning when I found her wrapped around me. She had literally hijacked my pillow and was all over my side of the bed. And I had a hard time leaving the bed without disturbing her.

The door of the bedroom hit the wall behind as the woman opened it. My eyes flew to see her as she marched inside with my coffee. Her sharp eyes were throwing daggers at me. And my eyebrows raised as she slammed the cup on my desk before me. Her hands reached around my chair as she effortlessly lowered the newspaper from between us. Her large eyes looked at me and I tensed at the look she was giving me. The tray hit the back of my head as she leaned over my chair.

" Listen here, my dear husband."

I halted my breathing whilst nodding as she started to speak.

" You go around ignoring me then being nice then ignoring me. Then I go around avoiding you and then being all nice and again back to avoiding you. We play Tom and Jerry nicely in this house. And I don't know what more to say to you because you simply make me mad. Yes I am fighting with you right now and I am severely mad at you. It's better if we stay mad at each other because I have no-"

I was amused at her rambling. She was so fucking innocent with her words. My lips twitched to turn up in a smirk and so they did as I snaked my arms around her and pulled the side strings on the side of her white dress. Not expecting the fall, Saboohi came tumbling over my shoulder. A sharp gasp escaping her lips. As her head rested against my shoulder. I allowed my hands to wrap around her. Hugging her closely to me as she fell silent.

Our beats stayed together and I felt everything within me clench as she unnoticeably whispered in such a small voice that I almost missed it.

" Stop it, I am tired."

I smiled and whispered in the same manner as she had.

" Stop it with me. I am tired too."

Utterly silent seconds passed before she pushed herself off me. The blaze returning in her eyes as she looked at me.

" Remember, we are angry at each other."

She pointed before stomping off the way she had come in. I chuckled behind her. I knew my time was running out. Our time was running out. And I needed the perfect opportunity to show her that she had a worth in my life. And that she was wanted. And what opportunity could be more perfect than the lion inviting us to his dan himself.

My fingers scrolled through Alamdar's message as I opened it.

Come with Saboohi tomorrow night. You'll know for yourself who has her.

•

I fixed my tie again. Awaiting Saboohi to descend down the stairs and grace me with her precious presence. I paced before the front door not understanding what was taking her so long. My eyes turned to look at my wrist watch seeing it already past eight.

" Saboohi we are getting late!"

I called out already moving to the front door when clicking heels on the wood caught my attention. I turned towards the stairs only to feel the air being sucked out of my lungs. My eyes racked over to the woman as she descended down. Making my heart lurch from my chest cavity. My eyes travelled to her seductress thin heels. Strappy, white and sequined. Letting my eyes travel further, the amber brown orbs settled on the net white dress that covered the woman's slender figure. Closed neckline, sophisticated and long. It hugged her body perfectly, kissing till her toes.

Her eyes were trained on me. As I ran mine over her straightened hair that cascaded over her shoulders. The white oversize coat she had over her shoulders and then to her sweetheart shaped face. Her makeup was natural but her lipstick, it was threatening and bold and blood red. That complimented her skin tone and brought out the butterscotch from her eyes.

My eyes met hers as she finished trailing her eyes down her suit clad figure. I sucked in a much needed breath and my eyes softened seeing her.

She looked.. beautiful. Entralling. And I felt mesmerized. Completely and utterly mesmerized.

Her hazed eyes broke our trance and I cleared my throat.

" L..let's go-"

My awfully scratchy voice broke through and Saboohi nodded. Suddenly masks covered our faces. We were angry at each other. Our cold selves made it out of the door and into the car. The ride was as silent as our breathings and it didn't take long before we were parking before the farm house's gates.

My breathing had smoothened out as we knocked hearing Alamdar's voice from the other end before he pulled the large heavy door open. His eyes lit up as they settled on Saboohi.

" I am so glad you guys made it."

He said as we greeted. He reached forward for Saboohi's hand but unnoticeably I slipped mine into his and shook his hand firmly. His dark eyes swept to mine.

" Happy birthday, Alamdar."

He nodded his head, his lips twitching into a smirk.

I didn't let go of his hand until we were inside his warm place. I wound my hand protectively around Saboohi's waist and the woman gasped as we followed Alamdar behind. Making me give her a small smile.

I expected a whole crowd of his friends to be busting up the place but the place was empty. He had absolutely no one except us. We stepped into what seemed like a hall. A glass wall separated us and the pool area outside. Small flickering lights illuminated all of his place and no actual light was turned on. Behind the hall area was a small passageway and the kitchen with a small dining space. Where a table and chair were set up for dinner.

Alamdar smiled at us and welcomed us to dinner. Saboohi was quiet and she seemed tensed everytime Alamdar address a small talk towards her.

" No, it's obviously your birthday and I couldn't get a present. What should I get you?"

She asked the man and he chuckled.

" What could be more delightful than having your presence Saboohi."

His hand reaching to hold hers and Saboohi knocked down the disposable glass before she crouched down to pick it up. Maybe intentionally missing out his still stretched hand. I tightened my jaw as my hands curled into ball under the table seeing the two talk in the kitchen. Seconds later, Alamdar came to sit with me whilst Saboohi served the lasts of the platters on the table.

" Did you not invite your friends on your special day?"

I asked smoothly cutting the kebabs and forking it into my mouth. Alamdar looked up and his eyes wrinkled. Before he sipped water.

" I don't usually have that many friends and the ones I have, I don't like to share my special day with them."

He shrugged and I nodded.

We enjoyed dinner and as much as I thought it was going to be exciting it wasn't.

" I'll bring in the cake."

Saboohi stood up and I was still finishing off my rice. I had a feeling she didn't eat properly. Alamdar nodded before he took off his suit jacket and draped it over the chair's back. He was still playing with the food. Saboohi was in the kitchen as she collected plates and spoon for the cake. And when her eyes clashed with mine and the soft smile directed to me, I smiled back. My heart warming at the sight of her.

" Um- Saboohi in the hall."

Alamdar pointed making Saboohi turn on her feet and walk into the hallway. When she disappeared out of sight, the man across from me chuckled.

" How strange Jahan, I didn't believe that birthday wishes come true until today."

I remained quiet. Clearly understanding what he meant.

" Saboohi isn't a wish, she's a blessing. And I don't think you are eligible for that blessing."

His eyebrows quirked up and he smiled.

" I am sure she's still finding the table."

He said as he pushed back his chair and stood up before going down the hallway. I stared at the blank walls before me and cleaned the last bits from my plate before standing up. My phone vibrated in my pants and I pulled it seeing an email from a familiar name. Dismissing the notification, I filled my thin glass with more water before leaving the dining area.

My spine stiffened as I stepped in the dark hall seeing Saboohi by the table, trying to light up the thin candles on the cake whilst Alamdar stood besides her. By the way Saboohi mumbled to herself it seemed she was oblivious to both of our presences in the room. The glow of the candle casted on her face as she succeeded.

" That's my girl."

Alamdar's voice filled the small room and the woman stiffened whilst she offered a smile.

" Where's Jahan, the cream would start to melt-"

I stepped forward to answer but Alamdar moved towards her making me tighten my hand around the glass and see the scene unfold. Saboohi gasped as her knees hit the table behind her, her eyes large.

" There has to be no Jahan between us, birdie."

My head throbbed, blood starting to boil in my veins.

I could see it. He wanted her.

" Come on Saboohi. Make me happy, leave him."

The muscles in my fingers strained as the man whispered. My hold only tightening more on the glass. His vile hands reached forward before he took a thick strand of Saboohi's hair and pushed it behind her shoulder. Her eyes growing wide and her lips parted in tension. The glass broke from between my finger turning into fragments of shards and I growled loudly.

Saboohi's and Alamdar's eyes snapped to me as the broken glass fell over the floor loudly. I reached forward, grabbing the man by his collar and pushing him against the glass wall. Adrenaline rushing through my system.

" Don't you fucking dare touch a hair on her body again."

The veins in my neck throbbed and gushed with blood as I held the man strained against the wall seeing his dark eyes widen and his face pale. Saboohi was silent and astonished as she stared at us. Her non protesting self encouraged me and I moved my hand back before landing my fist against his jaw. His mouth uttered out profanities as he groaned out in pain.

He lunged for me but I held him tightly against the wall.

" She's mine and here's your birthday gift."

I pulled my hand to punch him again but my heart tripped in sympathy and instead I pushed in into the couch. My chest heaved heavily and I reached for my wife's thin wrist before dragging her out. Saboohi followed behind me silently and I buckled her seat belt in. I couldn't think straight as I drove. The speed past the limit and within fifteen minutes I was parking before the cabin.

I slammed my car before pulling Saboohi out. Dragging her up the patio, I opened the door and pushed her in, her heels clicking against the wood. My hand left her wrist only when we were inside. Saboohi pulled off her coat and slammed it on the floor angrily before she marched to me. My nostrils flared as I looked at her, fiery anger blazed orbs. Her hands on my chest as she pushed me back making me almost stumble.

" What do you want? Tell me anything or something. Tell me you don't want me or you want me. Give it straight to my face and stop confusing me. If you want me, I am all in. I don't want you to promise me anything not even a future. Just tell me-"

She hands were pulling and pushing me away as she spoke. And I listened to her as she pour out.

" Tell me you want an us tell me that we still have the chance to try. Don't confuse me. Don't put me somewhere in between. You want me or not. Simple as that. Tell me-"

I gripped her arms and jerked her forward. Her eyes widened and a gaps escaped her lips as her words died down. I held her as I hissed.

" I couldn't find the courage to tell you anything. I was losing you before my eyes. I was stranded in between as well. How do you expect me to come to your face and say-"

The atmosphere had thickened with hushed unrevealed confessions and I felt the energy of my anger dying down as I looked at her with the eyes of my heart.

" You are very prescious Saboohi. I have you, all of you and you cannot be shared. You are mine. And you'd be- forever. Yes I want you. I want you in my fucking life because I cannot survive betrayal and I cannot stand to watch some one else being ripped out of my life. Yes I want you because I see a future with you and I see an us."

Her eyes were brimming with tears and so were mine and I felt defeated before a woman for the very first time in my life. My grip on her arms loosened and I held her softly.

" I don't want another man to tell me to love you. I'd love you because I want to. Because you'd want to. I cannot leave you Saboohi. Not now and not ever."

I had cupped her cheeks in my palms. And I whispered afraid that I'd destroy something as beautiful as her.

Her large eyes blinked at me. And I breathed out. My face inching closer to hers as I allowed my hands to grip her slim waist. She watched in utter astonishment as I covered the distance between us and ended the agonization from between us. My lips descended over hers and I melted away. I fucking melted away.

My eyes closed tightly and so did hers. As I tightened my hold on her waist, drawing her impossibly closer. Fireworks exploded into my stomach as Saboohi reciprocated as eager as me. My lips meeting her in a searing kiss. And all I could hear was sirens and gushing water from the clashing waves. And I could feel the hot scorching sun on my skin. And tingles erupted from the base of my spine till my finger tips. Reaching a hand up, I tilted my head. Burying my hand in her luscious hair. The limited oxygen in my lungs ran out after eternity and I pulled back.

We gasped at the same time, our eyes opening. We gasped as if we had resurfaced after a long dive in the ocean. I blinked at Saboohi seeing her sway in my arms before she leaned forward and rested her head against my shoulder. I was fucking overwhelmed.

She breathed away and I rubbed her back silently. The waves had disappeared, the wind had gone, the sun had slept and all that remained was me, her and the cabin.

" Jahan."

She looked up, her skin warm and her cheeks filled with red as she stared at me. I ran my finger over her swollen lips before pulling away from her. I moved back, untangling myself from her feeling as if I stayed any longer near her, she'd burn me. Turn me into fucking ashes.

" Jahan."

She called out behind me as I made my way up the stairs.

" Saboohi, I think our hearts are connecting."

I heard her soft laughter fill the silent house.

" Then let them."

•

All my words are above! I just ran out of words guys!!! 🙈🙈😱😱😱

Love,

_Hafsa♥